I wiped at the tears rolling down my cheeks. “What do you mean?”
“You’re pushing him away,” she said quietly. “You have always been so independent, and you hate to let people see how you feel. But you don’t have to be afraid to let yourself love him.”
“But he’s going back to Texas soon,” I whimpered, my tears falling faster.
“That doesn’t mean time and distance can’t make the heart grow fonder.”
“I’m too afraid. I don’t want a broken heart.”
Mags grasped my hand in hers. “We can’t go through life afraid of getting hurt. Letting ourselves fall in love means taking a risk. You’ll never know what can become of it unless you try. In the long run, getting your heart broken would be so much better than never knowing what could be. Just think about that before you do anything rash.”
I nodded and tried to smile.
“I’d better let him know you won’t be coming to the phone,” Mags said, getting up from the bed. “Are you sure you don’t want to speak with him?”
I shook my head. “Not right now,” I answered. “But please tell him I’ll call him later.”
There—I was one step closer to tackling the situation. I had listened to every word Mags had said, but for once in my life, I questioned her judgment. I had to talk to him, there was no avoiding that, but what the hell was I going to say? I knew I had made things even more uncomfortable by avoiding him, and I hoped he would understand. But it was Jake—and I knew that he would. He was amazing that way.
Mags smiled and gave me a nod, then turned to leave, closing the door behind her. I lay back in my bed and stared up at the ceiling.
I never expected to fall in love with Jake, or anyone, for that matter. I always figured love was something that would happen to me when I was a little bit older, maybe sometime in college. And even as I was falling, I didn’t realize it. Not until Mags had pointed it out. And still, I could hardly believe it. Falling in love with Jake had happened too easily and felt so right—almost like breathing.
We had just spent an almost perfect summer together, and I had tried so hard not to think about the future and him leaving. But the truth was it had always been there, looming overhead, like a giant black storm cloud ready to burst. I had fallen in love with a boy I couldn’t be with. And I kind of felt like if I leaned on him now—when I actually needed him the most—I would only grow to love him more. And I wasn’t sure I could take that kind of pain.
Sighing deeply, I wiped at the tears that had started falling again. What was I going to do? I sat up in bed and reached for my cell phone. The only thing I could do was hit the problem head-on and stop being such a wimp.
I found Jake’s number and hit Call.
* * *
I waited anxiously in the front room for Jake to arrive, reciting in my head over and over again what I would say to him. Now that I knew what I had to do, I didn’t want to wait.
“Are you sure you’re going to be okay?” Mags asked before she left for home. My parents were still working and I think she wanted to give me some privacy.
“I’m going to be fine,” I reassured her.
She gave a smile before shutting the door behind her.
I took a deep breath and sighed, flopping down into the chair to watch for Jake’s truck. When I saw it approaching the house, I felt the butterflies in my stomach increase.
After he parked, Jake slid out from the driver’s seat, still wearing his cowboy hat. He took it off and tossed it into the front seat before shutting the door. My heart fluttered as I imagined falling into his arms and inhaling his intoxicating scent. It seemed so weird that I had not actually spoken with him since that day at his aunt and uncle’s house. The day we had been together for the first time. This had been the longest we had been apart since we’d met at the very beginning of summer.
I’d waited for him to knock at the door, not wanting to appear too anxious. But when I saw the look on his face as I let him in, I melted.
“Addison!” he exclaimed, engulfing me in a gentle hug. His scent was just as wonderful as I imagined it would be. He buried his head in my hair and I felt him inhale. “I’ve been so worried about you. Are you all right?” he asked, pulling away from me, his eyes scanning across my arm in the sling.
I swallowed hard, wondering for the hundredth time if I was doing the right thing.
Yes, I definitely was. There was no other option. “I’m fine,” I replied, giving him a small smile.
“Are you in much pain? Here—why don’t we sit down?” he suggested, guiding me into the living room and toward the couch. His eyes were etched with concern and I felt so guilty for having put him through what I did.
“I’m so sorry, Jake,” I began after we sat. “I should have called you sooner.”
“No, don’t worry about it. I understand,” he said quickly. “You’ve needed your rest, and all I would have done was kept you up. I’m just so glad you’re okay.”
I sighed as he gently brought me into his chest.
“I am so sorry this happened to you, Addison,” he continued. “I’ve been beating myself up over it. I should have been there with you. It never would have happened if I’d been there . . .” His voice trailed off.
I sat up straighter. “No, Jake. This isn’t your fault. Please, don’t blame yourself.”
But the look on his face said it all. He did blame himself. And there was nothing I could say to change that.
“Jake, please!” I pleaded with him desperately. “I won’t be able to live with myself knowing you feel guilty for what happened.” No one was to blame. No one except for Brett—and he wasn’t going to be a problem anymore.
“I suppose this needed to play out,” I reasoned. “If it hadn’t, Brett would have bullied me until one of us moved away for college. This is not your fault.”
He sat up and brought his hand to my face, just the way I had always loved. Sighing, I leaned my cheek into his palm, relishing the sensation. I knew it might be the last time I would ever feel it. Without warning, he leaned in close, taking my breath away with a slow, deep kiss.
No, I could not let him distract me from what I needed to do.
“Jake, we need to talk,” I said, pulling away from him.
He looked confused as he waited for me to speak. But suddenly, I found it difficult to say anything.
“What is it, Addison?” he asked after a moment.
I closed my eyes. I couldn’t bear to look at him. “I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”
When I finally stole a peek at him he was staring at me, a look of hurt covering his face. “I don’t understand.”
“It’s not that I don’t love you, because I do. But you’re leaving soon, and I just can’t—” But I couldn’t continue. How could I tell him that I needed to protect myself? It seemed so selfish, and I knew that it was. “I’m so sorry,” I mumbled feebly, looking away.
When he spoke again, his voice was no louder than a whisper. “So, it’s over? Just like that?”
It’s for the best, Jake. Please understand. “Yes.”
When Jake’s eyes met mine, my heart dropped. Our relationship hadn’t ended the way I’d always assumed it would, with Jake breaking up with me. Instead, I had broken up with him. Guilt washed over me as he stood up from the couch. Jake wasn’t one to argue. There was nothing left to say.
“Please tell me you understand, Jake. You would have to end things anyway once you leave. I’m just trying to save you the trouble.”
When I walked him to the front door, he turned to me. “Thank you for giving me a wonderful summer, Addison. I’ll never forget you.” He leaned down and gave me a soft kiss.
“Will you call me before you go back home? I’d like to say good-bye.”
A muscle twitched in his jaw. Jake gave me a small smile and nodded. And then he was gone.
Tears pooled in my eyes as I watched his old blue pickup pull away for the last time.
* *
*
I spent the next several days torturing myself, wondering over and over again if I’d done the right thing. It felt as if there was a giant empty spot where my heart had once been. Mags watched me quietly, but let me be. I knew she was wondering why I had done what I’d done, but what could I say? Letting Jake go sooner rather than later made sense at the time. But now, I wasn’t so sure.
All I could think about was how hollow I felt. How ending things with him only made me feel worse. Locking myself in my room, I dialed the number for Jake’s aunt and uncle’s house, determined to make things right. It didn’t take long before his aunt picked up the phone.
“Hello, Mrs. Grady. This is Addy Monroe. Is Jake there?”
“Addy, it’s so good to hear from you! How’s your arm? I heard you had a bit of an accident.”
I cleared my throat. “It’s doing better, thank you. Is Jake there?” I asked again.
There was an uncomfortable moment of silence on the other end. “I’m sorry, sweetie. Jake’s not here. He drove back to Texas early this morning. Didn’t you know?”
“What?” My heart plummeted. “Are you sure? He said he would call first before he left.”
“I’m so sorry. He’s gone. Why don’t you call his cell—” But I had already hung up.
Jake left town? How could he have left town? He wasn’t supposed to leave for another couple of weeks! Sobs racked my body as I lay back in bed, and a moment later Mags appeared in my doorway asking if everything was okay.
“He’s gone, Mags,” I cried. “He already went back to Texas.”
She rushed to my side and sat on my bed, enclosing me in her arms. “I know, honey. I’m so sorry.”
I pulled away, my eyes swollen from crying. “You knew?”
She nodded her head. “He left this morning.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
She cupped my cheek with her hand. “Would it have done any good?”
I shook my head, then buried my face in her neck.
“Shh,” she soothed, rocking me in her arms. “Everything will be okay.”
“I love him.”
“I know you do.”
“I made a huge mistake.”
Mags leaned back, her eyes holding mine. “Addy, why don’t you call him?”
I shook my head. “No, I can’t do that.”
She searched around in her pocket and handed me a handkerchief. “Why not?”
“Because I ruined everything! He left earlier than he was even supposed to. It’s because he hates me.” I blew my nose loudly.
Mags gave me a smile and touched my hair. “Oh, sweetheart. Jake doesn’t hate you.”
“You don’t know that. I broke up with him and now he went back home. He doesn’t want to hear from me.”
“He loves you, too. That much I do know.” She gave me a sympathetic smile. “This might be hard to hear, but you don’t drown by falling in the water, you drown by staying there.”
I shook my head again and lowered my gaze to the bed. “I just can’t do it.”
“Give it some time. Maybe you’ll change your mind in the morning.”
She gave me another hug and then left the room and I sat on my bed, wondering how I would ever survive losing my first love.
PART TWO
Chapter Eighteen
“Young lady, what in heaven’s name are you still doing here? Shouldn’t you be long gone by now?”
So much for a quick getaway. I took a quick peek at my watch before turning on my heel to greet Mr. and Mrs. Venkrackel as they shuffled hand in hand down the hospital corridor.
“I’m actually just about to leave,” I answered with a smile. As sweet as the elderly couple was, I had plans I was already running late for, and I needed to get out of the hospital if I was going to make them before the restaurant closed. “What are you doing out of bed, Mr. Venkrackel?” I asked, walking toward them. “I thought I told you to take it easy today. You can tackle the hospital hallways tomorrow. Right now you should be getting rest.” I raised my eyebrows and gave the eighty-six-year-old patient my best I-am-the-boss-you-need-to-listen-tome-face that I learned from my dad. “How do you feel? Any dizziness?”
“Oh, I feel fine,” he grumbled through a swollen, split lip. “I just had a little fall, that’s all. No big deal. I don’t understand why you’re making me stay in this god-awful place overnight. I’m better off in my own bed. At least I won’t be exposed to hospital-acquired illnesses there.” The old man stared me down, the hematoma surrounding his right eye the color of a ripened eggplant.
“Oh, Walter,” sighed his better half as she fluffed her stark white curls. “You have a concussion, for goodness sake! Stop giving the poor girl a hard time. She’s just doing her job. Isn’t that right, Addy? I told him this wasn’t a good idea, but you know Walter.”
I squared my shoulders and stuffed my hands into the deep pockets of my calf-length lab coat, ready to rumble with the feisty patient. “You should listen to your wife,” I agreed, throwing Mrs. Venkrackel a grateful wink. “We need to monitor you for a while. I studied long and hard to become a physician assistant, and I know what I’m talking about.” I lifted my chin, attempting to flex my authority. “Now, how about we get you back into bed?” I turned the couple around and began guiding them down the long hallway toward the in-patient rooms.
“What’s the matter, Dr. Monroe?” asked Mr. Venkrackel with raised brows. “You don’t trust me to get there on my own?” An ornery gleam twinkled in his hazel eyes as he continued to give me a hard time.
“I’m not a doctor, I’m a physician assistant. And you are one of my favorite patients, Mr. Venkrackel. I just want to make sure you get tucked in properly. That’s part of my job, you know.” I purposely widened my smile, hoping it would be charming enough to soften the blow. It could be a challenge at times getting older patients to take me seriously, especially when I was younger than most of their grandkids.
“Addy, really, you don’t need to walk us back. We’ll find our way just fine on our own,” assured his wife over the rim of her rose-colored bifocals. “I’ve been tucking this old goat into bed for the better part of sixty years! I’ve gotten pretty good at it, if I do say so myself. Besides, I’m sure you’d like to start your weekend. Any special plans, dear?”
I gave the stubborn couple a smile and continued forward, glancing down at their wrinkled hands tightly grasping one another. I felt my insides soften at the sight. “As a matter of fact, I do have special plans. I’m having dinner with my best friend tonight, and then I’m taking my fiancé home this weekend to meet my family. We’re going to tell them we’re engaged.”
Saying the words out loud still felt unreal, as if I was telling someone else’s story instead of my own. Twenty-eight years old and I was finally tying the knot! I’d been waiting a long time to find my Prince Charming, and now that I had, I wanted the world to know.
“Congratulations!” Mrs. Venkrackel gasped, engulfing me in a toxic cloud of perfume and mothballs. “You’re going to make one beautiful bride, Addy.” She stepped back, her seasoned gaze meeting mine, and clutched my hands in hers. “Your family is going to be thrilled! And where is home?” she asked, smiling at me warmly and releasing our grasp, reaching once again for her husband’s waiting hand.
I returned her wide grin with one of my own as we returned to our walk. “Lakeside. Near Lake Lanier. My family owns a farm there.”
“Lakeside!” She cackled with delight. “We know exactly where that is, don’t we, Walter?” She turned toward her husband. “We spent summers there when our kids were small. Such a lovely little town. Tell me, do they still have their annual Strawberry Festival?”
“They do.” I nodded, suddenly filled with nostalgia. “It’s one of the biggest events of the summer. I always looked forward to it while growing up.” Memories of shortcake and caricatures flashed across my mind, and the desire to fill my lungs with country air grew more intense with every breath. You know, what
they say is true. You can take the girl out of the country, but you can never take the country out of the girl.
“Did he at least ask for your hand in marriage?” Mr. Venkrackel chimed in, fiddling with the neckline of his starched hospital gown and pulling me away from visions of cold glasses of lemonade and sultry nights on the farm.
“Excuse me?”
“Your fiancé. Did he ask your parents first for their blessing?”
“Oh, Walter!” Mrs. Venkrackel scolded. “Stop being so nosy. Things are different these days. Kids aren’t expected to ask a parent’s permission first. It’s so old-fashioned.” She flashed me a knowing smile and nodded, indicating she had my back should her husband decide to protest.
“Nonsense, Helen! There is nothing old-fashioned about practicing good manners. It’s the proper thing to do. Any respectable man should know that,” he announced doggedly, rubbing an agitated hand over his thinning hair and throwing me the stink eye. “So—did he?”
I cleared my throat and glanced hesitantly at Mrs. Venkrackel, hoping she would honor the silent promise she’d just made and rescue me from the tongue-lashing I would likely receive. “Well, no he didn’t. But that’s only because Christopher’s never met them before. I’m sure under different circumstances he would have asked for their blessing first.”
“Christopher,” Mrs. Venkrackel repeated, mulling over the name. “That’s nice. Strong. Masculine. He sounds like a young man you can have lots of babies with.”
I felt a blush move across my cheeks and forced a smile. Looking straight ahead, I nodded politely—what else could I do?—and avoided her gaze.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Mr. Venkrackel shake his head. “It doesn’t matter. Everyone knows that asking the parents’ permission first is one of the oldest rules in proposal etiquette. It’s a fine tradition, one that shouldn’t be broken. Whatever happened to honoring tradition?” he mumbled to himself, drifting off into a hushed tangent.
“Behave, Walter,” Mrs. Venkrackel scolded, ignoring the quiet protests of her husband. “So, what does your Christopher do, dear?”
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