Shelter from the Storm

by Molly Wens

  "Yes, you did. You told me this morning that you love me. That was a lie,” she spat. “If you were really in love with me, you would come with me."

  Bryce was on his feet, his own fury bubbling to the surface when she threw his own words back in his face. “And if you loved me you would stay.” His voice remained calm, far calmer than he felt at this moment. He knew he was being unfair but he was fighting his own battle against the pain in his heart.

  "How can I do that? Huh? Tell me what happens in the dead of winter and one of my children gets sick. Do we wait for him or her to die? Do we pack the kid on our shoulders and carry him out? There are no schools up here. How are they supposed to get an education? Or were you just planning on keeping them ignorant? You know I have no business bringing them here.” Her voice had grown shrill but she was past caring.

  Yes, he knew, but that did not make it any less painful to see her, hold her, and know that she would be leaving him far too soon. “So, you're just gonna run off."

  "You know, I think you want me to leave you all alone up here! That way you can worship Anna in peace. You don't love me. You'd rather wallow in your own self-indulgent crap than face the responsibility of life with another human being."

  "Careful, Carissa,” he said, his voice low and menacing. His eyes held a warning light meant to turn her blood to ice. “You are stepping way over the line."

  She ignored the warning in his eyes, or being more honest, she intentionally threw more fuel on the fire. She was hurt and angry and wanted to make sure that he was hurt too. “No. I don't think I've gone nearly far enough. It's her you love, a dead woman. You don't love me. You don't want me, not really. I was just a sexual substitute for a dead woman."

  He stepped closer to her, close enough to grab her and shake her until her teeth rattled, but he did not touch her. He was afraid to, afraid that he would tear her head off. Instead, he kept his voice low, striving for calm as the heat continued to rise in his neck. He stressed each word as he spoke in a voice so low she had to strain to hear it. “Never mention her to me again."

  "Or what?” she asked, glaring up at him. “Are we back to making threats then? You feel the need to brutalize me now? I can't believe that I was willing to...” her shaking voice broke off, the growing pain in her chest choking her lungs.

  Bryce forced himself to take a step backwards, to put distance between him and the angry hellcat that goaded him. He wavered between the urge to grab her tiny body and wring the life from her, and the desire to take her into his arms and soothe away the hurt he had caused.

  "You don't have any idea what you're talking about,” his voice climbed. “I won't go back to that life. I lost everything—wife, family, friends. Everyone I knew turned on me. These scars that you seem to like so much are just a reminder that I am a killer, and no one down there is about to let me forget it!"

  "Oh, I get it now,” she retorted softly. “You're just a coward."

  Her words struck hard, wounded him deeply, but only because she was right. He was afraid and he knew it, afraid of what he would find when he reached civilization, afraid of doing that which he knew he was capable, and afraid of proving that he was exactly what everyone believed he was. The knowledge of it, the truth of fear brought the anger to the surface, burning like molten lava.

  "That's enough!” his voice roared through the cabin, filling it with his rage. Skoll whimpered softly and slunk away to his corner. “You don't have a fucking clue what the hell you're talking about so just shut your mouth!"

  Carissa watched as his fists clenched at his sides, his body crackled with the effort to control himself. She cared little, only cared that she was losing him. While they fought, he was slipping away. The pain in her chest burned as her heart was being ripped in two, and she lashed out at him one more time.

  "Go ahead then,” she said in a voice so broken it was barely audible. “Stay up here and rot. Live alone with your memories and your guilt; choke yourself on them. Spring won't come fast enough to suit me, and when I'm gone you can remember what you threw away. I put my heart right in your hand, offered you all the love a person has to give and you tossed it back in my face. I hope you live to be a very old man and I hope those memories torment you the rest of your miserable life."

  Carissa turned away from him then, her shoulders slumped, her head bowed. He had seen the pain in her eyes, a hurt so near the pain he last saw in Anna's eyes. Her words had stung, driving home the truth of his bleak and empty future. How had he let this tiny creature become so dear to him that to let her go would tear him apart so badly? How had she managed to find her way in, past the walls that he had so carefully built to protect himself from emotional entanglements?

  She looked so small, so helpless, as her body quivered in defeat. Only hours earlier they had been happy, joining bodies, clinging to one another in blissful love. Now they were miles apart, a chasm opening between them that seemed impossible to bridge. He wanted to reach out, take her in his arms and make her believe that everything would work out, and put that light back in her eyes. He could not do that, however, could not give her that false hope that would make their parting all the more painful. As he watched her rigid form, a plan started to take root in his mind, a plan that might restore her joy and help her forget about him.

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  Chapter 14

  "Mommy!"

  Carissa heard the cry, so small and weak. She wanted to go to it, follow the sound of that frightened little voice, but she could not move. She was struggling against pain, against the hands that held her. The man was all around her, pinching, grabbing, hurting her body, and he would not let her go. Breath, foul and sickening, was exhaled upon her face, her stomach curdling as the stench assaulted her nostrils.

  The child's voice cried out again, smaller this time, weaker than before and so full of fear. She heard John's maniacal laughter whirling about her as if caught in the bitter wind. Her claws scored a hit, striking the face that loomed above her, his lecherous sneer turning to rage as the blood beaded on his skin.

  "Mommy, please don't go,” another sweet voice begged. The world was growing dark, the pain in her body fading. Then she was running, slipping, falling, cold snow was against her skin and the biting wind lashed at her. Hot breath burned her neck, panic and fear pushed her onward.

  "I'm coming, babies,” she told the faceless voices that called to her. “Mommy's coming."

  "Cari,” a soft feminine voice said, so near to her that it could be heard above the wind. “Cari, look at me."

  She turned, panting, desperate for life-giving oxygen, as she looked at who had spoken her name. It was a wolf, so white that she blended with the surrounding snowy landscape, her eyes a gray so dark as to be black. She knew this wolf, this friend.

  "Alice?” Carissa asked.

  "Yes, Cari. You must hurry. Your children need you. They are so young and so lost without you. You must hurry.” The wolf's dark eyes glittered in warning, a message hidden in their depths.

  "But, I'm trapped. I'm lost. I can't find my way home!” Carissa cried.

  "Cari."

  "Alice! Where are you?” The wolf was gone and everything turned black. “John's here, isn't he? Alice, please!” Carissa was alone.

  The hard warm arms of a man closed around her, shutting out the cold, easing the pain. She was safe again. Where was Alice? Her children, what had happened to them? She pushed against the protective warmth of the body that held her so tenderly.

  "Cari."

  "Nooooo,” Carissa moaned. “Alice! No, don't go."

  "Carissa!” someone called desperately.

  Carissa struggled to free herself, fighting against her own need to stay within the circle of those wonderful arms. Her voice moaned out again as tears spilled from her eyes, slipping down her cheeks. The hands connected to the arms grasped her roughly, shook her body.

  "Cari, wake up. You're having a nightmare. Wake up."

  Carissa's tear-soak
ed eyes flew open to see the owner of those arms. “Bryce?"

  "Yes, baby. It's me. That was some dream. Are you all right?"

  Bryce's eyes, a smoldering gray that reminded her so much of the wolf, were darkened with concern, watching her face intently. She felt the touch of his fingertips as he brushed the tumbling curls away from her face, the caress making her want to melt into him. The memory of their bitter fight flooded her mind at that point, causing her to draw back away from him.

  "I'm fine,” she informed him frigidly. She looked about her, seeing the gray, pre-dawn sky in the windows and groaning as her stiffened neck throbbed in protest of her movements. She was sleeping in the recliner again, having refused to share the bed with Bryce anymore.

  Bryce felt her body turn rigid and released her, knowing that she was still angry with him. The pain he had caused her was now perfectly masked behind a veneer of cold animosity. She was worried; he could see it in her eyes and wondered if she was thinking again of her children. He pulled himself up from the spot where he had been kneeling beside the chair, his mind still working at the plan he had been formulating the night before.

  A wolf howled somewhere outside the cabin, drawing a low warning growl from Skoll as he bolted toward the door. Carissa leapt to her feet, dashing to the window to glance at the dawning wilderness. The wolf cried out again, this time farther away and Carissa threw the door open. Skoll loped outside, his hackles raised; ready to run into the forest until Bryce halted him with a sharp command. Carissa laid her hand on the dog's head, glancing about for the creature that had been trying to tell her something.

  "Carissa, get back in here before you freeze to death,” Bryce sighed in exasperation.

  She reluctantly stepped back over the threshold, Skoll by her side as she closed the door. “Something's wrong,” her voice wavered as she gazed at Bryce with pleading eyes, her anger apparently forgotten.

  "What are you talking about?” Bryce inquired as he studied her face sharply.

  "Bryce, I have to get home. Something's wrong, I know it."

  "Just because a wolf howled at dawn? Carissa, you're not making sense. I'm sure everything's fine.” He hated the way her eyes implored him, hated the worry she was feeling.

  Carissa's anger came flooding back, stiffening her spine. “Don't patronize me, you ass."

  He smiled ruefully, knowing that she was not likely to ever forgive him. She was right, however; she needed to leave this mountain sanctuary, needed to be free of him. “As you wish,” he fairly growled as he turned to dress. “I think you and I could stand a little time apart, don't you? We also need fresh meat. I'm going hunting for a few days.” He pulled a thermal shirt over his head. “I'll leave Skoll here with you. Don't leave the cabin. You never know when a grizzly might wake up looking for a snack,” he added knowing that the only bears in the state lived in the national parks. “We already know there's a wolf out there."

  "So, you're just leaving?” She wanted to slap him for looking so good, pulling on his clothing. “How long will you be gone?"

  "I don't know,” he said as he finished lacing his hunting boots. “Four or five days, probably."

  "What if you get caught in a storm? What if you get hurt and can't make it back?” He was being a complete idiot, in her estimation, and she was suddenly afraid for him.

  "Are you genuinely concerned for me?” he asked with a sarcastic gleam in his eyes. “Or are you worried that you'll be left all alone to fend for yourself? Don't worry, if you ration everything properly, I'm sure you'll have enough food to last the winter."

  Carissa crossed the room with lightning speed, the flat of her hand connecting sharply with the side of his face. “You son of a bitch!” she screamed at him. “Go on then, get out. Run away and hide. That's all you're good for anyway!"

  He seized her arms, lifting her from the floor, her bare feet flailing wildly as he threw her at the bed. She landed hard on the cold mattress, the air leaving her lungs in a less-than-feminine grunt. She no sooner got her bearings than he was upon her, pinning her small frame to the rumpled sheets. He caught her tiny wrists in his great hands, clasping them above her head as he sat with one knee on either side of her ribcage. Her startled eyes stared at the rage on his face, the hatred that froze her aching heart.

  "You don't know when to shut up, do you?” he ground out between clenched teeth, seeing her flinch at the wrath in his voice. “I warned you not to push me too far."

  Bryce brought his mouth down hard on hers, grinding her lips into her sharp little teeth. He felt her recoil under the sheer brutal force of the kiss, heard her moan of startled pain. He broke the kiss and trailed his lips across her cheek to the pink shell of her ear. “What are you going to do now?” he whispered softly. “Do you have anymore scathing words to hurl at me?"

  His mouth worked lower, nipping at the fine line of her jaw before returning to her lips for another unmerciful kiss. When her struggling body went limp under him his kiss softened, his tongue teasing her mouth open and entering to explore. He heard a soft moan and raised his head to see the tears that rolled freely from her eyes. The rage inside him dwindled quickly away at the heartbreaking sorrow he saw in her.

  Releasing her hands, he slowly took her face in his hands to dry her face with his thumbs. “Cari, I'm sorry,” he rasped as emotion threatened to choke him. Her face had turned ashen, making the angry, red swelling of her soft lips more pronounced. She was blankly staring at him, swallowing hard. He could feel her chest expanding under his heavy body as she tried to breathe.

  Bryce hauled himself off her and turned to sit on the edge of the bed. His voice let go an anguished growl as he dropped his head into his hands, searching for something to say or do that would reverse the damage he had done. There was nothing, he knew, that make her forgive him. Nothing would bring back her trusting smile or that cherished light in her eyes. He could not fix this.

  Without looking at her silent form again, he shrugged into his parka and gathered his things. Skoll, nervous and whimpering, tried to follow him as he reached for the doorknob, but Bryce ordered him back. Before leaving, he turned and gazed at her expressionless face. “For what it's worth, Carissa, I do love you. I always will,” he said quietly. With those words, he turned and walked out the door of the cabin, a determined set to his jaw.

  Carissa lay still for a few moments longer, trying to regain control of her body. Her stomach was in complete rebellion after he had inflicted her belly with his weight. The room swam around her, threatening to toss her off the bed. She continued to swallow hard against the waves of nausea and the bile that kept rising in her throat. Bryce had frightened her so badly that she had nearly fainted. He had been so angry, so full of malevolence that it had been apparent she had pushed him too far. The tears continued to flow unabated, soaking her hair and the bedding under her.

  Skoll whimpered softly, drawing her attention away from the closed door. She tried to sit up, only to have the room dance dangerously around her. Another vicious surge of nausea hit her and had her running for the privy. She barely got the lid up in time before the meager contents of her stomach heaved forth. She retched uncontrollably for several minutes, even after her belly was empty. Finally, her drained body crumpled to the icy stones of the floor, shivering and weakened.

  Carissa's addled thoughts turned to Bryce and what he had said before he left for his hunting trip, or more precisely, the way he said it. His voice had sounded so final, as if he had been saying a last good-bye. She was suddenly worried that he would not return, would leave her there to sit out the winter alone. Fresh tears welled in her eyes and spilled onto the floor as she thought of life without him, and the hard words they had said to each other.

  She swiped at the salty drops impatiently. What's wrong with me? she wondered. Crying was not something she normally allowed; she abhorred weak, weeping women and now she was becoming one. Her stomach gave another pitch, the nausea returning as she tried to sit up. She staggered to her f
eet, grabbing at the short staircase to her left for support as the floor tilted, threatening to drag her back down.

  Each unsteady step she took brought her closer to the kitchen, to a chair where she could try to collect herself. Bryce had left a fresh pot of coffee on the stove; the smell of it nearly caused her to vomit again. She could not remember the last time she felt this way; even her teeth hurt, she realized as she put her head on the table.

  Her heart skipped a beat as she tried to remember if she had ever had these symptoms before this. How long had she been trapped in this wilderness—six weeks? Had it been eight? Sitting up, her mind racing, how could she have been so stupid? It was true that her body had never had a regular monthly cycle but she had never gone six weeks without her period. Her last one had just ended before she had gotten on that plane that had left her in the middle of nowhere.

  Well, this certainly adds a new wrinkle, she thought as a slow smile crept along her face. A baby—she was going to have a baby. Her hand instinctively went to her belly, an age-old protective gesture for the new life growing under her heart. The smile disappeared, replaced by a worried frown as she wondered what Bryce would say or do when he found out.

  Skoll laid a large paw in her lap, seeming to sense her need for support. She reached over to scratch his ear, saying, “What do you think the big man will do, Baby? Do you think he could be happy about this? Maybe this will be the fire under his butt that'll get him out of here.” She wrapped her arms around the dog's neck, tears flowing freely again. “I don't want to leave here without him. Why can't he see that the rest of the world can be damned? We could have each other.” The dog only whimpered softly in reply.

  Another thought dawned on her, causing a heart-rending fearful sadness. What if he did not return? What if he really meant to leave her alone all winter? The way he had sounded just before he had walked out the door ... She refused to let that notion continue. Positive thought was what was needed to keep the new life within her healthy and happy. Oh, Bryce had been carried away this morning, but she knew he would never hurt her, he was just trying to scare her, to get her to stop...