by Jamie Lake
“You stay away from Peter. He’s mine, you hear me?” Tony said through gritted teeth. He felt his blood pressure climb, felt his head get tight as the veins bulged in his neck. He'd strangle Chip himself if he had to.
“You put a finger on Peter’s head ...” Chip threatened, his voice full of protective anxiety. The nerve, Tony thought. But he wouldn't have it. He wouldn't be threatened by this bastard who tried to steal Peter from him. “You like your cushy little job, Chip? Huh? You just keep your distance, or there will be a lot more than you who suffers. You hear me? Foster care is a terrible place for a boy to grow up, trust me.” He felt himself start to relax. Surely, he'd give up on Peter if he thought his son was in danger.
“You son of bitch,” Chip growled.
“We on the same page? Capiche?” Tony didn’t even bother waiting for a response before he hung up and slid the phone in his jacket pocket again.
He stood up and straightened the lapels on his jacket. Tony looked in the mirror and smoothed back his salt and pepper hair. He wanted to look cool and collected. He didn't want Peter to suspect anything. Tony splashed a little cool water on his face and neck before drying it off with a paper towel. He took a deep breath, stepped out, and shut the door before making his way back down to Peter’s seat.
“You all right?” Peter asked.
“Perfect,” Tony smiled, sitting next to him and buckling his seat belt, “Absolutely perfect.”
***
Peter looked at him suspiciously as Tony tucked his shirt in his pants, leaned back with a smile spread across his face, and closed his eyes. He sat his ankle on his knee and folded his hands across his stomach. He looked like the picture of bliss and relaxation.
Whatever it was that was making Tony happy must have been something good, Peter thought to himself. He looked around at all this luxury: the plush leather seats, the amazing skyline as they floated above the clouds, along with the crystal glasses of champagne, and he almost felt guilty. Enjoying the best of the best, but at what cost? His roommate was dead, the man he really wanted to be with had his heart crushed, and he was under the thumb of a control freak as handsome and sexy as he might be. If this were luxury, he wasn’t sure if this was what he was looking for. The leather seats and the champagne bubbles felt like the bars to a prison cell. Peter knew he was trapped and he'd yet to think of way out of this mess.
He’d wanted to get up and out from under all the money he owed, and he wanted to not have to worry about the financial pressures of debts, so he could do the one thing he loved: teach. But now that he had it, it just wasn’t what he'd hoped it would be. Not without the man he really was in love with, and the one who was in love with him in return. He wondered what Chip was doing right now, as it was getting late. Probably cleaning up after feeding Johnny or reading Johnny a bedtime story. Peter smiled at the thought. He pictured Chip tucking Johnny in and reading him a bedtime story, and although it was a sweet vision, it hurt him too. He could be there with both of them. If only he hadn't made so many stupid decisions.
He loved the moments that he'd spent with the them that one night. It felt like he had a real family, something he’d always dreamed of having. It was like God had given him a glimpse of what he could have, and then punished him for the choices he made by taking it, and so much more, away from him.
He knew he shouldn’t complain, because there were other people in the world who were going through real suffering, but still, as the gentle hum of the private jet’s engines vibrated the aircraft, and the clouds blurred into an endless horizon, he couldn’t help but wonder how he’d get out of the situation, and into the world in which he wished he could live. More importantly, he wondered, was Chip thinking of him too?
Peter doubted it. He'd broken Chip's heart just as he'd broken his own heart. Chip had probably already put him out of his mind and was likely thinking of seeing other people. Not that he blamed him. How could he after all he'd done? He leaned back in his seat and let the dream play on 'repeat' in his head. He imagined helping Chip tuck in Johnny. He imagined reading a story book and then helping Chip do the evening's dishes. Then, after Johnny was asleep and they were alone?
Peter shook his head. No, he couldn't think of that. Not today, so he put it out of his mind and tried to relax.
CHAPTER 4
“You ever been before?” Tony asked, as a dark complected Caribbean man helped Peter on to his stallion.
“Um, not since I was a kid,” Peter said, adjusting himself on the saddle as he took the reins. The beach was gorgeous that late afternoon: it would only be a matter of time before the sun started setting and the tropical weather started cooling. But for now, it was a lovely sunny day. The air was hot and humid and the air smelled like the blooming tropical flowers and the ocean. The sand on the beach was a brilliant white and the water was a gorgeous sea blue. It was perfect.
“So you’re not exactly a virgin to the experience,” Tony said, giving him a wink as he swung his horse in Peter’s direction.
Peter smirked, “Am I with anything?”
Tony chuckled as he gave his horse a little nudge by tapping his heels on its sides and leading Peter down the beach. The horses had clearly been down this trail many times. They easily picked their way over the vegetation and rocks before heading down the embankment to the sandy beach.
“So, what do you think?” Tony asked, the ocean breeze dancing with his salt and pepper hair.
“It’s beautiful,” Peter said, his mind wandering. When his mind wandered, it inevitably went in Chip's direction. He wished he could enjoy this paradise with him, with the man who held his heart. Even in the open, on this beautiful beach, he felt like a prisoner.
“Beautiful? That’s it?” Tony asked, a little disappointed, “It’s breathtaking, that’s what it is. Just like you.” He threw Peter another wink.
Peter blushed, the heat rising to his face. “You’re sweet.”
Tony studied him for a moment, “Do you think ….? Peter, do you think you’ll ever be truly happy with me?” With all of his arrogance and bluster, Tony clearly couldn't hide the flash of hurt that moved over his face. He looked so unsure.
It was such a direct question, even for Tony, but it was so vulnerable that it took Peter aback, “What do you mean?” that was all Peter could think of to say. He couldn't tell him the truth. The truth was he'd never be happy again. Not without Chip. Maybe if he'd never had a taste of his dream, of what it could be like to be in love and to be loved in return. To have a family again, things would be different.
“I mean, I’m very happy with you … you bring out a side of me that I don’t get to show other people. I’m in a monkey suit all day, barking out orders, punching in numbers, but you… whenever I’m around you, you make me come … yes, come, but … you make me come alive too.” Again, he seemed almost boyish in his sincerity. It was times like this that Tony could be so charming. It made things even harder for Peter.
Peter chuckled. He didn’t exactly know how to answer that question. “I just need time, Tony. This is all new to me.” So he avoided answering it directly. He just wasn't sure how much longer he could put Tony off.
“But how much time?” Tony asked. A dark look passed over his face.
“I don’t know, Tony. I’m not sure,” Peter answered. Tony looked straight ahead, but Peter could tell from his expression that he was hurt, no matter how good he thought he was at masking it. He almost felt sorry for him: this big and powerful man who only wanted what they all wanted: true love and someone with whom to spend his life. And for a moment, Peter felt sorry he was unable to give that to him. Things would be so much easier if he could.
“Do you ever wonder if your wife thinks the same? I mean, she’s with you, and I’m sure you’ve made her very happy, but she must know that ...”
Tony cut him off sharply. “That I have other interests? Yeah, of course she does. We discussed it once. But she knew what she was getting into when she married me. It’s a mutual
ly beneficial relationship.” He explained it away all so easily. Peter didn't think it was that simple.
“Do you think she has other lovers?” Peter asked. “I don’t mean to be nosy.” Again, he just walked on egg shells, careful of what he said to Tony. He never knew what could set him off.
“No, I ... I mean, I don’t care. I don’t want to know. As long as she keeps it discreet, away from my sons, away from my company, then I almost don’t care.” Tony shrugged.
“Really?” Peter said, a little confused. Tony was such a controlling guy. It was tough to see him not really care about something like that. Even if he wasn't attracted to his wife, Tony wouldn't tolerate that, at least, that's what Peter thought. He had to control everything. He'd even started to dictate what Peter should wear.
“Not even a little bit?” Peter pressed.
“Well,” Tony said, choosing his words carefully, “If he’s really hot, I might get jealous.”
Peter smirked, satisfied he was getting the truth out of him. “Why?”
“Cause I’d want to fuck him first,” he said with a straight face. He didn't even crack a smile.
Peter burst out laughing. If Tony wasn’t such a controlling douche bag, he’d make someone, even Peter, a great partner. But as much as he had this insatiable appetite and craving for Tony physically, his heart just wouldn’t let him commit. There was somebody else out there whom Peter knew he was meant to be with, and he knew, deep inside, that person was Chip. How he wished he hadn’t hurt him; how he wished he could erase everything he said. He just needed a sign, any sign, that Chip was still interested and he’d make it happen, somehow, someway. He'd take up the fight again. But without that, without even a word or a sign? Peter had just given up. He was resigned to this life with Tony. Maybe, he thought, he should just suck it up and accept Tony's proposal.
“Will you look at that?” Tony said, smiling at the view. It was a gorgeous sunset that mushroomed over the ocean. The colors bled orange, pink, red, and yellow, and smeared across the sky. It was the most beautiful sunset he'd ever seen.
They both watched it in awe of its beauty as Peter felt Tony’s hand reach for his. He squeezed. “This can be yours: all of it, if you want.” Tony said, promising him the world.
“This?” Peter asked.
“This life. Just say the word.” Tony explained.
CHAPTER 5
Had it not been for that obnoxious beeping of his cell phone at the crack of dawn, Peter would have slept in. His hand fished for his phone on the right side of the bed as he peeled himself from out under Tony’s heavy arm. Tony was off in la-la land somewhere, and Peter sat up long enough to get his bearings. Where was he? As he looked around the gorgeous tropical hut, he remembered Tony’s whirlwind surprise trip and the loss that came with it. His phone stopped beeping and Peter took another look at it, only to find the battery was dead. He should have plugged it in. What time was it anyway? Peter wondered. He got up, his naked body cooled by the tropical breeze, and gave it a good stretch. He stumbled over to the other side of the bed where he saw Tony’s phone on the counter. He meant to only pick it up and look at the time, but then he saw a familiar phone number as he scrolled down: Chip’s number.
His heart froze in his chest and the world seemed to just stop. All the blood drained from his face. What was Tony doing, calling Chip? he wondered. He looked at Tony, buried deep with the cushy plush comforter, face down, and he snuck away outside where he hoped Tony couldn’t hear him. He had done all this, gone off with Tony, and broke Chip's heart just so Tony would leave him alone. Peter narrowed his eyes.
He knew Tony would kill him if he caught him with his phone, especially calling Chip back, but he couldn’t help himself. He had to do it. He had to make sure that Tony was keeping his part of the 'bargain.' Peter had to make sure that he wasn't going to hurt Chip.
Peter snuck around the corner and pressed dial as he waited for it to ring. He plugged one ear, blocking the sound of the ocean. He knew it was early, but perhaps Chip had the day off and was sleeping in.
Then, “What do you want?” Chip’s stern voice said.
Peter smiled, hearing his voice always felt like home. “Chip, it’s me,” Peter said. His heart began racing and tears stung his eyes. He missed him so much. Just hearing his voice made him remember all the feelings all over again.
“Peter? Oh my God, are you okay?” Chip asked, anxiously.
“I … he’s sleeping,” was all Peter could think of to say. Despite his joy in hearing Chip's voice, he knew he had to keep it up. He had to protect Chip.
“What are you doing with him?” Chip asked, as a tinge of jealousy could be heard in his voice. Hearing the hurt and jealousy made him feel so guilty.
“I ...” Peter started to explain.
Chip cut him off anxiously. “Listen, you’ve got to get away from him,” Chip said with conviction.
“I know,” Peter answered, “I’m trying.” He huffed out a sigh, wishing he could explain things better and keep Chip safe at the same time.
‘Try harder,” Chip said, his voice stern and commanding once again. “If he touches a hair on your head, I swear to God...”
“It’s okay, everything’s fine,” Peter whispered, “I can take care of myself.” But even as he said the words, he wondered. Could he? He'd gotten himself in so deep, he just didn't see any way of getting out of it now. Not without people getting hurt.
“Doesn’t seem like it,” Chip said. “I don’t like the idea of you being with that guy.”
Peter smiled at the jealousy, “Of me being with him or me being with him?”
“Both,” Chip said in all seriousness, then chuckled.
“What about you? What about Johnny?” Peter asked, looking back quickly to make sure that Tony was still asleep. Tony snored away in a pile of blankets, sheets, and pillows. Breathing a sigh of relief, he ducked back behind the corner.
Chip sighed. “He made some threats yesterday, Peter. Tony’s not the type of guy who just talks. I think I’m going to take Johnny out of town for awhile with me to be with family …”
“Oh,” Peter said, not sure if he was more relieved or worried if he’d never see them again. He felt cold with fear and dread. He'd done everything Tony had asked him to do. Why was he threatening Chip again? It occurred to him then that maybe Tony would never stop.
“And … I want you to come with me,” Chip continued, his tone pleading.
Peter smiled, his heart leaping. “I’d … I’d like that, it’s just...” Worry gnawed at him again.
“It’s just what?” Chip asked. “When you get back in town, grab a few things and meet me at that bar. The one we met the last time. The one where we had our first kiss.”
Peter smiled at the memories. The feel of Chip's sexy, soft lips pressed to his. The love between them, the passion. He felt warmth on his cheeks and in his chest. He wanted to kiss him again. Right then. “I’d like that, okay.”
“Peter,” Chip said, his voice softening, “I … I love you.”
Peter smiled at the notion that this good man still loved him after all the things he’d been through, after the hurt he'd caused Chip. After everything that happened, Chip still loved him, still believed in him. He still wanted a life with him. It was more than he thought he deserved. “I...”
“Who are you talking to?” Tony’s voice came with such a boom it shook Peter to his core. He froze.
“Who is that? Is that him?” Peter could hear Chip’s voice on the other end, but he pressed disconnect and lowered the phone to his side. He hated hanging up on Chip without telling him how he felt first. He didn't dare risk it, though.
“No one,” Peter said, swallowing dryly, his fingers fumbling for the erase button, hoping he was pressing the right one. His hands were shaking and his palms were sweaty. He pressed down on the button, his finger nearly slipping.
“No one?” Tony said, his tone laden with suspicion and menace. “Why are you using my phone?”
>
“I … my phone, it’s … I must have forgotten to plug it in last night,” Peter stammered, as he pressed delete again, or at least he hoped that was what he did.
“Alright, doll. Give it to me,” Tony said. He looked so sure, so smug. He held out his hand for the phone.
“What?” Peter answered nervously, shifting on his feet. He hoped he'd deleted the call. He didn't want to think about what would happen if he didn't. To him or to Chip.
“Give me my phone, I’ve got to call the office,” Tony said with that million dollar smile of his. Peter handed it to him reluctantly.
“I’m going to grab something to drink. Want something?” Peter said, hoping that changing the subject would get him out of the sticky situation. If he acted casual and not guilty, maybe Tony wouldn't be so suspicious.
“No, I’m fine. Thanks,” Tony answered.
Peter closed his eyes as Tony looked at his phone and the blood rushed from his face. He couldn't take the suspense. He didn't want to see Tony's angry, hateful expression if he'd not deleted the call.
“What the fuck?” Tony said.
A knot formed in Peter’s throat. He knew he was in for it. His entire body tensed and he waited for the blows, the shouting. He began to tremble again and his mouth was totally dry.
“It’s past 9 already? I was supposed to get those documents over to the …” Tony started to say as he dialed, “Hold up, babe. Give me a few.”
Peter’s shoulders dropped in relief. His heart rate returned to normal and color returned to his face. He still couldn't stop shaking though. “Sure," he said, his voice wobbling a little.
He sauntered back inside, grabbed his bathrobe and shuffled over to the kitchen. He could hear Tony’s voice trumpeting over the ocean waves. Whomever he was talking to, he was not too pleased with him. Tony paced, gestured wildly. His face was red with anger and he shouted.
