The Little Cottage in the Country

by Lottie Phillips

  ‘What did you want to do?’

  ‘I wanted to punch him and, Anna, I’ve never punched anyone in my entire life.’

  ‘But you see,’ Anna fiddled with the end of her pom-pom scarf, ‘what I don’t understand is what you and your mother are up to. I mean, don’t get me wrong… from what your mother told me, you’ve had it tough. I’m not taking that away from you. But the way you both think you own everything around here.’

  ‘You spoke to my mother? When?’ He rubbed his unshaven cheek.

  ‘Yes, I spoke to your mother, if that’s how you see her, yesterday. She invited me over for tea but I didn’t stay long because, frankly, she was very rude to me. I will not be spoken to like that. Both you and your mother have it in for me and I have done nothing.’

  ‘No, of course you haven’t.’ He looked confused. ‘But what did she say?’

  ‘She wanted my aunt’s diary.’

  ‘Really? Why?’

  ‘Well,’ Anna narrowed her eyes, ‘you of all people must be able to imagine what most of my aunt’s writing was about. Your mother’s worried I’ll show the diary to people and rumours will start up.’

  ‘Rumours?’

  ‘Yes,’ Anna said, growing frustrated, ‘about your mother, your real mother, and your father.’

  ‘Why? What has my mother done? What do you mean “real mother”?’

  ‘God, Horatio, she really has bought your silence, hasn’t she? I don’t know why you’re pretending with me.’ She shrugged. ‘But, you know, in so many ways, I forgive you now for your strange behaviour. Maybe, somehow, you blame my aunt for everything that’s happened to you, but it’s your mother who you should be blaming. No one should buy anyone’s silence.’

  ‘Anna, I’m really confused.’ He wrinkled his forehead.

  She started to walk off. ‘Well, imagine how I felt when your mother demanded the diary off me. But I’m sure you understand how deeply in love my aunt was with your father.’

  He followed her and Anna’s phone buzzed in her pocket. She picked up and listened to her voicemail.

  ‘Hi, Anna. It’s Simon. I’m ringing to let you know that now I want access to the children, more than ever. When I saw Freddie the other day, I couldn’t believe how like me he was and I want to get to know him – to know them. I have hired a lawyer because I plan to win what is rightfully mine.’

  Her heart raced as she thought back to the conversation with Simon on her doorstep. Maybe she should have been more open to the idea then. If she had, maybe it wouldn’t have come to this.

  Anna, tears in her eyes, dropped her phone back into her bag. ‘I have to go.’

  ‘Anna, are you OK?’ He put a hand on her shoulder. ‘You look shaken up.’

  ‘That was Simon and, because he saw Freddie the other night, he now wants to fight for access.’

  Horatio rubbed her arm and she shook him off. ‘You see, that’s what happens when you do things without thinking. Simon was a stranger to my children and, now he’s seen them, he thinks he can just waltz back into their lives. You’re lucky your wife has allowed you to keep seeing Jeremy. But, for me, it’s not going to be as simple.’

  Horatio frowned. ‘Anna, I’ve tried to tell you so many times but you haven’t listened.’

  ‘What? What have you tried to tell me? That you’re sorry for messing up my life?’ She got in her car, her hands trembling as she did up her seatbelt and slammed the door.

  He looked at her through the glass and motioned for her to unwind her window. When she didn’t, he spoke anyway, ‘I’m not married, Anna. I was married, to a beautiful woman called Sophia.’

  Anna put her window down a few inches. ‘But you left her. They all do. Men, you’re all the same. Don’t know when you’ve got something good and you should just hang on to it.’

  ‘No,’ his voice caught, ‘she died. Two years ago. Of cancer.’ His pained expression caught Anna off-guard and he patted the roof of the car, his face crumpling with surfacing emotion. ‘I’m sorry my mother wants that diary. She hadn’t spoken to me about meeting you. She and I don’t really speak any more. She’s become very bitter over the years. Anyway, I can see I’m causing you grief, so I’ll do as you asked and stay away. If you need me, you know where to find me.’

  Anna sat back in the car seat as she watched Horatio walk slowly down the road, lost in his thoughts, and wondered if, in another world, a parallel universe, she might open her eyes and meet someone as honest and kind as he had been in that moment. Why couldn’t he be like that all the time? Her heart ached with sadness as she watched his figure disappear around the bend in the road. For a second, she thought that maybe they understood each other better than she had previously realised. She also realised, with a heavy heart, that she had been unfair on him. Guilt swept through her as she thought about the way she had accused him of having an affair when his wife wasn’t even alive.

  ‘As Freddie would say… Anna, you are not very nice human bean,’ she muttered and drove very slowly home, as if her own remorse was weighing the car down.

  Cross Wires

  Anna tapped the table with her pen and stared into the middle distance. She sat in her Winnie the Poo onesie and fluffy slippers, composing a letter to Simon in which she wanted to come across as firm and mature, but, so far, it contained ten swear words and a doodle of a skull and crossbones.

  Diane, in her heavy metal onesie, sat at the other end of the table, having her ‘Mediterranean’ lunch of a glass of rose and some olives. ‘Just say something like, “Dear male-commitment-phobe-ex-husband, could you crawl under a rock and die? Thanks ever so much.” Do you think that would work?’

  Anna looked at her glumly, the familiar mummy-fail feelings threatening to take hold. ‘I just can’t believe, after five years, he rocks up and wants to be a part of their life. What does he think to himself? I think I’ll miss the dirty nappies, constant feeding stage and then the troublesome twos, but I will turn up when they’re turning into gorgeous, speaking little people.’ Anna bit down on her lip. ‘Who I just want to eat sometimes because they’re so blinking adorable.’

  ‘I think that’s you talking now,’ Diane said, munching down on an olive. ‘But, yeah, his timing is impeccable.’ She smiled sympathetically. ‘I don’t think he’ll get what he wants. The twins, for a start, would have to tell the court what they feel about it all. You heard Freddie the other night. He didn’t show much interest and asked Simon to leave.’

  ‘Fat lot of notice his father took of that.’

  ‘Yeah, but that’s why Simon’s doing this. He can’t stand that he was publicly humiliated like that.’

  ‘Publicly humiliated is a bit strong.’ Anna smiled, brushing tears away. ‘It was you, me and Freddie.’

  ‘Dear Anna, you’ve got to understand men don’t like anybody to realise they’re silly, especially their own children.’

  Anna rested her head in her hands, her elbows on the table. ‘It’s just not right. They’re my world, Dee. Not his. I know I can’t stop him from seeing them, but it just feels plain unfair.’

  ‘Well,’ Diane said, refilling her glass, ‘why don’t you see if your cousin Horatio can help?’

  ‘Dee, my cousin Horatio is the one who got me into this mess. Anyway, are you cousins if Aunt Flo was stepsister to Mum?’

  ‘Dunno. Let’s call him a kind-of-cousin.’ She paused, scrunching up her nose. ‘It’s weird, don’t you think?’

  ‘What?’

  ‘That he’s your kind-of-cousin and, yet, you two blatantly fancy each other.’

  ‘Dee, I do not fancy Horatio. All he’s done is piss me off since I got here. He’s like some sort of all-seeing figure who turns up everywhere and laughs at me.’

  ‘How do you know he’s laughing at you? Maybe you’re being too uptight and he’s actually laughing with you.’

  Anna gasped. ‘You’re meant to be on my side.’

  ‘Just saying.’ She put her hands up then took a swig of rose. ‘The whole
thing is dead weird because Horatio must have known you were kind-of-cousins when he started hitting on you.’

  Anna grimaced. ‘OK, you’re freaking me out now.’

  ‘On the other hand,’ Diane stroked the rim of her glass with her finger,’ who would want a mother-in-law like that Lady Spencerville? From what you told me she sounds like a right ‘mare.’

  ‘To put it mildly.’ Anna paused. ‘If she is friends with the Queen, like you said, then it’s Queenie who I feel sorry for.’ She lowered her voice. ‘Then again, Simon never could stand my mother. He said she was as nutty as a fruit cake.’ She nodded. ‘Which, for once, he may have had a point about.’

  ‘Yeah, but who doesn’t know how to make a cup of tea?’

  ‘I don’t know, Diane,’ Anna said pointedly, ‘who doesn’t? Why don’t you show me how?’

  ‘I’m busy.’ She held up her wine.

  ‘Yeah, I can see that.’

  ‘You’ve got to feel kind of sorry for Horatio, though, being paid off like that. I’m amazed he’s still speaking to her at all, to be honest.’

  ‘Well, anyway, none of this is helping me. I need to write this letter to Simon.’

  Diane wasn’t listening. ‘Then his wife dying of cancer… It’s all so tragic.’

  Anna nodded, tears springing to her eyes. ‘God, I don’t know why I’m crying…’ She brushed her tears away. ‘Every time I think about his wife dying, I get upset. It’s awful.’

  ‘He’s probably quite lonely now.’ Diane looked at her pointedly.

  Anna took a deep breath. ‘Yeah, but he’s got this Pru woman now. You know, the yoga instructor with the pink mat.’

  ‘Hmmm, I guess so.’ Diane winked. ‘Doesn’t mean he’s still not desperately in love with Anna Compton. I’ve seen the way he looks at you. That is a man who is head over heels.’ She paused. ‘If you would just give him a chance, that is.’

  ‘Dee, just stop. As you said, he’s my kind-of-cousin.’

  ‘When are you seeing Ricardo again?’ Diane downed the last of her wine and stood up.

  ‘I can’t imagine he would ever want to see me ever again.’

  ‘Uh, am I interrupting?’ They turned quickly to find Richard standing in the doorway, smiling.

  Anna rose quickly, her chair crashing to the ground. She looked down at her onesie and slippers, her face flushing bright red. ‘Oh God.’

  ‘Sorry, your mother was out in the garden and she let me in.’

  Diane grinned. ‘Phwoar, this is just like some scene out of Emma or something, isn’t it?’ Anna shot her a black look and she backed out of the room, wine glass in hand, with exaggerated movements. Sidling past Richard, she said, ‘Love your jacket, by the way. Very eighties. In a good way.’ She paused. ‘I’ll just get out of your hair and go upstairs.’ She slapped the doorjamb with her free hand. ‘Just…’ She caught Anna’s eye again. ‘Never mind. I’m going.’

  Diane’s footsteps could be heard on the stairs and Richard turned back to Anna and smiled. ‘Sorry, didn’t mean to shock you like that.’

  ‘No, that’s fine,’ she said. ‘Just sorry you had to see this.’ She gestured to her outfit.

  ‘You look cute, actually.’

  ‘Cute isn’t how I’d like you to see me.’

  ‘You want me to think you’re sexy?’ Richard moved closer.

  ‘Something like that.’ Anna gulped, her heart pounding in her ears.

  ‘I think we forgot to finish where we left off…’ He came over to her and caressed her cheek with the palm of his hand and his lips came to meet hers. ‘You are adorable and, weirdly, I’m finding the whole onesie-thing an incredible turn-on.’

  Her mother burst into the kitchen. ‘Is that because she looks like a womble?’

  ‘Mum,’ Anna breathed angrily. ‘Can’t you knock?’

  ‘It’s a kitchen, Anna. If you want to play those games, go to your own room.’

  Anna didn’t want to admit to Richard that her room also belonged to Diane, who was upstairs playing with herself.

  ‘Cup of tea, Richard? I imagine you must be parched. Thirsty work, gallivanting around the countryside wooing the ladies.’

  ‘Mum,’ Anna hissed. ‘Just go, please.’

  ‘No, I won’t go, Anna, because I want to know why on earth I saw your knight in shining armour here having dinner with another woman on Friday night when you were at the drinks party.’

  Anna looked at Richard.

  ‘It’s true, isn’t it?’ her mother pushed. ‘I popped out with the kids to get more snacks for our Sex and the City session, and when we drove past the Rose and Crown, who should walk out but your lover-boy and some blonde bimbo on his arm?’

  ‘You leave it till now to tell me?’ Anna said.

  ‘I didn’t want you to get upset. I thought you might see through him before I had to let the cat out of the bag.’

  Anna turned to Richard. ‘Is this true?’

  ‘You’re right, Linda,’ Richard said smoothly, ‘but you’re not right about my being on a date. She helps me with the books at the farm. We had to go over some figures and—’

  ‘But you said you were away last Friday,’ Anna interrupted, ‘and that’s why you couldn’t come with me to the drinks party up at Ridley Manor.’

  ‘I did.’ He nodded, the fixed smile not budging. ‘You’re right, but we had to get these books in order for the accountant on Monday, which meant I cancelled my plans elsewhere.’

  Anna looked down at her fluffy slippers and thought about it. ‘Well, it must be hard running a farm, so I get it. It’s fine. Totally cool.’ She looked at her mother. ‘Can you leave us for a sec?’

  Her mother nodded and walked from the kitchen. When they were alone, Richard said, ‘Right, where were we?’ He held her gaze. ‘Anna, I’m not sure I can make my feelings for you much clearer.’

  ‘I actually just need to be alone right now, if that’s OK.’

  Surprise crossed his face. ‘Oh, right.’

  ‘I’ve got a lot on my mind at the moment, so if you wouldn’t mind…’ She moved out of the kitchen and towards the door. As she went to open it, he grabbed her arm.

  ‘Anna, I need you. I can’t stop thinking about you.’

  She nodded. Something had unsettled her and she needed some time to think. ‘Please, Richard. If you care, you’ll understand.’

  He tensed his jaw and nodded, unspeaking.

  ‘Oh, sodding hell,’ Diane’s voice rang out down the stairs. ‘Anna, are you down there? I’ve got big female problems going on up here.’

  ‘Coming,’ Anna called back and Richard took it as his cue to leave.

  ‘I need you to go get me something really urgently,’ Diane’s voice echoed like she had her head stuck down the toilet.

  ‘What?’ Anna said, closing the door and rushing to the foot of the stairs.

  ‘I’ve just vomited.’ She appeared at the top of the stairs. ‘I think I may be sodding pregnant.’

  ‘What?’ Anna looked at her in amazement. ‘But I thought you were on the pill?’

  ‘I came off it when I was a feminist. Figured I wasn’t getting any action, no point in poisoning the temple that is my body.’

  ‘And you and Larry…?’

  ‘Yeah,’ Diane said, nodding, ‘I could be carrying a jellybean with dreadlocks.’

  Testing for Jellybeans

  Anna and Diane sped to Waitrose and, once Anna had parked, they sat in the car, neither of them getting out.

  ‘God,’ said Diane for the millionth time. ‘Do you think I could even be a mum?’

  ‘Sure.’ Anna gave her friend a sidelong grin. ‘It’ll be an interesting experiment if nothing else.’

  ‘God, God, God, God!’

  ‘Do you want to be with Larry?’

  She shrugged. ‘I mean, yeah, he’s fun, you know? But he’s young, desperately young.’

  ‘Surely you thought about that before you…’ Anna paused. ‘You know.’

  Diane frowne
d and narrowed her eyes. ‘Clearly not.’

  Anna shifted in her seat. ‘Hold up. We’re being incredibly thick here. When did you sleep with him?’

  ‘Night after speed-dating night.’

  ‘Right, so,’ she said, counting on her fingers, ‘there’s no way it can be his. Well, I mean it could but…’ She looked at Diane. ‘Are you sure you didn’t sleep with someone before you left London?’

  Diane snorted. ‘Sweetie, I’ve slept with most of London.’

  ‘OK.’ Anna rolled her eyes. ‘But what happened in the week leading up to you leaving London?’

  ‘Well,’ Diane settled herself in, ‘let me see.’

  ‘Christ,’ Anna muttered.

  ‘I went to this Iron Maiden concert and met this guy called, um, I think his name was Ryan… Though, I cann’t be sure. Then a few days before that, I met a guy called Steve at a Kiss get together for the fans. Awesome night.’

  ‘You slept with both of them?’

  Diane frowned. ‘What do you take me for? A slut?’

  Anna groaned. ‘I asked you who you slept with. We’re trying to figure out who’s made you pregnant. Do you understand how that happens, Diane? A man puts his—’

  ‘No shit, Sherlock. I can’t believe that you, Nun Anna, of all people, are lecturing me on the ins and outs of reproduction, pardon the pun.’

  ‘Well, if you didn’t sleep with anyone and you’re pregnant, then it could well be Larry’s and his swimmers swam fast.’

  Diane turned her head slowly. ‘Oh God, is this wrong? Am I going to be struck down for sleeping with a twenty-three-year-old? Is Larry even going to want to know?’ A slow smile spread across her face. ‘Well, I suppose it doesn’t matter because you can help me.’

  ‘What?’ Anna squeaked. ‘Me? Dee, I’ve done this before. I don’t need nappies and wind in my life again.’

  ‘Oh, come on.’ Diane playfully pushed her arm. ‘It’ll be fun. It’ll be you, me, Linda and a baby. We’ll be like Three Men and a Baby. Only we’ll be women, and the twins will be there too.’