Twisted Pursuits

by Krystal Morrison

  True to her word, the wedding planner, Suzanne had arrived on the Monday following her engagement, much to Lauren’s chagrin, insisting that Mrs. Myles had mandated her to ensure that Lauren was a happy and beautiful bride. It was business as usual for Suzanne as she flipped through an electronic magazine with an extensive collection of wedding gowns as well as colors and styles for the wedding party. In the end Lauren had chosen a stunning white satin gown with a sweetheart neckline and beaded accentuations and a modest trail. Jordan had already stated his preference for the wedding to be held at the estate, hence there was only the small matter of viewing the area and combing through a few details. Lauren had sighed with relief as the woman had left, promising to keep in touch.

  Lauren had decided to surprise Anna with the news of her impending marriage when they visited a few days after the engagement. She had been so nervous of how she would react that she had asked Jordan to accompany her. The couple had been so happy to see her but no more than she was to see them. Daren had barely said hello before she was through the front door.

  “The third door on your left”, Daren bellowed ascending the stairs behind her.

  “Lauren!” Anna squealed with delight before embracing her warmly.

  “You look wonderful”, Lauren commented, noting that her friend looked almost as if she had never had a child.

  “Please...” she said sarcastically, rolling her eyes and touching the slight bulge of her stomach.

  “Honey you know you look great”, Daren beamed affectionately, appearing beside his blushing wife.

  Lauren almost smiled, glad that they were obviously still in love with each other.

  “Come...come meet Cara”, Anna said, reluctantly breaking away from her husband.

  Jordan came up behind her at that moment, his silent presence offering support as Anna produced a smiling Cara. Lauren was immediately smitten by the child, her earlier worries forgotten.

  “Oh... she’s so beautiful!” Lauren muttered reverently, “can I hold her?”

  Anna and Daren exchanged a worried glance, apparently remembering her violent outburst the last time they had met.

  “Please”, Lauren begged, adding when they didn’t seem convinced, “I promise... I’m fine”.

  “Ok”, Anna said unenthusiastically, handing her cherished bundle to Lauren, “careful to support her back”, she instructed.

  Swathed in puffs of pink clothing and blanket, Cara stared at Lauren curiously with shiny grey eyes. Lauren lifted Cara to her cheeks; closing her eyes, she inhaled the fresh baby scent. It could not hurt to savor a few stolen moments she told herself.

  “Oh my God!” Anna exclaimed.

  “Did I do something wrong”, Lauren muttered frenetically, thinking she might have harmed Cara in some way.

  She visibly relaxed as she saw Anna eyeing her engagement ring, appearing as if she could burst from excitement.

  “I’ll take that as our queue to leave”, Daren said to Jordan, attempting to sound cynical, “the Reggae Boys are playing Mexico. I have a feeling they’ll be awhile”.

  “Go on, I’ll be fine”, Lauren prompted when Jordan hesitated.

  “Very well then”, he conceded and both men made their way to the door.

  The men had barely quit the room before both women began squealing with glee with Anna demanding to know everything about the wedding plans as well as giving advice. She was impressed with Suzanne, stating that she was the best the island had to offer, not to mention how she adored Lauren’s engagement ring. Eventually they said their goodbyes, with promises not to wait as long to see each other again.

  LAUREN SIGHED IN CONTENTMENT, resting her head on the back of the sofa. Suzanne and her crew had just left, thank goodness; she was not sure how much longer she could have stayed in the woman’s presence without screaming. One more week she encouraged herself and she would be Mrs. Jordan Myles and all this madness would cease. At the thought of Jordan her heart ached, she missed him so.

  He had gone on a business trip overseas two days ago and was slated to return the next day, Lauren could hardly wait. He had wanted her to accompany him, but she had refused, half-heartedly as his parents were set to arrive the very same day he was returning and she had not wanted them to be greeted by an empty house. Jordan’s mother had been so kind to her, she figured it was the least she could do.

  Donna’s kindness had often made her wonder about her own mother and what it would have been like to actually know her. Would she have been as kind or would she be more like Nana, so selfish and cruel? She had thought for a brief moment as she had called Grandpa Mack to invite him to her impending nuptials, of phoning her Aunts, but decided against it as the idea had only filled her with such anger and memories she wished to forget. At least Nana had not told Grandpa Mack what had happened between them.

  Lauren was interrupted from her thoughts by the shrill ringing of the phone. She glanced at her watch, fifteen minutes past one. It must be Anna calling to check on her as Jordan usually called much later in the nights, she reasoned as she reached for the receiver.

  “Hello”.

  “Yes, Ms. McKenzie”, the guard at the gate responded, “There is a woman here saying she is your Aunt. Should I ..?”

  “No!” Lauren shouted before the man could finish.

  “Ok...” he agreed, his voice sounding puzzled.

  Lauren replaced the receiver, her hands trembling with rage. What was she doing here? After all she had done, she had the nerve to show up at Jordan’s home. She was the reason Jordan and Lauren might not have any children. Lauren paced the room in an effort to calm her fraying nerves, however it was no use. She jumped as the phone began to buzz again, glancing at the clock she realized that almost half an hour had past. She wouldn’t answer it. Don’t be silly, she reprimanded herself, Nana must have left already.

  “Yes...” she answered, crossing her fingers.

  “It’s me again”, the guard said exasperatedly, “she refuses to leave... she keeps shouting …”

  Lauren cringed at the sound of Nana’s boisterous voice in the background, she could just imagine what she was saying and she doubted it was anything good.

  “Send her in”, Lauren instructed dejectedly, reasoning that the only way to get rid of her was to face her.

  Her heart raced in her chest as she sat stiffly in her chair awaiting Nana’s entrance.

  “Well, well, aren’t you living the life”, Nana muttered derisively, scanning the elegantly furnished room.

  “Good afternoon to you too Dear Aunt”, Lauren uttered sweetly, disappointment settling in her stomach.

  Although she had not allowed herself to admit it, she had been harboring the hope that Nana had come to apologize and ask her forgiveness. It seems however, that was not the case.

  “What is so good about the day”, Nana responded scornfully, “the fact that you are living in sin with that devil”.

  “He is not a devil”, Lauren countered, trying desperately to quell her rage, “and we are getting married”.

  She held out her ring so that Nana could see it.

  “Do not mention such a holy word on your sinful tongue”, Nana said horridly, mirroring the sign of the cross, “I will pray for you and hope that you will turn from your sinful ways”.

  “Save your prayers”, Lauren said contemptuously, her composure slipping, “I think you’ll need it more than I. I want you to leave”

  Nana laughed raucously, her dark eyes glittering coldly. The sound grated on Lauren’s sensitive nerves.

  “You little fool”, Nana spat venomously, “even if he marries you, how long do you think he will stay when he finds out you cannot give him a child”.

  Lauren recoiled in shock, her legs insisting that she flee as Nana closed in on her; she stood her ground.

  “I will have children”, Lauren said through clenched teeth.

  “Do you honestly believe that God would give you another child after what you did with your first”, Nana con
demned.

  “What I did....” Lauren muttered incredulously.

  “Don’t play the innocent with me!” Nana shouted, the wrinkles in her face deepening, “why else would you not acknowledge it at four months if not because you wanted to get rid of it. I merely did you a favor”.

  “A favor...” Lauren’s voice cracked, “I wanted my baby”.

  “Oh really”, Nana continued, “Is that why you went meekly with us to that Doctor and allowed him to perform the abortion”.

  “I didn’t know”, Lauren whispered as tears ran down her cheeks, her head suddenly starting to pound.

  “It matters not. The deed is already done”, Nana said in a clipped tone, “a man of his wealth will never settle for a childless marriage”.

  “That’s not true”, Lauren said feebly, her insides tearing apart, “he said it did not matter”.

  “Nonsense”, Nana declared, “no doubt you’ve presented such a pitiful sight that he’s feeling sorry for you. How long will that last, uh? Or would you rather subject him to such a fate?”

  “No!” Lauren grimaced at the cruel words, her insides growing cold, “What should I do?” she heard herself ask.

  “Come with me”, Nana said coaxingly, “the taxi I came with is waiting outside”.

  Lauren made her way to the door like a zombie, “I’ll get my things”.

  “Don’t worry child. This is for the best”, Nana said nonchalantly as Lauren disappeared from view, her voice taking on a sickening softness.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  LAUREN PLUCKED THE ENGAGEMENT RING from her finger and placed it on the night table, trying hard not to look at the room where she and Jordan had created such tender memories. Quickly she threw a few personal items into an overnight bag along with her purse.

  Someone was coming up the stairs. Jordan. She froze midair; she was so in synch with him that she could even identify the sound of his footsteps. It could not be; he wasn’t slated to return until tomorrow.

  “Lauren”, Jordan bellowed from somewhere outside the room, “What is that woman doing in our...house?” he faltered as he entered the room, his face puzzled, “what are you doing?”

  Her heart constricted painfully. She had not been prepared for his arrival. What would she do, she questioned herself, her back to Jordan as she tried to continue her hasty packing.

  “I thought you weren’t coming back until tomorrow”, her voice trembled against her best efforts.

  “I...I... missed you”, he said his voice sounding hesitant.

  The tears she had been trying so hard to hold on to spilled over as every fiber in her being begged her to hurl herself into his arms and allow him to heal her breaking heart.

  “Lauren... what is it. Something is wrong, I know it”, his impatience did nothing to hide the fear in his voice.

  “I have to leave”, she stammered, heading towards the door but Jordan blocked her path.

  “What..? Why...?” Jordan questioned, bewildered, his face a picture of misery that tore at her insides.

  Glancing away from the raw pain on his features, she tried unsuccessfully to skirt around him. Panic rose in her chest. Hardening her resolve, she mustered enough courage to give him the one reason that would ensure that she left his life for good.

  “I don’t... want you anymore”, as much as she tried to be convincing her voice sounded hollow, “all I wanted was to be a singer and now I am so I don’t need you anymore”.

  She silently pleaded for his forgiveness as she made the grave error of glancing at his face. His expression was crestfallen, the brilliant hazel of his eyes diminished to a dull brown as he flitted away from her path. It was for the best; she consoled herself as she fled from the room like a woman hunted, on legs that felt more like rubber than flesh and bone. Pity, that which haunted her could not be shirked; it was within her and would remain there for as long as she lived.

  LAUREN PERCHED STIFFLY ON THE REAR SEAT of the car while Nana prattled on about something or the other. Lauren could not tell what it was as she heard nothing, saw nothing, felt nothing; she was chilled to her very soul. Despite her best efforts to appease herself with the notion that she had done the right thing and saved Jordan from making the biggest mistake of his life, her heart ached no less. Images of his face as she had said those retched words beset her thoughts, threatening to drive her insane.

  She barely comprehended that the car had drew to a halt. Nana got out and she followed. The house she had called home for almost twenty two years seemed cold and unfamiliar as she sat on the edge of the bed that was once her own. It was just as she had left it, mini Jordan sat between her pillows, his eyes as sad as her own. She pulled him into her arms and pressed the button at the back that she knew would produce a synchronization of music. Forever the faithful, he sang his heart out as tears ran unchecked down her cheeks. What had she done?

  In that moment it was all clear to her. Jordan had really loved her and if it were not for her stupid insecurities they would have probably had a wonderful life together. She had been so convinced that someone as beautiful, caring and kind could not love a dull creature such as herself. But he had, she cried harder at the thought. It made little difference at this point as Jordan would never forgive her for hurting him so badly.

  “Lauren!” Nana’s shrill voice brought her back to reality, “good God, you’re a pitiful sight. Fit to be locked away in a dark room as penchant for your sins”.

  Lauren bristled with frustration; it was all becoming too much for her.

  “I told your grandfather not to waste a dime on you at that college, to give me the money so I could invest it in the business”, Nana continued grievously, “he never listened and look what happened! Your mother must be turning in her grave”.

  “Enough!” Lauren shouted and Nana’s face registered her shock, “have I not suffered enough at your hands? You... you have taken everything from me. My... baby, Jordan, I have nothing left.

  Do you hear me, nothing!”

  “I will not...” Nana began, raising her hand as if to strike Lauren.

  “If you so much as raise a finger at me I swear I’ll break it!”, shock rippled across Nana’s features as she hurriedly backed out of the room, a hint of fear in her dark eyes that Lauren had never seen before in all the years she had known her.

  Whirling on her heels, Lauren began to pack for the second time that day. If circumstances were different, she would have laughed at her plight. However that was not the case. She had no idea where she was going but she knew that she could not spend another night under her Aunts’ roof.

  ROUGHLY AN HOUR LATER, SHE ARRIVED on Anna’s doorstep. Relieving her luggage to the porch floor, she rapped firmly on the door. Daren answered the door, seeming surprised to see her.

  “Lauren” he said, “what are you doing here?”

  “Who is....? Lauren!” Anna exclaimed, stepping past her husband, “are you alright...has something happened”. Anna’s voice rose in obvious panic.

  Lauren was so overwhelmed that she simple crumpled in her friend’s arms, weeping in despair. Anna guided her inside as Daren took her bags and disappeared in another direction. Anna attempted to calm her and between bouts of crying, she told Anna the entire story about the baby along with what happened earlier that day.

  “Oh my god!” Anna exclaimed, her eyes wet, “I’m so sorry... have you tried speaking to Jordan”.

  “He will never forgive me”, Lauren wailed miserably.

  “Don’t say that!” Anna said sternly, “he loves you; I saw it on his face when you visited”.

  “You didn’t see his expression as I walked out”, Lauren said brokenly, fresh tears forming in her eyes.

  “Maybe you should get some rest”, Anna cajoled, “you can decide what to do in the morning”.

  “I’m sorry for turning up like this”, Lauren muttered apologetically.

  “Don’t be silly. I’m always here for you”, Anna hugged her reassuringly, “come on let’s
get you to bed”.

  Anna led her to a colorful bedroom with mint green bed linens and matching drapes. The bed was as comfortable as it looked; unfortunately it did nothing to calm Lauren as she lay between its cool folds. Her mind kept straying to Jordan. Had he forgotten about her already? Did he miss her? Did he have another woman in his bed this very minute? Her stomach tightened painfully at the thought. Eventually, exhausted, both mentally and physically she fell into a dreamless sleep.

  Lauren awoke with the first light of day, her dilemma weighing heavily on her fortitude. She crawled beneath the sheets, willing the sun not to rise. She felt as if she could remain in this room forever where she did not have to face her empty existence. It was ironic how the tables had turned dramatically in her life. Yesterday she had been the happiest woman alive; her only care being for Jordan to return to her arms. How then was she supposed to go on living when her very reason for existing was hers no more? She just could not, she concluded.

  At that moment something occurred to her, who would look after her while she rotted away in self-pity? Jordan was not here to care for her as he had when she had lost their child and even then there was no excuse for burdening others with her wellbeing. While Anna might welcome her company and encourage her to stay she had to take the reins of her life into her own hands. Despite her troublesome upbringing with her Aunts’, she had always known she had a home with them. That was not the case anymore and the sooner she dealt with it the better, she realized. With that she got out of bed, quickly showering and getting dressed. If all went as planned she would have a lot to accomplish.