Six Reasons

by Randileigh Kennedy

  “Well, she hasn’t returned my calls since that night,” he replied with a grimace. “You were right though, she was kind of plain,” he added, scrunching up his face. “I heard you whisper something to Mallory about that. Apparently you were right, and no one is good enough for me. You said something to that affect, didn’t you?”

  I playfully slapped his arm. Obviously I never meant anything like that. Surely there was someone good enough for him out there - but selfishly I just wasn’t ready for him to find that girl. Not anytime soon at least, despite knowing those thoughts were wrong on my part.

  “Look, change of subject,” I said, taking a sip.

  “Oh thank you, the game is officially over and I missed my team’s last winning play, but now we don’t have to talk about all of your guy problems anymore,” he said sarcastically.

  “Shut up. I think we should plan one last camping trip before the weather gets colder. How about next weekend? When I talked to Mallory and Addie the other day they made it seem like they could get away from the bakery. Are you in?”

  “Sounds good. But only if Griffin and Johnny can make it. I can’t have another estrogen-infused Saturday night like this one. Ever again,” he said leaning back.

  I moved closer to him and put my head on his chest. He turned the TV station to the Discovery Channel, which we both somehow enjoyed for hours on end. We watched it together all the time. As we relaxed there with the TV on, neither of us speaking, everything in that moment felt perfectly okay. Somehow the pieces of my world seemed put back in place.

  “Speaking of camping,” he said softly, “it might be a good time for you to start working on that dare.” He was referring to our annual camping trip in June where we all dared each other to do one thing to better ourselves. I had dared Steve to run the half-marathon with me, and I was so impressed he was taking it so seriously. Mallory was dared to open up her bakery full-time, which was a brilliant idea. Griffin had to play his guitar in public, and Johnny had to reconcile with his father. Addie had to let some adventure into her life, which is coincidentally how she ended up with Griffin. For me… Well, I got the opposite of adventure. My dare this year was to stay celibate for a consecutive three month period. At the time of the dare I wasn’t amused by it, but I knew my friends had my best interests at heart. Steve was probably right. Ben was just another guy who wasn’t worth my time. Perhaps this really was my time to slow down a little bit. Maybe that dare wasn’t such a bad idea after all.

  I could feel Steve’s heartbeat through his shirt against my face. His body was comforting to me. I had felt his chest under my face a thousand times before as we laid like this on lazy Sunday afternoons, and Thursday nights during our favorite TV shows. I always felt warm and happy in these moments, as if the crazy reality of the world was perfectly at rest. In that moment, I wondered if I would ever feel so comfortable with anyone else.

  CHAPTER 9

  I had passed out on Steve’s couch, which wasn’t really all that unusual for me. I wasn’t thrilled, however, when he woke me up at six-thirty for a run. He leant me a t-shirt so I wouldn’t have to do “the run of shame” as he called it, given the fact that I was still wearing the clothes I had on from my date last night. Unfortunately his shorts were a little too big for me, so I still had to don the same capri leggings I had on from the evening before.

  During our five mile run, Steve told me all about a big project he was working on, doing some custom woodwork for one of the giant log homes nestled in the woods right by the lake’s edge. His eyes lit up as he talked about it, and I appreciated how much he loved his job. It suited him perfectly - he got to work with his hands to create beautiful wood shelves, mantles, bookcases, and custom moldings. His dream was to buy a place on the lake that he could work on for himself. I marveled at the goals he had, knowing without a doubt he would accomplish whatever he set out to do. He was just that type of guy, and I genuinely admired him for that.

  After our run, we stretched briefly and then parted ways. I took a quick shower at home and then headed over to the animal shelter for a few hours.

  I cleaned out kennels, helped the girls at the front desk with some paperwork, and then worked on a new marketing plan for the shelter. I tried to help out in any way I could. Around ten-thirty, I was out in the play yard working through a very slow game of fetch with Lucy when I heard a deep voice behind me.

  “So abandoning you halfway through our candlelight dinner, does that mean I was wrong about you being swept off your feet?”

  I turned around to see Ben standing in front of me with his hands in his jean pockets, looking exhausted and a little bit vulnerable.

  “Girls don’t get swept off their feet in gym shoes and sports bras, so I was never optimistic about it in the first place,” I answered dryly. I really wasn’t sure how to feel about his presence.

  “I’m sorry if that wasn’t your thing, the soccer and whatnot. I just wanted to start things off with you by being me. Showing you who I am,” he said quietly. “Maybe the good parts of the date still sucked for you.”

  “Just the opposite, actually, which is why I’m mad. The good parts were good. Like, really good. But yet somehow, even after having an amazing time, you just walked out with no explanation. I don’t know anything about you. Which is usually a good thing for me,” I said, completely flustered by his presence. His jeans hung loose on his hips and he wore a fitted grey shirt. As handsome as he looked in that moment, his face seemed sad. Despite my anger towards him, I still felt like I had to be gentle with him. “Do you work for the CIA or something? I don’t need to know a lot about you per se, but maybe a few small details would help. Any kind of explanation about what happened last night would be good at this point.”

  “Can I take you to breakfast? Or lunch? Whenever you’re done here?” he asked sweetly.

  I hesitated for a moment. Wasn’t I just swearing off men last night?

  “Look, I’m sure you have a good reason. And it’s nice you came by instead of just blowing me off completely, but…”

  “My mom is dying,” he interjected.

  “Whoa, okay, I’ll go out with you,” I said with a humorous grin. I then realized about two seconds later by the expression on his face that he likely wasn’t kidding. “Oh my gosh, that’s true?”

  He nodded. Oh great, an emotional conversation loomed. Those were not my forte. I felt like I never had the right words to say in those moments.

  “Let me tell someone I’m leaving,” I responded. I quickly signed out at the front desk and followed Ben out to his vehicle in the parking lot. We drove without much conversation to a small diner up the street. I had been there a few times before, but it certainly wasn’t a place I went to often. Especially not with a guy. Not that this was a date or anything, but it still felt a little unusual for me.

  As soon as we were seated, Ben took a deep breath. I studied him carefully, waiting for him to speak first.

  “I didn’t really want to bring up all of my personal stuff,” he began, taking a sip of water. “But I know I owe you an explanation. So I’m just going to lay it all out there.”

  “Are you sure you want to do this?” I said, leaning back into the pleather bench of the booth we were in. “I mean, you seem like a nice guy and all, and I had a really good time last night. But this doesn’t have to be anything serious. I don’t need to know the personal stuff.” Yes, the honest truth. Personal stuff leads to commitment, and I do not do commitment.

  “How do you get to know anyone without personal stuff?” he asked quizzically.

  “Personal stuff just makes things messy. I just like to keep it light I guess. It’s more fun that way,” I replied with a slight shrug. “Personal stuff kind of makes me freak out. My walls come up, and I don’t know, I just panic.” The waitress came by and we both ordered breakfast platters. I was starving, and my nerves throughout this conversation weren’t helping matters.

  “Well if you want an explanation for last night, I’l
l give it to you. But either way I just want to make up for what happened,” he said, staring at me with intense eyes. “I promised you I’d sweep you off your feet, remember? And I know it didn’t work out that way.”

  “Well lucky for you, I don’t get swept,” I responded playfully. “Look, I’m not some girl who gets all mushy about stuff. I don’t have big expectations.”

  “You should,” he replied, still not taking his eyes off mine. “How else do you expect someone to love you the way they should?”

  “That’s the good news, I don’t expect that from anyone,” I responded. “Expectations lead to disappointment. So, I figure without expectations, I’ve got nothing to lose. I mean sure, when you walked out on me last night it hurt my pride. That sucked. It was kind of a low point, I’ll admit that. But I’m not exactly the kind of girl who cries over a boy. Look, there is one thing I know. I never want to end up that girl whose life depends on whether or not someone loved her right.”

  “That may be the most depressing statement I’ve ever heard,” he said with a raised brow. “The point of one’s life should be the way they loved someone right. That should be it. That should be all that matters.”

  I stared at him in silence for a moment. His thick dark hair was a little messy, but it made me smile. The dimples in his cheeks softened his jaw line, and the scruffiness of his face from not shaving this morning made him look a little reckless. Although I could tell by this conversation, he was anything but reckless.

  “My friends were right, Ben,” I said shaking my head. “You are way too good of a guy for me.” I bit my lip and fidgeted with the menu still sitting on the table, not sure how to comprehend this conversation we were having. Was this guy for real? Who talked like that? Should I just politely get up and end this entire thing now? Surely this guy didn’t think he would be the one to change my entire philosophy on love with his dreamy ideals. It just wasn’t possible.

  “Look, just hear me out,” he said with a boyish smirk that intrigued me to at least listen to his plan. “I work nights, maybe for the CIA or something else but you don’t want to hear about it, and you have a day job. Which puts us in a little predicament. But, lucky for you, I have superb problem-solving skills. I get off work at six in the morning, and you don’t go in until eight, right?”

  I nodded my head.

  “So, how about a morning date," he said matter-of-factly.

  “What? I mean I’ve left a date in the morning, but I’ve never started one at that time. Who does that? What is there to do at six in the morning? It’s still dark out,” I responded, wondering how well he really thought all of this through.

  “Tomorrow morning I’ll swing by to get you just after six. We can hang out for a couple hours, and then I promise to have you at work by eight. Just one more chance, Meg. No expectations, and it’s less than two hours. Just give me a an opportunity to fix this. One full date. At six in the morning.” He sighed, and I could tell he was really trying to get to me. The handsome smirk on his face was hard to say no to.

  “Agreed. But that’s it. I promise nothing more,” I replied honestly.

  “Well, I actually had one more thing in mind. Just hear me out. If you finally realize that I’m a good guy, with nothing but good intentions, then I want to adopt Lucy. I know that sounds crazy, but it’s for my mom. I really think a companion during the day when I’m sleeping would be good for her. There’s a day nurse with her all the time, but other than that, she still seems kind of lonely. Not for conversation per se, but companionship, if that makes sense. I think having something to take care of would be helpful for her. And my mom doesn’t exactly have all the time in the world either, so I know Lucy is a short-term commitment, but that’s exactly what I’m looking for. Although I expected that to sound less morbid as it came out of my mouth. But hopefully you understand what I mean.” His eyes pled with mine, and I knew if he stared at me long enough, he would likely win any conversation we ever had.

  “Fine,” I replied reluctantly. Somehow I knew it would be easier for me to give up Lucy to this guy than give myself up to him, so it seemed like an okay arrangement. I pulled out a pen from my purse and I wrote my address down on one of the diner napkins. I didn’t usually give out that kind of information so early after meeting someone, but this guy seemed far from dangerous. “I’ll be ready at six.”

  CHAPTER 10

  My alarm buzzed at five-thirty, and I can’t say I was thrilled. Several days a week I woke up early to go running with Steve, but I still wouldn’t describe myself as a morning person. That was more out of necessity so we wouldn’t have to run in the afternoon heat. Getting up early in the morning for a date? This was definitely a first for me. Usually I was leaving a date at this hour after a long, crazy night. But who ever started a date at six in the morning? What was there to even do? I imagined Ben had some sort of a plan, but I couldn’t fathom what that would be.

  I slowly pulled myself out of bed, thankful I had washed my hair the night before. That at least saved me some time. I brushed it and opted to leave it down, long and straight. I applied my usual weekday make-up routine since I would be going straight to work after my date with Ben. For a typical date, I would’ve used more eyeliner and a dark lip tint. I felt way out of my element this morning.

  Since I wasn’t sure where we were going, I put on a simple pair of black work slacks and a fitted white blouse. I chose tall black wedge shoes, and smiled at the thought of how tall and muscular Ben was. He had the perfect stature of a man; tall, firm, athletic. Even with high heels on, I still barely reached the height of his chin, despite my five-foot-nine frame. That was definitely a plus for me.

  I grabbed a light jacket to thwart the morning chill. Sure enough a few minutes after six, my door buzzer sounded.

  “I’ll be right down,” I said into the speaker. I grabbed my purse and headed for the elevator.

  As soon as I caught a glimpse of Ben standing outside the front doors of my apartment building, a huge smile spread across my face. He was wearing dark jeans and a blue striped sweatshirt, and his thick dark hair was the right kind of messy.

  “I hope that’s coffee,” I said as I opened the door, motioning to the two cups in his hand.

  He smiled at me and held one of the cups out towards me. “I figured you would appreciate this more than flowers at six in the morning,” he said with a smirk.

  “You’re definitely right about that,” I replied, taking a sip of the warm liquid. The world outside was still dark aside from a few sparkling downtown lights from the casinos. There was a strong, crisp chill in the air. That was one of my favorite things about living in Mountain Ridge. Even if the day ended up warm and sunny, you could always count on some brisk air first thing in the morning. It was refreshing to me, even with a slight shiver.

  “You look so nice,” he said nervously. “I guess I should’ve dressed up or something. But I literally just came from work.”

  “And that’s what you wear working for the CIA?” I teased. “I like what you’re wearing actually. You still look quite handsome. Where are we going?” I asked with a flirtatious tone.

  “We’re going to eat, if you’re hungry. I probably should’ve told you not to eat anything beforehand.”

  “Honestly I didn’t have much time, so I’m starving. Breakfast would be wonderful,” I responded.

  “Great. I go to a particular place to eat every morning, it’s my favorite spot. Climb in,” he said, opening up the passenger door of his SUV.

  “So you have a usual breakfast joint? You really go to the same place every day?” I asked inquisitively.

  “Yeah, pretty much. I work nights, every day but Saturday when I have soccer at the hospital. I get off around six in the morning, so it’s just kind of my routine on my way home.” He looked at me with a slight smile and I could tell he was happy to be taking me to his favorite spot. We made small talk as we drove for about ten minutes up the mountainside. We finally pulled off the main road into a sm
all dirt lot.

  “Are we hunting for our breakfast this morning? All of the restaurants are back towards town,” I said, totally unsure as to where we were. The sky began to slowly lighten a bit, but I still didn’t recognize my surroundings.

  “I’ve got breakfast in the back seat. See that bench there?” he asked pointing through the windshield. I could see a large wooden bench surrounded by gigantic fir trees. “That’s where we eat. Let’s go.”

  Ben got out of his vehicle, grabbing a cooler out of his back seat. I followed him as we made our way to the bench.

  “Here’s an extra sweatshirt if you want it,” he said, handing me a thick grey zip-up. “It’ll be a little chilly until the sun comes up.”

  I smiled at the sincere gesture and put it on. It smelled like him, like a mixture of cologne and the beach. “You come out here every morning? Even in winter?”

  “I try to,” he replied, motioning to the back of the bench. “It’s my spot. I literally claimed it.” His finger pointed to a part on the back of the bench where his name was etched into the wood. Ben Slade. There were six tally marks next to his name.

  “What are those for?” I asked curiously.

  “I believe that would fall under your ‘no personal life details’ clause,” he answered, mocking me for our conversation yesterday at the diner.

  “Oh my gosh, are those for all the girls you’ve brought up here to your spot?” I asked, hoping I wasn’t right. I let out a small giggle as I said it.

  “No, come on. You really think this is my move? Pick girls up at six in the morning and bring them to a bench in the middle of nowhere? I mean don’t get me wrong, I’m hoping this will work on you. But I’ve never actually tried it before,” he said with a slight laugh.

  “Well then what are they for?” I asked again.

  “You’re going to have to make your mind up about your rules first, you know. If you don’t want to get too personal, fine. We can hang out and like, look at each other all the time or whatever you usually do on all your dates…”