Six Reasons

by Randileigh Kennedy

  Mallory finally dropped me off at my apartment around eight-thirty, and I was pleasantly surprised when my doorman handed me a small, white note card as I walked in. I held it in my hand, beaming as I made my way into the elevator. I already knew Ben would be coming by at six the next morning for our date, so the note surprised me. But it seemed like a sweet gesture.

  ‘I missed you today. Looking forward to tomorrow.’

  I blushed as I read it, then slid it into my purse. For a girl with no feelings, I was surprised to notice the tingles radiating throughout my entire body.

  CHAPTER 13

  I headed straight outside my apartment building as soon as six a.m. rolled around. I wanted as much time with Ben as possible before I had to go to work, so I wanted to be ready as soon as he arrived. Three or four minutes later, his silver SUV pulled up.

  Ben quickly exited his vehicle and came around to open up my side of the door. Before I climbed in, his warm lips pressed against mine and I could feel his strong arm press up against my back.

  “Good morning,” he said softly as he pulled away from me. He had an endearing, genuine smile on his face.

  “I’ve never been a morning person, but suddenly six a.m. doesn’t seem so bad,” I responded with a smirk. I climbed into his car and we headed the same direction as the day before, climbing up the mountainside to his favorite spot. We made small talk on the way, talking about our events the day before. I had made arrangements for him to pick up Lucy, and I knew that meant a lot to him. He told me his mother was elated to have some new company, and I knew that was a big deal for both of them. As sad as I was to know Lucy wouldn’t be at the shelter the next time I went in, I was happy she found a home.

  “I liked your note,” I said sincerely. “That was really sweet.”

  “Note?” he asked curiously. The look on his face confused me.

  “You missed me?” I said with a smirk.

  “I’m not sure what you mean,” he said, still looking a little perplexed. “I mean I missed you yesterday, yeah. After I dropped you off at work, I so badly wanted to go back and just pick you up again. I actually wondered if you would play hooky with me and spend the day with me, but I figured someone from your office already saw you.” He smiled as he spoke, and I was comforted to know that our thoughts were similar after we’d parted ways. “But what note?”

  “Didn’t you give a white note card to my doorman yesterday?” I asked, feeling some kind of disconnection in my question.

  “No,” he replied, shaking his head. “Am I competing with someone else?” he asked with an amused grin.

  “Oh no,” I replied, finally figuring it out. I quickly grabbed my phone and dialed Steve. It rang six times, but there was no answer. “We have to turn around,” I said frantically. “I screwed up.”

  “Did you have another date this morning?” he asked sarcastically.

  “Yes. I mean no, not a date. It’s just Steve,” I replied, rambling my words together. “I cancelled on him yesterday morning for our date, and I forgot to cancel my plans with him again today.”

  “So you really do meet up with other guys before work?” he asked with a grimace.

  “No, not usually. Just Steve. I mean we’re just friends. He’s the guy I was arguing with outside of Luca’s the night we met,” I explained. Ben pulled off to the side of the road, then made a U-turn to head back down the mountain. “We just run together. We’re training for the half-marathon coming up in a couple weeks. We just run,” I repeated, probably sounding a little more defensive than I should have. The last thing I needed was for Ben to think my relationship with Steve was anything more serious than friendship. It was one thing to have to explain it to my actual friends, but to explain it to a guy I was really falling for? I shouldn’t have even brought him up.

  “Just friends, huh?” he asked softly. “That seemed like a pretty heated conversation. I figured he was an ex-boyfriend or something.”

  “Oh no,” I said shaking my head. “I’ve known him forever. We’re just friends.”

  “Good. So you guys have never…” Ben’s voice trailed off before finishing his question, but I knew exactly what he was getting at.

  “Well…” I muttered, not sure of exactly how many details to give. I tried dialing Steve’s number again, but there was still no answer. “It’s been a really long time,” I answered honestly.

  “I don’t think I want to have this conversation,” Ben said quietly.

  “I’m serious, we’re just friends. Anything that ever happened before, it was nothing. It meant nothing to both of us, so really, we’re just friends. But he was already so mad at me for what happened at Luca’s, and I finally got him to hear my apology. And now I forgot to tell him I wouldn’t be running with him today, again, and well…” I still couldn’t utter clear, coherent thoughts. “I just don’t want to piss him off again, he doesn’t deserve that.” That part was true. I was so angry with myself for not getting in touch with Steve last night to cancel our plans. He was probably already at my apartment.

  “So you’re going running this morning?” Ben asked, looking at me with a vulnerable expression on his face.

  “No, I want to spend the morning with you,” I replied. That was the honest truth. “But I feel like I need to at least tell him what happened. He’s probably waiting for me at my apartment.”

  We continued to make our way down the mountainside and back towards downtown.

  “Look, I know you’re not into serious relationships and all that,” Ben said sincerely. “And that’s fine. This doesn’t have to be a serious thing.” He shrugged his shoulders. “But honestly, I have no idea how to do that. I really like you, Megan. And I know I may not be the ideal guy you’re used to dating. I’m between places right now, I’m not exactly on a steady career path, and all of my hopes and dreams are anything but the life I’m living right now. I get that. But as temporary as everything else is in my life…” He hesitated, and I couldn’t help but stare at him as he spoke. He pulled his SUV up to the doors of my apartment building. “Look, what I’m trying to say is,” he began, still unsure of how to phrase his words.

  In that exact moment, I saw Steve walk out of my apartment building door.

  “I’m sorry, hold on a sec,” I quickly said to Ben, flinging open my passenger door. Steve and I made eye contact as I stepped onto the curb.

  “What’s going on?” Steve asked, raising an eyebrow at me. “Are you just getting home?”

  “No, I had a date this morning. I tried calling you yesterday and you didn’t answer, and I guess I just forgot to get in touch with you later to cancel our plans for this morning,” I explained.

  “A date?” Steve responded, clearly annoyed with me. “Only Megan McGowen would have a date at six-fifteen on a weekday morning. What, you can’t fit them all in during normal dating hours anymore?”

  “That’s not fair Steve,” I replied, crossing my arms.

  “Wait, is this the same guy you cancelled on me for yesterday too?”

  “Yes. But Ben works nights, so this is the only time I can see him,” I explained, trying to get Steve to understand where I was coming from.

  Steve made eye contact with Ben, who was still sitting in the driver’s seat of his vehicle. They both nodded at each other.

  “Ben, huh?” Steve muttered. “Well congratulations, I’ve now seen you with the same guy twice. That has to be a record for you.”

  I knew Steve meant it sarcastically; even I would joke around about that stuff with him when we were alone or with our close friends. But to say it aloud with Ben’s car door still open, it just seemed cruel.

  “Should I go? Or…” Ben said to Steve and me through the open door.

  “No, I’m coming with you,” I said to Ben, eyeing Steve as I walked towards Ben’s car. “Look Steve, I’m really sorry I didn’t get in touch with you. That’s completely my fault, and I really do feel bad about it. But can we run tonight? After work?”

  “Nah, I
’ve got plans this evening. Don’t sweat it. We’ll catch up later,” Steve replied nonchalantly. “And that thing in your apartment, I can see now that it wasn’t a great idea, so…” His voice trailed off as he turned to head back to his car parked in the lot across the street.

  “What thing in my apartment?” I asked curiously. I realized Steve came out of the doors when we first pulled up to the curb, so he must’ve gone inside. My doormen all knew him and he actually had a key for the sporadic times I locked myself out after too wild of a night.

  “Some other time, don’t worry about it,” Steve shot back at me as he got in his car.

  I climbed back into Ben’s SUV and studied his face. I had no idea whether or not he even wanted to continue our date at this point. But I certainly wanted to, so I really hoped he felt the same way. I slid over in my seat, as close to him as I could get, and I slowly pulled his lips towards mine. I kissed him slowly, passionately, hoping to convey my thoughts to him in just a single gesture.

  As he pulled away from me, he brushed a piece of hair away from my eyes and stared at me.

  “Look, I’m not great at making everyone happy. Obviously,” I said quietly. “Steve really is my best friend. I mean, maybe he’s little a jealous that I’m choosing someone else to spend my time with, but only because we hang out together so much. If I’m being totally honest, I know I tend to get that way with him when he’s hanging out with someone else too. But it’s just because we’re used to spending so much of our time together. When that changes, it just kind of throws off our routine. We’ve known each other forever, so he’s just a little protective of me, that’s all. And he’s usually right, because I pretend to know what I’m doing, even though I really have no idea what I’m actually doing most of the time. I kind of just fly by the seat of my pants without thinking things through, and he brings me back to earth. But he knows me. He sees through me. He knows when I’m really being myself, or when I’m completely out of my element. And honestly, I don’t know what I’m doing with you. Because I like you, and that kind of freaks me out. I guess I just don’t know how to explain that to him.”

  Ben leaned over and kissed me again, even slower and with more intensity than the last kiss.

  “Well, you don’t have to figure it all out right now,” he said with a whisper. “But if you ever decide that you’re ready to let someone care about you, I hope it’s me. That’s all I’m trying to say.”

  He kissed me again, and the gentle touch of his hand on my skin surged through my entire body.

  “I’m sorry we missed out on your sunrise this morning,” I said, motioning to the bright orange and purple streaks already spread out across the mountaintops.

  “I’m starting to think I found something even more beautiful to look at in the morning,” he replied, kissing my face.

  CHAPTER 14

  I slumped down in a metal bistro chair in the seating area at Mallory’s bakery as soon as I left work for the day. I could smell rich chocolate fudge, which seemed to be the only good thing happening to me for the afternoon. I had another amazing morning with Ben, well, what little time we even had left together talking in his car. But Steve wasn’t returning my calls and it was really souring my mood.

  “He’s my best friend Mal, this is ridiculous,” I whined as she set a plate of her delicious chocolate fudge mountain in front of me. It was a tower of gooey brownies covered in rich chocolate syrup, topped with whipped cream and thick chocolate shavings. If that couldn’t fix my day, nothing ever would.

  “Meg, that’s the point,” Mallory said, sitting down in the metal chair across from me. “If he’s your best friend, why are you dropping him the second you have a new guy in your life? It’s a pretty crappy thing to do. He expects that from you on a Saturday night, sure. We all do. You kind of just disappear into the night and you do your own thing. And that’s fine.” Mallory had such a sincere tone in her words and I knew she was always my voice of reason.

  “But this isn’t just some guy, Mal,” I said honestly. “I really like Ben. And I know, I say that every weekend about someone as a way to deflect having any real feelings about anyone. I know I do that. I get that my track record doesn’t really speak in my favor here. But I don’t know. Somehow this is different.”

  “Have you told Steve that?” Mallory asked curiously. “Maybe if Steve knows this actually means something to you, maybe it will change his perspective.”

  “I can’t talk to him about that. I mean, we’re close. But I can’t imagine a day where I ever tell him that I have real feelings for someone else. I just… I don’t know. I’m scared it would change us,” I said quietly.

  “I will never understand your relationship with Steve,” Mallory responded, throwing her hands up in the air. “If you’re just friends, then you should be able to tell him anything. And if for some crazy reason, if there ever in the universe came a time where either of you feels more than that? Well then that should be said too.”

  “Mallory, that’s not the issue here,” I said, shaking my head. I scooped up a huge bite of the chocolate brownie tower and shoved it in my mouth. It was warm and comforting and tasted like happiness.

  “I’ve known you both half my life,” Mallory said dramatically. “And there’s always this ‘thing’ surrounding you. Like inside jokes and giggles and sideways glances that nobody can decipher. And the last couple weeks, Meg, you’re just… you’re losing that with him. And I can see it when you’re around each other. That night at my party, it was just… it was breaking. That think that makes the two of you - it was just crumbling. And I just don’t want you to do the wrong thing here, Meg.”

  I looked up at Mallory with wide eyes. I slowly swallowed the rest of my chocolate bite and took a sip of water from a glass in front of me on the table.

  “What?” I said, still staring at Mallory. “Where are you even going with this? What conversation are we having?” I asked, cocking my head to the side.

  “Camping, Meg,” she replied, shaking her head in defeat. “Camping brings us all together. Friday night we can all just sit around the campfire together. Griffin can play his guitar, and we can all drink too much and tell old funny stories. All of this will blow over.”

  I stared at her curiously. Mallory was a pretty straight forward person and was always completely honest with me, no matter the circumstance. But part of me was still unsure of what exactly she was trying to say.

  I finished my plate of gooey chocolate, deciding that I definitely wasn’t going for a run tonight after all. Besides, running alone wasn’t nearly as fun for me.

  I made my way back to my apartment building, and the guilt of my chocolate dinner at least coerced me into taking the eight flights of stairs. All I could think about was a warm bath and a bottle of red wine.

  As I entered my apartment, I noticed a green folder with a note on the front of it sitting on my kitchen table.

  ‘Our pre-marathon plans.’

  I picked up the note and smirked. I opened up the green folder, carefully looking at the contents inside. There was an entire itinerary lined out for me.

  ‘Friday - Saturday: Camping - Lots of drinking. We’ll call it our last hoorah.’

  I smiled, genuinely looking forward to the trip. It was quick and easy and laid back, and it was one of our favorite things to do. It was the easiest way for us all to connect as a group of friends in between our busy day-to-day lives.

  ‘Sunday: One last big 8-mile run in the morning, followed by this…’ There was an arrow pointing to an envelope taped inside the folder. I carefully opened it up to find a voucher for us to use at my favorite day spa. Facials, wraps, an hour massage. It sounded heavenly.

  ‘Monday: Day of rest - History Channel marathon.’

  ‘Tuesday: 30-minute run down to our favorite boat dock to get cheese fries and a beer from Snappy Crabs. Note: must throw out half the cheese fries for health purposes (beer is made with yeast so that qualifies as a health drink) and then we’ll walk
back to your apartment feeling shameful about our choices.

  ‘Wednesday: Day of rest - Discovery Channel marathon.’

  ‘Thursday: Begin our all-carb diet at Vincenzio’s - (I’m pretty sure I read somewhere that wine makes you run fast.)

  ‘Friday: Carb-eating contest at Luca’s - all the free spaghetti Greyson is willing to make us.’

  ‘Saturday: Rest, followed by carbs, then a movie, then more carbs, then mild stretching until you regret all the carbs.’

  ‘Sunday: Race Day - Watch out for banana peels.’

  I smiled as I read through it, realizing that Steve was looking forward to this marathon more than I thought. My phone rang, and I hoped I would be able to thank Steve for all of his effort.

  “Hey Meg, how are you? Any more seductive notes from other suitors tonight that I should be aware of?”

  “Oh Ben, hi,” I replied, taken aback for a moment when I realized it was his voice. Why didn’t I look at the name on the phone before answering? “Yes, actually I… Well no, I mean, not a note,” I said, still caught off guard. I closed the folder so I could concentrate. “I mean, I’m surprised to hear from you. Aren’t you at work?”

  “Yeah, but I have some bad news. I have a meeting with the hospital board tomorrow morning, so I won’t be able to meet up with you before work. And then I have a certification class on Thursday morning. I’m really sorry, but I can’t reschedule those, and I’m at work by the time you get off from yours, so…” Ben’s voice trailed off.

  “Right, sure. I understand, that’s fine. I really need to get a long run in anyways tomorrow morning, so that works out I guess,” I replied, feeling disappointed.

  “Can we meet up Friday morning?” he asked eagerly.

  “I actually have to go into work early Friday morning,” I replied. “I’m taking a half day for my friends’ camping trip, so I need to head in pretty early to make that happen.”

  “Right, the camping trip you mentioned,” he said hesitantly.

  “You could come of course if you wanted to,” I blurted out. Honestly it had been a really long time since I brought a date around my friends. The thought of it terrified me, because introducing a guy to my close circle of friends would suggest to them that I’d let my guard down. Which I was still fighting, currently.