Six Reasons

by Randileigh Kennedy

  I exited the bar, a little disoriented by my surroundings. I knew Steve would probably be at Mason’s party by now. I knew his place was somewhere downtown, which meant thankfully I could walk. But I wasn’t quite sure of the address. I pulled out my phone, relieved to find Mason’s address on the invite I got a couple weeks back.

  I walked a couple blocks north, then a couple blocks east, finally arriving at a cute brick walk-up that matched the address on the invite. I could hear music blaring from inside and voices coming from the rooftop patio.

  I made my way inside, giving Mason a quick hug and congratulating him on his new place. He was an old high school friend who recently returned to the area from Chicago. I said some general ‘hellos’ to people I knew, thankful when my eyes finally spotted Mallory.

  “Where’s Steve?” I asked, making my way to her through a small crowd of people.

  “Meg? What are you doing here?” Mallory asked, surprised to see me. “Didn’t you have your thing tonight? With Ben? What’s going on?”

  “I need to talk to Steve. Where is he?” I repeated, frantically looking around the room.

  “Have you been drinking? You smell like tequila. What happened to you? I think he’s up on the rooftop. You should see it up there, it’s like an oasis. Do you want to talk about something? What happened tonight with Ben?” Mallory asked again, firing off questions with a concerned tone in her voice.

  “I just need Steve,” I said, finding my way to the stairs. “I need to tell him something important,” I said over my shoulder. I walked up two flights of stairs until I made my way to the rooftop patio.

  Mallory was right, it was beautiful. There were plants everywhere, a couple of hammocks hung from some trellises, a hot tub, and an outdoor grill area.

  My eyes went back to the hot tub.

  No.

  CHAPTER 21

  Sure enough, Steve was in the hot tub - with his arm around a mousy blonde girl who was giggling at whatever he was saying.

  “Meg,” Mallory said, finally reaching the top of the stairs. “What are you doing?”

  My eyes were locked on the hot tub, watching Steve lean forward to kiss the bikini-clad blonde girl. She didn’t seem to mind it, and put her hands in his hair.

  “You’ve got to be kidding me,” I said, a little too loud. Eyes everywhere turned towards me, including Steve’s.

  “Meg? What are you doing here?” Steve asked, creating a little distance between him and the girl in the hot tub. She dropped her hand from his neck.

  “I came here to have an honest conversation with you, but apparently I have ill timing,” I huffed. “Damn you, Flora.”

  “I’m not Flora,” the girl in the hot tub replied.

  “I know that,” I sneered, completely annoyed by her.

  “Who is Flora?” Mallory asked, grabbing my arm.

  “The giver of wrong information,” I muttered under my breath. “I shouldn’t have come here. By the way, sweetheart,” I said directly to the girl in the hot tub, “his lips were on mine this morning. Just so that’s out there.” I turned to walk back towards the stairs.

  “What?” Mallory asked, clearly confused by my last statement. “What the hell is going on?” She looked at Steve, then back at me.

  “Megan, what are you doing?” Steve asked again, climbing out of the hot tub.

  “Really Steve? A hot tub?” I scoffed angrily, turning towards him.

  “I don’t know what that means,” he stated, throwing up his hands.

  “You know she has a thing against hot tubs,” Mallory interjected quietly.

  “I do not have a ‘thing’ against hot tubs,” I snapped, annunciating each word. “I have an issue with feeling hopeful about a guy who’s in a hot tub with another girl.”

  “Ben was in a hot tub?” Steve asked, clearly confused by what was happening.

  “You’re an idiot, Steve,” I said hastily. “And apparently so am I.”

  “You’re drunk, Meg,” Mallory replied, gently grabbing my arm. “Let’s go somewhere and talk.”

  “That’s what I came to do here, but Steve’s face appears to be busy,” I said, throwing up my hands. “I’m leaving.”

  “Meg, I’m coming with you,” Mallory said, following me quickly down the steps.

  “I’m fine, Mal. I would rather be alone. I’m such an idiot,” I said again, making my way to the front door. “Don’t worry, I didn’t drive. So stay here and enjoy the party. Don’t worry about me,” I repeated.

  “Megan, what is going on with you?” Mallory asked angrily, following me out the front door.

  “Just a moment of rational thinking gone wrong,” I muttered. “Please don’t follow me. I’m fine.”

  I huffed down the street, relieved to see Mallory head back inside the house. I walked four blocks back to the bar I was in earlier.

  “You’re a damn liar, Flora,” I said, sitting back down at the bar. She poured me a shot of tequila and I slugged it down.

  “That’s impossible,” she said calmly. “That never backfires. You really told him?”

  “I couldn’t tell him because he was pressed up against another girl in a hot tub,” I replied, reaching out my shot glass for some more.

  “Damn hot tubs,” she responded sympathetically.

  “I know, right? So forget it. I’m loving someone on Saturdays and leaving them on Sundays. I was happy, you know. Happy not caring about anyone. That was, like, last Tuesday, so I’m pretty sure I can get that back.” I slugged down another shot.

  The bar door opened, and I turned to see Steve walking in. He was fully clothed, but his hair was still a little damp.

  “How did you find me?” I asked, completely annoyed.

  “That was easy. I asked Mason where the nearest bar was,” he answered angrily.

  “Well find your own bar. This one is mine,” I said, turning towards Flora. “One more, please. Then on to my next bad decision.”

  “Meg, what are you doing?” Steve asked, reaching out to gently touch my arm.

  “Having a moment of clarity,” I said dramatically, moving my arm away from him.

  “Megan, seriously. What’s going on? Why don’t you just say what you need to say,” he said impatiently, staring at me.

  “I was going to. Until I saw you sucking face with some nineteen year old,” I stated with a sneer.

  “Meg, that doesn’t mean anything,” he said apologetically. “Look, I felt like an idiot. I tried being honest with you last night, and you kind of just blew me off. This morning you acted like nothing even happened. Why can’t you ever just say what you’re thinking? I never know how you actually feel about anything.”

  “That’s because I have no feelings,” I replied, standing up from the barstool. “You don’t believe me? Allow me to demonstrate on the next poor sap who walks in here.”

  As if it were perfectly planned, the door opened and three guys in their mid-twenties walked in. I picked out the cutest one and turned towards the door. He was about six-foot-four and had light brown hair and a scruffy, handsome face.

  “That one,” I said, pointing at the cute stranger.

  “Meg, don’t do this,” Steve said genuinely. “I know that guy. He was on one of my construction crews last year. He’s bad news.”

  “That sounds perfect,” I grumbled. I sauntered over to the tall stranger and touched his grey shirt.

  “You look like fun,” I said, raising a brow with a flirtatious grin on my face.

  “I promise you I am,” he responded back with a mischievous smile.

  “Well then let’s go talk about it,” I countered back, giving his shirt a light pull.

  “I think you might be the most interesting girl I’ve ever met,” the handsome stranger replied. He grabbed my hand and we turned towards the exit.

  “Really?” Steve said in an angry voice. “That’s how it happens? You just casually point to a guy and that’s it?” he huffed. “You are not leaving here with him.”

&
nbsp; “Then look away if you don’t want to watch it happen,” I scoffed, following the stranger out of the bar. I knew alcohol had its way of making me mean and angry when I felt hurt. It was the only way I knew how to react to heartache. I knew it was immature, but I felt like it was the only way to protect myself from being hurt all over again. I was still confused by my feelings for Steve, but I knew either way it would be easier on me to pretend like they didn’t exist. I just wondered how hard it would be to convince myself that was true.

  The crisp air felt good on my hot, angry face as we stepped out into the parking lot.

  “My name is Ethan by the way,” the handsome guy said as we walked to his red Mustang.

  “Megan,” I responded, still annoyed by the events of this entire evening. “Want to go to a different bar?” The shots were finally catching up with me, and I wasn’t sure I could drink much more. But we had to go somewhere. Anywhere would be better than here.

  “I know a good place to go,” he said with a smirk. He fired up his car and loud music came blaring out of his speakers. It made my head throb.

  “Why are you turning left? All the bars are that way,” I said, pointing out towards my window. “We should head somewhere downtown.”

  “I’ve got plenty to drink at my place,” he said with a smug expression.

  “I don’t feel so good,” I replied honestly. My stomach was queasy and my head felt fuzzy.

  “I can change that, sweetheart,” he said with a slimy smirk.

  “Really, I think I need some fresh air,” I suggested nervously. “Why don’t we go to one of those outdoor been gardens downtown?”

  “This is better. There’s more to do here,” Ethan said, sliding his hand onto my leg.

  We pulled into a dark apartment complex I’d never seen before. The sidewalks were all cracked and the only light came from the moon and one yellow streetlamp that was illuminating a narrow path through the apartments.

  “Honestly, I’d rather go back downtown,” I said as he shut down his car engine.

  “Relax,” he said, still touching my leg. “We’re gonna have some fun.”

  “I think I’m going to be sick.” I quickly flung open the passenger door. As I stepped out of the car, I took a deep breath of fresh air. I still felt nervous, and suspected I might throw up. Apparently I did have a limit as to how many tequila shots I could do in an hour on an empty stomach.

  “Come on, let’s just go inside,” Ethan said, walking around the car and putting his hand on my waist.

  “Honestly I don’t feel good. I really just want to go back,” I said, rubbing my hands on my temples.

  “I want you to stay,” he said softly, increasing his firm grip on my waist. “Stay. I’ll make you forget how bad you feel.”

  “I want to go back,” I repeated, leaning up against his car.

  “Not yet,” he said quietly, pressing his body up against me. He kissed my neck, and I felt the urge to vomit.

  CHAPTER 22

  I awoke to a glass of water and some aspirin.

  “Mallory? What are you doing here?” I asked, still in a haze. My head throbbed and for a moment I wondered if I was hit by a car the night before. My whole body ached. “What happened?” I was relieved to see that I was in my own apartment.

  “I’m not sure you really want to know,” she said, shaking her head at me. “It wasn’t one of your finer moments.”

  “It seems I’ve had a lot of those lately,” I murmured. I was a complete mess and I knew it.

  “Get up and shower. We’re leaving in about an hour for the spa.”

  “The spa? What spa?” I asked. I wasn’t entirely sure what day it was.

  “Do you remember these?” Mallory said, holding up the envelope and spa vouchers from the green folder on my kitchen table. “From Steve?”

  Steve. I had vague memories of finding him in a hot tub with another girl last night. The rest of the details after that were a bit fuzzy, but I was pretty certain I didn’t handle myself very well. Mallory’s words were definitely an indication of that also.

  “I think I yelled at him in a bar last night,” I explained, sitting up. I gulped down the aspirin and finished the entire glass of water. My head continued to ache.

  “It got worse,” Mallory added. “He put some guy in the hospital.”

  “What?” I exclaimed in disbelief, not having any recollection of that.

  “He followed you from the bar to some seedy apartment complex. He said he knew the guy. I guess they were on the same construction crew last summer? He would come to work every day talking about all of these women and how he treated them. Steve said he talked about it like he was bragging, but it was disgusting.”

  “He followed me?” I questioned, wondering why he would even bother after the way I treated him.

  “Yeah. He said that guy was being a little forceful with you outside in the parking lot. I guess Steve just snapped. He threw him off of you and you threw up and passed out. Steve put you in his car and went back and started punching the guy. Then he called me, kind of freaking out. The guy was bleeding pretty bad. So Greyson and I came and met up with him. We dropped off the guy at the hospital and Steve brought you back here.”

  “I’m such a horrible person,” I said, leaning back against my headboard with my hand on my forehead.

  “And yet you know that guy would still do it all again for you,” Mallory muttered. “Go shower. You desperately need this spa day.”

  I slowly got up and followed her orders. The hot water pouring down my body was enough to pull me out of my funk. I dressed in some yoga pants and a pink v-neck t-shirt and we headed out.

  As usual, Mallory was right. We got facials, wraps, and long massages. I finally started feeling human again, as opposed to that beaten-down pile of bones I felt like earlier.

  That night we went out to dinner with Addie, and I was thankful for the girl time. They were such wonderful people, and I knew I needed to try harder. We pretty much glazed over the entire sequence of events, but still, my guilt was finally a good wakeup call that I needed to turn things around. We ate delicious food and talked about celebrities, and I was so thankful these girls were as genuine as they were. I couldn’t imagine better friends.

  I tried calling Steve a few times. I wasn’t surprised that he wasn’t answering. I debated stopping by his apartment, but I thought it would be better to give him a couple days just to get over his anger.

  Monday afternoon, I got a call from Ben. The services for his mom were that evening, but it was going to be a very small family-only event. He wanted to drop off Lucy right after, which I agreed to. I had actually forgotten over the last few days that I committed to be a dog owner.

  I picked up some take-out on my way home from work. I waited around in my apartment, flipping through TV channels as I anticipated Ben’s knock on my door. When he finally arrived, our exchange was awkward at best. He thanked me for all of the flowers I sent to his mom’s service. It was the least I could do. Lucy ran into my apartment, happy to see me. She licked my face and laid down quickly for a belly rub. Ben brought in her cage, some food, and a few toys.

  “Well, I guess that’s everything,” Ben said, shoving his hands in his jean pockets. His face looked emotional and tired. “Sorry for screwing all of this up,” he said quietly.

  “You didn’t screw anything up,” I replied sympathetically. “You have had so much going on in your life. You can’t control any of that.”

  He reached his arms out to me and pulled me in, gently kissing the top of my head.

  “Good thing you had such low expectations,” he said sarcastically. “Hopefully I didn’t mess those up.”

  Of course you did. I was actually ready to care about you.

  “Nah, I’m fine,” I answered back, trying to show little emotion. Apparently that was a specialty of mine, so I hoped I pulled it off.

  “I’ll only be gone a year,” he said with a shrug. “That’s not exactly forever. So who kno
ws, if you’re still too stubborn to ever let someone love you in the meantime, maybe we’ll meet up then.”

  It was such a vague, random sentence, and I wasn’t exactly sure what he meant by it.

  “Right. We’ll see what happens,” I murmured.

  He kissed my head one more time and released me. Without another word, he turned around and walked out.

  That was it. The guy I thought would change my mind about love had just disappeared from my life.

  CHAPTER 23

  By Tuesday afternoon, I still hadn’t heard from Steve. I knew what I needed to do.

  After work I went home and checked the marathon itinerary he left for me. I smiled at the thought of cheese fries and a beer from Snappy Crabs. Even if Steve was still mad at me, I knew Snappy Crabs was a weak spot for him. It was one of our favorite places to go on a lazy afternoon. Instead of jogging there this evening, however, I had other plans. Perhaps a nice long leisurely stroll would give us more of a chance to talk. We certainly needed to clear the air about a few things.

  Instead of running clothes I put on a long dress and some sandals. It had been raining lightly on and off all day, but it still felt relatively warm out for early autumn. I fixed my make-up and tied up my long hair.

  Here goes nothing.

  I made my way over to Steve’s apartment, nervously knocking on the door.

  “Why are you all dressed up? What are you doing here?” Steve asked skeptically as he opened up the door.

  “Beer and cheese fries,” I replied, holding up his itinerary in my left hand.

  “I told you not to worry about that,” he said, looking down at the floor. “I shouldn’t have done all that. We don’t have to do that stuff. It was just an idea, but that was awhile ago obviously.”

  “When a man promises me cheese fries and a beer, I can’t let that go. It’s in writing,” I said with a big smile.

  “It’s been raining all day,” he replied, looking back up at me. “Are you sure you want to go out?”