by M. E. Carter
She plops down on the couch next to me. “I think it’s clear by now no one is going to invite me.”
I smack her lightly on the leg. “Then get a group of girlfriends to go together.”
She looks at me incredulously. “Mom, that’s not the way it works here.”
“What do you mean?”
“People don’t do that here. If you don’t have a date, you don’t go,” she explains. I know I’ve been out of high school for a long time, but I really don’t understand the teenage social hierarchy. I thought the trend was to go stag. When did that change?
“Well that doesn’t sound fair.”
She shrugs again. “Like you always say, it is what it is.”
“Hi, Julie.” Now that he’s helped Oli clean up the kitchen, Ace sits next to me and intertwines our fingers.
My daughter looks at our hands and cringes, then looks back at my boyfriend. “Hi. I figured you’d be heading out the door by now.”
He gives me a knowing look since we have a lot to discuss with the kids today.
“Nah. I called in and gave Pedro a heads up I wouldn’t be back until later.”
Julie immediately perks up. She knows that’s not normal.
“Why?” She’s clearly fishing for information. “Are you guys going on a date?”
“No. We’re going to stay around here.”
She quirks an eyebrow and leans forward. “Why are you sticking around here? Aren’t you usually milking right now?” No one can say my girl’s not an astute observer.
I don’t bother making excuses, knowing we have to fess up soon enough anyway. “We wanted to talk to you kids about some things.”
She bites her lip, and I’m not sure if she’s biting back a smile or a frown. I guess we’ll find out soon enough.
Ace leans to speak directly into my ear. “You wanna do this now?”
I nod in response. “Don’t you think we might as well? Look at Julie. She’s already trying to figure out what’s happening. Best to not make her wait.”
Ace chuckles lightly as Julie continues to track us with her eyes. “Good point. She might pop that vein in her forehead. Hey Oli, can you come in here and sit down?”
“I didn’t do anything.” Oli immediately goes into defensive mode. My poor boy. Always paranoid someone is out to get him.
“You’re not in trouble, buddy,” I call out over the couch. “We need to talk to you about a few things.”
“Okay.” He ambles over and sits on the loveseat perpendicular to us. “What?”
Ace and I look at each other and he nods. “They’re your kids so maybe you need to start.”
Taking a deep breathe, I look at Oli first and choose my words carefully. “Oli, I’m going to have a baby.”
“A baby what?” he immediately asks, and Julie makes a garbled sound, halfway between a gasp and a laugh at Oli’s question.
“A real baby,” I continue, keeping my eyes focused on my son, making sure he catches the most important parts of this information. “There’s a baby growing in my tummy. Do you know what that means?”
He thinks for a second. “It means you’re going to have a baby?”
Ace chuckles.
“Right. You know how you always said you wanted a little brother?”
“Yeah, because I already have a sister and sisters are stupid.”
I can almost hear Julie rolling her eyes. “Well, I don’t know if you’re going to get a brother this time, but you’re definitely going to get another baby.”
“Cool. Can I have my tablet?”
Huh. That went over better than I expected.
“No, Oliver. We’re having a conversation right now.”
“Yeah but I need my tablet,” he argues.
“That’s not how it works. You don’t get it until seven o’clock. I need you to focus on our conversation.”
He throws himself farther into the sofa in frustration while I turn to Julie.
“Besides total and complete shock, what do you think?” I ask her.
She thinks for a second before speaking slowly. “I don’t really know.” And then she giggles, but I’m not sure if it’s from shock or humor. “You’re not married, Mom, and you’re really old.”
Pursing my lips at her, I quirk an eyebrow. “Really? You’re going to go there right now?”
“Hey, don’t blame me for being shocked by your age,” she says snottily. You’re the one who’s been trying to convince everyone for the last five years you’re still thirty-five.”
Ace snorts and I elbow him in the rib. “I can claim whatever age I want.”
“But there’s more,” Ace interjects, and Julie looks between him and me. “I’ve asked your mom to marry me.”
It takes a second for his words to register, but my two kids have two completely different reactions. Julie yells “What?” while Oliver sits up straight and yells, “Does that mean you’re going to be my new dad?” I’ve never seen Ace smile so wide.
“I guess that means I’m going to be your step-dad, yeah.”
“That is so. Cool!” Oli continues. “You’re gonna be my dad. Ace! Ace, the guy with the farm! Ace, the guy with all the bessies! Ace is gonna be my dad! Did you hear that Julie? Ace is gonna be our dad!”
“Yeah, I heard Oli.” She sounds way less enthusiastic than he does.
I nudge her with my elbow. “I haven’t said yes yet.”
Ace leans forward to talk over me. “That’s not true. You said yes to an engagement which is basically the same thing.”
“I said yes to an engagement. I didn’t say yes to a marriage yet. We’ve got some time to think about it.” I turn back to my daughter who is staring at the blank television, chewing on her lip. “But what I’m really worried about is what you’re thinking. I know this is all a shock.”
She huffs and says, “Doesn’t really matter what I think. You’re gonna do it anyway.”
I reel back like I’ve been slapped. “Excuse you. I know this is all a lot to process, but don’t disrespect me please.”
Julie shakes her head and rolls her eyes. “Whatever.”
Leaning forward, I turn my body all the way to face her. “No, not whatever. You’re being extremely rude right now, young lady.”
This entire conversation has me stunned. I thought Julie had it together. I thought she was doing okay. I thought she was rolling with the punches, and as difficult as it was, she was taking it like a champ. But when she bats away a stray tear, I realize how wrong I’ve been. The homework should have been my first clue, and I overlooked it. And now I feel terrible for missing how hard she’s struggling, while be pissed about how she’s acting.
“Julie,” Ace interjects.
She doesn’t answer him, just wipes another stray tear away.
“I love your mother more than anything in this world. And I love this baby we’re going to have. But I don’t want you to ever think I don’t love you and Oli like you’re my own, because I do. I worry about you when I’m not here. I ask your mom about you all the time and your swimming and your school stuff.”
She doesn’t respond, but I hope she’s at least listening to what Ace has to say.
“I don’t necessarily talk to you guys about it because I don’t want you to feel pressured to feel the same way about me. So yeah. I would be honored if you would allow me to step into the role of father figure in your life. But that would require moving out to the farm at some point. That’s where the business is. I can’t run a farm out of your mom’s office, but your mom can run her office from my farm.”
“I know.” At least she’s responding. We haven’t lost her completely.
“I know it’s not ideal. But you do bring up a good point. None of you have grown up on a farm. And the main house is the hub of all the activity for the farm hands. Once your mom decides when she wants to get married, and when we decide we need to all be together, I think it’s a good idea to build a different house on the property.”
�
�What?!” I yell, staring at him like he’s lost his damn mind. “You’re going to build a house so we feel comfortable?”
He gives me the same look I’m giving him. It’s like a silent argument over who the crazy one actually is. “Uh, yes.”
“You are out of your mind. I understand we need to get used to some things, but building an entire house?”
“It’s not only that, Greer,” he argues.
“Then explain it to me, Ace, because that sounds whack-a-doodle.”
“Do you know how old my employees are?”
I shake my head, not having any clue why this is relevant information to our conversation.
“My youngest is eighteen years old. When he was fifteen, he started working for me part time because he wants to own a farm someday. He’s a farm hand now. Graduated high school, immediately moved into the staff quarters, and is my youngest employee. My next youngest is nineteen. The one after that… twenty. You think I’m going to give those guys an open-door policy with my beautiful sixteen-year-old step-daughter sleeping upstairs in her jammies? I don’t think so.”
I look at him with shock then look back at Julie who has a blush on her face. I’ve never seen him have so much passion for one of my kids before. He wasn’t kidding when he said he loved them like they’re his. Apparently, that means protecting them too.
Julie shrugs at me.
“Okay then,” I respond. “I guess we’re building a house.”
“Thank you,” he says with a nod, then pushes to a standing position. “Well, now that that’s settled, I need you kids to convince your mom to marry me soon. Also, I need to borrow your computer, so we can pull up some home builders and begin looking at designs. It’s already January, and if we want to get in by summer, we need to get this moving.”
He stalks out of my room and into my office. We watch as he opens my computer, puts in the password I didn’t realize he knew, and starts pulling up floor plans.
I’m stunned by this turn of events. And also, oddly, very turned on. Maybe I need to look at marrying him sooner, rather than later.
Over the last month, while I’ve been antsy and ready to walk down the aisle, I’ve been giving Greer her space. I know she’s struggling with a bunch of things. With whether or not it’s too soon to get married, if we’re getting married for the right reasons, how getting married is going to affect the kids. Not to mention the questions of where we’ll live and what happens to her house if we move to the farm.
She’s proud of what she’s built and that she can stand on her own two feet, providing for her kids. I don’t want to diminish that. She has every right to be proud of herself for pulling them out of a bad marriage and bad situation, only to raise an extremely difficult child by herself. Hell, he’s hard when there are two of us.
But on the flip side, I know she loves me as much as I love her. It’s clear every time we’re together and in every interaction. I know she’ll get there. She just needs time to process it all.
I hope she figures it out soon. We both want our child to grow up in a stable, loving home, not split time between two houses. The sooner our family is together and settled, the better off for everyone.
Still, I won’t pressure her. She internalizes a lot in every situation. This is no different. Instead, I’ve stepped back so she can come to her own conclusions. And as much as I’m chomping at the bit to sleep next to her every night, I’m waiting as patiently as I can. Admittedly, it’s a struggle. I want to be here to watch my baby grow inside her. It seems to be happening rapidly these days.
Almost immediately after finding out about the baby, there’ve been some physical changes in her body. Most people wouldn’t necessarily notice, but since I’m the one who gets to see her without her clothes, and I’m looking for it, I can tell her belly is a little more rounded. I can see how much darker her areolas are. It’s obvious to me a dark line is developing from her belly button all the way down to her pubic bone.
They’re all changes other people won’t see. But I see them. And they fill me with pride.
I think the biggest thing stopping Greer from moving forward in our relationship has been the kids. How in the world would they adjust? This has been a whirlwind romance. We didn’t get to see each other every couple days like a lot of couples do at the beginning. It’s a few times a week. So I know she’s been afraid of pushing her kids too fast. Oli has finally settled into a routine, and she’s worried about messing with that delicate balance. But Julie—Julie hasn’t found her place yet. She’s always running late and still forgetting to turn in her homework. It’s been the subject of more than one argument, and I know Greer is concerned another big transition will be impossible for her teenaged daughter to come back from.
“Mom. Ace.”
Greer and I look up from the movie we’re watching. I’m trying to get all of us on a Marvel movie kick. With so many movies in the series being made, it’s taking lots of time to catch up. Sure, I’ve seen a couple Iron Man flicks, but I wanted to start at the beginning and see them in order. I also thought it would be a good way for the kids and me to have something to do together. Something to bond over besides talking about farm stuff.
My plans went awry though. Some of the movies haven’t been holding Oli’s attention so he went outside to bounce a basketball. And Julie, despite her love of Webtunes and anime, has been completely uninterested. I guess I’ll have to move onto the DC comics next since they’re darker and more cartoon like. Maybe Julie will like those more.
I contemplate asking her, since she’s staring down at us anyway. But she seems to have something on her mind.
“I’d like to talk to you,” she says sternly.
Yep. She definitely has something on her mind.
Greer and I look at each other then back at Julie. “Sounds serious,” Greer responds.
“It’s very serious. Can we stop the movie for a minute?”
As much as I want to know if Jarvis is really dead, or if he’s actually one step ahead of Ultron, I’m more curious about what Julie has to say.
“Do we need to go to my office?” Greer asks as we shift on the couch and I turn the TV off.
“Here is fine.” Julie sits on the love seat and turns to face us. Leaning forward, she puts her elbows on her knees and clasps her hands together. Then she says the last thing I was expecting. “Why are you not married yet?”
A garbled noise comes from Greer’s throat, that obviously means she wasn’t expecting this confrontation either.
Obviously, even though I’ve been giving her space, I’ve been curious where Greer’s head is at. But I had no idea Julie wanted to know.
Still, her statement reiterates the fact of how much this marriage is going to affect the kids.
“Well,” Greer finally begins after taking a moment to pull herself together, “there’s a lot of factors to consider when making a decision like this, ya know?”
“No, I really don’t know.” Julie shakes her head. “Please explain it.”
I smirk, because it sounds like Julie is manipulating her mother into processing out loud, so a decision can be made. Little shit.
Greer blows out a breath nervously. “Well, we haven’t been dating long.”
“Uh huh. But you’re having a baby together.”
Damn. Julie isn’t holding back today.
“Yeah, we are. But I’m not sure having a baby together is reason enough to get married. Marriage is a lifelong commitment.”
I crinkle my brow because that makes no sense. Julie rolls her eyes.
“Right. Because having a baby is just a short-term thing,” she snips sarcastically. “What’s your next reason?”
A laugh bursts out of Greer. “Are you trying to convince me to get married?”
Julie sighs. “Yes, Mom. Yes.”
I stand corrected. There was something she could say that would surprise us even more.
“Mom,” Julie pleads, “you love him. We love him. Ace is the best thing
that has ever come into our family. I know you’re scared. But if the reason you aren’t married yet is because of Oli and me, you need to stop.”
Greer grabs my hand and squeezes tightly. I put my arm around her shoulder, knowing she needs reassurance.
“I know this means we’re going to have to move. And as much as I’m tired of moving, I only have a couple more years of school anyway. It’s not going to make much of a difference. Look, I can’t tell you whether or not to get married. But what I can tell you is stop worrying about me. We need Ace. All of us do. Oli. You. My baby sister.”
“Sister, huh?”
She nods. “Me too, Mom. I need Ace too.”
Greer wipes at a stray tear, and I’m glad when neither of them notice mine.
“Just get married already.”
Greer looks at me. “You still want to marry me?”
“More than anything.”
“Looks like we have a wedding to plan.”
Much to my surprise, my teenaged daughter knocked some sense into me and a wedding was planned.
I still haven’t told anyone I’m pregnant. I can’t help it. It’s not that I don’t love Ace with my whole heart. I do. And maybe more importantly, I want to build a life with him. I want us to grow old together and be together as our kids grow up and have lives of their own. I can practically envision us sitting on a porch swing, sipping on lemonade as we watch our grandkids play in the yard. Of course, we’ll have to install a porch swing first.
It’s not about Ace or even this baby at all. It’s about my own experiences. My former therapist mentioned one time there is a small element of PTSD a lot of parents go through when their children have extra issues. It’s not full-blown like someone who may have been to war or gone through a traumatic event. I don’t have flashbacks or debilitating fear that renders me non-functional. But there still is the lingering anxiety. The nervousness that comes with making any changes that could throw things off balance and back into the depths of conduct disorder hell. I’ve been there. I don’t want to go back.
But when Julie sat us down and forced the issue, I had a moment of clarity: I was the one holding us back. I was the one keeping us from healing. And I needed to snap out of it.
