Allie put her arm around her, and she rested her head on Allie’s shoulder. Allie held her tight as she broke down and lost it. Thinking she might lose Jenna was bad enough, but admitting it to someone else made the possibility more real.
***
Allie and Danni arrived early to help Kris get everything set up for Cynthia’s baby shower. Soon after, Erin and Liz arrived with cupcakes.
“Any word from Jenna yet whether she’s coming or not?” Allie asked Kris.
Kris unfolded a chair and placed it beside the couch. “She said she was as soon as her surgery is over.”
“Is Skylar coming?”
“Allie, leave Kris alone. We are all here for Cynthia today. Let’s get through this and have a good time no matter who shows up,” Liz said.
“Thanks, Liz, but it’s okay. I have no idea if Skylar will show up with or without Jenna.” Kris went into the kitchen leaving Allie and Liz behind. She wasn’t sure how she would react if the two of them showed up together like a couple. She could deal with each one separately, but seeing them together would force her to face the real possibility that Jenna and Skylar were a couple. That wasn’t something she wanted to face in front of all her friends. She wasn’t sure what was worse, her finding out they were together or the thoughts that would run through her friends’ minds thinking the same thing.
Cynthia arrived and everyone gravitated to her expanding belly.
“Did you drive or did Jay drop you off?” Allie asked Cynthia.
“He dropped me off and made it as far as the porch. I’ve never seen him run so fast. I think he was eager to get rid of me.”
“He must’ve been in a hurry to get somewhere,” Erin said.
“Yes, home. He plans on sitting on the couch and alternating between naps and catching up on his favorite TV show.”
Kris helped Cynthia out of her coat. “Let me take this for you.” She hung it in the closet by the front door. “Come sit down and get off of your feet.” She took Cynthia’s hand and led her to the chair Jenna always sat in. When Jenna left, she had moved it beside the couch.
More people arrived as Kris finished setting everything up. When she had first planned the shower, Jenna was there to help and was supposed to be there now. She helped her decide which silly games to play and what decorations to buy. Jenna helped design the cute little invitations and even helped Cynthia start a baby registry online. Kris enjoyed seeing how excited Jenna was over planning the shower, and she naturally thought about raising children with Jenna. Of course, she didn’t tell any of that to Jenna. They still had a wedding to plan after all, but maybe she should have. Maybe things would be different now. Why was it so easy for the two of them to plan a shower to celebrate Cynthia’s new baby, but they never got around to planning their own wedding? It had been six months now since Jenna proposed, but the last two months consisted of them living apart.
Kris snuck upstairs to collect herself before someone noticed the tears in her eyes. She closed her bedroom door and went into her bathroom to freshen up. She cleared her throat and dabbed at her eyes while trying to replace sad thoughts with happy ones. The problem was nothing made her happy any more. All she wanted to do was sleep to escape from reality, and when she wasn’t sleeping she ate to find comfort. In the mirror she could tell her face was a tad fuller than it was a month ago. She ran the back of her hand underneath her chin and her fingertips down her cheeks. Self-pity replaced the sadness she had felt.
She wiped her eyes one final time and took a deep breath. As she was drying her hands, she heard the front door open followed by a lot of commotion and raised voices. Someone mentioned Jenna’s name and her heart raced. She had just spent the last few minutes erasing Jenna from her mind, and now she would have to go downstairs and face her.
She heard footsteps on the stairs and then coming down the hall towards the bedroom. The door opened and Jenna came in. She looked exhausted and broken.
“Do you mind if I take a quick shower? I came straight here from the hospital.”
“No, of course not. This is still your house, our house.” Kris crossed her arms in front of her and stepped out into the bedroom.
“Thanks, I wanted to make sure it was okay with you.”
Jenna pulled her scrub top up over the top of her head. The separation was having the opposite effect on her. She was thinner than she was before, almost too thin. She walked to the closet to get one of the shirts she had left behind. Kris moved to the side of the bed putting it between the two of them. She wanted to put her arms around Jenna and forget everything that had happened. The thought of Skylar downstairs stopped her. She didn’t know if Skylar arrived with Jenna or not, but it was enough to ground her where she stood.
“You did a good job downstairs. Sorry, I wasn’t able to help you set everything up today.” Jenna gathered the rest of her clothes and headed into the bathroom, but she left the door open. “The baby shower slipped my mind with everything going on, and then I had surgery, but I got here as quick as I could.”
“Thanks for coming. I wasn’t sure if you would make it or not, but I know it means a lot to Cynthia.” Kris watched Jenna slip out of her blue scrub pants and let them fall to the floor. That’s when she realized Jenna’s bra and panties didn’t look familiar. They were new. Her gut clenched thinking about her wearing them for Skylar. She swallowed down the lump forming in her throat as she fought back her tears.
Jenna had her back to her as she took off her bra letting it fall to the floor and glanced back catching Kris looking. Kris rubbed the back of her neck and looked away. Even though she knew every inch of Jenna’s body, it was awkward seeing her get undressed now. Was she trying to make her jealous? Did she want her to join her in the shower? She looked up when she heard the shower door close and saw the silhouette of Jenna through the steamy glass.
“Can you bring me a washcloth and towel?” Jenna called out from the shower.
“Sure.” Kris grabbed them from the linen closet and returned to the bathroom. She hung the towel on the rack just outside the shower and held the washcloth in her hand. “I hung the towel. Here’s your washcloth.”
The shower door opened and Kris expected Jenna to reach her arm out to grab it from her. Instead, the door opened further allowing her to see Jenna, all of Jenna. It had been almost two months since she had sex, and seeing Jenna naked and wet in the shower they used to share made her pulse quicken and her knees buckle. Would it be possible to put her feelings and thoughts on hold long enough to fulfill her needs and desires?
“Thanks,” Jenna said giving her a genuine smile. A few seconds later the door shut, and Kris was alone again, shut off from Jenna. She bent down picking up Jenna’s clothes from the floor and turned to put them in the hamper. She lifted the lid and stopped realizing that wasn’t her responsibility any more. Jenna wasn’t her responsibility. She dropped the clothes back onto the floor where she found them and left.
“Where have you been? Did you see Jenna yet?” Allie asked Kris.
Kris met her at the bottom of the stairs. “Yes, she’s upstairs in the shower.”
“Oh, really? Have you two…did you two….” Allie wiggled her eyebrows.
“No, we didn’t and nothing’s changed. Did she bring Skylar?”
“She said she came from the hospital, so no. Skylar probably would’ve been here already if she was coming.”
“Is everyone else here?”
Allie nodded. “Yes, we were just waiting on you and Jenna.”
“Great, so now everyone knows we were upstairs?”
“Pretty much, though no one was brave enough to say anything out loud. Just a couple of nods and winks here and there.”
Kris felt a hand slip around her shoulder and she smelled the body wash Jenna liked to use. She couldn’t bring herself to throw it out and left it in the shower untouched. With all the different conversations going on, they hadn’t heard Jenna come down the stairs.
“I hope everyone wasn’t wai
ting on me,” Jenna said.
Kris’s eyes shut and for a brief moment she drifted back to a time where this was her life. Having Jenna by her side and feeling her hand on her used to be normal. This was the first contact she had felt from her since she left.
Allie grabbed Kris’s hand and jerked her forward forcing her to open her eyes and return to reality, and in the process slipping from beneath Jenna’s comforting hand resting on her shoulder. She gave Allie and evil scowl, but Allie pulled her into the living room ignoring her look and piercing eyes.
Kris looked back to see Jenna slide her hands into the back pockets of her jeans and move to the other side of the room where Erin and Liz were sitting. Kris kneeled on the floor beside Cynthia and handed her the first gift.
Between gifts, she looked up to find Jenna looking back at her. To be fair, she wasn’t completely sure Jenna wasn’t looking at Cynthia instead. Everyone was there for Cynthia.
After all the gifts had been opened, she began gathering up the wrapping paper while everyone else doted some more over Cynthia.
“At least let me help you clean up.”
Kris turned to find Jenna with a collection of wrapping paper flowing from her arms and hands pressed up against her chest. “Thanks.”
Jenna tried to shove all the paper in the cardboard box Kris had, but it was too much. She pushed the paper down and a few pieces sprang back up tumbling out of the top. She bent down to gather them up again off of the floor. Kris could see down past the top buttons of her shirt. She loved that shirt and the way it fit Jenna, hugging all the right places. Now, it didn’t hug her curves as much, but she still looked great in it.
Jenna raised up on her knees and pushed the stray pieces down as far as she could and folded the box flaps over the top before the paper could escape again. Kris laughed.
“What?” Jenna asked.
“You missed a piece.”
Jenna looked around the floor beside her. “Where?”
“It’s stuck to your shirt on the side. I’ll get it. I hope the tape doesn’t leave a sticky mess on your shirt.”
She knelt down beside Jenna and tried to catch the corner of the tape underneath her fingernail, but the edge wasn’t lifting. Jenna squirmed.
“I forgot how ticklish you are.”
“Sure you did. I’m not buying that one.” She squirmed and twisted again. “You’re tickling me on purpose, aren’t you?”
“No, I promise I’m not. Just hold still, you’re making it worse.” Kris couldn’t suppress her smile. She knew Jenna wasn’t ticklish all the time, only when she was relaxed or during foreplay. The burning question was which situation was this? “Okay, got it.”
Jenna took the paper from her and snaked it between the cracks at the top of the box. “I’m not opening this again. Want me to place it out by the recycle bin?”
“Yes, please. Thanks.”
“No problem. It was nice seeing you tonight. You look great.”
“Jenna, you were never a good liar. I look horrible. I’m a mess.”
Jenna tilted her head to the side and studied Kris. “No, I don’t see it. You really do look good. Anyway, I’m gonna get out of here. Thanks for letting me use the shower. I’ll grab my clothes next time.”
“You have to leave so soon?”
“Yes, I have to run by the dry cleaners before they close. I put my clothes in the hamper. I didn’t want to leave them on the floor in your way.”
“I’ll wash them for you. I’m glad you came. It meant a lot to Cynthia and to me.”
Jenna bent down and picked up the box. “Me too. I’ll see you later.”
Kris forced a smile. “Bye.”
She watched Jenna stop to give Cynthia a hug and a kiss. Jenna continued on to the front door. She wanted to ask her to come back, to move back in with her so they could work things out. This was the first real conversation they had in months.
“So, how’s it going between the two of you? It seems like there was a little flirting going on.” Allie asked from behind her.
“I would hardly call it flirting, but at least we were able to talk to each other without fighting. That’s something new for a change.”
“Hang in there. It will work out, and soon you’ll be back to being the couple none of us can stand to be around.”
Kris put her hands on her hips. “What are you talking about?”
“The way you and Jenna look at each other. The constant hand holding, the sweet kisses and whispers back and forth. Yeah, it’s rather nauseating to the rest of us.”
“I had no idea our relationship had such an effect on everyone else. I don’t want to know what everyone’s saying about us now.”
“Now we all just want the two of you back together, even if it does make us sick.” Allie gave her a sympathetic smile.
“Cynthia, you look wonderful. Pregnancy agrees with you.” Kris’s stomach knotted. She didn’t have to turn around to know who had just arrived.
“She has some nerve showing up here,” Allie said.
“I can’t deal with her right now. I’ll be in the kitchen.”
Kris grabbed one of the trash bags and left.
She made herself busy in the kitchen, hoping Skylar made an appearance for Cynthia’s sake and would leave soon. She tidied up the countertops, rearranged the fridge, and loaded up the dishwasher. She edged near the doorway and held her breath, straining to hear Skylar’s voice. She wasn’t going back out until she was sure Skylar had left. It sounded like it was safe. She sighed and opened the fridge to grab a bottled water.
“Hello, Kris.”
She shut the fridge and unscrewed the cap. Dammit. She took a long swallow before turning around.
“Skylar, you came after all. If you’re looking for Jenna, she just left.”
“I know. She called me on her way to the dry cleaners. I haven’t seen you in a long time. How are you?”
“Really? You want to know how I am? Are you sure you want to ask me that question?”
“Yes, we can still be friends. I like you, Kris. I don’t want to let what’s going on between you and Jenna affect our friendship.”
“Okay, so we’re having this conversation right now, are we? I guess now is as good a time as any.”
“Please, don’t be upset with me.”
Kris’s grip tightened around the bottle. It felt like her lifeline right now. She gripped it tight to keep herself from wrapping her fingers around Skylar’s throat.
“Upset? Oh, I’m beyond upset. I don’t think the dictionary has a word to describe what I’m feeling right now. And you? You have the nerve to come into my house and ask me how I am? Are you on a suicide mission?”
Skylar took a step back. “Calm down. I didn’t mean to…maybe this was a mistake. Jenna told me not to come.”
“I think you should’ve listened to her. If anyone has the right to be asking questions, it’s me. For starters, are you sleeping with her?”
Skylar drew in a deep breath and looked away.
“Well, are you? Are you sleeping with my fiancee?”
“I’m…I’m sorry, Kris. This was a mistake.” Skylar turned and left.
Kris’s anger and rage rose within her like molten lava from her core threatening to spill over in the form of hot tears. She stared at the kitchen doorframe Jenna had leaned against so many times while she watched her cook dinner. Her eyes glazed over forcing her to blink. Where were the tears? Shouldn’t she have tears after confronting her fiancee’s lover? Was she already starting to make peace with the fact Jenna moved on? All she felt was jealousy and resentment towards Skylar.
A calming wave coursed through her body making her shiver and leaving behind a different feeling. She couldn’t put her finger on it. Was it relief? Relief from never looking at Jenna and seeing Kim again. Relief from being released from the house and all its bad memories. Relief from walking on eggshells dealing with Jenna’s grief over her sister who had tried to kill them both. Relief from pretending
to plan a wedding that she clung to a sliver of a doubt that would happen? She looked down at her engagement ring. She hadn’t taken it off since Jenna asked her to marry her. She twisted it around so that the stone was down and the band faced up. She imagined it was a wedding band and that they were already married. Would that be enough to make her happy again? The fingertips of her right hand ran across the band before twisting it back around. The sapphire and diamonds were breathtaking. It was the most beautiful ring she had ever seen. Sometimes while washing her hands, she would catch a glimpse of it in the mirror. The diamonds would shine and sparkle as they bent the light and reflected it back into the mirror. Was her perception of their relationship not a true reflection of what it really was? She tugged and twisted the ring, working it past her knuckle. Jenna made fun of her because of her knuckles and joked she would need two rings, a smaller one for the cooler months and a larger one for the warmer ones.
One final twist and firm tug, and it was past her knuckle. A sharp twinge of pain in her chest made her pause. Tears appeared from nowhere. Her heart thumped loud and fast in her ears, and her bottom lip trembled. Removing the ring meant she accepted the fact their engagement was over. Their relationship was over. The ring dangled just below her nail. Her mind raced, her heart pounded, tunnel vision set in. If she was ready to move on, why was it so hard to take the damn ring off? Only a few centimeters separated fantasy from reality.
Chapter Eight
“Why did you go over there? I told you not to go. I warned you.” Jenna said.
“I’m sorry. I wanted to see Cynthia, and while I was there, I thought I could smooth things over with Kris,” Skylar said.
“Smooth things over? I imagine it went as smooth as a cat licking sandpaper. From the phone call I received from Allie, I’d say you made things worse.”
“What does that mean? What do you want, Jenna? You can’t keep burying your head in the sand. You need to make a decision, and you need to make one soon. I can’t stand having Kris hate me.”
Jenna's Future (Dr. Jenna Harper Series Book 3) Page 8
