I smiled as I took the piece of paper. “I’ll make sure that she gets it.”
“Thanks.” He tipped his hat as he walked away.
I thought back to that moment when Poppy had thrown all caution aside and rushed to his rescue. It was a beautiful example of just what kind of person she was.
When I met up with her at the front of the park she turned to face me.
“What took you so long?”
“Oh sorry, I just got caught up.” I kept the note in my pocket. I wanted to give it to her at the end of the day, after she’d had the chance to complete the adventure.
I instructed the driver to drop us off beside a group of shops.
Poppy stepped out with a frown. “I thought we were going to lunch?”
“Before we can make our lunch reservation, there’s somewhere we have to be.”
“Let me guess—a shark cage?” Poppy laughed.
“Now there’s an idea.” I grinned. “That would certainly be outside of my comfort zone.”
“Mine too.” Poppy fell into step beside me. “So where are we going?”
“Well, if we’re going to eat at a fancy restaurant, then we need something special to mark the occasion.” I paused in front of a small shop that featured several extravagant hats in the window.
“How exactly is a hat going to mark the occasion?”
“Come inside.” I opened the door and invited her to step in front of me. Once we were inside I closed the door.
The shop was even better than it had looked online. The walls were lined with hats covered in feathers, animals, and even replicas of famous buildings. There were so many that I had to crane my neck to see them all. “We’re going to buy new hats to wear to dinner.”
“What?” Poppy took a step back and shook her head. “Samantha, these are fun to look at and everything, but there’s no way I could ever be seen in one of these.” She clutched her purse tight in her hands.
“Why not?” I looked from her white knuckles to her wide eyes. “Obviously people wear them or there wouldn’t be a shop. Why can’t we wear them?”
“Because.” She frowned and looked down at her conservative shoes. “People will notice. People will stare.”
I smiled and brushed a hand along the curve of her shoulder. “I know what it’s like to want to hide, Poppy. It’s so much easier to go unnoticed—to be the invisible person in the room. But that’s not what I really wanted. I wanted to be noticed. I was just afraid that if I was, I would be judged.”
“Wearing a hat like that—I would be.” She pointed to a hat that consisted of a high heel and a leg from ankle to thigh. “I mean, what would people think?”
“That’s it exactly.” I smiled and picked up a hat that featured a monkey on a tree branch with a bunch of bananas. “We base our lives around fear of what other people will think—around that judgment. It becomes such a deep-rooted anxiety that we can’t ever do anything to draw attention to ourselves. But the whole point of this activity is to experience what it’s like to have that attention. What does it matter if someone stares? Does it really do any harm? What does it matter what other people think? Are they really going to have any influence on your life?”
“I don’t know.” Poppy frowned and looked at my hat. “I don’t think I’m ready for something like this.”
“Well maybe not like this.” I lifted the monkey off my head. “The point isn’t to just draw attention for the sake of drawing attention, but to present a part of yourself that you would normally keep hidden. If you can find a hat that expresses a passion, a secret desire of some kind, that is the kind of hat that we will wear to dinner. So take your time and look around at all the options. I’m sure that we can come up with something that will work.”
Poppy shuffled through hat after hat. The entire time the note burned in my pocket. Should I give it to her? Should I wait? Should I tell her what a good impression she’d made on Robert? It was hard to decide. On the one hand, it wasn’t my place to keep it from her. On the other, I knew revealing it too soon might distract her from our goal for the day.
Chapter 17
“I think I found something.” Poppy smiled as she picked up a hat that was decorated with stars, moons, and planets. She ran a fingertip along a sprig of golden stars.
“It’s beautiful. But does it mean something to you?” I studied the hat.
“It does.” She nodded. “The truth is, I’ve always been fascinated by astronomy. When I was a little girl I wanted to be involved in space any way I could. But as I got older, I started to see that it wasn’t a realistic career option. My parents pointed out that I’d be much better off getting a degree and owning a business than trying to break into a field like that.” She sighed and gazed at the crescent moons that covered the black felt of the hat. “But I still spend a half hour every night looking up at the sky—even if it’s cloudy, even if it’s raining. I look, because I know it’s all still out there, whether I see it or not.”
“That’s such a beautiful way to spend a half hour, Poppy. I never would have guessed that you had that interest. That’s a hidden part of yourself, but the question is, why are you hiding it?”
“Because it still hurts a little when I think about it. A part of me, I guess, wishes that I had gone after my dream instead of settling for the career path that made sense. Maybe I wouldn’t have been smart enough. Maybe I wouldn’t have been able to find a job. But at least I would have tried.”
“Yes.” I nodded. “That’s how I felt about writing at one time. I thought I could never be a real writer. I could never be published, or achieve any kind of success. It was just a passion of mine, not a career choice. But when I allowed myself to take that chance, look what happened.” I smiled. “There’s always time, Poppy, to answer that quiet call inside of you—to embrace your true passion.”
“Is there?” Poppy picked up the hat and placed it on the top of her head. “I think that time has passed for me.”
I reached up and fluttered the sprig of stars so that they caught the light in the shop and twinkled. “It’s only passed if you let it be a memory instead of a desire.”
“You seem so confident.” Poppy sighed. “I don’t think I could ever do the things that you’ve done.”
“Really?” I stared into her eyes. “I have no doubt that you can.”
“What makes you think so?” She bit into her bottom lip.
“You’re a strong woman, Poppy. I see that in the way that you maintain everything in your life in a perfect schedule. You always have your eyes wide open to the world around you and you care that things go just as you plan them.”
“I thought you said that was controlling?”
“It is.” I smiled at her. “But that doesn’t make it wrong. It just shows how much control you can truly have over your life. Right now that control is directed at pleasing others, or meeting the expectations that you believe are expected of you. What if you turned all that strength and all that energy into a direction that benefited your true passion?”
“You mean going back to school?”
“Why not?” I shrugged. “There’s plenty of time to do just that. Or perhaps you could align your choice of work to be more related to astronomy. There are many ways to get to your passion, you just have to be open to it. Right now, you’ve told yourself your dream is dead, that it was ridiculous to dream of it in the first place. You’re looking back at the young girl who knew exactly what she wanted and telling her that she had no clue how to be Poppy—that her instincts and desires were wrong.”
“I never considered that.” She shook her head slowly, which caused the stars to dance. “It’s rather harsh when you put it that way.”
“It’s very harsh, Poppy. That’s the point. We are trained to trample down our true selves for the sake of the comfort of others. But what about that quiet voice inside of you that still calls you to the sky each night? It might be muffled by the stress of day-to-day obligations, but it’s still ther
e, it’s still waiting to be heard.”
She blinked to hide the tears in her eyes. “All of this from a hat?”
“And we haven’t even bought it yet.” I smiled. “So will you wear it?”
“Yes. Yes, I think I will. But what about your hat?”
I glanced around at the shelves. The truth was, I was as confused as Poppy. My true desire was once to become a writer and then to be with Max. What was left for me to want?
My eyes settled on a hat that featured an assortment of paths. Each one was different. Some were brick, some were dark soil, some were white sand. But all of the paths intertwined and wrapped around the hat to lead back to the same small house on the top of the hat. It was a small cottage, nothing too fancy. But to me, it was home.
I picked up the hat and put it on my head. Then I turned back to Poppy and smiled. “What do you think?”
“I think you are homesick.” She smiled and looked into my eyes. “I never really thought about how hard all of this travel might be on you.”
“I don’t think that’s quite it. The thing is, Max and I got married and then launched into this tour so fast. It’s almost as if we didn’t have a chance to put down our roots, to create our home.” I rubbed the brim of the hat and tugged it down a bit. “I guess I’m longing for that place to call home, that sense of family.”
“And maybe that?” She pointed to the hat.
“What?” I took the hat off my head and saw that she’d pointed at a tiny replica of a swing in the front yard of the cottage.
My eyes widened. Was that it? Was I longing for a child? The very thought shocked me. There were times in life when I’d wanted a child and times in life when I was happy not having one. Had that desire surfaced without me even realizing it?
“Maybe. I’m not sure.”
“Will you wear it to lunch?” She grinned.
“Yes, I think I will. Let’s go check out. It’s almost our reservation time.”
Despite the fact that Poppy fought me most of the time we were in the shop, she purchased her hat with a gleeful smile. She even wore it right out of the shop.
I adjusted my hat as I stepped out behind her. A part of me wished I could hide that swing. For some reason, I felt the need to hide the possibility that I might want to have a child. Why was it that I felt some shame about it?
Chapter 18
I didn’t have much time to think about it. When we arrived at the restaurant, Poppy opened the door, then turned around and walked the other way.
“Wait, Poppy—what’s wrong?” I grabbed her hand.
“Remember how you asked me whether I thought anyone who saw me in this hat would have any influence on my life?”
“Yes.” I glanced toward the window of the restaurant.
“Well, there’s someone in that restaurant who could have a very big influence in my life. At least, I hope he might.”
“All the more reason to wear it, Poppy.” I held her gaze. “This isn’t the time to disappear again.”
“Please, Samantha, I don’t even think he knows that I’m alive. If this is the first time he notices me, he’ll think I’m some kind of nut.”
“Or maybe he’ll think that you’re a creative, fun woman who has an affinity for space.” I stroked her hand in an attempt to reassure her. “This didn’t happen for no reason, Poppy. What are the chances that this man would be at the restaurant where we’re going to eat on this very day? There’s more at work then an accidental encounter. If you walk away now, you’ll have never tried, just like you never tried to go after your dream.”
“Oh, Samantha, this is too hard. I’ll look so silly.”
“I’ll be there with you.” I reached up and pushed the tiny swing on the top of my hat. “You won’t be the only one getting stared at. Just try it for a few minutes, and if it’s really bad, we’ll get up and leave.”
“I don’t know.” She clutched her purse tight again. “It is strange that he just happened to be here, isn’t it?”
“Strange or perfect?” I smiled. “Which do you think is more likely?”
“What does it matter?” She groaned. “I look ridiculous.”
“You look wonderful. Let’s just go in and see what happens. Can we?”
“Yes, I guess.” She sighed. “I’ve come this far, haven’t I?”
I held the door open for her.
As soon as we were inside I regretted coaxing her into it. The man she was focused on sat at a table near the kitchen and across from him was a woman. It wasn’t just any woman, but the kind that took the breath away of anyone that looked in her direction. She had her hand wrapped around his as they spoke in intimate tones.
“Oh. I guess he’s not single.” She sat down at the table and closed her eyes. “I’m such a fool.”
“You’re not a fool.” I sat down across from her. “So he’s with someone right now; that doesn’t mean he always will be.”
“It’s not just that. It’s foolish of me to have even thought about him having an interest in me. He was in my shop the other day and I recognized him from the magazines I stock the stand with. He’s some multi-millionaire or something. Anyway, I guess I thought we had a moment as I rang up his purchases. We chatted about books, and he stayed longer than he needed to. In my head, I built up this whole fantasy that we would meet again one day.”
“There’s nothing foolish about that. If it’s what you want, that’s what you should go after.”
“Obviously, he has a bit different taste in women. It was silly of me to even consider it. I guess I’m just getting a little lonely. At least I have you to share lunch with.”
I noticed the sadness in her gaze. I’d led her into the lion’s den and now she was crushed. A fancy hat wasn’t going to fix that, but I knew something that might.
I pulled out my cell phone and hid it on my knee under the table, then I pulled out the folded-up note. I texted Robert with the address of the restaurant and asked him to join us. Poppy didn’t notice. She was too busy perusing the menu.
A minute later I received a text in return.
Would love to meet up. Be there soon.
I looked across the table at Poppy and wondered if I’d overstepped. I’d never really had the chance to play matchmaker before. I hoped it wouldn’t blow up in my face.
“You know, sometimes we can be so focused on what we think we want that we don’t even notice what it is that we really want.”
“What do you mean? I really want a salad and that’s what I’m going to have.”
“That’s not exactly what I’m talking about.” I laughed. “I mean, like Robert today.”
“Robert? The ranger?”
“Yes.”
“What about him?”
“He was handsome, wasn’t he? You two shared a moment.”
“Sure. But he wouldn’t be interested in me.” She shrugged.
“What makes you think that?”
“I don’t know. I’m not the adventurous type.”
“You were today.”
She sighed and looked over at the man and his date. “Can I admit something to you?”
“Yes, anything. I’m listening.”
“That man over there—he’s my big dream. He’s what I wrote down on that napkin.”
My heart sank. “Oh wow, Poppy. I didn’t realize. I’m sorry if I’ve put you in an awkward position.”
“No, it’s okay. I needed to see this. I needed to face some reality. I guess I’m just getting tired of being alone. Valentine’s Day makes it harder.”
“I remember what that was like.” I sat back in my chair. “Every holiday can be tough when you’re longing for someone to share it with.”
“That’s just the thing. Most of the time, I can ignore it. I keep myself busy with work and everything else. But when I slow down, that’s when it hits me that everyone is pairing up, except for me.”
“That can change at any minute.”
“I don’t know; as routine as my lif
e is, there isn’t much room to meet someone.”
“But you did today.” I bit into my bottom lip and glanced toward the large windows of the restaurant. “And he asked me to give you his number.”
“What?”
“Robert gave me his number to give to you.”
“Really? Oh, I could never call him!”
“You don’t have to. I invited him to lunch.” I stood up from the table as the door swung open.
Poppy looked up at me with wide eyes.
“Your big dream wasn’t a name on a piece of paper, it’s a person to connect with. Maybe it will turn out to be Robert. You won’t know unless you try.”
Poppy paled as Robert walked up to the table. “I hope I’m not interrupting.”
“Not at all, I was just leaving.” I winked at Poppy and headed out of the restaurant, fearing just a little that Poppy could end up being very angry with me the next time I saw her.
Chapter 19
I spent the rest of my afternoon exploring London. I tried to push the thought of Max and Michelle out of my mind.
Though I missed Max, it was actually nice to experience some of London on my own. I took lots of pictures to share with him, and the thought of having something new to share with him was pleasant. Since we lived, worked, and traveled together, it wasn’t often that I had the chance to share my experiences with him after the fact.
As I perused some of the shops, I thought about what I might want to get Max for Valentine’s Day. He was difficult to buy for. With his logical mind, any overly romantic gifts always fell flat. He seemed to prefer practical things.
This year, I wanted it to be different. Just like Poppy and I had found hats that represented our desires, I wanted to find something that would represent Max’s desires. But the more I searched, the more lost I felt. Did I even know what Max was passionate about? Could someone really be passionate about computers and technology? Maybe.
Sammy in England (Single Wide Female Travels #4) Page 6
