Absolution Road

by Rachel Blaufeld

  “What the fuck? What were all the questions for?” I stood abruptly, my erection now fully deflated. Here I was thinking this was a pretty cool chick, even though she was nailing my balls to the wall, and she played some mind game with me.

  “Had to make sure I wasn’t releasing a full-time scumbag back into the world just in time for the holidays,” she said, barely glancing at me as she shuffled her stack of papers, gathering them into a neat pile.

  There she went again, being all stand-up and earnest. And gorgeous, to boot.

  She unfolded those long legs and stood, holding out her hand to shake mine again, but I couldn’t move.

  I could leave? Just like that? Oh well, who the fuck was I to complain? Except I’d just admitted more to this woman than any other woman in my life.

  What a fucked-up night, especially when I realized it was all because of the absurd sexual-favors arrangement I had with Camper. I got a lot of pussy over the years, so I wasn’t sure how I ended up so deep with her, especially since she works for me. Yeah, the responsibility probably fell on me. I’d been in a bad place, desperate for some TLC, and she gave it without strings—mostly. I knew I’d never have what my brother found, but everyone needs a little love, right?

  Bottom line: this was on me. I’d fallen down the rabbit hole with Camper, so I’d beat the shit out of this dude when he insulted her, and now I was paying the price. Or not, or whatever the fuck this was.

  Following Ms. Road’s lead, I stood, practically jittering on my feet as the adrenaline rush slowly came to a halt.

  Finally convincing myself to calm down, I shook her hand and looked straight into her big green eyes. “It’s been a pleasure meeting you, A-L-Y-S-O-N. I’ll never be able to think of that song the same. By the way, do you work out? I own a few gyms around town . . . maybe you’d like a complimentary membership?”

  I rambled as I stalled, not wanting to part ways with this chick. Now that I was a free man, I wanted to see her again. She ignited something inside me, a desire to protect and care for her, or some weird crap like that. What was this—Oprah?

  “Thank you, but I must decline,” she said, her voice polite but with no hint of regret. “The whole lawyer-and-client thing—it doesn’t look right. But you have a good New Year, Mr. Wrigley.”

  And with that, her boots clicked against the floor as Ms. Road walked toward the door and slipped out, leaving Paul to handle the rest of my details, and me wondering what the hell just happened. And I don’t mean being released from jail.

  Aly

  Two months later

  I jumped off the bus in Oakland and slowly made my way toward the center of Pitt’s campus. Students rushed by me as the ringing of church bells hung heavy in the damp winter air. My mind empty, I was focusing on nothing but the sound my boots made crunching along the snowy sidewalk as I headed toward my happy place, when my phone vibrated in my pocket. I tugged off my glove with my teeth and reached in my coat pocket to grab it, then swiped my finger across ANSWER CALL. My heart fell when I saw who was calling, and for one fleeting second, loneliness enveloped me until I shoved it away, forcing myself to replace it with cheer.

  “Hil, how’s the new city?” I said, greeting my law school buddy with a smile brightening my face. She couldn’t see it, but I knew she could hear it. Hilary was one of only a few outsiders I let in. The petite Asian woman understood how hard I’d worked to get where I was. The daughter of Chinese immigrants, she was also the first generation in her family to attend college. Originally named Hui, once she started school she’d demanded everyone call her Hilary, wanting to fit in.

  “It’s good. Cold when the wind whips off the water downtown, but my job is pretty cush, and I found a fabulous studio apartment near the nightlife. I’m trying to get out, meet people.”

  A genuine grin transformed my face as I heard this. Hilary was always more social than me, and she deserved to make a great life in Cleveland.

  “Sounds incredible. How’s your caseload?” I slowed my pace as we talked, wanting to savor my few minutes on the phone with her before hitting my destination.

  “Oh, Aly, you should think about leaving the PD office. I have an assistant who basically does everything I don’t want to do.”

  My heart pinged at her laughter that tickled my ear—not because she was teasing me, but because I missed having her around. She’d left her government job for greener pastures, and I was truly happy for her. The only problem was the big hole in my already bleak social life with Hilary gone.

  “Ha! Maybe someday,” I said wistfully. “In fact, the current case I was assigned may do me in. I got a real ass to defend.”

  Hilary gasped. “Aly! I never heard you talk that way before about a client!”

  I smiled as I envisioned her throwing her arms up in the air, mocking me. “I know, but this guy says he didn’t do it, but gives no reason. He’s a nasty one. For the first time, I sort of wish I did contracts or something cut-and-dried like that.”

  Hilary let out a little snort. “Babe, don’t make yourself sick over it. Nothing we do is set in rock . . . or whatever the saying is.”

  “Stone,” I said, gently correcting her. Although Hilary’s English was perfect, she could be forgetful when it came to small details. “It’s true. I know.”

  “Look at us. My parents own a dive Chinese takeout place, and your mom worked hard to raise you. By the way, how is your mom?”

  “Eh. Hanging in there, but not really herself.”

  “Ugh, Al. I’m sorry.”

  “I know.” Not wanting to dwell on the negative, I said brightly, “So, do you have big plans for the next few weeks or what?”

  “Actually, I have a ton of work, but of course, I’m going to check out some of the local hot spots. You should come visit for a night!”

  I reached for the door to the Cathedral of Learning, the epicenter of Pitt’s campus, and said, “You know what? I think you’re right. When this case is over, I’ll come visit.”

  “Plus there’s a fabulous outlet here,” Hilary added in a singsong voice.

  I laughed. The girl knew me well. “I don’t need any more enticement than to see you, Hil. Listen, I just got to the Cathedral and I have to change. Let’s make a time to FaceTime so I can see your place.”

  “I’ll text you, okay?”

  “Absolutely! ’Bye, honey.”

  She said, “Talk soon,” and I ended the call and headed toward the ladies’ room.

  After I tossed on my leggings and T-shirt and toggled the DO NOT DISTURB button on my phone, I plugged in my earbuds and headed for the deserted stairwell. I took a deep breath, closing my eyes and letting go of everything in my brain before I began to climb the stairs. One foot after the other, I picked up speed at each landing as “Lovin’, Touchin’, Squeezin’” blared in my head and sweat beaded at the nape of my neck. This was Pittsburgh, after all; listening to Journey was a birthright, practically a local religion.

  Before long my legs quivered and burned, and my lungs worked hard as I climbed higher toward the top of the Cathedral of Learning. Once I reached the top, I’d head for the bottom and do it all over again and again and again. It was quiet and deserted, but I felt safe. I’d been doing this same workout since I began law school at the University of Pittsburgh. It didn’t matter that I’d graduated four years ago; I still ran the steps three times a week.

  The dark, cavernous cathedral walls, the stone facade, and the musty smell all felt like home to me. When I used to sit and study over coffee, poring over legal briefs and memorizing case numbers, I’d get lost in the fact that I was actually there, in this legend of a building where the likes of the Carnegies and the Mellons once roamed.

  Me, the daughter of a cleaning woman!

  Even now that I held down a decent-paying job, I couldn’t shrug the feeling that I was less than everyone else—except when I was actually doing my job. The notion that I was inferior had been pounded into my head since I was my mom’s “little lady
” and would sit in the corner of the houses my mom cleaned.

  “Here, little girl, this toy is for you,” the woman of the house would say to me, shoving some outdated broken toy into my hands. Her own kids would be baking in their Betty Crocker mini-ovens and shaving ice with their Snoopy snow-cone makers, a mess my mom would clean up for nothing pay. “Go on, you can ask to play with them,” my mom would whisper to me, and I would just shake my head and remain firmly in my corner.

  I never wished for that kind of life. I didn’t need opulence or riches, but I could use a tiny dose of getting over my past. Just like Hilary. She was all about moving forward.

  “Aly! Hey, Aly!”

  I was making my way down the stairs for the second time, wallowing in my self-loathing as my quads strained to keep me upright while I flew down on the balls of my feet. I grabbed the banister to slow my pace and looked up to find Drew Burnes, managing partner of a big law practice downtown, the one and only firm I interviewed at and quickly decided wasn’t for me. Too many river views, expensive lunches, and shifty defenses offered up for my undistinguished, play-by-the-books, get-to-the-bottom-of-everything palate.

  I’d “risen above it all.” That was what my last lover said to me about my childhood while sipping drinks together one evening after work. He was “so very impressed by me,” but really his compliment was poorly disguised pity. I never saw him again after that night. I didn’t want to be on the receiving end of that pitiful stare.

  “Hey!” I yelled back at Drew, my voice booming through the empty stairwells as I pulled out my earbuds.

  I liked Drew, though. He was nice enough to back down when I turned down his offer, stayed in touch after recruiting me, and was one of the few people who didn’t look at me like some dirty ragamuffin.

  “You started without me? I’m hurt.” He put on a phony pout and pretended to massage a broken heart. He also liked me, and I wasn’t really sure about what to do with that.

  “I didn’t really believe you were coming.”

  “I never back down from a challenge,” he said as he ran up the stairs, closing the gap between us.

  Last week, we’d bumped into each other at the coffee place near the courthouse. While we shared a table, I’d told him about my obsessive stair running, playfully teasing he couldn’t keep up.

  “Well, you ready?” I asked. “I have a few more laps up and down in me.”

  “Beat you to the top!”

  He took off in front of me, giving me a chance to take in his perfectly styled short brown hair, not to mention the outline of his firm leg muscles showing underneath a pair of designer LuLu Lemon track pants.

  “No fair, I’ve already been up and down a couple of times,” I yelled after him.

  “You’re warmed up and I’m not. You should be whipping my butt.”

  I pushed my legs to catch up with him, and we stayed shoulder to shoulder for the remainder of the workout, huffing and puffing, not talking other than an occasional, “Keep it up!” or “Let’s do one more!”

  “Shit! That was a lot harder than the elliptical at the gym,” Drew admitted as we cooled down and walked toward the main hall. “By the way, I don’t think you should traipse around here on your own all the time. It’s pretty deserted.”

  “It’s fine. Don’t worry about me. Can I say ‘told you so’ yet? No need for fancy equipment when you have the stairs.” I nabbed my bag from the lockers situated near the elevators and slipped on my sweatshirt.

  “So, you want to grab some dinner or something?” he asked as I was pulling the sweatshirt over my head. When I could finally see him, I raised an eyebrow and gave him the stink eye.

  “I know, I know. You got me locked in the mentor zone, but I don’t want to just give you professional advice. Come on, one casual dinner? We’re all sweaty . . . it can’t be that formal or painful of an experience. A salad or something?”

  “Okay.”

  “Okay? Really? You’re giving in? You’re saying yes?”

  “I’m saying okay to salad.” I pulled my coat on, zipping it up tight.

  “I’ll take it.”

  We made our way into the night. It was late February, and the bitter cold slapped me hard in the face as we made our way outside. It should have been a reality check, but Drew wasn’t that bad. What else did I have to do? I didn’t even have a dog waiting for me at home.

  Drew flipped my hood over my head and tossed his arm around me, pulling me snug and knocking me out of my thoughts. “Just salad,” he muttered, then asked, “You have a car with you?”

  I shook my head inside my big puffy hood. “I took the bus from town straight here.”

  “Mine’s right over there.” He pointed toward a shiny black Porsche. Of course. “I’ll drive and then bring you back home.”

  “Okay.”

  I slid into the soft leather seat, rubbing my hands together to stay warm. There was no sense in pretending that I didn’t live in a shitty apartment. Drew had seen my job application; he knew exactly where I lived. And yet he still wanted to have dinner with me, which was a far cry from sticking me in the corner.

  Drew suggested a small strip of restaurants in a neighboring suburb. It sounded great to me; dining out for the heck of it was new to me. We didn’t do it much growing up, and I tried to reserve it for special occasions these days.

  I was a bit dazed as we crossed a bridge, Drew’s fast car barreling over the steep incline, the river below us, the skyline of stadiums on the right and murky water on the left—evidence of the ’burgh formerly being a steel town. We sped on through the tunnel cut through a mountain and entered the freeway, or the parkway as we Pittsburghers called it, exiting for the suburbs.

  The street we parked along was quaint with its lantern-style street lamps and dimly lit storefronts and bistros. Suddenly, I felt insignificant. I’d never been here, really anywhere, and this was way more than salad.

  “Thought we could both use a break from town,” he said as he opened my car door.

  “You sure we can go like this?” I gestured to my black leggings and sweatshirt covered by a big bulky coat.

  “It’s cool, the owner’s a friend of mine. He ran into some trouble a while back, and I took care of things. Plus, the place is super casual.”

  Swinging his arm back around me, he guided me to the door with the name ROMAN’S etched into the frosted glass, its frame trimmed in white twinkling lights. As soon as we walked inside, the scents of garlic, fresh basil, pungent tomato sauce, and fresh-baked bread assaulted my nose. My belly growled for Italian food, yet another Pittsburgh staple. If you grew up in this city, you had to love Italian food. My mom was Irish, and yet she’d made it a point to cook Italian specialties as I was growing up. Her neighbors taught her, and the ones before showed my grandma. The memory of her cooking made me a little sad, knowing she wouldn’t be cooking for me anymore. Parkinson’s disease had made cooking difficult for her, long before the dementia kicked in.

  “Hey! My hero.” A guy dressed in chef whites called out from the open kitchen. “Good to see you, how many tonight?”

  Drew held up two fingers as Roman—I presumed—wiped his hands on his apron and made his way out. The two men shook hands, and Drew handled introductions.

  “Chef Rome, meet Alyson. Alyson, meet Rome.”

  “Aly,” I said, correcting him gently with a small wave.

  Rome winked at me, his light gray eyes crinkling around the corners. “Good to meet you, doll.”

  “Don’t get too friendly; she’s one of the honest ones. I tried to get her to come my way, but she has morals.” Drew was smiling, lending a sense of lightheartedness to his words, but they weren’t light to me. I believed in a fair trial for those accused, but also justice for the victims.

  “Public defender, I take it? You’ll change your mind soon enough.” Rome slapped Drew on the back, causing his own jet-black hair to fall over his forehead, and gave me another wink. “Come on, sit down. I’ll send over an appeti
zer on me.”

  After we’d settled in a booth in the back corner, a large platter of roasted vegetables and a bottle of sparkling water appeared before us, and the waiter asked if we wanted wine.

  “No, thank you,” I answered politely. Nowadays I dined out way more than we ever did when I was growing up—which was like never—and I still couldn’t get over how much people spent on wine and food. “I’ll have the small salad with grilled chicken and portabellas, vinaigrette on the side, and also, can I have extra cucumbers?”

  Drew ordered some gigantic Italian salad with meats and cheeses, and a bottle of beer. While we waited for our dinner, we made small talk. Despite what he did, Drew was a nice guy. He was funny and sweet, and it was obvious he liked me. Even though we did the same thing, he made fun of my altruistic career choice.

  I knew he was mostly joking. I’d told him during my job interview that I really couldn’t do what he did. I was honest . . . my dad was the victim of crime although it looked like it was his fault. I’d given Drew my party line, telling him earnestly, “In my mind, criminals should be punished only if they deserve it. Too many times we pin the wrong guy.”

  The difference in opinion was mostly why I held back from Drew. That, and the money factor was intimidating, but he truly didn’t seem to be affected by the vast divide between the two of us.

  “Roman, baby! How are you?” A shrill feminine voice rang out through the small restaurant.

  My head whipped up and I saw a head of blond curls nestled against Roman’s broad chest. How did the guy get anything cooked? All he did was come out and talk—and flirt—with customers.

  “Hey, get your dirty paws off my employee,” came from the direction of the door.

  The familiar voice sent a shiver down my spine and back up again. Hearing it was like slipping into soft pajamas after a long hot bath. I’d only met the owner of the voice once, and it took every fiber in my body to keep from crossing a professional line and a personal vow.