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by Lynn Rider

  “Because we’re not those same two innocent people anymore. Our actions and reactions changed us. I can’t trust him to be strong enough for me and certainly not for my daughter. I know he’s going to miss out, but so will we,” I say, sadly rubbing my belly.

  “Drew, can I ask you something that I’ve been wondering about for months?”

  “Sure, no guarantee I’ll answer though.” He grins as he sets his menu down.

  “Emma told me you were a fighter. Why aren’t you anymore?”

  “Do you want me to be a fighter?” His blue eyes dance with amusement.

  “I want you to be anything you want to be. I was just curious. Thinking back to that night when you got in that fight at Lucile’s, you beat that guy without even breathing heavy.”

  “Fighting professionally is a lot harder than beating up some drunk guy,” he reasons through a quiet, sarcastic laugh.

  “What made you get out of it?”

  He sits back in his seat studying me. “A woman.”

  “The same woman you moved to LA for?”

  He nods. “Yeah, she didn’t like it. After we were together for a while, she wanted me to quit, so I did.”

  “Do you miss it?” I ask, pushing away the judgment of this unknown woman.

  “Yes and no. I miss the rush of getting ready to step into the ring. There’s no other high like it.” His smile is wistful and his eyes cloud over as if being transported to another place.

  “Why don’t you start again? I mean you’re in shape to do it. Hell, you’re even helping to train two of them.”

  He shakes his head. “I don’t think so. I’m past my prime.”

  “You’re twenty-nine. I doubt that’s too old,” I say incredulously.

  He laughs, but doesn’t respond.

  “Is that woman Mia?” His smile drops as his gaze lifts, meeting mine. “I heard that woman at the airport mention her.” His hardened expression has me regretting my inquiry.

  “Yes, Celeste is her agent and best friend. No doubt your visit was known by the time we got to the car.”

  “And my pregnancy. Did you see her face? She probably thinks it’s yours.”

  “I don’t care!” His abruptness startles me.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pry.”

  The waiter approaches the side of our table. We order quickly and he leaves us in uncomfortable silence.

  “Mia Gold and I dated for close to two years. I thought she was my forever until one day I realized she wasn’t,” he says resignedly.

  My eyes widen. “Mia Gold, as in the actress?”

  “Yes, and believe me, she doesn’t live up to all the hype of her celebrity status. She’s no different from you and I.” The disgust in his voice tells me I’ve hit a nerve. Whatever was between them may still be unfinished and I realize how much Drew and I may have in common.

  “I’m sorry to have brought it up, but if you ever want to talk about it I’ll listen.” I look away, trying to eliminate the weight of the conversation.

  “Mia got pregnant and aborted our baby because she didn’t want it to interfere with her career. I found out months later when I found the paperwork from the facility where she’d had it done. She was away filming a movie in New York. The same movie she was unwilling to give up for our child. I called her and asked, she denied it, but I still moved out the next day and never looked back,” he says quietly, bringing my gaze back to him.

  “Do you still love her?” When his eyes connect to mine, I know the answer. “I’m sorry. If you ever want someone to talk to, I’m here. I know how it feels to be in love with someone, but be disappointed and hurt by their actions,” I say remorsefully.

  “I know you do.”

  Amber…

  “Hey!” I call out when I walk into the apartment. Drew and Reeder turn their heads briefly before turning back to the UFC fight on TV.

  “Hey, Amber, good to see you,” I mutter to myself, chuckling. “What time does Emma get off tonight?” I ask as I plop on the couch next to Drew. He glances back at me, briefly following the length of my bare legs before looking back up to the TV again. His appraisal causes a heat to travel my body before the chill of being ignored settles in.

  “Eleven,” Reeder answers without taking his attention from the TV. “Shit, Drew!” Reeder calls out. “I thought you said this guy’s in shape.” He ducks the blows as if they’re coming out of the TV at him.

  “He looks a lot better in my gym then he does tonight,” he says tensely as he sees the guy being pinned.

  “You know that guy?” I ask as I watch what I think is the end.

  “Yeah, he trains at my gym in LA,” Drew says without sparing a look in my direction. He looks tense at the beating this guy is taking.

  “One of those smelly gyms?” I tease.

  Drew looks back at me, but this time I’ve earned a smile. “Holy shit!” Reeder calls out as he jumps to his feet, bouncing in place. Drew’s head snaps back in the direction of the TV. “Shit! What happened? I missed it!” he calls out as he stands.

  “He broke lose.”

  “I can see that. How?”

  “You’ll have to rewind it after the fight. If you weren’t so caught up in Am, you would have seen it,” he says with no humor in his voice as he weaves around in front of the TV. I look to Drew, but he doesn’t take his eyes from the two men plundering one another on the screen.

  I pick up a book from the end table. The cover has a half-naked man with a woman’s hand splayed out dangerously low over his ab muscles. That’s intriguing.

  I’m on page thirty-two when Drew and Reeder get so rowdy it draws my attention from the steamy words on the page. Drew’s phone rings and his face lights up. “I didn’t think you were going to pull it off, man!” he says excitedly as he walks from the apartment. I watch him until the door closes behind him. My eyes shift back toward Reeder and he’s looking at me with a crooked grin.

  “What?” I ask.

  “What have you done to my brother?”

  “I didn’t do anything to him,” I say innocently, not following.

  “No?” he asks with a raise of a single brow.

  “Really, Reeder. Have I upset him in some way?” I ask with genuine concern.

  He shakes his head, slowly gauging my response. “You really don’t know?” he asks incredulously.

  I cock my head to the side, silently confirming that I’m lost.

  “He’s crazy about you. I’d never believe it if I wasn’t seeing it with my own eyes.”

  I snort in disbelief before clapping my hand over my mouth, embarrassed by the sound. Memories of our conversation last week about Mia flood my mind. “I doubt that, Reeder. He just feels sorry for me. He’s like a brother in the way he looks after me. Besides, look at me.” I rub my large belly. “I’m hardly in shape to attract someone like your brother. He’s like Mister Physical Fitness, while I’m Miss Fat and Frumpy,” I say assuredly.

  “Are you crazy, Amber?” He shakes his head, picking up an empty bowl from the coffee table and going into the kitchen.

  “Crazy? Yes, I can be a little of that.” I smile sweetly, following him with the empty soda cans to the bar.

  “He’s my brother. I’m tapped into these things.”

  “You have nothing to worry about, Reeder. I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I’m fat and ugly. I’m an emotional mess who has big issues to figure out. No man would be attracted to this train wreck.” I laugh, trying to fend off the hurt that my own words spur inside.

  Reeder’s gaze flicks over my shoulder when he stands from loading the dishwasher. I swivel in the stool to see Drew’s eyes on me with an angry expression.

  “Did you tell him that he almost cost us a whole lotta money? Is he stoked?” Reeder asks. Drew’s gaze darts to Reeder briefly.

  “Yeah, he flies to New York tomorrow,” he says before his eyes land back on me. I shrink in my seat, suddenly feeling guilty about something.

  “I’m going
to go. Have a good show, Reeder.” I slide from the stool. “See ya, Drew,” I say lightly, ignoring the expression on his face as I walk toward the door.

  “Thanks, Amber. See you tomorrow,” Reeder calls out before I close the door.

  “Hi.” I step to the side, letting Drew in. “I thought you went to see Reeder play?” I ramble, suddenly nervous to have him in my space.

  Alone.

  “Do you really think all those things about yourself?” he asks, ignoring my comment. My gaze falls to the floor.

  He hooks his index finger under my chin, lifting my face toward his. I close my eyes, not wanting him to see the vulnerability that’s there. “Look at me,” he whispers softly. I can’t, and I can’t speak to tell him so.

  “Amber, open your eyes.”

  My eyes open and focus on the most beautiful shade of pale blue looking back at me. I could get lost in them for days. I want to get lost in them for days.

  “You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met.”

  “Drew—”

  His lips softly cover mine. He laces his fingers through my hair, holding my head gently as his kiss deepens. I lose myself in him as he pushes me toward the hall.

  “We shouldn’t do this, Drew,” I mumble, my mind meaning it, but my body doesn’t agree. I need to feel the touch of a man. It burns to feel the closeness.

  “Okay.” He begins unbuttoning my shirt.

  “We’re going to regret it,” I say before his mouth covers mine again. His lips work against mine in a frenzy of need as he pushes me in my bedroom. When we cross the threshold, he breaks our connection.

  “Not likely,” he says deeply. I thread my hand through his hair. I need him; he’s a walking, talking wet dream waiting to happen and he’s here with me. His mouth slides from my mouth and down my neck. He reaches for my pants and feels the extended elastic waistband. He steps back with an amused grin, but before I have time to get self-conscious, he kisses me hard and tugs them down. I step from them as he parts my shirt, pushing it over my shoulders and letting it fall to the floor, then I work at his pants while he steps back, lifting his polo shirt over his head. He quickly scans my body before slamming his mouth over mine again.

  “You’re fucking beautiful, Amber,” he murmurs against my mouth. His hands travel down my shoulders softy before kneading my breast through the fabric and pinching the nipple gently. His tongue travels down my neck, skimming the flesh ever so delicately. I feel the gentle glide of his hand over my skin, tucking his fingers into my panties.

  “You’re turned on, Amber. You don’t know how happy that makes me,” he says roughly before dropping to his knees. “Sit on the side of the bed,” he demands, his voice thick with desire as he slides my panties down my legs.

  “Drew,” I whisper.

  “Sit.”

  I fold on the bed before he parts my legs and looks up, meeting my eyes.

  “Drew—”

  “Amber, shut up. Let me love you tonight,” he says before his mouth softly nips at my clit. I instantly moan with pleasure as his mouth brings me to the brink of orgasm within seconds. He slides two fingers in, pushing me all the way over. I moan as my body rocks into him before going limp.

  “So beautiful,” he whispers.

  I see him reach for his pants and freeze with embarrassment before he throws them back down and I breathe a silent sigh of relief. He opens the package, rolling the condom over his thick length. He lies on the bed, pulling my arm in his direction.

  “Sit on top,” he says gruffly as he guides my body over his. He holds himself straight as I lower my body onto his. “Fuck, that feels perfect.”

  I sheath him with my body, then rock back and forth to get used to his size before lifting my body up and then down.

  “God, Amber, you’re fucking amazing,” he whispers, energizing me to go faster. “That’s it baby, god. Put your hand on the mattress between my legs and lean back.”

  I quickly obey and his hand snakes between us, finding my clit and rubbing lazy, soft circles. When I feel his dick harden, filling me tighter, he changes the direction and pressure against my clit.

  “I’m going to come,” I pant through ragged breaths.

  “Come, baby…”

  Seconds later we climax together, filling the room with our mixed moans.

  Embarrassment courses through my body and tears begin to form. I push off, moving from the bed but Drew grabs my wrist firmly. “Where are you going?” His tone is asking something else.

  “Bathroom,” I answer weakly. His grip untangles immediately without another word. I close myself in the privacy behind the door before silently falling apart.

  “Amber, come out.”

  “I’m fine Drew. I just need a few minutes. You can see yourself out.” One part hoping he will and one part hoping he won’t.

  “Amber.”

  “I’m fine, really. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” I force my voice higher, hoping he’ll believe me.

  Silence.

  I turn on the shower, hoping to wash my shame down the drain. The water drowns out the sounds of my sobs and washes away my tears, but not the humiliation.

  Drew’s large body startles me when I open the bathroom door.

  “What are you still doing here?” I ask, terser than I intend.

  “Come here,” he demands, ignoring my question. He wraps me in his arms and pulls me onto the mattress with him. He nestles my back to his chest and holds me tight. After several long minutes, my erratically beating heart calms as fatigue begins to set in.

  “What are you doing to me, woman?” he asks quietly into the darkness. Not knowing how to answer, and sensing this wasn’t for my ears, I close my eyes and enjoy the closeness of his body, even if for just tonight.

  Warmth blankets my body with a blazing path of fire igniting along my hip. This feels… different. More invigorating than any other time. My nerves heighten with anticipation and need for more. Oh god… his skilled fingers have me craving more of his touch. They travel down my thigh, hooking my leg near the knee and lifting it, draping it over his powerful leg and drawing our bodies closer. I can feel his erection press against my back.

  “Good morning.” I hear his rough voice. Oh god, it’s not a dream. “I have to go back to Los Angeles, Amber.” His voice is deeper, rough from sleep. I feel the pleasure of his touch travel between my legs as he begins rubbing my clit. My body involuntarily rocks against his hand.

  “Please,” I whisper unashamed, clearing all second thoughts from last night away. He deepens the pressure of his movements against my clit before inserting his fingers in me. “I need more.” I push my body back to meet his.

  “I don’t have a condom.”

  “I promise you won’t get me pregnant.” My laugh falls short when I feel him press between my folds. I hear my own breath hiss as he pushes into my body.

  “Shit. Are you okay?” he asks, stilling.

  “God yes, again,” I demand. I wrap my leg around his, digging my heel into his ass as he pounds me from behind. He lifts my leg, parting me further, and his strokes hit deeper, causing the build to begin. “Drew…”

  “Fuck, Amber…” He drives into my body with long precise strokes. A tremor takes over my body, starting at my core and reaching to my toes as I come. “Amber…” Drew groans, his long strides turn into shallow throbbing strokes as he empties himself into me.

  I’m silent as he gently kisses my neck and shoulders. “Amber you’re beautiful,” he whispers hoarsely into my ear.

  “Please don’t, Drew,” I say as an intense regret floods me. We’re friends and I’ve just ruined that. I feel him freeze before lying back against the mattress and loosening his hold. I’m left feeling cold with the loss of his body, but I twist from his and start toward the bathroom. “I’m sorry, please see yourself out,” I say as I cross the room.

  “Amber…”

  “Please,” I plead without turning in his direction. I close myself in the bathroom wit
hout looking back.

  Amber…

  The insistent banging wakes me up from the couch.

  “Emma, I need to talk to you!”

  I hear the slur in the words through my door. I look through the peephole to see a disheveled looking man in jeans and a hooded sweatshirt. He’s pacing back and forth, running his hand through his hair nervously.

  “God damn it, Emma. Open the door!” he yells before he bangs his fisted hands against the wood.

  I watch as his hesitant steps become harder, his words more demanding. He’s beating like a crazy person against the wood door now.

  “I’m gonna call the cops!” I hear Mrs. Waters from next door yell out before her door slams.

  He stops his assault on the door, looking in the direction of her apartment. After several long minutes, he turns and stalks off toward the stairs. I quickly dial Emma’s number.

  “I’m so sorry,” she answers emotionally.

  “Are you okay?” I ask, ignoring her unnecessary apology.

  “Yes, I think so.” Her voice quivers.

  I get up and look through the peephole once again. “I’m coming over. Open up, it’s cold as shit out there and I’m not dressed.”

  “Okay.”

  I grab my keys, turn the bottom lock and run in my boxers, tank-top, and bare feet across the cold hallway. The door opens fast and closes as soon as I slip inside the warmth of the apartment. My eyes look up to Emma as soon as I shake the cold off.

  “Are you okay?” I ask, knowing she’s not.

  “He hasn’t come here in months and last time Reeder was home,” she says sadly. I pull her into my arms and hold her as close as my extended belly will allow. “Oh my god, Amber! Was that the baby kicking?” she asks, pulling away after several minutes.

  “I don’t know. Did she kick you? I don’t feel it as much when I’m standing,” I say, rubbing my belly.

  “Let’s go lie down. I want to feel her.” She leads the way to the guest room. Her hand lays softly on the side of my belly and nothing happens. She moves it around and still nothing.

  “Aw, man. Drew talks about her moving all the time and I’m so jealous that she moves for him and not me.” Her words sting as they are a reminder of what I’ve lost. Again, I crossed the friendship line and had to make things weird. He left my apartment after last weekend and after several days of me avoiding his calls, he’s stopped trying.