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by Lynn Rider

  “We’re done.” I hear Amber say in defeat, causing me to smile. “I know you’re smiling in there,” she calls out playfully, making my grin widen.

  “That shit’s nasty, isn’t it, Sophia?” I ask, unbuckling her from her chair.

  “Smart, Aus. Make her first official word ‘shit.’” Amber tries to sound mad, but I hear the smile in her voice.

  “Back to my original question. You girls ready?” I ask as I inspect the diaper bag. I’m getting damn good at packing this thing up. I follow Amber from the apartment and downstairs.

  Dave’s waiting in a matching black Escalade to the one I have parked next to Amber’s car. She looks at me in silent question when we reach the bottom stair.

  “It’s for the best. I had a close call yesterday at the toy store. They know I’m here.” She grins. “What?” I ask, opening the door.

  She shakes her head. “Nothing. Love yourself much?” she asks as she climbs in the back seat.

  “Oh, Amber, he does love himself,” Dave says matter-of-factly before straightening in the seat.

  “I take offense to that. You hear these two picking on Daddy?” I ask Sophia with a goofy smile when I slide in next to her. Sophia’s brows shoot up before she smiles back, exposing her new tooth as she swings her arms in the air. Dave snickers before he puts the truck in gear and rolls slowly from the parking lot.

  We drive in silence out of the city and all sorts of shit runs through my head. This may be too much too soon, but damn if I haven’t gone slow enough with showing her I’m a changed man and that I’m here to take care of her and my daughter. I can’t take it any longer. I’m not completely lost in my own torment of how this could go that I don’t notice Amber’s occasional glance my way. She doesn’t say anything and I don’t offer anything.

  When Dave makes the final turn into the entrance of Pacific Hills, I roll my window down and greet the eager guard who’s stepping from his post within the brick building. His business-like demeanor slackens when recognition passes over his face and he steps back, opening the large iron gates with a wave.

  As the truck rolls through curved streets, Amber’s gaze shifts to her side window. Shit, I can’t read her when she’s looking the other way. I glance down at Sophia’s perfect little face as she sleeps and I know this is the right move.

  Dave slows the truck and pulls down a long driveway, stopping in front of a large house.

  “What are we doing here Aus?” Amber asks.

  Dave’s gaze meets mine in the mirror and I see the disapproval there. When I called him last night and told him, he’d said this was one of the dumbest ideas I’d ever had.

  I unbuckle Sophia and pull her sleeping little body from the confines of her seat. Amber’s standing next to the truck when I round the back, but her focus never leaves the house.

  “Come on, I want to show you.”

  “Aus, who lives here?”

  I take her hand in mine, ignoring her question. We walk up to the large, double front doors and I grab the large hinged handle, pushing the door open. Stepping back, I motion for her to step in. She steps inside and I quickly fall in behind. Her occasional glance at me shows she feels the weight of my eyes as I watch her take in the span of the room.

  Unlike the open floor plan of my condo in New York, each room is separate. I silently follow her through the main floor, and I hear the near silent hitch of her breath when she walks through the entryway to the kitchen. The huge island rivals the most elaborate of dining tables.

  “Kitchen was recently remodeled. It’s awesome isn’t it?” I ask, forcing her eyes from their assessment of the dark wood cabinets.

  “Why are we here, Austin?”

  “You wanted to know what I did yesterday. This is it. I found a realtor and had him show me at least a dozen homes. This was one of them. I’ll show you all of them, but this and two others were my favorite,” I say confidently, stepping toward her and closing the distance.

  “Why… Why are you looking at houses?”

  “We are looking at houses.” I grin. “When I saw my mom yesterday, she told me that my childhood was a blur to her. I don’t want Sophia’s to be snapshots of time. I want to be in the video of it. I want to live it with her. With you. I understand I won’t get to see and do it all, but I’m going to be present for as much as possible. The band is relying on me to do this next tour, but when it’s done, I’m done.”

  I see the subtle shake of her head. “No… no, you can’t quit the band, Austin. It’s what you’ve always dreamed of and you’re finally here, doing what you love.” Her voice quivers with emotion.

  “Dreams change, Sunshine. Everything I ever dreamed of is in this room right now. The band was just the icing on the cake. I’m here to stay. So we either live in Seattle together or we live in New York together. But one thing is certain—we’re living together as a family.”

  Amber…

  Reeder opens the door within seconds of my knock. “There are my girls!” he calls out, pulling Sophia and me into his arms. Sophia begins kicking wildly and leaps for him. A combination of happy and sad swirls within me as I watch Reeder scoop her from my arms and casually lift her in the air, making her giggle. He’s been a part of her life since her birth, and knowing that bond is about to be severed when they get on their flight for New York tomorrow almost brings me to tears.

  “Hey!” Emma calls out with a wide smile. Her smile drops when I look her direction. “Aww, shit,” she says as she tugs me into her arms. “It’s not good-bye, remember?”

  “I know.” I pull away, needing some distance.

  “Is this a private party or can anyone get in on the love?” Drew says with a grin as walks in the room. I’m relieved to hear the playfulness in his tone. He kisses my cheek and gently squeezes my arm, but keeps walking toward Reeder and Sophia.

  “You okay, Am?”

  “Yeah. I’m just sad the day has come where you’ll be getting on that plane and leaving me behind.”

  “I’m never leaving you behind. We’ll just be friends from afar until you get your ass back to New York.” She winks.

  “Austin and I went house hunting the day before he left.”

  “What?” She sinks into the chair at the kitchen table. “Shit, and here I thought we had an action packed week getting ready for our move. So are you making Seattle permanent?”

  I shake my head. “I can’t let him quit the band. It’s what he’s dreamed of since he was fourteen. He said he would be okay with songwriting, but I don’t know if that would be enough. I don’t want him to resent me.”

  “So you’re moving?” She tucks her lips in to avoid smiling.

  “I think so. I’m coming to terms with it. There’s no real rush because he’s about to go on tour. I’m afraid to quit my job and that’s what I’d have to do, but I did put in a transfer request. I think I heard corporate laughing from the hotel when they got it. They’ve probably marked my human resource file as flighty.” I laugh.

  “So you’re going to wait it out here until his tour is over?” She smiles.

  “I think so. I have friends in New York, but I want to keep my job as long as possible.”

  “You can join me on the unemployment line,” she teases.

  Austin…

  “You all right, man?” Kyle asks, looking across the backseat in my direction. I haven’t had the heart to tell him that I’m considering quitting the band after this tour.

  “Yeah, got a lot of shit on my mind,” I say, turning my gaze to the window.

  “That shit sounds deep!” Trevor calls out with a laugh from the front seat. My gaze switches to him as he brushes his hair, pulling it back into a ponytail.

  “Trev, why don’t you cut that shit off? You’re not part of an eighties rock band.”

  “The ladies dig my hair, bro,” he says confidently. My words have fallen on deaf ears.

  “There always needs to be an ugly one in the mix.” Kyle laughs.

  “You talking abo
ut me, or the ladies who love me?” Trevor grins over his shoulder.

  “Both!” Kyle and I respond at the same time. Charlie and Ben both laugh as they begin heckling him about his latest conquest a few nights before.

  We roll to a stop in front of the radio station. The paparazzi are everywhere, snapping pictures and shouting out questions as we make our way toward the entrance. I stop dead in my tracks when I hear Amber’s name called out.

  “Keep it together, man, he’s fishing. The best thing you can do is ignore it,” Kyle says under his breath as he subtly pushes me further into the building. My anxiety grows as we ride the elevator to the top floor. I see Kyle’s worried eyes cast on me, but I don’t acknowledge him. I know this isn’t the time or place to lose my shit.

  “You want to talk about it?” Kyle asks after our driver has dropped off Ben, Trevor and Charlie.

  My eyes flash to the driver. I’ve never seen him before and don’t know to trust him. I shake my head and Kyle nods.

  I pull my phone from my pocket and send Amber a text.

  ‘Watch your surroundings when coming and going this morning. I’ll explain later’

  “Have you prepared her for this? I know she has an idea, but it’s different now. You’re bigger than you were,” Kyle asks.

  I shake my head shamefully. Ashton had warned me, but I thought I could lay low and no one would find her until she was with me permanently and I could protect her.

  “You need to talk to her. Hell, fly Dave to her.”

  I flash a sardonic look his direction. “I can’t do that. He almost quit when he had to watch Meagan. And Meagan said she almost broke up with Ashton over having him there.”

  “Dave talks a big game. You know he digs hanging out with the ladies.” He laughs. “Besides, he fucking loves Meagan now. You know they meet for lunch sometimes?” He laughs again.

  ‘I’m always watching, Aus. Remember where I’m from?’

  Amber’s text has my phone vibrating against my hand. A smile forms at her tough attitude.

  ‘I love you’

  ‘Good because I love you too’

  When the SUV drops me off at my high rise I head straight to the garage. I don’t want to go up to my place; it’s empty and cold when Amber and Sophia aren’t in it. Last night, I fell asleep in the rocker as I stared at Sophia’s empty crib.

  Ashton’s Range Rover is in the open garage when I pull down his long driveway. His phone is plastered to his ear when he opens the door several minutes after I knock. He turns his back and I follow him into the house.

  “I know, she’s something else,” he says casually with a wide smile.

  I help myself to a drink and kick back on a barstool.

  “All right, Mom.”

  I watch his body language—casual and carefree. How he can be that way with her?

  “Love you too,” he says before lowering the phone from his ear to disconnect. “Mom.” He shrugs when he puts the phone down on the counter.

  “How can you forgive her?” I ask, watching as he opens a bottle of water.

  “She’s our mom.”

  “Don’t remind me,” I say dryly.

  “Austin, come on, man. She’s trying.”

  “Trying what? To come back and make up for an entire childhood she missed? She can’t do that.”

  “You don’t think she knows that?”

  “I don’t know that she does.”

  “Well, maybe if you had listened to her. Really listened, Austin, you would know that. Maybe you could learn some things about her. Maybe if we’d listened the last time, we could have saved her from where she is right now.”

  “Oh no, I’m not taking any blame.” I shake my head.

  “Austin, get over yourself. We’re family and this is what we do for one another. I know our childhood was shitty. Do you think you had it worse than me? I had to carry the fucking load. The cooking and cleaning all fell on me. Having to plead and fight to get her clean enough so that we could make our appointments at the welfare office to get food stamps isn’t on my list of childhood highlights. No fucking twelve year old should have to do that. Don’t get me started on having to raise you. You weren’t always easy, Aus.”

  I shrink in my chair. If I’d stopped long enough to step from my own pity party, I would have realized that I’d always had him, but he’d had no one.

  “Austin, she wants to get better, but she needs help. That means me, and I’m hoping it means you too. This isn’t a road she can travel alone. You of all people should know that. She has the desire, but she needs support when the dust settles.”

  I know he needs me.

  “Okay.”

  He nods, leaning back against the counter. “So what else is up? You didn’t come all the way out of the city to just hang out, did you?” He crosses his arms over his chest and looks at me skeptically.

  “I can’t hang out with my brother?” I ask innocently.

  “You’re always welcome here, it’s just unusual. Lately, you’ve been in New York only long enough to do your thing before getting on another plane to Seattle.” He chuckles quietly.

  “I can’t go home because it doesn’t feel like home. I can’t go back to Kyle’s because I’ve been there every day this week. I’m waiting for Kelly to throw me out.”

  “Home doesn’t feel like home?” He raises an eyebrow.

  “Amber and Sophia make it home. It’s empty without them.”

  He lifts his head with a gentle nod of understanding but doesn’t say anything.

  “I met with a realtor in Seattle.”

  His eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “She’s not moving?”

  “I don’t know. She’s afraid and I can’t blame her for that. I’ve fucked up in the past and her reluctance to give up her career is understandable.”

  “You just need to be patient. Meagan wouldn’t quit her career either.”

  My eyes meet his. “Thanks, Ashton, for everything. For being there when I hadn’t taken ownership of my shortcomings and was mad at the world, mad at you, mad at her. You were always there. Thank you.”

  “Austin, I had to take control.”

  “I know that, but back then I didn’t and I know I was a pain in the ass about it. Mom and I needed you to take control. God only knows where either of us would be today if you hadn’t.”

  “I don’t regret it. I’d do it again without thought.”

  “Thank you, but I’m planning on staying in check from now on. Amber saved me. Sophia saved me. I live for the two of them, and every decision I make is for them, so if I have to go to her instead of her coming to me, I will.”

  “You’re going on tour, right?”

  “Yeah, the band needs me, but I think this is it for me. When we return, they’ll need to look for my replacement. It looks like I’m moving to Seattle.”

  “Shit, Austin. I wish it were different.”

  “Me too, but I made my bed and I’ll happily lie in it if she’s there with me.”

  Amber…

  I glance at the reservations list and my heart plummets when I see Katelyn Days listed as a guest.

  “Hey,” Katherine says as she steps up to the counter.

  “H-hi.” When I stumble on the simplicity of that one word, she glances over my shoulder and at the computer screen displaying Katelyn’s reservation.

  “She hasn’t checked in yet. Are you a fan?” Katherine asks.

  “No, not exactly.” I force a smile, trying to diffuse my nerves.

  “I hear she’s pretty demanding. I don’t ever recall her staying here though, so I’m not speaking from experience.” I liked that about Katherine. She was honest, avoiding gossip, but wanted to be prepared if a person’s reputation supported someone’s true self.

  “I’m sure it will be fine. Does Rob already know?”

  “Yeah, it was corporate that booked it. Expect extra security,” she adds before walking to the other end of the counter.

  As I busy myself with schedulin
g in an attempt to avoid the heavy thoughts that run on fast-forward through my mind, the gallop like sound of footsteps on the marble floor causes me to look up. My breath falters briefly when I see her and her entourage walk in. She’s beautiful, tall and lean just like the pictures. The pictures where she’s wrapped around Austin. My heart rate accelerates and I know I can’t wait on her. I grab the attention of Joel with my gaze.

  “Check her in please,” I whisper on my way by. His face lights up, delighted with my words.

  I stand in the back near the hall, pretending to busy myself with a stack of papers in my hand. A man in a suit steps up, requesting room cards. Joel swiftly grabs her binder and assists the man with directions. My eyes dart to her and I see that she’s looking at me. It takes every ounce of courage I have to form a smile, but I manage it. She rolls her eyes as a sour look takes over her beautiful face and then she turns away. Her reaction stuns me briefly. Surely she doesn’t know who I am.

  “You okay?” Katherine asks. I was so distracted that I hadn’t noticed she was watching me.

  “Yeah, long story,” I say dismissively before walking down the hall toward my office.

  “Hey, Sunshine.”

  “Hi. I miss you today,” I admit. My mind has been working overtime this week with decisions that need to be made about our relationship. Adding the arrival of Katelyn Days as a guest at The Stanford hasn’t helped.

  “Just today?” I hear the cockiness in his voice.

  “Every day, but today especially.”

  “What’s up, babe?” he asks, concerned.

  “Nothing unusual. Can’t a girl just miss her boy?”

  I decide not to tell him about Katelyn. We’ve never discussed anyone who he may have dated or slept with. My motto in the past is what I don’t know, won’t hurt me. But I never expected a piece of his past to show up front in center in my present.

  “Oh, baby, I think I’ve proven on more than one occasion I’m not a boy.”

  “That you have. I wish you could prove it again tonight.”

  “Where are you? Where’s Sophia?”