by Neil Zawacki
dark monuments Don’t forget that most tourist towns have a number of interesting monuments to visit during your stay— perhaps a large statue with a pigeon on its head celebrating a villain’s triumph, plaques marking the location where a ravenous demon was summoned, or tremendous houses of misery and pain. You can also opt for the more personal route and visit the old withered tree dedicated in honor of your mentor. Give that nefarious fiend the proper respect, and then cackle with glee knowing that one day you’ll have a bigger monument than them all.
alternate dimensions For a truly exotic vacation, consider taking your family to an alternate dimension. Accessible through the space-time vortex and dark rituals, these nightmarish vistas bring a new definition to the word weird. You’ll spend your days avoiding monstrous aliens and unexpected showers of frogs, and your nights swimming through lakes of tapioca muck. The rules of reality don’t apply here, so be prepared for M. C. Escher–like landscapes and long negotiations with the king of the potato people. Exceptionally bizarre, it’s a mind-bending experience the little ones won’t soon forget.
Alternate dimensions are a mind-bending experience
the little ones won’t soon forget.
Afterword
By now, your life should have changed completely. Your lair should be a horrific masterpiece that inspires terror in your fellow man. Your job should be strangely tolerable and a recruiting ground for the hordes who would follow you. Your nights should be filled with screams, spent with a beautiful succubus (or a hairy gargoyle), or whatever you like.
Don’t thank anyone but yourself! You possessed the ambition and vision necessary to bring about these improvements, to change from casual evil-doer to jet-setting villain of doom! Congratulations! Hold your multiple heads high, and go forth and conquer! If you’re not already on the evening news, you will be soon!
Voila!
Text copyright © 2004 by Neil Zawacki
Illustrations copyright © 2004 Bill Brown
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in Publication Data available.
eISBN: 978-1-4521-1652-5
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