Driven to Distraction

by Olivia Dade

No doubt the thought of an unhappy Bookmobile Department head made him very unhappy too.

  “I’ll take care of it,” Sam said.

  “When you get the chance.” Jun smirked. “You know, in between felling trees and chopping timber.”

  Even Owen—who was usually too worried about hurting anyone’s feeling to enjoy mockery—laughed at that.

  Kamal tilted his head. “You do look like you should own a blue ox.”

  Sam resisted the urge to extend a middle finger at them all, given the concerns Kamal already had about his professionalism.

  “Someone from our department should spend time on board the Bookmobile with Con. Witness the problems firsthand and troubleshoot them on the spot.” Jun beamed beatifically at his colleagues. “Someone like me, for example.”

  Someone should slap that smug, slightly lecherous expression from Jun’s face. Someone like Sam, for example. “I don’t see why—”

  “I’d be delighted to help repair IT’s relationship with the Bookmobile Department,” Jun said.

  Sam narrowed his eyes at Jun. “I don’t think that’s necessary.”

  Kamal frowned. “From what you’ve said, it is necessary. And the fact that we haven’t fixed her issues already doesn’t reflect well on us.” He drummed his fingers on the table for a minute, obviously lost in thought. “So…okay. I agree with Jun. One of us should spend a week on board Bertha. Let’s resolve Con’s issues before she feels the need to complain again.”

  “As I said, I volunteer,” Jun offered with irritating swiftness. “Constance may be a decade older than me, but she’s freakin’ hot. And that whole no-nonsense, schoolmarm thing she has going really works for me.”

  Kamal slashed a hand through the air. “I’m going to cut you off right there. We don’t talk about our coworkers that way.”

  “Come on.” Jun drained the rest of his soda. “Any one of us would love to get more than professional with her. Am I right?”

  To Sam’s surprise, Kamal didn’t deny it.

  “If I weren’t happily married, sure.” He lifted his shoulders. “I actually asked her out a few years ago, before I met my wife. Con turned me down, gently but firmly. Said I seemed like a man who wanted more than she was willing to give.”

  Jun wisely didn’t comment, instead swiveling toward Owen and raising his eyebrows.

  “Don’t look at me.” A flush rose from underneath the collar of Owen’s oversized, rumpled work shirt, turning his cheeks pink. “I’m not straight. I’m not even bisexual. I’m gay. So while I think Constance is very pretty, that’s about it.”

  When Jun looked his way, Sam did his best to deflect the question. “Given the conflict between Ms. Chen and me, I think you know my thoughts on the matter.”

  “So I’ll do the Bookmobile for a week, while Sam deals with circulation issues for me.” Jun smiled, his round face cherubic. “Perfect.”

  “No.” Kamal and Sam spoke in unison.

  Three interested faces turned back to Sam.

  “I know why I don’t like that plan,” Kamal said. “But I’m curious as to your reasoning, Sam.”

  In all honesty, reason hadn’t prompted Sam’s response. Not even a tiny bit. The thought of Jun spending a week with Con and attempting to get into her jeans the whole time… Well, it hadn’t sat well. At all.

  He thought quickly. “The branches and the Bookmobile are my responsibilities. I should fix Ms. Chen’s problems.”

  “I agree.” Kamal nodded approvingly. “I also think this is your chance to mend fences with her and the entire Bookmobile department. And I expect you to document your efforts on board the Bookmobile. Take photos and upload some blog posts to the intranet.” He rubbed his hands together. “The library director and the Board will be pleased by our initiative and our commitment to assisting fellow employees. Maybe pleased enough for us to win the Department of the Year award.”

  Jun slumped in his chair. “Dammit. I wanted some Chen Time.”

  “Um, Sam?” Owen interjected. “I’m sure you’ve thought about this, but…”

  After waiting a few seconds, Sam gave Owen a verbal nudge. “What? Is there something I’ve forgotten?”

  Owen winced apologetically. “The Bookmobile only fits two employees, max. And Constance will need help on some of the stops. So if you’re riding with her for a week, you’ll also be working alongside her. Checking books in and out. Dealing with…patrons.”

  They all shuddered.

  “Oh, shit.” Jun offered Sam a consoling pat on the back. “Never mind. Even a week of Chen Time isn’t worth that.”

  “Next week, all of us will have to make ourselves available to the branches in Sam’s absence.” Kamal directed a meaningful stare at Jun. “All of us.”

  Jun sighed. “I suppose I’ll be suffering in solidarity with Sam, my IT brother.”

  “Meeting’s over,” Kamal said. “Sam, I’ll need you to e-mail me daily about your progress with the Bookmobile’s technical issues, as well as your efforts at documentation. Oh, and your success at winning Constance Chen over with your Bunyon-esque charms.”

  Sam saluted his boss. “Will do.”

  But when the three other men had left the room, bound for tasks at various places around the library, he propped his elbows on the table and scrubbed his face with rough hands.

  A week. An entire week in the cramped confines of the Bookmobile, alone with the one woman who tempted him without making the slightest effort to do so. Dealing with patrons by her side, breathing her air, and watching her move with brisk confidence around the library and inside Big Bertha. Trying to remember that a relationship with her could easily end in disaster.

  If everything fell apart, Penny would feel pressured to choose sides, and he was certain—absolutely, positively certain—she’d pick her longtime friend over the half brother she barely knew. She’d already shunted him aside once, after all. He wasn’t letting it happen again.

  After digging his wallet from his pocket, he eased out the one photo he had of his entire family. His father standing tall and laughing, one arm slung around Sam’s shoulders and the other around Penny’s. She hadn’t come to the Eastern Shore to see them that often, even before the estrangement, and she didn’t like posing for photographs. But for that one visit, she’d relented and allowed Sam to set the timer so he could capture everyone he loved. Everyone who anchored him to the world and provided a sense of home and belonging. His family.

  He would risk just about anything to make Constance Chen his.

  But not that. Never, ever that.

  3

  “As soon as I saw Tina’s socks, I knew our meeting was going to suck like a vacuum on speed,” Constance said.

  The library’s assistant director had left Con’s office only minutes ago, clad in her usual neutral pantsuit and white button-down blouse. As always, the only clue to her state of mind was the thin sliver of sock visible between her loafers and her pants hem. She’d chosen a pair with hearts when she’d played matchmaker for Con’s friend Angie. Rainbows when she’d married her longtime partner, Melissa. Stethoscopes when Marjorie in circulation had started chemo. And this morning…

  “Oh, shit. Fucking storm clouds,” Con had groaned as soon as Tina arrived for their last-minute meeting.

  Which, to be honest, hadn’t helped improve the tenor of the meeting. Tina had been counseling Con for years now about appropriate language on library property. And although Con considered the assistant library director both a friend and an amazing boss, even Tina had her limits. And those limits did not allow for profane remarks about her sock choices.

  “What did she say?” Helen looked up from a teetering stack of circulation reports.

  Con’s best friend was still rearranging various piles of papers and nudging aside plants so she could find a place to sit in Con’s office. Normally, Con tried to help with the task, but not today. Today, she was way too agitated to handle fragile ferns or
finicky ficus trees, much less piles of potentially important memos.

  She got up from behind her desk to pace. Or, rather, to edge her way around various obstacles in a sort of mincing stomp. She’d found that her boots helped relay anger very effectively, even if you couldn’t get a good stride going.

  “In response to my continued complaints, the IT department is sending a representative to the Bookmobile for a week of on-site troubleshooting.”

  Helen plopped down onto the newly-cleared chair. “I’m not sure I understand the problem, Con. Isn’t that a good thing?”

  Constance snatched another pencil from her desk and shoved it into her bun, which had begun to slide with each resounding boot-stomp. “I’ll be spending a week working alongside an IT dude who’s never dealt with patrons before. At least, not for more than a minute or two at a time.”

  From behind her glasses, Helen’s eyes narrowed in thought. “Still not getting the reason for all this angst. I mean, it’s inconvenient, but you train new people occasionally. Like that one woman, Desiree?” She sat forward. “Remember how she spent way too long in that sexy homebound patron’s house, and you went in to see what was happening? And she’d pulled his sweatpants down over his leg casts and was playing with his, um… Plinko chips while they made out? All while The Price Is Right was blaring in the background?”

  Con came to a halt. “Jesus Christ, Hel. Why are you reminding me of goddamn Desiree? She stole the only young, hot, homebound patron I’ve ever had. I mean, they had a very nice wedding and all, but I had to deal with her lawsuit when the library fired her. Testicular Tactile Deficiency, my hairy ass.”

  “I doubt your ass is hairy.”

  “It’s an idiom, Hel. Roll with it,” Con said, her patience reaching a breaking point.

  Helen gave a suspicious-sounding cough. “Excuse me. Incipient bronchitis, no doubt.”

  “You’d better not be mocking my use of figurative language.”

  “All I’m saying is that shepherding an IT guy through a week on the Bookmobile can’t be much worse than dealing with Desiree,” Helen explained. “And it’s not as if the IT rep won’t know how to use the circulation and reference functions on the laptops. So what’s the real problem here?”

  One of the few bare patches on her office wall abruptly captured Con’s total attention. And after several moments of silence, she could almost sense the slow, evil grin spreading across Helen’s face.

  “Oh, I know what’s going on,” Helen said. “All this agita isn’t about having a random person on board the Bookmobile for a week. And it’s not about the IT department as a whole, is it?”

  The African violet to Con’s right definitely needed more water, if a poke of her fingertip into the dry soil proved anything. “Just forget about it, Hel. I’m going to get my watering can.”

  “They assigned Sam to Big Bertha for the week.” Helen nodded, as if pleased with her deductive abilities. “That’s why you’re so crazed.”

  The watering can was probably buried under a pile of papers somewhere. The spray bottle would have to do for the moment. A few quick squirts would moisten the plant’s dusty-looking lea—

  Helen didn’t bother waiting for a response. “I know it’s weird that I slept with him. But it was only once. Well, one night, anyway. For a geek, he had surprising energy and stamina.”

  Oh, Jesus, we’re doing this. We’re really having this conversation, after almost a year of avoiding the topic.

  “I don’t need to hear this,” Con interjected.

  “I think you do.” The set of Helen’s chin turned mulish. “My point is that while, yes, I’ve had sex with him, and yes, I know what he looks like naked, what with all the red hair and brown eyes and toned muscles, the latter of which really surprised me when he stripped off his superhero tee—”

  Constance started to hum to herself. Loudly.

  “—the whole sleeping-with-him thing happened a year ago, and I’m very happy with Wes. I know Sam’s not interested in me as anything more than a friend, either. So you should totally feel free to fuck him if you’d like!” Helen finished on a shout.

  The door to Con’s office swung open, and Tina poked her head inside.

  “Ladies, you know better than this.” Shoving a strand of her iron-gray bob behind her ear, she glared at them from above the top of her glasses. “At least, I hope you do. Please only use adult language outside business hours and away from library property.”

  “I didn’t say a word.” Con couldn’t help reveling in the moment. “See, Tina? I’ve told you Helen was a bad influence on me.”

  “Is Helen also to blame for the fact that your office appears to be the epicenter of an extremely localized earthquake and/or tornado?”

  “Ooooh,” Helen said. “An earthnado! Or maybe a tornquake? Wasn’t there a made-for-TV movie about those on the sci-fi channel?”

  “I’m sorry, Tina. I know I let my office get way too messy.” Constance lowered herself back into her desk chair, attempting to appear as professional as possible. “I’ll do better.”

  “As will Helen, I presume?” Tina directed a stern glance at Con’s BFF.

  Helen saluted her. “Yes, ma’am. I apologize.”

  “I can certainly speak to her about her salty language,” Con said. “Maybe she just needs an occasional reminder of appropriate workplace behavior.”

  “You’re all kindness, Ms. Chen.” Tina shook her head, but she disappeared from the doorway a moment later.

  They waited, motionless and with their mouths firmly closed, until they could hear her footsteps disappear down the hall. Then Helen reached out to shut the door again. But she didn’t say anything else, just stared at Con expectantly.

  The silence stretched on. And on. Until time as Con knew it ceased to exist. Until the office became so quiet she could have heard an ant fart behind the baseboard molding.

  Finally, she broke. “So… At some point, I may have given you the impression I was interested in Sam. Or, as I prefer to call him, Sir Geeks-a-Lot.”

  A small smile crossed Helen’s face. “Yeah. He seemed to make quite an impact on you when you met him during the May Day festivities. If I remember correctly, you asked me who he was. And then, when I told you about his connections to Penny and me, you immediately made reference to the Code of the Sisterhood. Thou shalt not fuck—”

  “—thy sister’s brother or thy sister’s sloppy seconds,” Con finished for her.

  “Which kind of implied a certain level of interest.”

  “Well, I was a stupid bitch,” Con declared. “And so are you, for having slept with a know-it-all jerk who wouldn’t know good customer service if it came up and punched him in the face.”

  Con demonstrated a hard right hook.

  “I’m not certain good customer service involves face-punching.” Helen waved a hand. “But I’ll overlook that for the moment. Apart from his status as Penny’s brother and my ex-lover, what bothers you about him?”

  “So much. So much,” Con said. “I’ll admit that he’s hot. Stupendously hot. Even more so with that facial hair he’s sporting now. I mean, how am I supposed to resist a hot ginger beardo? How could any straight woman not fantasize about offering herself to him like a particularly sturdy oak in need of felling?”

  Helen blinked. “I’m…not sure how to answer that question.”

  “But he’s always complaining about the Bookmobile crew. Apparently, we damage computers and electronic equipment at a much higher rate than other departments. I told him it was because we don’t serve patrons in a controlled environment, unlike departments located within the library.” Con crossed her legs, her right foot jiggling in midair.

  Sure, she knew he was picking fights to counteract their chemistry and keep her at a distance. But that didn’t mean his criticisms didn’t hurt. More than they should.

  She’d never been able to figure out if he really meant any of what he said. Just as she sometim
es couldn’t draw the line between sex-avoidance tactics and truth in what she said about—and to—him.

  “And he said?”

  “That we also destroy equipment located here in the office at ‘a remarkably brisk pace,’” Con said. “Direct quote, by the way.”

  “I figured.” Helen’s smile broadened slightly.

  “He blames me. Me,” Con emphasized. “According to him, I don’t set a good example for my employees when it comes to organization and proper care of library resources. Can you believe it?”

  “Um…” Helen glanced around the office, her gaze falling on the tangled plants, the piles of paper, and the CPU Con frequently used as a footstool.

  “I told him he could take his opinion and stick it where a surgeon would have to retrieve it using pliers. And that I would never directly ask him for help again, even if all my computers simultaneously exploded and he was the only IT guy on duty.”

  “Solid plan,” Helen said.

  “That’s what I thought.” Con crossed her arms across her chest. “So, as you can see, I have a vast assortment of reasons to avoid the Scourge of the IT Department, Sam Wolcott. Even apart from your history with him.”

  Which, she had to admit, was definitely a deterrent. Sleeping with her best friend’s former one-night stand was just asking for awkwardness. Worse, while Con knew Sam wanted her, she didn’t know whether he was also still carrying a flamethrower—or a candle, torch, whatever—for Helen. And she refused to serve as a substitute for another woman. Not even one as wonderful as her BFF.

  “And then there’s his role in Penny’s life,” Helen added.

  Penny had just begun to build a real relationship with her half brother. Con couldn’t—wouldn’t—interfere with that. No matter how much she wanted to grasp a handful of his shaggy hair, yank him close, and…

  She took a deep breath. Back on topic, Chen. “And the fact that I don’t want a boyfriend. Risking my relationship with my BFF and one of my other good friends for a quick fuck doesn’t make sense. At all. You know how mopey some of my exes get. It’s like they didn’t hear me all the times I said I only wanted sex, nothing more. Thus my policy about not sleeping with coworkers or anyone else I might regularly run into after the breakup.”