Becoming More

by Lane, Bayli

  A confident smile replaces the shy one that occupied my face earlier. “Just get in the car, and I’ll tell you when to turn.”

  Colton kisses my cheek, opens my door, and then closes it behind me. He jogs to his side, and we’re off.

  “Turn right at the light,” I say. Both of my legs start bouncing up and down. I haven’t done this since I was at my parent’s house, and I haven’t done it anywhere around the college yet. Though I have scouted out good places to go, I just haven’t found the right time. Until now. With Colton.

  Colton turns. “Now what?” he asks and looks over at me with an easy smile.

  “Just stay straight. We’ll be on here for a while.” And we would.

  The traffic that leads away from the college starts to dissipate. The farther we drive, the fewer cars are around, finally we don’t see a car for miles. The busy city street is now a country back road.

  “Should I be worried?” Colton teases.

  “You scared?” I laugh.

  “No one will be able to hear my scream out here. Is that your plan, Lilly?” he jokes.

  “How did you know?” I play along and point to a sign. “Turn on that street. Left.”

  I do a giddy clap when I see the most beautiful field in front of me. It’s overgrown and gorgeous and reminds me of our field back home. Colton chuckles at me. “Just park along this road somewhere,” I direct.

  “You are a strange girl, Lilly,” he mutters.

  “You like it,” I counter.

  He’s quiet for a moment, and then I hear the gravel and dirt grind under his tires as he parks on the side of the road over the rubble. “Yeah, I do,” he answers.

  “Okay, let me grab the blanket really quick,” I say as I slam my door.

  “I got it,” he argues. He grabs the old, what-used-to-be-white-but-what-is-now-more-cream-colored-with-grass-stains-on-both-sides blanket.

  “Follow me!” I say and step into the field. Some pieces of grass and weeds reach near my stomach, but most are about knee length. I shuffle through, taking loud steps. Colton follows me. He doesn’t gripe about his pants getting dirty or complain about the bugs that fly near his face. He doesn’t even try swatting at them.

  Finally we’re far enough away from the street that even if a car did drive by the lights would never reach us. I look around at the seemingly never ending flat land with the soft and featherlike plants blowing gently as the wind lulls them like a quiet lullaby. I turn around in a circle and take in a deep, fresh breath. “Here,” I state and stick a piece of hair behind my ear. “Let’s lay the blanket down right here.”

  I grab one end and he grabs the other, and we stretch the blanket out across the ground and start stepping on it to flatten it down.

  I lay down first, my back against the hard surface and my face looking up at the sky. Colton scoots next to me. I look over and watch as he, without question, kneels down by my side and then lies on his back. He folds his arms behind his head as a cushion and looks up.

  I watch him for a minute more and then look back at the sky. The sun is setting. Pinks, oranges, and a light yellow color the sky, the sun falling behind large, fluffy clouds.

  Out of the corner of my eye I can see Colton’s chest moving up and down with his deep, steady breaths. His eyes don’t veer from the sky ahead of us. He barely even blinks.

  Too quickly the sun disappears, and the sky is painted with dark teals and deep purples with a tint of gold peeking out from where the sun’s top still lights just a small bit of sky.

  The right side of Colton’s mouth tips up into a grin.

  “Watcha lookin’ at, Lilly?” he says quietly, not breaking the ambiance of our surroundings.

  I cover my mouth to keep from laughing from being caught watching him. My eyes roll upward towards my eyebrows as I contemplate answering him. Deciding that I was already caught and that there is really nothing I can say to make him think I wasn’t just being a creeper and watching him, I shrug and start watching as the sky begins to darken even more. Colton chuckles lightly but doesn’t question me anymore.

  The world around us turns black, and the fields, instead of looking gold, look silvery from the moonlight’s reflection.

  It’s always been an amazing phenomenon to me—when the sun is hidden and the moon takes over the sky. The entire world turns black and white. There are no longer colors. If I were to stand up and look around, I would only see different shades of black and variations of white. The bright and lively world shimmers out of focus as the sun goes, and in its place a dark, omniscient world takes its place.

  That’s not the only thing that changes when the moon rises and dark sets in. The body becomes hyperaware of everything around it. A heightened sense of hearing amplifies every loud moan from the frogs, the constant songs from the insects, every breath coming from me and the person next to me, rapid thumping from my heart. The sense of smell strengthens the crispness of the air, the slight stench of a skunk spray that still lingers through the air, the grass underneath, the earthy smell of the grass damp from dew, and… that smell of the man lying next to me.

  But the most intense change is touch. The sense of touch changes drastically during the late hours of the night. I feel the pricks underneath my back and on my legs. There’s a light tickle across my cheek and forehead from my hair. But what’s really driving me crazy is that I can feel Colton lying next to me. He’s not even touching me, but I can feel this static, this undeniable want, this tangible desire dancing from my body to his.

  My breath hitches, and in the silence, it sounds like a loud gasp. I hear Colton’s breathing change too. A slight shift next to me—and then I feel his bare arm on mine. It’s just barely touching, but it’s enough to fire up that already-hardly-bearable desire.

  I ignore it. At least I try too. Instead, I return my focus back onto the sky and the scattered stars sprinkling the night with starlight. Beautiful. It’s the perfect night for stargazing. The clouds are few and far between, and we’re in just the right place where there are no lights getting in the way and blocking out the trillions of stars begging to be noticed.

  Some are larger than others. Some look like they sit right next to another, while others look like they are a mile away from the nearest star. I know in reality they all are miles and miles away from one another and even farther from me. But still, my fist tenses at my side wanting to reach up and grab each one of the stars, put them in my pocket, and take them with me everywhere so that I always remember the beauty of the night and the shockingly vast universe where there is endlessly more.

  I shamelessly turn on my side and watch Colton. I know that he sees me watching him, but he still looks up above, his eyes wandering and trying to take in everything that surrounds us. It’s impossible. I’ve tried. I will never be able to memorize the sky the way I would want to. It constantly changes. Stars change, growing brighter and brighter until finally they die. The really depressing part? The stars I’m looking at right now could already be gone, and I just don’t know it yet because the time it takes for their light to travel to the earth is enough time for them to disappear forever. I could be looking at something that no longer exists, while another star could be growing brighter and brighter and is now only a dim flicker beginning to shine in the sky. I’m seeing this light, and it’s not even real. It doesn’t exist; it’s faking me out, pretending that it is what I want and what I need. In reality what it used to be is what I needed, and now that it’s no longer there it’s time for me to find another star that’s shining even brighter than the first one ever did.

  Colton shifts on his side and looks at me, a serious look on his face. His brow appears full of thoughts that I can’t even begin to decipher. We lay there, him watching me, me watching him. We look at each other in the eyes and neither of us dares to look away. Yet, I feel that look through my entire body. I can’t take it anymore. This feels like the most intense foreplay I have ever felt, and he hasn’t even touched me yet.

 
I lean forward and kiss him. His lips part and mine answer. His tongue slips in and dances slowly and rhythmically with mine. He grips behind my neck and pulls me closer. I happily comply and wrap my arm around his waist, pulling his center closer to me. I can’t seem to get close enough. My leg ends up over both of his and wrapped around his thigh like a pretzel. We’re both breathing heavily, but he’s catching every gasp of my mouth with his, silencing the sound that would normally be embarrassingly loud.

  He moves his body and lifts me up enough so that he can wrap his arm around my back. His lips part from mine and move down to my neck. I grab at his hair, his back, and finally his arms. He rolls us until I lay below him, and he knees my legs apart so that he can fit comfortably between them. He pulls his arms out from beneath my back, moving them to the blanket at my sides, and looks down at me. Our eyes meet, and his hazel ones sparkle with brightness of the stars. He continues to watch me as his hips push forward and grind into my core. A surprises gasp escapes me, and my head rolls backward. He repeats the torturous movement. I look down at his lips where the ring sits on his lower lip and I flick my tongue over it. I can’t help myself. The way the cool metal mixes with the wet heat of my mouth is incredibly mind-blowing. He sighs, and I repeat it until he crushes his mouth into mine.

  “Mmm…” he hums when I lift my hips to meet the roll of his. My hands disappear under his shirt and roam aimlessly up and down his back. I grip and release as the intensity of our kisses grows and our panting becomes uncontrollable.

  His strong and calloused-tipped hand reaches up my shirt. His fingers move like hot liquid across my stomach and then up my ribs, causing goose bumps to rise up on my skin. I shake involuntarily. His hand lands on my breast and I hiss out a breath.

  He massages me and then pinches my nipple through my bra. “Aaahh,” I say and buck underneath him, begging for more. He does it again.

  I grab at his shirt and pull, but he doesn’t move for me to take it off. “Colton,” I say quietly. He doesn’t answer. “Colton, take off your shirt,” I command wantonly.

  His hand moves away from my breast and travels down and then skims right under the button of my shorts. “Mhmm,” I say, telling him to go further down, but he freezes.

  “Are you sure?” he asks. He lifts up and rubs his nose against mine and then looks at me waiting for an answer. “There’s no rush,” he says, mistaking my silence as a no. I’m just surprised he hasn’t pushed for more yet. I crack a smile and run my hands down his back and then take a handful of his shirt and pull it upward.

  “Positive,” I reassure.

  He pulls the rest of his shirt over his head as I pull mine off too. A small breeze hits us, and I shiver. But it’s not from the cold, and instead from the way Colton’s looking at me. His eyes take in my white bra edged with lace and adventure down my stomach and then back into my eyes. A sexy smile falls on his lips. “Now, where was I?” he asks.

  Not knowing if he’s asking a rhetorical question or if he really wants me to answer, I stay quiet. His left hand reaches up and gently runs across my throat. He kisses each side and then the hollow area right before my chest. “No more bruises,” he announces against my skin. “Ever.” He flicks his tongue across my collarbone as his hand travels down to the empty valley between my breasts. My back arches up to meet his touch. I feel him smile against the swell of my breast, and his hand continues downward.

  Please don’t stop. He reaches the button on my shorts again and pauses just long enough for me to tell him to stop. But I don’t. He flicks my pants open and then slowly unzips them. I wait, semi-patiently, for him to touch me where I’m dying to be touched. My eyes are closed tightly when I finally feel his fingers lightly run across my light pink panties. I suck in a breath and let it out. His hand moves further into my shorts but still over my underwear.

  He’s really going to take this slow, isn’t he? “Colton?” I sigh the question.

  “Yeah, baby?” he asks as his fingers touch my sensitive area.

  The sudden contact causes me to moan softly. “Colton,” I sigh again, this time from pure pleasure.

  He rubs me again, and I lift my hips to add to the pressure of his fingers. We continue like that as he begins to kiss and lick my ear lobe. “Ahh,” I say as his lips find that place right behind my ear.

  “One of your favorite places,” he mutters into my ear.

  I reach down between us and find the hard bulge in his pants. He shifts up slightly, giving me better access, and I rub my palm over the front of his jeans.

  “Christ, Lilly,” he says roughly, turning me on further.

  I reach for the button on his pants, but before I can undo them I feel his fingers move my panties to the side and the very tips of his fingers trail across my center. “Oh God,” I say right before he plunges a finger into me. “Colton,” I moan.

  “You like that, baby?” he asks as he moves his finger in and out of me.

  “Mmm,” I answer.

  “What was that, baby? I don’t think that was an answer,” he says with a small chuckle and adds a second finger to his torturous touch.

  “Ah, yes!” I yell.

  He laughs softly and bites my lower lip. “You’re so tight, Lilly,” he says huskily against my lips and then curls his fingers inside of me.

  I have never felt so hot in my entire life. Ever. Not in the middle of the scorching Indiana summers, not in Sander’s arms, not when I burnt myself cooking breakfast two years ago… With every look, every touch, every word from Colton, I am learning an entirely new level of heat. Everything about him is a blue blaze lighting my entire world on fire. I feel hotter than the freakin’ sun.

  I feel my body beginning to tense and prepare for a big finish. Colton must be able to tell too because his fingers start pumping faster and harder in and out of me, and his lips are kissing me harder than they were before.

  I grip his back tight and he lifts his face away from mine. “Look at me, Lilly. I want to watch you come for me.”

  I’m too worked up to be embarrassed, so I meet his gaze straight on as my body lets go. My mouth drops open and a relieved moan escapes. “You’re so damn gorgeous,” he says as he slowly works every last tremor out of me. I continue to watch his face until he dips his head down and kisses every part of my face he can reach and then down my neck. His fingers leave me and I automatically miss the feeling of having a part of him inside of me. I whimper.

  I start reaching for his pants again, feeling bad that he hasn’t come yet, but Colton grabs my hand and lifts it to his lips. He kisses my knuckles and then holds that hand above my head. “Not tonight,” he says.

  “But—” I begin.

  “No, Lilly. It’s okay. Pleasing you was more than I imagined would happen tonight.” He smiles genuinely.

  My cheeks heat. “Okay,” I submit.

  “Tonight has been one of the best nights of my life,” Colton admits quietly and kisses the side of my mouth. “I’ve never done this whole -” he looks around and gestures to the vast emptiness of space above us, “laying outside and looking at the stars thing. I’ve never seen so many stars in my life.”

  “It’s my favorite thing in the entire world to do,” I tell him. “I used to do it a lot back home. It clears my mind. I haven’t been able to come out for a while, and I think I really needed it.”

  “You’ve had a rough year,” Colton whispers into the air. “Tell me about your parents, your home,” Colton suggests.

  I turn towards him and rest my head on my hand, deliberating on what to tell him. “Well, I’m an only child,” I begin. “My parents are pretty old fashioned when it comes to… well everything. I guess you could say I was sheltered.”

  Colton’s eyebrows draw together, deliberating. I continue, “They love me, but sometimes I felt like I couldn’t breathe in that house, so I would grab a blanket and just lay out like we are right now. It’s the only place that just sucks all of the bad energy right out of my body and replaces it with utter ca
lmness.” I look over my head and focus on one particular star shining brighter than the ones around it—the exact star that I need. “That sounds kind of silly doesn’t it?” I ask rhetorically. “My dad is a gun toting, ‘hurt my daughter and I’ll kill you and no one will find your body’ kind of guy.”

  Colton raises his eyebrows, and I laugh. “Don’t worry. It’s mostly all talk.” I smile. “My mom is crazy,” I giggle. “You know how most dads like to say they wear the pants in the family? And ya know, most do… Not in my house. Sure, dad can be pretty persuasive when he really wants something, but ultimately? If my mom says something is happening—it’s going to happen. If she says ‘no’ the answer will always be no. She also tends to overreact about everything.

  “But, even with all the craziness, I’ve never had to question whether they love me or not. My dad’s not an emotional man, but when it comes to me he can be a big crybaby.”

  Colton smiles at me. “And what about your mom?”

  “Well she puts up with me,” I laugh. “I can be just as crazy as her, but she’s always there supporting me. If I have a question or just need to cry to her, she’s there listening to me. Sometimes she gives the best advice in this world; it just takes me awhile to listen to her.”

  I’m lost in thought, thinking about my parents, when I turn back to Colton. “What about you? Tell me about your parents,” I question, wanting to get to know him more too.

  He doesn’t say anything for a minute, and I wonder if he thinks this is too personal of a question from a girl he just wants to hook up with. I’m about to move on to a different, less personal question when he finally starts talking.

  “My mom is a damn saint,” he begins with a small smile that slowly widens. “My mom and dad met when they were in high school, and she stuck with him through college and waited until his business was up and running before she even considered bringing up the god-forsaken-word, ‘marriage.’ He finally asked her to marry him, and I came into the picture only twelve months later.”