“I would have been upset if you hadn’t asked me.”
“I’ll pick you up in twenty minutes. We’ll check his usual haunts first. I have to do something. I can’t sit and wait for the police to call.”
“I understand. I seem to remember you keeping me company one night while I searched.”
“I thought we’d gotten beyond this.”
“A lot has happened to Johnny in the past few days. Running away is his usual way of coping. I should have figured something like this would happen.”
“Be there in a while. Thanks.”
Tess hung up, Mac’s desperation and appreciation still sounding in her mind. She quickly switched on the lamp by her bed and got dressed in a pair of old jeans and a sweatshirt. It would be a long night, and comfort would be important.
So as not to awaken Delise, Tess waited outside her apartment for Mac to pick her up in his car. The second he turned into the parking lot, she hurried toward him, not wanting to waste a minute of their search time.
Inside she buckled up, saying, “Let’s start in the warehouse district.”
Before he backed out of the parking space, he gripped her hand, his gaze on her. “I should have said something tonight when Dottie Brown came. Johnny’s run away because he thinks no one really wants him. After meeting the woman, I knew her heart wasn’t in this. She told me tonight she was only taking Johnny in because of her duty to her brother. Johnny’s a smart kid. He would have picked up on those vibes.”
“Well, when we find him you’ll have a chance to make it up to him and tell him you want to adopt him.”
“If we find him.”
Her grasp tightened on his hand. “We will. God brought you two together because He wanted you to be a family. Believe that.” She heard him release a rush of air. “Johnny’s in good hands.”
The tension in his body relaxed. “You’re right. The Lord is watching out for him. He’ll be all right until we find him.”
Tess eased back in the seat, calmness descending. Her faith would sustain her through the search and help her be there for Mac.
“I want to be here when Amy wakes up, then we’ll go back out looking for Johnny,” Mac said as he let himself into his house, the bright light of dawn slanting across the front lawn.
Tess followed him to the kitchen. “I know he’s okay.”
“How?” Mac asked wearily, tossing his keys onto the counter by the coffeemaker.
“I just do. I can’t explain it.”
“I’m so tired, I could drink a whole pot of coffee and still fall asleep.” Mac measured out several scoops and dumped them into the top of the small appliance. “These past few nights I haven’t slept very well.”
“Why don’t you go lay down for a while? I’ll let you know when Amy gets up.” Tess took over the job of making the coffee and waved him out of the kitchen.
A yelp from the utility room caught Mac’s attention. “I’ll let Buttons out. She’s getting pretty good about going to the bathroom in the back yard. She and Frisky were quite a pair.” Mac’s voice tightened around the last few words.
“Don’t worry about her. I’ll let her in when she wants in.”
Mac picked up Buttons and strolled to the door. He placed the puppy on the deck, then watched as she bounded across the wooden planks, coming to a screeching halt at the chaise lounge. Mac started to close the door, then took a good look at the chair. Buttons’s barking filled the air.
“Tess!” Mac called as he raced for the bundle curled in a ball on the chaise lounge. Frisky poked her head up through the middle of the pile and answered Buttons’s greeting.
Tess rushed out the back door just as Johnny stretched and sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Frisky leaped down and began to play tag with Buttons.
Mac drew the boy into his arms. “How long have you been here?”
Johnny looked around him and smiled at Tess. “A while. I didn’t want to wake you guys up.”
“I’ve been up most of the night searching for you.”
The gruff sound to Mac’s voice made Johnny frown and pull back. “I didn’t mean to cause no trouble.” His lower lip quivered, and he bit it.
“Trouble? Your aunt thinks I kidnapped you.”
“I can leave.” With his eyes unusually bright, Johnny chewed on his lower lip, not making a move to leave.
“No way.” Mac hugged the child to him. “You’re part of my family, and I’m gonna fight to keep you this time.”
“You mean that?” Johnny said through the tears streaming down his face.
The thickness in Tess’s throat grew. Her tears fell. She pressed her hand on Johnny’s back and said, “He means it. I can’t begin to tell you how frantic Mac and I were last night looking for you.”
Leaning back, Johnny stared at Mac. “Then why did you let me go yesterday with that lady?”
“She’s your aunt. I thought you would want to be with your own family.”
“I don’t know her. She didn’t want to keep Frisky. She kept sneezing and looking strangely at Frisky. She had the hotel put her in a dog kennel out back. Frisky didn’t like it. I had to rescue her.”
“Then you wouldn’t mind me adopting you?”
“Really? You want me?”
“Yes, very much.” Mac grinned. “I’ll even take Frisky.”
Johnny threw his arms around Mac. “You won’t be able to give me back?”
“No, this will be for keeps.”
Tess’s smile matched Mac’s and Johnny’s. Her heart swelled with emotions she had cautiously allowed back into her life. Family, children were so important. She wanted it all, a loving husband, a house full of children.
“I’ll be the best son you ever had.”
Mac grew serious. “I want you to come to me if you’re upset. Running away won’t solve your problems. I will love you no matter what, and we can work through anything. Just don’t run away again.”
Johnny’s expression equaled Mac’s in gravity. “I promise I won’t.”
“Thanks. I think I lost five years tonight searching for you. I’m not as young as I used to be.” Mac tousled Johnny’s hair.
The back door banged open, and Amy raced outside, launching herself at Johnny. Mac caught her before she managed to topple Johnny onto the decking.
“You’re back. I just knew you would be. I prayed real hard last night, and God heard me.”
Mac cradled both children. “How would you feel if Johnny was a member of our family? Would you like a big brother?”
Amy’s eyes grew round. “You mean it, Daddy?”
“Yep.”
Amy jumped up and down, clapping her hands. “We’re gonna be a family. We’re gonna be a family.”
Sadness intertwined with Tess’s happiness as she watched the three of them bond. She took a step away from them, feeling as though she was intruding on them.
Mac glanced up and caught her backing away. “Where do you think you’re going?”
She shrugged, not wanting to explain the feelings bombarding her. “I was gonna check on the coffee. Didn’t you say you wanted a whole pot of it?”
“I’m wide awake now. I couldn’t sleep if I wanted to. Let’s get Nina and all of us go out for a big breakfast.”
“Yes,” the two children yelled and raced for the door.
Mac hung back, grabbing Tess before she followed the children into the house. “After I give Mrs. Hocks and Dottie Brown a call to tell them about Johnny, we’re all going to breakfast, including you, then you and I are gonna talk. It’s long overdue.”
Johnny and Amy hit the house and sprinted for the utility room to get their puppies and go out back to play. Nina shook her head and trailed the children into the kitchen.
“I’m exhausted just looking at those two,” Mac said, starting to toss his keys on the table in the foyer.
Tess stifled a yawn, feeling the exhaustion of a long night searching for Johnny and a morning spent celebrating his safe return to the Mac
Phersons.
Mac peered at her and closed his hand around his keys. “Come on. I’ll take you home.”
“What about our talk?” Tess wasn’t sure she would be able to put two coherent sentences together.
“We’ll talk on the way.”
On the ride to her apartment Tess rested her head on the seat and listened to the classical music Mac popped into his CD player. Her eyelids began to droop as the sounds of Bach filled the car with soothing tones. The next thing she realized Mac was gently shaking her awake. Her eyes opened and her gaze connected with his. The tenderness in his expression quickened her heartbeat.
She sat up, smoothing her hair. “I’m sorry. I know you wanted to talk, but I couldn’t keep my eyes open.”
“I hated to wake you up. You looked so serene. Like an angel.”
The huskiness in his voice prodded her heart to beat even faster. “That’s exactly what I thought Amy looked like the other night when I put her to bed.”
“Yeah, she has her moments.”
“She’s wonderful. You’re lucky.”
“Yes, I am. It’s been a while since I’ve thought that. You’ve made me realize that.”
“How?” The question came out in a breathless rush.
“After Sheila died, I thought that part of my life was over. With you, Tess, I see it doesn’t have to be.” He raked his fingers through his hair and massaged the back of his neck. “I’m not doing a very good job of saying what I mean. I hadn’t meant to say anything, since you were so tired. I was gonna wait till later.” He clasped her hands, bringing her around to face him. “But here goes. Tess Morgan, I love you and want to marry you.”
Her world exploded into bright lights and beautiful music. She felt like dancing and singing, all weariness slipping away. “Marry you?”
“Yes. Will you?”
Emotions she’d thought denied to her since Kevin’s death tugged at her heart. She had to swallow several times before she could answer, “Yes. Yes, I would love to marry you.”
Mac dragged her to him and settled his mouth over hers. Her heart soared, her pulse racing with elation. When he leaned back, the smile that graced his lips sent a warm tingling to the tips of her toes.
“This isn’t how I had planned to propose to you, Tess. You deserve flowers, a candlelight dinner and soft music. After all that’s happened I couldn’t wait for the perfect moment.”
She framed his face with her hands. “This was perfect. You’ve made me the happiest woman alive. For years I’ve dreamed of marrying the man I love and having a family, the bigger the better.”
His jaw tensed beneath her fingertips. A rush of air was expelled from his lips. “Amy and Johnny need a mother.”
“Not just Amy and Johnny.” Tess saw a frown carve deep lines into his face. “I know you have reservations about having more children, but—”
He jerked away, his body flattened against the driver’s door. “I don’t want any more children. I told you about my wife when we went camping in the mountains. Amy and Johnny are enough for me. My family is complete.”
The steel thread in his voice underscored his words with a clarity that alarmed Tess. Because he was such a good father, she had never believed he wouldn’t want to be a father again and again. The dream that had materialized in her mind vanished like a mirage in a desert. “Yes, you told me about Sheila dying during childbirth, but—”
“I will never be responsible for another death. I couldn’t take that. It nearly killed me when Sheila died. I won’t risk that kind of loss again.”
“But you weren’t responsible.” She frowned, her exhaustion returning tenfold.
“She wouldn’t have been pregnant if I hadn’t talked her into it. She wouldn’t have died giving birth if I hadn’t persuaded her that we were ready for a family. You see, I wanted a large one. She wasn’t sure she wanted any children. It was probably the one bone of contention in our marriage.”
Dread wove its way through her body, making her limbs leaden. “But I want children. We agree on that.”
“No, we don’t. I’ve changed my mind.”
The air in the car was stifling as though the last breath was being squeezed from it. Tess yanked on the handle and pushed the door open. She quickly stood and wished she hadn’t. The world tilted and spun with her sudden movement. She gripped the car and closed her eyes, willing the spinning to stop.
She heard Mac slam his door. When she opened her eyes, he blocked her path, anguish in his features.
“I don’t think I can do it, Tess.”
“It isn’t common for a woman to die in childbirth. I’m willing to take the risk.”
“I’m not.”
“Weren’t you the one who once told me that life is a risk?”
“I’ve changed my mind where you’re concerned.”
Again that steel thread ran through his voice, and Tess was reminded of an immovable force. “I don’t know what to say. I need to think.”
“Do that. I want us to agree if we do get married. I won’t go into a marriage again without that settled up front.”
This should be the happiest day of her life, but instead she felt deflated, unsure what to do. She loved Mac. But she wanted children badly. Yes, Amy and Johnny would be a part of her family if she married Mac, but she wanted to experience having children, holding and nursing a baby. She was afraid she would always feel incomplete if she gave in on this.
“But you need to think, too, Mac. Life is a risk, and you changing your mind won’t alter that fact. Some things are important enough that you should take a risk. This is one of them.”
“What if I don’t feel that way?”
“Then we have a lot of thinking and talking to do before anything can be decided.” She stepped around him, needing to escape to do that thinking. When she was with Mac, she wanted to give in to him, and yet she was afraid that would be the worst mistake of her life. One day she would resent giving up her dream of having children. “I’d better go inside. It’s been a long night, and I’m very tired.”
As she passed him, he grabbed her arm and held her still. He leaned into her, his face buried in her hair. He kissed the top of her head, then lifted her chin to caress her lips with his.
“I can’t change how I feel, Tess.”
“Yes, you can.”
“But so can you.”
“I see we’re at opposite ends on this issue. Good day, Mac. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
“Promise?” He released her, a troubled look in his eyes.
“Of course. I agree we have to talk this out before we decide on getting married. I’m working tomorrow, but we can see each other in the evening.”
The long walk to her apartment felt as though it took an eternity. She sensed Mac watching her until she disappeared inside and collapsed against the door. Sliding to the floor, she curled her legs up and rested her forehead on her knees. She should be dancing and singing. Instead, she wanted to crawl into bed and bury herself under tons of blankets.
Please, God, help me decide what is best for me, for Mac. I can’t do this without You.
Chapter Thirteen
Exhaustion clung to Tess like cobwebs to a deserted house. She stared at the computer monitor at the nurses’ station, the words about a new admission blurring. She rubbed her hands down her face to clear her thoughts. All night she’d tossed and turned, trying to come to a decision concerning Mac. Still the answer evaded her. Could she make a commitment to Mac knowing she would give up a lifelong dream?
“Tess, there’s a call for you,” the unit secretary said.
Tess glanced up from the computer, her brow furrowed.
“Line two.”
Tess picked up the phone. “Tess Morgan.”
“This is Joan in emergency. I think you should get down here. Peter MacPherson was just brought in. He’s been in some kind of accident or something. I don’t know the details.”
For a few seconds Tess’s mind went blank. Her nervel
ess fingers dropped the receiver, and the sound of it hitting the counter resonated through the nurses’ station, jerking her out of her trance.
She quickly snatched up the phone and said, “Is he—”
“He’s lost a lot of blood. I don’t know much beyond that.”
“I’ll be there.”
Tess placed the phone in its cradle and leaped to her feet. She frantically scanned the area for the head nurse. When she saw Kathleen, she hurried to her and explained about the emergency, a sense of urgency taking hold.
She hadn’t been able to say goodbye to Kevin. What if Mac—Oh, Lord, please watch over Mac. Please don’t take him from me.
Two minutes later she was on the elevator, counting the floors as it descended. Her heartbeat picked up speed as she came nearer. By the time the doors swished open and she rushed out, maneuvering her way among people waiting to get on, her pulse hammered against her temples as though a kettledrum was inside her head.
Joan was waiting for her and pointed to Room Three. Tess shoved through the door and came to a halt just inside. Mac lay on a gurney with two nurses and a doctor hovering over him. Never before had the sight of blood made her light-headed. But seeing Mac helpless with his eyes closed and his face pale while the emergency room team worked on him caused her head to spin. Smells she should be used to assailed her, prompting her stomach to roil. She gripped the edge of the counter to keep from collapsing while trying not to hyperventilate.
“Tess, what are you doing here?” the doctor asked.
“He’s a friend. What happened?”
“A gunshot wound to the left shoulder.”
“Gunshot?” She didn’t understand how something like this could happen to her Mac. He hated guns. He didn’t have any in his house.
The doctor returned his attention to his patient. “You don’t look too good. Why don’t you sit in the waiting area? As soon as I have some information, I’ll let you know. You might want to contact his family.”
Part of her wanted to stay, try to help, but another part needed to leave the room before she fainted, something she had never done in her whole life. In the corridor she drew in deep breaths of the antiseptic-scented air. Normally the smell didn’t bother her. Right now it made her stomach churn, and she fought the urge to throw up.
Family for Keeps & Sadie's Hero Page 17
