“We’re just friends, Dad. As you said, Andrew is too busy for much of a life outside of his work.”
“There’s nothing wrong with a man working hard.”
She was thankful the waitress started serving the main course of roasted chicken so she didn’t have to reply to her father’s statement. He would feel that way, since most of his life he’d buried himself in his work, often to the neglect of his family. She already felt wrung out and certainly didn’t want to get into that with her father.
Every time the door opened to admit someone into the private dining room, Sadie looked, expecting to see Andrew. By the time the waitress removed the main course and brought out the dessert, Sadie gave up.
When the superintendent rose and went to the podium, her stomach twisted into a huge knot. This was a big moment, and she wanted Andrew sitting next to her. Her father reached over and took her hand, squeezing it as the man spoke about the honor of being selecting as a teacher of the year from a school. Then the superintendent described each candidate up for teacher of the year from the Cimarron City public schools.
“Our candidate representing the high school has many roles as a teacher of special needs students. Within her classroom she has faced many challenges that most would never dream of dealing with. She has gone beyond her role as a special education teacher to set up a peer tutoring program for regular education students at Cimarron High School. It is heartwarming to see these peer tutors forming friendships and helping with students who have special needs. Outside the classroom she is a coach for Special Olympics and enjoys taking her team to many sports activities throughout the year. She also is the vocational coordinator, visiting job sites where her students work as well as developing potential job sites for possible employment opportunities for her students. Please give a round of applause for Sadie Spencer.”
Blushing, Sadie stood. She was never comfortable with compliments. After she resumed her seat, the superintendent went through the rest of the candidates.
“Each one of these teachers would be a great representative for our school district. Now I have the good fortune to announce…” He paused and tore open an envelope.
Sadie’s mother leaned in front of her father and whispered, “I feel like I’m at the Academy Awards. Good luck, sweetheart.”
“She’s the best. She doesn’t need luck,” her father said. “If she doesn’t win, it’s their loss.”
Sadie’s gaze fastened onto her father.
“The winner is Sadie Spencer from Cimarron High School.”
“I knew you would win.” Her father winked at her.
She sat in her chair, speechless, not having prepared anything to say. She heard the applause, but the sound seemed far away.
Her father nudged her gently in the side. “You’d better go up to the podium.”
“I didn’t write a speech.”
“You’ll think of something. It’s rare that you don’t have something to say.”
On the long walk to the front of the room the one thing that kept repeating itself in her mind was how much she wished Andrew was here to share her good news. She glanced at the door one last time before stepping up to the podium.
“I’m speechless,” she said into the mike.
“We know better than that, Sadie. You’re never speechless,” a fellow high school teacher called.
Sadie smiled. “What I meant is that I didn’t write a speech. The other candidates were so deserving that I didn’t allow myself to think about winning this honor, and indeed it is an honor to represent this school district for Oklahoma Teacher of the Year. Cimarron public schools are simply the best in the state.”
Applause erupted, and a few cheers.
Sadie waited until the noise died down to continue. “I have a lot of people to thank for me being here tonight, but without God’s guidance and support I wouldn’t be standing here receiving this honor. He is the first one I must thank. The next are the students I’m privileged to teach. I have learned so much from them and hopefully in the process have taught them some life lessons. Then, of course, I must include in this list my parents and the staff I work with at Cimarron High School. Thank you.”
Amidst clapping and a standing ovation, Sadie took the plaque from the superintendent and shook his hand. She started to walk to her chair when he stopped her.
Leaning into the microphone, the superintendent said, “That speech is one of the many reasons we chose Sadie Spencer for this honor. She will represent our school district well at the state level. Thank you, Sadie, for teaching our children.”
Sadie made her way toward her table, pausing to shake people’s hands and to exchange a few words with some people she’d taught with for years. When she arrived at her chair, her father rose and hugged her, then her mother. Tears welled in Sadie’s eyes. Her father rarely embraced her, and certainly not in front of so many people. This should be one of the happiest moments of her life, and yet there was a part of her that was sad, as though the evening wasn’t totally complete without Andrew. When had she come to depend on him to define her happiness?
“Honey, you were wonderful up there,” her mother said, kissing her on the cheek. “Don’t you think so, Robert?”
“You couldn’t have prepared a better speech, if you ask me.” Pride oozed from his voice. “You really enjoy teaching your students, don’t you?”
“Yes, Dad, very much.” Peering into his eyes, she finally saw understanding about her choice to become a teacher for students with special needs.
“I guess I never stopped to really listen to you.”
Tears cascaded down her cheeks. She wiped them away, only to have more replace them.
“After this is over, we need to celebrate. Where would you like to go, Sadie?” her father asked, his arm around her shoulders.
“Home.” She needed to leave before she totally broke down in front of everyone.
“We can do that. I believe your mom baked a cake this afternoon for the occasion.”
It took Sadie twenty minutes to make it to her car. She hoped she murmured the right words to everyone’s congratulations, but she wasn’t sure. She felt confused, at loose ends, when she should be flying high. The realization of how important Andrew was to her, someone who had prided herself on her independence, distressed her.
She followed her parents to their house and pulled in behind them in the driveway, upset that even as she’d weaved her way through the crowd at the restaurant, she had kept looking for Andrew to appear. By the time she entered her parents’ home, anger at being stood up tangled with her worry that something had happened to Andrew.
“I need to make a phone call.” Sadie sought the privacy of her father’s office.
She dialed Andrew’s office, but there was no answer. She called his house and got his answering machine. Her worry mushroomed. She decided to check her messages to make sure he hadn’t left one.
“Sadie, I’m sorry I can’t make it to the dinner after all. There’s a problem I need to see to personally in Seattle. I’m leaving tonight. I’ll call you when I get back.”
The aloofness in his voice chilled Sadie. She hung up but remained sitting at her father’s desk, immersed in conflicting emotions. She knew he had warned her about what was happening. His work came first and always would. He hadn’t promised her a thing, and yet she had secretly hoped for more. And now she would pay for it. Her heart broke, the deep ache making each breath difficult.
The tears flowed unchecked down her face as she leaned back in the overstuffed chair and closed her eyes.
“Sadie? What’s wrong?”
Surprised to hear her father’s voice, she bolted up, her eyes snapping open. “I—I—” She couldn’t find the words to explain the anguish she felt.
“What happened? Something with Andrew?”
The concern in her father’s voice unleashed more tears. His image shimmered as he strode to her and reclined against the desk, his hands gripping its edge.
&n
bsp; She sucked in a gulp of air. “Andrew’s okay.”
Her father remained quiet, waiting for her to continue.
“Daddy, I’ll always be alone.” Fresh tears burned her eyes as she spoke for the first time her biggest fear. She had pushed people away because she was afraid they would do it first. Andrew and she were alike in that respect.
“No, you won’t.” He clasped her arms and drew her to her feet. “You will always have me and your mother. I know that I haven’t been the best dad in the world, but I do love you.”
With her head against his shoulder, she remembered Andrew’s encouragement to talk with her father about how she felt growing up. She swallowed hard, but her throat was still tight and dry.
“Dad, I’d like to talk to you about something.” Her voice was raspy.
“What about?”
She pulled back. “Not being perfect,” she blurted, her breath bottled in her lungs.
His brow wrinkled. “I know you aren’t perfect. No one is.”
“But you were never satisfied with my accomplishments. You always wanted me to do better.”
“Of course, I wanted you to do better. I want the best for my daughter, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t proud of you.”
“What if I don’t get Oklahoma Teacher of the Year? How will you feel?”
He looked as though she’d punched him in the stomach. “You don’t think I would be proud of you anymore if you don’t win the next level?”
She nodded.
“You couldn’t be more wrong, Sadie. I’ll be disappointed that the committee couldn’t see you’re the best in the state, but I’ll still be proud of you. I—” Her father’s eyes grew round. He twisted away and began to pace, plowing his fingers through his hair. “I never said it, did I?”
“No.”
He stopped and faced her. “I’m sorry.”
Never once in his life had her father told her he was sorry. Her throat closed, emotions buried for years surfacing.
“Your mom says that’s something I need to work on. I’ve made quite a few mistakes with this family. Reverend Littleton is helping me to see that I shut down after your little brother died. I turned away from your mother, from you. I never properly grieved his death.”
“Oh, Daddy.” Sadie rushed to her father and hugged him.
He held her tight. “I’ve caused you a lot of tears, haven’t I? I hope you can forgive me.”
“We’re family.” His comfort soothed her troubled soul. She knew they still had a long way to go in developing the kind of father-daughter relationship she dreamed about, but this evening was a start.
“Am I the reason you’re crying right now?”
“No.” She could hear his heart pounding and drew strength from him. “I wish Andrew could have come tonight.”
“What happened to him?”
“Business called him away from Cimarron City.”
“I’m sorry about that, Sadie, but with a man like Andrew, who is dedicated to his work, that kind of thing will happen. You have to learn to accept that.”
It might have been possible for her to accept his work schedule, but Andrew wasn’t giving her a chance. He was pulling away. She had heard it in his voice. She needed to protect herself before there was nothing left to protect.
A pile of papers sat on Andrew’s lap, but all he could seem to do was stare out the airplane window at the dark night—and see Sadie’s face when she heard her message from him. On the ride to the airport he could have gone by the restaurant and talked with her personally instead of taking the easy way out. But he’d been afraid if he had seen her disappointment he would have stayed, and he couldn’t. He was the one at IFI who was supposed to get the negotiations with the union back on track.
He rubbed a hand down his face, wishing he could scrub away the disgust he felt toward himself. He hadn’t wanted to hurt Sadie, but he knew he had. He had warned her he wasn’t a settling-down kind of guy—but for a while there he had pictured himself with Sadie as his wife, living in a house with a white picket fence, a dog and children. These past few weeks, since the NewYear, he was reminded of the type of work schedule he had. There was no room in it for a wife and family. The only decent thing left for him to do was end it with Sadie.
His chest hurt with the thought. But he was no good at relationships and long ago he had stopped dreaming about having a family. Work didn’t demand an emotional commitment, people did.
This time last week Sadie had been summoned to Mrs. Lawson’s office because there was a problem with Chris. Now she stood in the middle of IFI’s large lobby, undecided whether to see Mrs. Lawson first, or Andrew. She peered at the doors that led into the mail room. Business first. While the reason she was here to see Andrew was certainly not pleasure, it was personal.
With determined steps she covered the distance to the mail room and thrust open the door. Sadie waved to Chris as she headed for Mrs. Lawson’s office. After one sharp rap the woman admitted Sadie.
“I won’t keep you long, but I was in the building and wanted to check on Chris and the problem we discussed last week. Are things better?” Sadie remained by the door.
“Chris seems to be conducting himself properly.”
“Are there any other problems I should know about?”
Mrs. Lawson shook her head. “He’s eager to learn and works hard while he is here.”
Surprised at the softening in the older woman’s features, Sadie relaxed her taut body and smiled. “I’m glad he’s working out.”
Mrs. Lawson returned her smile. “Yes, better than I thought when Mr. Knight approached me about this program.”
Sadie turned toward the door, glanced back and said, “Thank you, Mrs. Lawson. If you have any other problems concerning Chris, please free feel to call me.”
Sadie briefly spoke to Chris before leaving the mail room. Her gaze slid from the glass doors that led outside to the bank of elevators. She knew that Andrew had returned home sometime yesterday because he had left her a message on her answering machine, congratulating her on becoming the teacher of the year. Nothing else was said, and the silence after his message had been deafening.
What to do? Andrew was a friend, and when she was in a building where a friend worked she always stopped by to say hello. Her rationalization worked for all of one minute, but she knew by the time she had punched the button for his floor that she really wanted to see him to put an end to this roller coaster ride she had felt herself on these past few months.
“Hold the elevator,” a woman called.
Sadie pressed her finger on the open door button. Jollie stepped onto the elevator, surprise evident in her expression.
“So the rumors are true,” the other woman said.
“What rumors?” Sadie asked, knowing what Jollie was going to say.
“That you and Andrew Knight are an item. Is he another bachelor we’re gonna lose for next year?”
“We are friends. He’s safe,” Sadie said, realizing she would probably have to get used to that idea, except that she didn’t think she could be Andrew’s friend. Being around him and not showing her love would be too much for her to handle. She wore her emotions on her face, and she wasn’t that good an actress.
“Then why are you here?”
“I have a student working here.”
“Yes, I heard, in the mail room. In fact, Chris comes into my office every day. What a breath of sunshine. All the employees like him and look forward to his afternoon visit.”
Sadie responded to the woman’s words with a smile, glad that something was going right. “He likes working here.”
“I’m going to have an opening in my department soon. Would Chris be interested in working in receiving?”
“I’ll talk with him about it.”
“He’ll have to apply, but I hope he does. I know how difficult Mrs. Lawson can be to work for, and if Chris is doing okay for her, he’ll be an asset for my department.”
“I’ll get with Andre
w about it.”
“Great. See you at our first organizational meeting for the auction.” The elevator doors slid open, and Jollie left.
The next floor was Andrew’s, and Sadie quickly exited the elevator. She couldn’t believe her good fortune when she saw that Mrs. Fox was away from her desk. Without debating, she went to Andrew’s door and knocked, entering his office when she heard him say, “Come in.”
Andrew glanced up from a pile of papers he was reading. Surprise quickly followed by joy flitted across his features, only to have a neutral expression descend by the time she’d crossed the office.
“How did you get past Mrs. Fox?”
“Easy. She wasn’t out there. How was your trip? Successful?”
“Yes, the negotiations are back on track and should be wrapped up in a few days.”
“I’m glad.”
Silence fell between them, thick and heavy like a sudden summer storm. Sadie sat before her legs gave out on her. The width of his desk separated them, but she felt as if they were worlds apart. She searched for the right words to say, but his unreadable look wiped all thoughts from her mind.
“Andrew, I find being direct the best way to go through life,” she began, her mouth parched as though she had stuffed wads of cotton in it.
“I find that a good philosophy.”
“Then I think we should talk about us.”
“Us?”
Her gaze coupled with his. “You and I both know there is an us, or there was until just recently.”
Andrew surged to his feet. “Yes. We do need to talk.” He strode to the large picture window that afforded him a wonderful view of Cimarron City. “I told you from the beginning I had no time for a relationship, that my life would be tied up with my work. That hasn’t changed, Sadie.”
His back was to her, and she needed to see what was in his eyes. She walked to him and leaned against the windowsill, fingertips digging into the ledge. “So what was December all about?”
“It was a lull in my busy schedule because of the holidays. Even IFI slows down at that time of year.” He ran his hand through his hair, then rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t want to disappoint you again like I did Saturday night.”
Family for Keeps & Sadie's Hero Page 35
