Nuallan

by Catherine Lievens

  “Yeah, and after I abandoned my brother and tried to kill myself.” God, Nuallan felt so guilty and ashamed. How could he have been so stupid?

  “I’m not going anywhere. I can’t deny this is a bit of a harsh introduction to shifters and their world, but you’ll have to kick me out if you want me to leave.”

  “I don’t want to.”

  “Then I’ll be by your side for as long as you need me.”

  “Most people would have already run the other way.”

  Ethan smiled. “I’m not most people.”

  “Obviously.” And God, Nuallan was glad.

  He didn’t deserve a mate, let alone one that would stand by him even after he’d done what he did. He wasn’t going to push Ethan away, though. Nuallan might think he didn’t deserve Ethan, but he was selfish. Besides, if fate had thought it good for them to meet now, there had to be a good reason, or at least that was what Nuallan hoped.

  He prayed he hadn’t fucked up too badly, that Neriah would forgive him. He’d do whatever he had to do to make that happen, but if Neriah never wanted to see him again, he’d stay away. He’d need Ethan if that happened. Ethan and Alex.

  Alex and Nuallan hadn’t been friends for long, but they’d become very close after Nuallan’s near death experience. Nuallan hoped Alex would remain his friend even after learning what Nuallan had done.

  He’d have to face the consequences of his choices soon, and he hoped he wouldn’t lose everything in the process.

  * * * *

  Ethan wasn’t sure what was going on. He’d followed the conversation, of course, and he’d gathered that Nuallan had done things he wasn’t proud of—mainly trying to kill Kameron Rhett.

  The conversation had left Ethan a bit lost, though, and he had a list of questions as long as his arm. He wasn’t sure now was the right moment to ask them, since it looked like the people in the room were getting ready for something, probably rescuing Nuallan’s brother.

  He himself wasn’t going anywhere. From what he could see, Nuallan wouldn’t go with the others to get his brother, so maybe he could ask Nuallan a few questions. He wasn’t sure it was a good idea, because Nuallan looked confused and a bit out of it.

  Kameron stopped in front of the couch and leaned down to tilt Nuallan’s face up so they could face each other. Nuallan swallowed, and Ethan tensed.

  Kameron noticed it—of course he did—but he didn’t say anything, not to Ethan. He looked at Nuallan and smiled. “What you did in the past doesn’t count, not anymore. Everyone knows you didn’t come here and attack me because you wanted to but because you were forced to. Titus has your brother, and you’re not the first pack member to do something they wouldn’t normally do to defend a family member. No one blames you for what happened. No one will punish you. You’ve already paid enough. I want you to become a pack member, a real one. I want you to leave that cell you’ve made your home and move into one of the houses with your brother once we get him back here.”

  Kameron’s gaze slid to Ethan and he smiled. “Maybe your mate could move in with you, if you both want to.”

  Kameron let go of Nuallan’s chin and Nuallan slowly nodded. Kameron nodded back and patted Nuallan’s shoulder. “Now I’m going to go get your brother. You stay here with your mate and talk. I’m pretty sure he needs it, if his lost expression is anything to go by.”

  Kameron turned around and gestured at Jarah to leave the room ahead of him. They disappeared into the hallway, leaving Ethan and Nuallan alone. Ethan finally let himself relax, but he didn’t move away from Nuallan. He wasn’t sure why, but he felt the need to be close to Nuallan, to make sure he was fine. Well, it was probably due to the fact they were mates, but Ethan was still confused about that and what it meant exactly.

  When Nuallan stayed silent, Ethan cleared his throat. “So, mates.”

  Nuallan swallowed and slowly nodded. He didn’t look at Ethan. “Yeah. I guess the cat is out of the bag now.”

  “That would work if you were a cat shifter.”

  Nuallan chuckled and finally looked at Ethan. His green eyes were dim, but he was smiling.

  Ethan took it as a victory. He’d continue working on getting Nuallan to smile brighter, but for now, he was satisfied.

  “We can arrange something if a cat shifter is what you want.”

  Ethan frowned. “I thought the people around here were wolves. Wait, so that means there are cat shifters too?”

  “Yep. Cats, bears, lions, tigers. If you can think of it, there are probably shifters of that species.”

  Ethan blinked. “And they all live here in Gillham?”

  “Well, no. This place started as a pack, so there were only wolves, but when Kameron became the alpha, he opened it up, and now there are other kinds of shifters who live here too. Will is a bear shifter, Alex a bat shifter. I don’t really know many people here yet since I spent most of my time in a cell, but I know a group of exotic shifters was rescued some time ago, and a lot of them still live here.”

  “Exotic shifters?” For some reason, the only thing Ethan could think about was parrot shifters. He wasn’t sure they existed, but they might, and he wanted to see one if he could.

  “Uh, yeah. Malik’s a shark, for example. And there are a few demons around, and a few wendigoes.”

  Ethan shook his head. This was... it was both incredible and a bit scary. He’d expected wolves after what Kameron had said and what he’d seen on TV, but not the other animals. How was he supposed to talk to a guy who could become a shark without being scared? The guy probably wouldn’t shift in front of Ethan unless they were both in a pool, of course, but that didn’t make it easier for Ethan to wrap his mind around.

  And Ethan didn’t even want to think about demons and wendigoes, whatever that was. “Maybe I should stick to shifters for a start, yeah?”

  Nuallan’s smile softened. “That’s fine, although I’m not a shifter.”

  “Yeah, I know. Mal told me you’re a Nix.”

  “Yes. It’s a kind of fae. I have some powers, like healing and shimmering.”

  “Shimmering?”

  “I can go wherever I want to go just by thinking about the place. I could shimmer you to New York or Paris right now if you wanted to.”

  “That’s... I don’t know what that is. I guess it makes going on vacation easy.”

  “Yeah, it does.”

  “We should probably stay here for now, though. I think I need a little time to wrap my mind around all this, and you still need to tell me about mates.”

  Nuallan nodded. “I know. I’d have thought Mal would have told you.”

  “He did, but I’d like to hear it from you. He said mates are basically soul mates and that we’re destined to be together.” Ethan loved that part. He never had too many problems finding guys to fuck, but he had the hardest time having a relationship. For some reason, all of them ended after only a few months.

  Ethan wanted more, had wanted more for years, but maybe he’d just never found the right guy. Nuallan was his mate. That meant their relationship would work.

  “Not really destined, no. We could walk away from each other if we wanted to. It’s more that we click. We’re made for each other. It doesn’t mean our relationship will be perfect just because of that, but it will make it easier. We, well, we’ll be able to talk in our minds if we mate.”

  “Mind talk?” That was just one more tassel that went into Ethan’s now crazy life. His mind spun with all the new info and the implications, and he probably should take some time to think. He didn’t want to leave Nuallan alone, though. Ethan didn’t want Nuallan to think he was rejecting him, and he thought that was what might happen if he tried to take some time.

  Nuallan needed him right now. He needed Ethan to distract him so he wouldn’t have to think about his brother and what was happening. Ethan didn’t mind. He could forget about shifters and mates for a little while. He’d have all the time in the world to think a
bout them and the implications of what he’d learned today later, once Nuallan was reunited with his brother.

  “Yes. It’s something all Nix can do with their family members and mates.”

  Ethan frowned. “That means you can do it with your brother, right?”

  Nuallan looked down again. “Yes.” His voice was a whisper, but Ethan heard his answer anyway.

  “Have you contacted him since you got here?”

  “No.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because I thought he’d be safer if he thought I was dead too. Titus told me he’d kill Neriah if I didn’t kill Kameron, that he’d do it in front of me so I would suffer. I thought if he thought I was dead, he wouldn’t have a reason to kill my brother.”

  “You could have let Neriah know you were fine.”

  “I wasn’t sure he’d be able to keep it a secret. I really believed he’d be safer if he thought I was dead.”

  “He tried to contact you, though.” That was what Ethan would have done.

  “Yes. I ignored him.”

  Ethan shook his head. He didn’t approve of Nuallan’s decision, but what he’d said earlier was the truth. Nuallan might have made the wrong decisions in the past, but he had another opportunity now. He shouldn’t let the past ruin his present and his future.

  Ethan just hoped Neriah saw it the same way.

  * * * *

  Nuallan was thankful to Ethan for trying to distract him, but it wasn’t working, not much anyway. Answering Ethan’s questions had helped a bit, but now they were back to talking about Neriah, and Nuallan’s mind was on his brother. It was going to be a long day, and Nuallan needed something else to think about.

  “Do you want to know how bonding works?” he asked, wondering if Ethan was still stuck on shifters rather than on what could happen between them.

  Ethan looked like he knew what Nuallan was doing, but he nodded. “Sure. Mal just mentioned a bond in passing, but I really have no clue what mates are about apart from the obvious.”

  Nuallan nodded and got up. It was easier for him to think about this if he walked around the room, and Ethan didn’t seem to mind. “Well, shifters and paranormal creatures in general live a lot longer than a normal human being.”

  “How much longer?” There was a hint of fear in Ethan’s voice, and Nuallan hoped he wasn’t spooking his mate too much. This had to be said before they could make any kind of decision, though.

  “Around a hundred and fifty years. That’s the average length, but a lot of paranormal creatures tend to die sooner, or at least they did until recently.”

  “Why?”

  “We’re a weird bunch. One would think that since there aren’t a lot of us we’d stick together, but until recently, we did the opposite. There were a lot of wars between tribes and packs, stuff like that. There was a battle recently. You probably saw the video on the internet. Well, that guy used to live here, but he was an asshole, and when Kameron became the alpha, Tom decided he needed to take Kameron and the pack down. I guess he didn’t appreciate losing the power he’d had before or something.”

  “How do you know all this? I thought you’d been a prisoner until recently.”

  Nuallan shrugged. He knew his situation was weird, and he wasn’t sure he understood it fully himself. Explaining it to someone else wasn’t going to be easy. “I was in a cell, but it was because I wanted to be. I was the one who decided to stay there. I could have left any time.”

  “But you didn’t.”

  “Like I said before, I thought my brother would be safer if I just disappeared. When killing myself didn’t work I withdrew and stayed in my cell.”

  “But you came out today. You were at the town hall.”

  Nuallan smiled. “Alex forced me. He said that no matter what I thought, I was a pack member and that I needed to be there when Kameron outed us all. I guess he was right, even if not for that reason.” Nuallan paused and looked at Ethan. “I wouldn’t have met you if I hadn’t gone with Alex.”

  “Are you and Alex...” Ethan gestured, and Nuallan didn’t need to ask to know what his mate wanted to know.

  “No. In the beginning, he was my guard. I guess he wanted to prove himself, since his colony was one of those who followed Tom and attacked the pack. He was the only one who tried to get me to talk, who talked to me as if I was a friend rather than the guy who’d tried to kill the alpha. I guess it makes sense, since he hasn’t been a pack member for long. Anyway, he was the one who found me after I, you know. We were already friends before that, because he’s a pushy son of a bitch, but after, well, we grew even closer. We’ve never been together, though. I just don’t like him that way.”

  Ethan nodded once. “I understand. Not that it would have been a problem if you two had been together, of course. I know we’re mates, but I don’t expect you to leave everything just because you met me.”

  Nuallan snorted softly. “There’s nothing much to leave.”

  Ethan opened his mouth, but before he could say anything, the sound of several voices made Nuallan walk toward the hallway. He wasn’t surprised to see Kameron there, dressed in black, along with Alex and a few other men Nuallan didn’t know. He’d seen them around, but he’d really kept to himself since he’d arrived in Gillham. He hadn’t had the opportunity to meet anyone. He’d thought no one would want to meet him anyway, except for Alex.

  Some people had been harder to keep away, especially while he’d been in the infirmary, but most had given Nuallan a wide berth.

  Jarah hovered by Kameron, looking out of place and strangely small. Nuallan had always looked at the second as someone in charge, and he had been, but now, next to Kameron and his warriors, he looked barely bigger than Nuallan felt.

  Kameron was giving orders, and Nuallan stayed at the living room door. He had no place there, with the people who were going to go save his brother. He could feel Ethan behind him, and he was glad he wasn’t completely alone.

  The men filed out of the entrance. Alex looked at Nuallan before stepping out, and he smiled reassuringly. It didn’t help much, because Nuallan knew Titus, but knowing Alex would be there did help. He trusted Alex with his life, and with Neriah’s.

  “He’ll be fine. They look like they know what they’re doing,” Ethan said from behind him.

  Nuallan nodded. He really needed to start thinking about something else, and Ethan was there, a warm wall against Nuallan’s back. Nuallan turned around, and they were standing close, so close. Close enough that Nuallan just had to lean forward to wrap his arms around Ethan’s neck.

  Ethan’s eyes widened, but he didn’t push Nuallan away when Nuallan kissed him.

  Nuallan wasn’t exactly experienced when it came to kissing or sex. He’d had sex all of one time, and it had been a disaster. He’d kissed a bit more, but he still felt awkward. It was obvious Ethan knew what he was doing, though.

  He put his hands onto Nuallan’s hips and pulled him close, crushing him against his chest as he tilted his head and opened his mouth. Nuallan hesitated, and Ethan chuckled against his lips. He brushed his tongue against Nuallan’s lower lip.

  Nuallan opened and tried to mirror Ethan’s movements. He pushed his tongue forward, and it collided with Ethan’s. Ethan’s hands tightened and Nuallan wondered if it was a good thing. Ethan would have pushed him away if he hadn’t been doing this correctly, right?

  “You need to relax,” Ethan said, his lips only inches away. “This isn’t about doing things right or wrong. This is about kissing, about enjoying each other’s bodies.”

  “I don’t know what to do.”

  “You don’t need to. Do what comes naturally.”

  Nuallan tightened his hold around Ethan’s neck and kissed him again. He tried to do what Ethan had told him, to stop thinking, but it wasn’t easy. He wanted to get it right, to make Ethan feel as good as Ethan was making him feel.

  Maybe he could try something else.

  They w
ere already pressed together, and Nuallan tilted his hips forward, just to see what would happen. Ethan was hard, and Nuallan wasn’t sure what to do with that. Should he continue to press forward? It felt good, but maybe Ethan wanted more. How could Nuallan give it to him, though?

  He pushed forward again, and Ethan groaned. Maybe Nuallan was doing the right thing after all. He pushed forward again, wanting more contact. He wanted to feel Ethan’s skin against his, but it would mean moving away, and Nuallan didn’t want that.

  Ethan’s hands moved down, cupping Nuallan’s ass, and he hiked a leg up, around Ethan’s hip. The position was uncomfortable. Nuallan felt like he was about to face plant and to take Ethan with him.

  Nuallan still wanted more.

  * * * *

  Ethan just had the time to grab Nuallan’s ass when he jumped up and wrapped his legs around Ethan’s waist.

  He hadn’t expected it. Nuallan was hesitant and seemed inexperienced, but it was obvious he wanted more from the way he pushed against Ethan. Ethan couldn’t deny he wanted more too, but he wasn’t sure having sex right now was a good idea. Even if they hadn’t been in Kameron’s living room, it was obvious Nuallan was trying to get his mind away from his brother and what was happening.

  Ethan didn’t want Nuallan to regret anything they did. He probably really wanted Ethan, but he might not be ready for this.

  Leaning away from Nuallan’s lips was the hardest thing Ethan had ever done, especially since Nuallan chased him, tried to kiss him again. “Hey,” Ethan whispered roughly.

  Nuallan blinked. He looked good with his cheeks flushed and his lips wet. “Why did you stop?”

  “Because Kameron’s living room might not be the best place to do this.”

  Nuallan looked around as if he’d forgotten where they were. He probably had. “Oh.”

  “Besides, we should probably continue talking about the mating thing.” Ethan didn’t know if having sex would bond them or if it’d take something more, but he needed to know before they ended up bonded without meaning to.