More of You: A Confessions of the Heart Stand-Alone Novel

by Jackson, A. L.

  She grabbed the pen that was on her planner and thumped the end of it against the thick paper. “I’m not saying what he did was right. I’ve just always wondered if he might have had reasons for it.”

  “I thought you hated the man?”

  “Oh, I hate him plenty for the fact he hurt you. Doesn’t mean I didn’t see the same things in him that you did.”

  I pushed out a heavy sigh. “Well, none of that matters now, does it? I think it’s plenty clear the only reason he’s back is out of obligation to Joseph.”

  As if I could handle anything else, anyway.

  “He didn’t even come back for his funeral. He’s feelin’ guilty, that’s all.”

  “Maybe.”

  She thumped her pen again before she rocked forward and settled her forearms on the desk. “The question you need to ask yourself is if you’re willing to accept his help and how that might make you feel.”

  Anxiously, I tapped my toes on the floor, and I looked out the windows into the blinding light.

  Warily, I looked back at my best friend. “Is it wrong that it might feel good to have someone there? I really feel like I might lose it, Court. That I can’t keep juggling all this sorrow and worry and fear and remain standing on my own two feet. I’m scared.” The last was a whispered plea.

  Understanding climbed to the features of her pretty face. “No, Faith. It’s not wrong that you feel more comfortable with someone there. Not at all.”

  What worried me was it felt like more than that. I was worried the reason it felt good was the fact it was him.

  I pulled my thumb to my mouth and chewed at the nail. “What’s the town gonna say if I let him do this?”

  “When have you ever worried what the town had to say about him?”

  “Things are different now.”

  “You’re right. They’re different, and everyone here knows you’re gonna have to move on with your life. Whether that’s today or tomorrow or five years down the road, you’re gonna have to move on. And you know my offer still stands. You want me to come stay with you, and I’m there.”

  Her eyes narrowed in speculation. “Though it seems like you’re gettin’ all kinds of tempting offers. It has to be a bear to choose.”

  She hiked a nonchalant shoulder. “I mean, Jace is no ninja like me, but I’m sure he could hold his own.”

  There she went again, making me smile when it should be impossible.

  “You’re terrifying,” I told her.

  She grinned. “Deadly.”

  I jumped when the glass door flew open.

  Felix loped in, all casual smiles as his massive body filled up the doorway.

  He was a new officer on the Broadshire Rim force. He and Courtney had met just a few weeks ago when he’d come by to check up on me at the plantation while Courtney was visiting.

  Their attraction had been instant.

  “Felix, baby, what are you doing here?” Courtney asked, her eyes raking over him as if he’d just dropped by to offer himself up for lunch.

  With the way they were looking at each other, I was pretty sure that was the case.

  “What, I can’t drop by to see my girl when I’m missing her?”

  “Oh, you can drop by any time.”

  How the hell Courtney managed to make talk about dropping by sound dirty, I didn’t know.

  He rounded the desk and dropped a kiss to her forehead as he handed her a keyring. “Also, I came by to drop these off. I found them in my car.”

  Courtney gasped. “Ah, my hero. I was looking all over for those. I was wondering where I’d left them.”

  “You’d lose your head if it wasn’t attached to your neck,” I told her.

  “What are you talkin’ about, Faith? I lost my head a long time ago.”

  I grinned.

  Felix tore his hungry gaze from her and turned it on me.

  “How’s Faith, today?” he asked.

  “She was just leaving,” I said, sparing Courtney a knowing glance. “I apparently have company coming to stay.”

  My best friend laughed a salacious sound. “What, you don’t want to stick around?”

  I was already on my feet, waving them off. “Um . . . no but thank you.”

  Felix frowned, the cop in him immediately on edge. “Who?”

  A lump formed in my throat. “Jace . . . an old . . . friend.”

  God, I didn’t even know what to call him.

  An old lover?

  My dead husband’s cousin?

  Yeah, neither of those things sounded all that right.

  He frowned. “Are you sure that’s a good idea? If you aren’t feeling safe out there, you should stay with Courtney or your parents.”

  I should take him up on the suggestion.

  But I was shaking my head, hating the idea of some monster chasing me out of my house. “I think what’s done is done.”

  “All right . . . just . . . be safe, okay?” he said.

  “I will. I promise.”

  I pushed open the door to the bright, bright summer light.

  Laughter rippled from behind me. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” Courtney called before her voice dropped to a whisper meant only for Felix.

  “I won’t do anything you would do,” I hollered back, managing a grin as I stepped out onto the sidewalk. Sun bright and warm, I lifted my face to the blue sky as I headed down the walk to the side of the building where I’d parked.

  Doug, an officer who I often saw driving by my house, was the one who was sitting at the curb.

  I gave him a little wave as I opened my car door, and he returned a grin and playful salute before he pulled from the curb.

  I sank down into the driver’s seat, hit with a rush of gratefulness that people were watchin’ over us.

  Then I thought of Jace. Packing his things. Coming back to me. And I wondered if it was guilt that sloshed through my senses when I thought of him, the small shot of comfort injected into my veins at the thought of him bein’ around.

  Shaking it off, I shifted my car into reverse and glanced out the rear-window, attention catching on what was sitting in Bailey’s car seat.

  A rose.

  Not just any rose.

  One of the one’s from my garden.

  A lavender rose.

  Terror raced, a drum in my heart that made it difficult to see. Difficult to breathe.

  I rammed on the brakes and threw it back into park, hands shaking like crazy as I reached back and grabbed it, the little slip of paper that had been left under it.

  Time’s running out. I want it, and I want it now. For your sake, I hope you’re smarter than him.

  Thirteen

  Faith

  Sixteen Years Old

  A rowdy clatter of voices lifted in the cafeteria. It was always about fifteen decibels too loud in the big, open room. The linoleum floors like a loudspeaker set to high, tossing the noise higher and higher, as if each one had to climb on top of the other to be heard.

  In the middle of it, Faith was trembling her way through the line, filling her tray to the brim and looking over her shoulder as if she were on some sort of covert mission.

  She paid for the food and sucked in a breath, her feet quaking in her shoes as she looked for the courage to take the long way to the table where she always sat with her friends.

  Dropping her head as if it might conceal her, she hugged the wall at the far end of the room. Slowly, she cut between two long tables, her heart rate spiking with each step she took.

  She was sure her approach was louder than the din that blasted her ears. Sure that everyone was watching.

  She felt like an intruder as she slinked down to the farthest end where students sat sporadically.

  A few alone.

  A few together.

  The nerds and the outcasts, the troublemakers and the friendless, which was just sad in itself.

  She was shaking like a leaf.

  Heart hammering.

  Throat dry.
>
  She edged up behind the boys. This time, four were in their group.

  Mack, who’d lived in the area for all of forever, and the three new students the town had been going on about.

  Only now she knew their names.

  Ian.

  Joseph.

  And Jace.

  Jace.

  That terrifyingly beautiful boy who was tucked against the long table, acting as if he were too cool for the tray that he’d pushed off to the side.

  He’d edged it toward his brother. His brother who was again shoveling food into his mouth as if he didn’t know when he’d get the chance to eat again, their cousin doing the same.

  Faith sucked for air. She swore the only thing she did was breathe in his anger and hostility.

  But she continued, determined, the little bit of courage and hope she felt was the only thing that allowed her to be able to grab the extra sandwich and milk she’d purchased.

  She slowed just enough to discreetly set them on the table beside him as she passed.

  Her arm brushed his shoulder.

  His spine stiffened.

  Her knees turned to goo.

  Oh goodness.

  She faltered a step and squeezed her eyes closed against that same sensation she’d experienced for the first time yesterday in the office.

  Though this time, it almost felt like a welcome memory. As if she were aching to feel it again. She inhaled it. Kept it.

  Her feet were barely able to keep her standing, but she knew she had to keep moving. That she couldn’t stop to wait and see what he would say.

  She made it to the end of the table and beelined it for hers, panting from nearly sprinting the rest of the way over as she slid into her spot.

  Her tray clattered to the table in front of her.

  Courtney, who was sitting directly across from her, looked at Faith as if she’d gone crazy. “Did you get lost or something?”

  Faith widened her eyes at her, telling her to mind her own business. “Just tellin’ a friend hi, is all.”

  Courtney’s gaze flew the direction Faith had been.

  Crap.

  That’d been the wrong thing to say.

  Even though she wasn’t looking that way, Faith could feel hard, hard eyes glaring back. She swore that they held the power to shoot fire. Heat seared across her flesh.

  She shifted in her seat.

  Courtney kept looking between her and the direction Faith had just come from.

  “Stop it,” Faith hissed, angling her head at Courtney.

  Courtney looked back at her, worry on her face. “What are you up to, Faith Avery?”

  “I’m not up to anything.”

  “Sure looks like you’re up to something to me.”

  “Stop it, you’re bein’ ridiculous.”

  Courtney frowned but was quick to get distracted by Keegan, who sat next to her.

  Faith tried to eat her lunch, but she found she could only pick at her food, still too off balance because of the stare she could feel burning into her back from across the room.

  Finally, she couldn’t take it anymore.

  “I have some studying I need to do for my math test seventh period. I’m gonna head to the library.”

  Courtney jerked her attention back to her. “You barely even ate.”

  Faith shoved what she could into her mouth before she stood. “There.”

  She walked across the cafeteria and was quick to toss her tray into the dirty bin and race out the door, her head dropped between her shoulders.

  She didn’t know why she was feeling so uncomfortable. As if she’d done something wrong when she’d only been trying to do something right.

  Something nice.

  But she guessed she understood it better when she was standing out in the courtyard and she felt the presence press against her from behind.

  That hot, blazing hostility.

  Shockwaves of heat and hatred.

  Yet, it was chills that flashed across her skin when he leaned in closer, the boy so much taller than she was, casting her in shadow, his breath brushing across the shell of her ear. “What the fuck do you think you’re doin’?”

  Shivers rolled, and her heart sped. She fumbled with her backpack strap. “I don’t know what you mean.”

  He laughed a hard sound. “Really. So that sandwich and milk just up and appeared at my table. Like magic.”

  She dropped her head forward, giving, because it was stupid to deny it. “I just thought you might be hungry.”

  A scraping sound came from his throat, sliding over her like a threat she somehow wanted to hold.

  To turn around and see what it might look like coming from his mouth.

  “Mind your own damn business. I don’t need your pity or anyone else’s. I can take care of myself.”

  She frowned, her teeth clamping in refusal, her courage flaring as she peeked at him over her shoulder.

  He was right there.

  The sharp lines and curves of his handsome face so close she could hike up onto her toes and press her nose to them. Feel them. Skin to skin. “Maybe I was just tryin’ to be nice.”

  “Maybe you’re puttin’ your nose where it shouldn’t be.”

  A flush rushed to her cheeks. She couldn’t help but wonder if he’d known what she’d just been thinkin’, how she was imagining what it might feel like to trace his features.

  For him to trace hers.

  To breathe him in like she was achin’ to do.

  A shudder flashed.

  What was wrong with her?

  She spun all the way around and took a step back, lifting her chin in a show of defiance, needing to put some space between them. “Maybe you shouldn’t be such a jerk.”

  His brows lifted, which only made those copper eyes appear bigger. Like they might gobble her up.

  “And maybe you shouldn’t be such a little priss.”

  Offense dropped her jaw. “I’m not a priss.”

  “No?” he challenged.

  She straightened her shoulders. “No.”

  His eyes moved down her body, over her summer dress, which was hardly as scandalous as half the girls around here got away with wearing.

  But her shoulders were bare, the bit of her exposed chest heating with a blush as his gaze traveled over her body.

  She was right.

  Those eyes could devour her.

  She gulped, only for her mouth to run dry when he brought his stare back to hers.

  “Looks like it to me,” he said, but his voice had gone somewhere else.

  Deeper and darker.

  Faith shook. “I need to get to the library.”

  He laughed a disbelieving sound and took his own step back, as if he needed the space, too.

  Or maybe she just repulsed him.

  But when he looked at her again, there was something sad in his eyes. “Go on. Good girls like you don’t need to be hanging around with boys like me.”

  Unsure if it was meant to be an insult or a compliment, Faith dropped her gaze to her feet, hiked her backpack up higher on her shoulder, and started up the sidewalk.

  She didn’t know whether to be embarrassed or angry.

  She really was just trying to be nice.

  She’d almost made it around the building when he called out to her. “Faith.”

  A quiver rolled through her. Like the piercing of an arrow.

  She didn’t really know why it was so impactful that he knew her name. Why it made her feel the way it did, as if she’d just stumbled onto the missing piece of her life.

  She slowly turned around to face him.

  He was running his hand nervously through his unruly hair.

  “Thank you,” he said roughly, nodding slowly, as if he were having to process the fact that he’d even said it.

  “You’re welcome,” she answered, full of honesty.

  He rocked a little, as agitated as a summer storm coming in the distance.

  Faith’s spirit thrashed, sur
e that was exactly what he was.

  Fourteen

  Faith

  Mack had just left a few minutes before. He’d assured me they’d amp up the security before he’d told me almost reluctantly that it was a good idea that Jace was moving in.

  Was it?

  Because I was trembling like mad as I ripped the sheets off the bed.

  It wasn’t as if they’d been used since I’d changed them a few weeks ago, but I needed to do something with my hands.

  Quickly, I put on the fresh sheets, hands trembling as I tucked them into the mattress.

  This was such a terrible idea.

  I mean, seriously, Jace Jacobs was staying here. In the room right next to mine.

  So stupid.

  The hardest part was knowing it would be stupid to turn him away.

  To disregard what he was offering.

  I gave myself a sharp shake of my head as I dragged the comforter toward the massive headboard, thinking of how my dreams undulated like a flag blown in the wind.

  Twisting this way and that, my hopes rising and falling and whipping and howling.

  When we’d lost Joseph, they had gone straight to the backburner, someday drifting farther and farther away.

  It was hard to admit it, but because of Jace’s generosity, that someday felt as if it’d gotten one day closer.

  His promise to watch over us and start working on the house while he was here was the kind of proposal only a fool would refuse.

  Of course, I’d had to sell my soul to the devil to make that happen.

  I just prayed Joseph wouldn’t think it wrong. That he wasn’t somewhere, caught between heaven and hell, judging the choices I was making now.

  Squeezing my eyes closed, I lifted my face toward the ceiling, and whispered, “I’m doing my best.”

  Would he understand that?

  And had he done his best?

  My heart clenched with the thought, and I let myself get lost in the memories as I went to the antique dresser to dust it.

  I’d felt as if I’d won the lottery when Joseph had come home on that night a few months before Bailey was born and gave me the news that he’d purchased this house.

  I’d been awed and humbled and grateful beyond measure that he’d worked so hard to give me something he knew I’d wanted so desperately.