More of You: A Confessions of the Heart Stand-Alone Novel

by Jackson, A. L.

  Those were the words I held back. With the rumble that thundered at my insides, I knew it was the truth.

  A motherfucking promise.

  I was going to make sure it was the truth.

  The problem was, I had no idea how to broach the issue of Joseph.

  How we were going to deal with that ghost.

  With that loss.

  Some piece inside me wanting to shatter with the idea of her still loving him.

  God, I wanted to claw my eyes out, thinking of the two of them together. And somehow . . . somehow I still couldn’t even picture it.

  Something shy worked its way into her posture, but when she peeked back up at me, her full lips were quirking up at the sides. “You did a pretty good job of it back in the kitchen.”

  I brushed my fingers through her hair. “I was just getting started.”

  That feeling filled up the air. Like it was breathed from the sky.

  Pouring down from the place she’d just been looking.

  “Is that what this is? A start?”

  “Seems to me, we’re only picking up where we left off.”

  For a beat, her spine stiffened, and I knew where her thoughts had gone. Those years coming between us, getting closer and closer until we’d have to face the consequences of them.

  “Come on . . . let’s go get that little girl of yours,” I said.

  I had to get out of there or I’d be taking her places I knew she wasn’t ready for.

  The way she’d fallen apart in my arms this morning was proof of that.

  I wasn’t sure I’d ever felt guiltier than in that moment when the girl had fucked me with that sweet, sweet mouth and then had broken up after.

  Torn. Tormented. Confused.

  And I kept pushing her.

  Problem was, I didn’t know how to stop.

  Not when this girl had always been mine.

  I wasn’t going to settle until she knew it.

  Blowing out a breath, disappointment or relief, I wasn’t sure, she swiveled out of my arms. I caught only the tips of her fingers.

  This soft kind of wariness had filled her features when she looked up at me. “She likes you.”

  Emotion gripped me everywhere.

  Magic.

  The way I felt about that little girl had to be proof of its existence.

  “I like her, too.” I barely forced it out.

  Because I couldn’t quite put my finger on the way I felt about her.

  Honestly, the thought of that innocent face kind of made me want to do some of that weeping, too.

  “She’s my world, Jace.” There was some kind of warning in it.

  I touched her face. “Which is exactly what she should be.”

  A smile ticked up at the corners of her perfect, plush lips.

  Joy.

  I saw it.

  Right there, waiting to reclaim its spot. To become the brightest part of her.

  I stepped back so I could fully take it in. See the wholeness of it. Let it tease me with a little of my own.

  “You ready?”

  Faith hesitated for the beat of a second before she stretched out her hand to take mine. “Yeah, I’m ready.

  Five minutes later, we had made it into town, and I took the last turn into her parents’ neighborhood.

  Big trees hugged each side, and well-kept, modest houses were tucked in their protection. Lawns fronted the houses, and the walkways were edged in bright, blossoming flowers.

  Faith swung her gaze at me, a smile riding her face.

  The tension and the strain from earlier had evaporated.

  Damn.

  She was radiant.

  Fucking brilliant.

  Blinding.

  “I seriously thought you and my daddy were gonna have it out right there on the stoop last night.”

  A grin perked up on my lips. Keeping it light when there hadn’t been anything funny about it. “Uh, yeah, I was waiting on him to come at me, too. He’s not exactly my biggest fan.”

  She laughed quietly. “Ah . . . my daddy’s a big ol’ teddy bear. He only wants what’s best for Bailey and me.”

  “He always has wanted what was best for you,” I told her, remembering the things he’d said to me.

  How they’d affected me.

  How I’d wanted to prove him wrong when the only thing I’d done was prove him right.

  “My daddy’s not about words, Jace. The only thing he cares about is, if we say them, we’d better mean them.”

  My nod was slow, and there was not a damned thing I could do but reach over the console and take her hand.

  Squeeze it.

  Savor the fire.

  “And if I showed up there right now and told him I was staying, what would he think?”

  “He’d probably think you were feeding him a line.” She squeezed my hand back, her quiet voice filling with that hope. “And both of us would silently be rooting for you to prove him wrong.”

  I smiled at her as I pulled to the curb. That feeling took hold of me again. Something perfect. A feeling I wanted to keep forever.

  Faith had already hopped out of the passenger side by the time I made it around, and I stepped up to her side, planting my hand on the small of her back as we took the walkway and then edged up the steps.

  A shiver caressed that soft, soft flesh.

  I wanted to trace it. Capture it. Explore every inch.

  The front door swung open, and there was Bailey, all wild curls, bright eyes, and dimpled chin. “Mommy and Jacie!”

  My chest tightened again.

  Laughing, Faith shifted her attention my way. “Well, it seems someone earned himself a nickname.”

  The kid was so damned adorable, winding her way right the hell in.

  My brow quirked up. “Jacie, huh?”

  Emphatic, Bailey nodded and started to sing, “Jacie, Jacie, Jacie.”

  All right then.

  A soft rumble of laughter pilfered free. “You can call me whatever you want, Unicorn Girl.”

  Bailey beamed. “Unicorn Girl! I a unicorn girl.”

  God. That hooked me, too.

  Faith’s mother was suddenly there and pushing open the screen. “Well, are you two gonna stand out there all day or are you gonna come in? Might as well be a fire out there for how hot it is.”

  Faith stepped inside, quick to pull Bailey from her feet and hike her onto her hip. At the same time, she dipped in to peck a kiss to her mother’s cheek. “Hey, Mama. How was my girl last night? Did she sleep okay?”

  “She slept just fine. You worry too much.”

  “It’s a mama’s right to worry, isn’t that what you always told me growing up?” There was a tease to Faith’s tone.

  Her mother laughed. It was a free sound that bounced through the entry. I had to wonder what it might have been like as a kid to come home every day to something that sounded like that.

  “Don’t go using my words against me, girl.”

  “It’s the only defense I have.” Faith winked, and her mom just grinned.

  God.

  I roughed an uncomfortable hand through my hair and dropped my eyes to the ground.

  Suddenly, I felt like I was overstepping.

  Out of bounds.

  Getting into things I knew better than to get involved in.

  This wasn’t why I was here.

  The problem was, I was starting to forget the reason. Hell, I was pretty sure the second I’d touched her last night, every single one of those reasons had flown out the window.

  When I looked back up, Faith had disappeared down the hall in the direction of her old room, Bailey rambling about needing to get her Beast.

  My heart stuttered when I found her mother standing there staring at me.

  “Well, Jace Jacobs.”

  Unease bounded through my nerves.

  She’d always been too warm. Too nice. It made me feel like I’d let her down, too.

  “Now, don’t go lookin’ at me like that.�
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  Confusion had my brow twisting, and I was barely able to get the question out. “How’s that, ma’am?”

  Yup. There I was. A stammering, seventeen-year-old kid.

  She eyed me seriously. “Like you don’t belong here.”

  She reached out, and a shiver raced down my spine when she pinched my chin between her thumb and forefinger, forcing me to look at her. “You look up with your head held high. Strong like you are.”

  My throat locked up.

  “You think I didn’t always know it?” she asked, her voice soft and somehow hard as she craned her head to the side. “The man you are inside? The rest of the world might have been blind to it. The rest of the world might have wanted to beat it down and hold it back. But I saw it right there, burnin’ from your bones.”

  “I’ve done some things I’m not exactly proud of.” Couldn’t keep the admission from sliding free.

  She gave a slight nod. “Haven’t we all. And it’s a real man who admits when he makes a mistake. Does his best to make it right. Is that what you’re here to do? Make it right? Only a real man would come in the middle of a mess as monumental as this one. I see you, stepping in and putting yourself in danger for the sake of them both. That . . . that is what counts. There is no better judge of character than the sacrifice a man is willing to make.”

  There was a gleam in her eyes.

  God damn it. If I wasn’t already crumbling at Faith’s feet, her mother sure has hell would have had me a puddle on the floor.

  “I’ll do everything I can to make sure they are safe. To make this right.” At least I could give her that truth.

  “Good.” She straightened herself out. “Because you damned near broke my heart as much as you broke hers when you walked away.”

  Surprise sent my head rocking back, and she turned and started for the kitchen, muttering the whole way, “You were the one, you know? You were always the one. Almost went and found you myself and dragged you home where you belonged.”

  I didn’t even know if she meant for me to hear it.

  Faith and Bailey were suddenly at the end of the hall, Bailey dragging her suitcase behind her, that ratted Beast hooked in her elbow. “I’s ready!”

  “Not yet, you’re not.” It was a shout from the kitchen. “You didn’t really think I was gonna let you show up here and not feed you, did you? Late lunch is on the table. It’s family time. Don’t care how busy y’all are. Time to put some food in those bellies.”

  Faith jerked her face to me, worry written all over her expression.

  I angled my head, smiled, and then followed her into the kitchen.

  It was the same way as I had that day so long ago. Though, this time, I did it the way Margot told me to do.

  With my head held high.

  Because her mother was right. It was time I made amends. Did things right.

  * * *

  I scooped Bailey into my arms. Her head was lolling to the side, half asleep at the table where we’d sat for the last three hours while Margot had filled her head with stories of Faith growing up.

  Lightness filled me in a way it hadn’t in so damned long. A comfort like none other. Imagining Faith that way. A little girl like Bailey. Picturing her through the years that had passed, as she’d grown and learned and loved.

  Shined.

  Filling the world with all her light.

  It almost made it feel like the menace lurking in the shadows wasn’t real. Like she could shine a little more and every single shadow would be exposed as nothing more than a vapor.

  That’s what I wanted. For all this shit to disappear so we could move on. Figure out who we were and if we could make it without anything else interfering.

  Her dad had been pretty much quiet, grunting a few things here and there, watching me like he was ready to haul ass over the table and come at me if I said the slightest thing wrong.

  Or maybe he was just silently trusting me to do what I’d set out to do. My care for his daughter as great as his, but entirely different.

  Bailey was close to falling asleep as I carried her out the front door and buckled her into her car seat in the back of my car. My actions gentle, still wary of getting too close but getting sucked in without my permission, anyway.

  Faith was whispering something to her mother on the stoop.

  With the way her mother kept grinning over her shoulder at me, I was pretty certain of the topic.

  Faith finally climbed into the passenger seat beside me. I pulled away from the curb, the engine a quiet hum against the late afternoon where the sun began to sag toward the horizon.

  It tossed the town in gorgeous colors. Pinks and blues and reds.

  Like the girl next to me.

  So bright and beautiful it made it hard to see.

  I came to a stop at the stop sign at the end of the road and looked both ways, getting caught up with the way Faith was looking at me when I turned that direction.

  “Thank you,” she whispered.

  “For what?”

  “For making me forget for a little while. For making me feel like my life is normal. That I’m surrounded by the people who care about me and won’t stop working until this mess is set straight.”

  Reaching out, I trailed my fingertips down the sharp angle of her jaw. “That’s exactly what you are—surrounded by the people who care about you.”

  Her smile was so soft, so full of trust that I couldn’t stop the way my heart gave an extra beat.

  Commitment.

  Devotion.

  Turning right, I accelerated down the road. My hand was on hers, caressing slowly, softly, letting her know I was there.

  I wasn’t going anywhere.

  I came to a stop at the stoplight that led out of town toward the plantation, unable to stop myself from looking her way, my grin so fucking wide I probably looked like a blundering fool.

  But the one she returned me?

  It wound through my spirit like a storm. Desolating in its severity. Binding and perfecting. Never the same where I was left in its wake.

  Because it was the smile I’d been waiting for.

  Real. Genuine. Filled with faith.

  This girl.

  I was still smiling at her when everything crumbled around us.

  My body lurched forward, and a deafening crash rang through my ears.

  Confusion and chaos.

  What the fuck?

  Time set to slow as I watched Faith’s eyes widen with fear. Shocked as the car jolted forward.

  Then she screamed. Screamed in the middle of the crushing sound that resonated through the air. Her hands flew out like she could defend herself from the collision.

  My fucking heart nearly ripped from my chest.

  Overwhelming terror gripped me as I was struck with the grating sound of twisting metal and the squeal of tires and the realization that there was nothing I could do.

  Nothing to stop my car from spinning, from being tossed out into the middle of the intersection like it weighed nothing at all.

  It rocked one direction and then the other before finally coming to a standstill.

  Jagged breaths jerked in and out of my lungs and dizziness swept my senses, ears ringing with a high-pitched drone. Confusion clouded my mind, but I shook it off, focused on the reason I was there. “Faith, baby, are you okay?”

  Her mouth trembled open as she whimpered the one thing that mattered to her most. “Bailey.”

  Bailey. Bailey. Bailey.

  Instantly, my attention darted to the rearview mirror, eyes desperate as I searched for where she was buckled into her seat. Cries jetted from her mouth, these shattered, wails of fear, and her little hands were reaching out for someone to help her.

  Bailey.

  Fumbling, I released my buckle so I could climb out and get to her.

  That was when in my periphery, through the shattered side window, I caught the movement.

  The car that had hit us was backing up.

  Motherfu
cker was going to run.

  Anger blistered through me when I thought of it. Someone just up and leaving without checking to make sure everyone was okay. Bastards who didn’t give a fuck about anything but themselves.

  Then that anger shifted, spiraled into a vortex of horror when I realized they weren’t running.

  They were gunning it back in our direction.

  Tires squealing as they rammed on the gas.

  “Faith!” I yelled in terror, wanting to get to her, climb over her, protect her.

  But there was not a thing I could do but grab for the steering wheel like it was a life preserver, fingers slipping when the piece of shit slammed us hard from the side.

  Under the force, my head snapped to the side.

  Glass shattered as it cracked against the driver’s side window.

  An explosion of sound.

  An explosion of pain.

  Sight dimming.

  Agony splintering through my being.

  Sight going red.

  Bailey. Faith.

  Hate and fear and possession. My car rocked to a shuddering stop.

  Faith was staring at me.

  Wide-eyed and in shock.

  And I wanted to go to her. Wrap her up.

  But that fucking car was shifting gears again.

  I wasn’t going to let this happen. I wasn’t.

  I flung open the door and staggered onto the street.

  My feet nearly gave out from under me as my consciousness blinked. Squeezing my eyes closed, I fought it, the fade that wanted to suck me into black.

  Barely able to see, I rummaged under my seat, adrenaline lighting in my veins as my fingers came into contact with the metal where it was strapped to the underside.

  The shock in Faith’s eyes shifted to straight fear when she realized what I was holding. “Jace . . . what are you . . .”

  But her words trailed off with the squeal of the tires the lit on the road, the smashed to shit black town car skidding backward in reverse.

  With my gun drawn, I stalked around the front of my car.

  Squinting, I tried to see through the thick, sticky wetness that blanketed my face.

  Sun glinted from above, and the only thing I could make out through the car’s windows were the two massive, silhouetted figures in the front seats.