Lilah

by Gemma Liviero

  ‘Was it from my mother or father, that I received these skills?’

  Lewis looked up at the mention of my parents.

  ‘I do not know.’

  I knew he was lying but I did not question him further for it would anger him.

  ‘Where do the witches go when they leave here?’ I asked

  He seemed even more reluctant to answer this and became impatient. I was dismissed quickly then.

  One day during my studies, Gabriel returned. He looked just as handsome as he always did but less flamboyant and slightly more guarded as if he was hiding something. I did not ask about Arianne for fear that the sound of envy might creep into my voice, but I was still wounded that there was no message for me.

  I asked him the same question that Lewis had avoided. He also looked wary but gave me an answer that was acceptable at least. ‘Some witches never leave. Some convert to the strigoi. In the past, some have coupled with strigoi here to continue the line, though most choose not to. Their babies are raised away from the castle until they come of the age. Some are repulsed by the idea of conversion and these do not remain at the castle.’

  He was keen to turn the conversation and asked me about the histories I was engrossed in.

  He stood above me and scoffed at one of the documents.

  ‘You do not like that one?’

  ‘I do not like many of these books.’

  ‘But they are your history,’ I queried him.

  ‘Many have rewritten history and, I believe, changed the words in order to do things differently and make new rules. I don’t believe what I read.’

  ‘That sounds like the interpretation of religion. Some do it a different way because they have seen something else in the words that others haven’t.’

  ‘You’re very perceptive for someone so young.’

  ‘Can you tell me what you disagree with?’

  ‘The books talk of our ancestry like we are descended from hideous beasts. The histories make our actions sound barbaric rather than defensive.’

  Although his expression was serious I could not help but laugh.

  ‘What is so funny?’

  ‘The very act of the strigoi is barbaric to humans let alone putting their own souls in the bodies of humans. Not to mention what happens to your body if you don’t feed. Do you not become grotesque?’

  ‘If you believe the book, yes, though I have never seen one ‘turn’ as they refer it,’ he said. ‘Aged and withered perhaps but not beast-like as depicted. Perhaps I can be too black or white when it comes to this but I have not seen a strigoi who has become as you mention.’

  ‘So spoilt with human blood, how would you know what becomes of your body?’

  ‘True, but it does not seem possible with all our powers.’

  ‘Some of these books say that the banned practice of soul taking was once a source of more power.’

  ‘I think once we are made strigoi we receive many powers regardless, and that the blood sustains us. There is nothing to definitively say that it is a soul that completes us, yet all of us have taken at least one to effect the change…just in case. Though, too much soul taking can send a strigoi to delirium.’

  Gabriel paused to sense whether Lewis was close by before he continued.

  ‘There are some rules I haven’t always followed. One of them is soul taking. But I do it rarely and only to those who do not deserve an afterlife. Others who are sick or dying…I will not take their soul.’

  ‘Why be so forgiving for some and not to others?’

  ‘So they can pass on to the heaven that they so desperately desire. There are some close to death who I have killed simply to be merciful and whose soul should move on. But then there are others who do not deserve a second chance with their creator.’

  ‘So you believe in God and that you were once his angels.’

  ‘Believe, yes, but we do not worship him for he has forsaken us. Why else would it be that we cannot die. Not that I am complaining for I would not want it any other way. But it is religion that I truly despise: false places of worship, priests who are unworthy of preaching God’s word, and make-believe stories used to instill fear.

  ‘I have no issue with God anymore, as I prefer to live forever in body, enjoying earthly pleasures, rather than an eternity in spirit in glorious rapture,’ he said the last with cynicism. It was clear he was sceptical that such a spiritual afterlife was a reward and not a punishment.

  He continued: ‘Soul taking was common centuries ago after many of the strigoi were purged by human hunters. The strigoi believed that if they released the human souls after feeding, that these souls may choose to remain on earth, enter the bodies of others and somehow find revenge against them. You must remember that the strigoi were low in numbers and weak in knowledge of their own strength and abilities at this time. They wanted to erase any trace of those humans who sought to hunt them.’

  I added: ‘The books also say that soul taking has been going on for hundreds of centuries, that if you don’t take at least one soul you will not complete the change to become a strigoi, that you will shrivel and die in the ground after one human lifetime and that no rejuvenation sleep will cure you to return to your youthful selves.’

  ‘Yes, I know what the books say. The strigoi have always taken at least one soul out of fear. I do not believe it is necessary.’

  ‘Yet you admit you do it.’

  ‘Only for the reasons I have already said. Only the human filth and only in moderation.’

  ‘Just to give them a chance with God? Or perhaps you enjoy it more than you are letting on.’ I said, for I had also read that such soul taking gave a strigoi much pleasure and like a drug, some were prone to crave more.

  He bowed then and took his leave, eager to depart the conversation, and I deduced that there was some truth in my suggestion.

  When I queried Lewis on the subject he also confirmed that one soul must be taken at the time of conversion but any further soul taking was unnecessary. He had experimented on various strigoi to see the effects. It had made some difference but the effects of hysteria in some cases, and ageing faster, outweighed any benefits of strength.

  He had made the act punishable to stop the practice after people were going to ground a lot quicker and there were less strigoi above the ground to act as guardians for those sleeping. I wondered what the elder would say if he knew Gabriel still did it.

  ‘Blood is the key to our existence. Souls we can take if we have little self control and too much greed. Souls can give a strigoi the brief feeling of euphoria, and momentary heightened powers, but nothing lasting,’ he went on.

  I shivered for either practice was abhorrent.

  Chapter 10

  Lewis

  Many months have passed. Gabriel came less and less. Our last conversation had been heated for I had accused him of deserting his coven for a simple human girl.

  Lilah spent many days in my company and I grew fond of her. She read the books from cover to cover. She studied ways to recover herself and different areas of the body to heal persons with specific ailments. She absorbed everything and asked many questions as if she could effect change. Once she had read the history volumes of the strigoi she did not open them again, preferring only the books on medicine and healing.

  She was an intelligent girl and I could not help thinking that she might make a nice companion during my final years. I had not had a wife in over a century. There was no such thing as emotional love as humans knew it, rather respect, companionship and the chance to further the line.

  One day, Gabriel brought the human girl to my library. Lilah was with me at the time. The two girls greeted each other with touching but there was awkwardness between then.

  ‘What is that on your face?’ asked Lilah, before I had a chance to get rid of them for I did not like human strangers in my library.

  I had seen it too. A large scar the same colour as her skin stretched from the base of Arianne’s left eye and across her c
heek. She was still attractive in an imperfect way.

  ‘It is nothing. I fell.’

  This was clearly untrue, and Lilah saw through it also. She had been torn by a forest beast but that was not the problem here. There was something dangerous about her for already she was blocking some of her thoughts to us thanks to Gabriel’s coaching. It was obvious that she was frivolous and vain, and holding on to Gabriel’s arm as if she would never let him go. Her thought of me was condescending and perhaps she had allowed me to read that one.

  Gabriel said that he wished to discuss a serious matter, ‘though it is probably best said in private,’ he said apologetically to Lilah.

  Lilah minded this rejection a great deal, looking downcast and back at Arianne as she left, searching her thoughts but as unsuccessfully as I. She was indeed a mystery, this human, either touched with madness, or extremely clever at keeping most thoughts well buried.

  Once departed, Gabriel faced me directly.

  ‘Arianne wants to become one of us.’

  I was not shocked. I had been asked this before but I was disappointed with Gabriel. It was not like him to dally with the order of the species, a fact he had taken issue with me on occasion for my past experiments.

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Because I want her to come and go freely here to the castle with me and it would be safer. She nearly died.’

  ‘You should have let her. It is not your right to interfere.’ His face was passive, a confession of his crime of healing.

  ‘I could not bear to lose her. Next time I may not be there in time,’ he said quietly.

  ‘The ritual is unpredictable,’ I said to Arianne, expecting her to buckle under my scrutiny. ‘And what you are ignoring is the fact that you have to die first. Your soul must leave your body. I cannot guarantee it would return the same or altered in some way. Demons have a habit of hovering around the bodies of humans on the brink of dying. They have been known to take the opportunity to inhabit a soulless body.’

  ‘You do this for many others.’

  ‘I do this for witches who are born with this rite of passage; their souls already strong, and their blood filled with memories and knowledge, anticipating the awakening should they choose immortality. The change is easy. What you are asking me to do is very dangerous.’

  ‘But it has been done before, you said so!’ said Arianne defiantly to Gabriel.

  ‘Yes, there were strigoi created from humans – a restless new breed,’ said Lewis. ‘We have none here any more. I had to kill them; creatures who would indiscriminately kill, who would give us all away, who left traces of themselves. You see a human mind is different from a witch. Human minds are weak. They are not born for such gifts. These changes were merely experiments.’

  I said this directly to Arianne and waited for these words to reach her but was met with a look of indifference such that I had never seen in a human. Having Gabriel had given her confidence and I became unnerved by her unyielding gaze, then filled with calculation and determination.

  ‘I will be different. I am far stronger than you think.’

  Arianne looked at Gabriel, her eyes softer now, her expression ingenuous. I could see for the first time the effect she was having on him. He had weakened to her wishes for this was a girl who had broken him in part, though how and why, I could not say. Her character was intriguing but her charms did not work on me.

  ‘Lewis,’ said Gabriel. ‘I would not ask if I did not think she was strong enough. Unlike you, I do not believe in demon possession. It is a human’s will that determines their tolerance of such a gift.’

  Gabriel was not always intuitive, even intolerant of many of the ancient teachings, but I could see some benefits with this conversion. It would be an interesting case to study and record if indeed I did agree. And if it did work, someone like Arianne may strengthen the coven. But there was still something that held me back and I needed further persuasion.

  I turned to Gabriel. ‘You know the risks are great. If you care what happens to her then send her back to the monastery. There are no wolves there!’ I did not need to read her mind to learn that the scar came from such a beast.

  There was a short laugh from the girl and for the first time I caught a glimpse, so brief I could have missed it, of something far more reckless and stubborn than I had seen of her before. She was much like her father, Istavan, with a drive for power and unafraid of anyone who stood in her way.

  ‘She can’t go back.’

  ‘It is where she belongs. Back with her own kind. ‘

  ‘I want to make her my wife.’

  It was my turn to laugh and I did not stop quickly. The sound hurt the girl’s ears and she put her hands to them. This short burst of pain did not deter her though. Instead, she looked angry.

  ‘You are aware of the fates of others who have attempted this.’ I falsely hoped that this was how he wished to be rid of her.

  ‘Have you not always said that the strong ones survive? Well I believe Arianne has the strength.’

  I looked into the girl’s eyes. There was arrogance in the way she folded her arms and raised her chin as if she already knew I would do it. I could perhaps intentionally complete the process without success and send her soul to darkness so that I never had to see her again. But the experimentalist in me made me curious, combined with her oddness. She was a challenge, which is why I agreed.

  ‘Are you aware of the risks?’ I directed at her.

  ‘Yes. You both have told me that I could die.’ She did not have the look of someone who had any doubt. Gabriel’s eyes rested on his seducer. How the tables had turned. There was a mixture of pride and misgiving. I could see that he was the one with the doubt.

  ‘Not could, but will die. For your earthly self has to die before you can be reincarnated.’

  She nodded.

  ‘Very well.’ I said, for her life and death meant nothing to me. My condition was, however, that Gabriel must remain responsible for her actions. And I hoped this would deter him somewhat.

  He nodded again, though again with a faint flicker of doubt.

  ‘It will happen at the next full moon when the strigoi’s powers are fullest. You are solely responsible for her. If she proves a liability you must kill her.’

  If the experiment did not work, it would be an easy feat to quash the mistake. I dismissed them both and shot a disappointed look at Gabriel. And if it didn’t work, then his philandering ways were about to be tamed.

  Gabriel

  In my recurrent nightmare, Lilah was dying and the only one who could save her was Arianne. I did not discount these dreams for they meant something. There was no doubt that I was under Arianne’s spell, but it was perhaps this dream that had opened me to her suggestion to become one of us. It could not have been a coincidence that she asked the very day after my restless night.

  We had been living together for several months and all the while I had been enjoying her earthly body and her mind, for she was engaging, intelligent, spoke of subjects beyond her years and philosophised about the universe. She stayed home while I hunted and had accepted this about me without ever witnessing what I did. I had told her in detail and she once asked if she could join me but I forbade it. Lilah was worried she would be horrified with the reality of my life but all I saw was fascination.

  We spent many hours talking, reclined on lounges, entertaining one another with stories from our past. I liked the way Arianne changed her voice to mimic some of the sisters or clerics and even her mother. Sometimes I would take her on the long journey into town for supplies even though I could get these faster on my own. But she relished the fresh air nearly as much as me and liked the adventure of booking rooms at inns to spy on the patrons, pointing at those who took her interest and keen to hear me reading their thoughts.

  In the weeks before I approached Lewis, I had still not agreed to her suggestion. Then a blizzard came and I was hungry. It had been days since my last feeding and I felt weakened. I did not like the
idea of leaving Arianne during such a fierce storm but pleased for her sake that I had boarded up many of the holes in the walls.

  That day, the shutters had rattled wildly and the wind and shook the doors. I had killed a bear and Arianne had fashioned the fur into a long coat. She wore only this while she stitched clothing by the fire contentedly. She was extraordinarily appealing in the firelight the night I left for my hunt. Long curled ribbons of hair hung around her small face and it was difficult to leave her at such times.

  ‘Are you ever bored?’ Her days were filled with domestic chores and decorating and I was remembering how busy she was at the monastery. She seemed so happy then too. This ability to change and settle so easily into another role bothered me a little – the fact that she had not been true to her ideals. Though I could see that I was to blame for that; rarely was there a conquest I did not succeed with.

  Extraordinarily, I found it more difficult to read her thoughts, almost as if she could disguise them. Once I would have said that only those with hysteria could do such a thing but she had changed this theory for there seemed nothing mad about her except for her voracious appetite for life.

  ‘Never,’ she said calmly. ‘This is probably the life my parents robbed me of in the first place. A life with a man.’

  I nodded solemnly. Had she grown up with nurturing parents she would have perhaps found love easily. Ironically, the cloister had been her escape.

  ‘You must go,’ she said. ‘You need to build up your strength.’

  She rubbed her hand across my chest. ‘You are feeling too bony.’

  I pulled her to me and standing before the fire I reached beneath the coat to feel the warmth of her skin. I kissed her but she pulled away playfully.