Susceptible to Him

by Lynn Burke

  Papa grumbled under his breath. “I figured since you had been out on Valentine’s Day night, you must have been seeing the man for some time.”

  “No, Papa.”

  Bastian gripped my knee underneath the table. Anger radiated from his eyes as it always did whenever the topic of that horrid day came up. While anyone would think Zane would be the one to beat the living shit out of my ex, quiet-spirited and kind Bastian had done the honors.

  Blackened both of Jack’s eyes and broke the bastard’s nose.

  “Sal, why don’t you share your newest plans for the supermarkets?” Mom suggested.

  Papa’s eyes lit, and I breathed a sigh of relief as he launched into his latest marketing ploy. I mouthed a “thank you” seconds later to Mom.

  Once Papa ran out of steam, Bastian cleared his throat. “I’ve been thinking we ought to expand outside of New England.”

  Pushing his empty plate aside, Papa leaned forward. “What do you have in mind?”

  “Midwest, maybe.”

  Laughter burst out from Zane, drawing everyone’s attention. “Why? There’s nothing but Bible huggers and cornfields out there.”

  “Exactly.” Blue eyes lit with excitement, Bastian turned back to Papa. “Imagine—we’d hold the market on authentic Italian food straight from Boston. That’s my hope, anyway.”

  A slow nod dipped Papa’s chin. “And you think you’re ready to go there on your own?”

  “I am. I won’t mind living the quiet life for a while. Leave the city. The noise.”

  “You nuts?” Zane sat back in his chair, laughing.

  “Zanebono!”

  I cringed at Papa’s voice, and nudged the last bite of green beans around on my plate.

  “You could take a lesson from your younger brother’s ambition. He’s not just thinking of himself, but our family’s well-being too. If you’ve nothing positive to add, keep your mouth shut.” Papa turned back toward Bastian, a scowl still puckering his brow. “Have you made any plans?”

  “Not yet. Just toying with ideas. I thought of Oklahoma, but maybe West Virginia or Tennessee.”

  “West Virginia. I like the sound of that.” Cole propped his elbows on the table. “Why don’t you give him a week or two to scout out the area, Papa?”

  “Excellent idea, Son.” Papa thumped his fist on the table, his tell-tale sign of having made a decision and liking it. “I’ll book a flight for you for next Friday. In the meantime, do your homework. Find the places that would benefit us the most.”

  Zane began humming the freaky tune from the movie Deliverance.

  Bastian shot him a glare. “At least I want to do something with my life, asshole.”

  “Language please,” Mom said.

  Gaze narrowing, Zane smirked. “Hell, I do something every night.”

  “Yeah, I’m sure you do.” Sarcasm dripped from Bastian’s words.

  “So!” Standing, Mom gathered up a few empty plates. “I made tiramisu for dessert. Zane, why don’t you help me with the espresso?”

  Flicking Bastian the bird, Zane followed Mom through the swinging door.

  Cole started chatting with Papa about building a start-up team for possible new locations, and I squeezed Bastian’s hand. “Proud of you,” I whispered.

  Eyes still shining, he grinned back at me. “I’ll miss ya, Sis, but damn it’ll feel good to go away on my own for a while. Get out from under Papa’s thumb.”

  “While I hate my job on most days, it does feel good. You’re going to do great. I just know it.”

  “Thanks, Sis.”

  Zane took off immediately after devouring a huge piece of tiramisu. Bastian made his own excuses and slipped out the door fifteen minutes later.

  Although I offered to help Mom with the dishes, she told me to go home and get some beauty sleep. “Call me when you’re ready to talk, sweetheart.”

  “I will, Mom. Thanks.” I kissed her cheek and stepped back as Cole opened the door. He followed me out to the stoop.

  Pulling my coat tight around me, I tilted my head toward the star-filled sky.

  “You all right?”

  Sighing, I hunched my shoulders and walked down the steps toward our cars. “Yeah.”

  Cole bumped me with his hip as we ambled along the walkway. “Need us to bash in a head or anything?”

  “Nah. Just bummed.” We paused by my car, and I gave him a quick hug.

  “Will you tell Gwen we missed her tonight?”

  I peered up at him. “Sure. Got anything else you want me to tell her?”

  “No. Why?”

  Shrugging, I unlocked my car and threw my purse on the passenger seat. “You just seem mighty concerned about her.”

  He scuffed his boot on the driveway. “She’s been like a part of our family for so long…just seems strange not having her around much since you two graduated.”

  “Yeah. Wish she’d tell me why. Every time I ask, she clams up and brushes me off.”

  He pursed his lips and wouldn’t meet my gaze.

  “Cole?”

  Tugging me toward him, he kissed the top of my head. “Love you, Sis.”

  Giving in to his obvious desire to not talk about Gwen anymore, I hugged him tight. “Love you too, Cole.”

  I climbed into my car, convinced my oldest brother cared for my best friend more than he wished to admit.

  Ryan

  She fucking deleted her profile—without responding to the apology I sent. I put a hole in the hallway with my fist, and icing the damn thing did little to lessen the pain.

  Another bottle of scotch for breakfast, lunch, and dinner didn’t help either, but by then it was my chest aching instead of my hand.

  Should have gotten her number the second I made her laugh. Yeah, the deep-seated sadness had still hovered over her, but at least she’d opened up to me. Then I got so fucking horny, I screwed up.

  Not once had I lost control before. Never. No ecstasy-induced hormone high had ever taken me to that point.

  Six fucking days.

  I leaned forward to peer at myself in the fogged mirror of my bathroom. “Six, and I can’t get her out of my mind.” Every time I jerked off, it was to memories of her taste. Her scent.

  Should have packed my bags and ditched Boston like I wanted to do before meeting Lia. The thought of being so far away from her turned my stomach and, again, I took back the wish.

  I glared at myself through the steam. “You find a woman worth a shit, and you fucking ruin it by treating her like a whore. Dick wad.”

  Almost as bad, I depleted my stock of scotch.

  Deciding I needed to do something before punching another wall, I threw on clothes, grabbed my keys, and started toward the door.

  My phone chirped, and I pulled it from my back pocket. The California area code brought on a grin for the first time in a week.

  I swiped to answer. “Cool Cheese!”

  Laughter sounded in my ear. “What’s up, kid?”

  “Nothin’ but a pile of shit.”

  “What do you mean shit?”

  “Nothin’. How the hell are ya?”

  Steve, my roommate from college, filled me in on the last few months of his life since leaving Boston while I meandered into the living room and sprawled on the couch.

  “Met a computer programmer out here, and we’re toying with the idea of starting up a company similar to the one we sold.”

  My interest piqued, and I straightened on the couch’s edge. “Yeah?”

  “Figured you might want in. Don’t know about you, but I’m bored shitless.”

  I agreed but had to force a laugh. “Same here.”

  “Why don’t you hop a flight to L.A. Spend a week or so checking this out with me?”

  My pulse beat in my ears. A real good reason to leave Boston. Something to do other than wallow in my self-inflicted misery.

  But fuck me, I hesitated. Eyes closed, I rubbed my forehead. “I’ve got to go take care of something first, Steve. Let me give
you a call in a few hours.”

  “All right, kid. Sounds good.”

  I disconnected and, adrenaline pumping, strode out the door. It was time for a nice, long chat.

  And hopefully finding a reason to stay—rather than the rejection I feared.

  Lia

  On Thursday I cried in the office bathroom, smearing every trace of mascara from my lashes.

  Friday sucked ass, same as the whole week did, but even more so because Gwen packed up before the sun rose and took off for a weekend up at Lake Winnipesauke—on my insistence the bags under my eyes were no big deal.

  Two whole days alone.

  On my way home, I snagged a few bottles of Bordeaux to restock the rack I’d emptied during the week.

  Nothing like skipping dinner, guzzling a glass of red, and lounging in a bubble bath.

  The thought of Ryan’s lips and fingers brought a frown to my relaxed face.

  Okay, so maybe there was something better. Too bad. He had looked so damn good. Tasted sweeter than salted caramel, and his fingers induced magical shivers. Never had a man’s caress sent such need through me.

  So tempting.

  Instead of touching myself, or grabbing up the unsatisfying Mr. Pink, I stood and stepped out on the bath mat. I wrapped an oversized towel around me, tucking the end between my breasts.

  “Movie and toenails, I’m thinking.” Grabbing a hair clip, I continued muttering. “And the rest of that bottle of wine, too.”

  I coiled and clipped my wet hair and lathered on vanilla and brown sugar lotion before pulling on my old Victoria’s Secret robe. Scarlet nail polish in one hand, the wine bottle’s neck and glass stem in the other, I settled on the couch. A quick scan through the cable menu proved nothing of interest besides yet another showing of The Notebook.

  Even though I didn’t need more tears, I clicked on the station and tossed the remote on the coffee table.

  While smoking hot Gosling pined in misery for McAdams, I skimmed paint across my toenails, one by one, sipping from my glass between coats.

  I curled my legs under me and my eyesight hazed by the time the nurse found the two older lovers together in bed. Unmoving.

  Sniffing, I swiped unwanted tears off my cheeks. To find such a love…such devotion.

  For the first time all week long, I wished I hadn’t deleted my profile on Gwen’s stupid website. I should have at least read Ryan’s message. Had he apologized? Begged to see me again?

  The tickle had left me wanting. Unsatisfied and hungry as hell. I should have taken advantage for a change and enjoyed a thorough, doubtless earth-shattering poke.

  Pressing my palms against my eyes, I inhaled a deep breath while temptation to Google his name niggled. The Internet gods had to know where I could find him.

  I grabbed my cell and tapped away.

  No such friggin’ luck.

  Sure, he had an apartment overlooking the State House’s golden dome, but that could be any number of buildings.

  Tossing my phone on the cushion beside me, I muttered a curse. “Shoulda, woulda, coulda. Damn it.”

  Someone rapped on the front door.

  Had I ordered lo mein and didn’t remember? I shuffled to the door and peered out the peephole.

  Ryan.

  My heart skipped a beat before thumping double time. Refusing to ponder his presence for even one second, I pulled open the door.

  Feet in a wide stance, he stared at me, his brow furrowed. “Can I come in?”

  Tongue tied, I moved back.

  He walked in and shut the door behind him, the aroma of sandalwood sweeping over me. Good Lord, he smelled divine.

  Warmth swarmed all the right places as his eyes flitted downward, taking in my tattered robe and bare legs from the thighs down.

  I struggled for breath when his attention returned once more to my face. “Can we talk?”

  “S-sure.” Trembling limbs barely got me to the couch where I dropped and curled them under me. I motioned to the chair opposite me.

  Ryan perched on the next couch cushion, focused on my face.

  I filled my lungs with his scent, digging my fingernails into my palms to keep from tangling my fingers in his silky locks.

  “Did you get my message?”

  I glanced away, not wanting to believe the sincerity in his eyes. “No.”

  “I’m sorry, Lia. Honest to God, I feel like shit for dragging you down that hallway and throwing you against the wall like…like some worthless chick good only for getting my rocks off.”

  The image and memory of his mouth and fingers turned my core molten, and I cursed myself for not putting on panties underneath my robe.

  “You just…you just sent my senses in such a whirl. I had to feel your skin. Touch you. Taste…aw, fuck.”

  I turned back toward him.

  Eyelids clenched tight, he ran a hand through his hair. “The memory of your sorrowful eyes and sweet scent drove me mad all week long. And now you’re a breath away from my fingertips. Say you’ll forgive me. Please.”

  He truly seemed sincere. If all he’d wanted was to bust a nut, he could have accomplished it many times over in the past few days with dozens of willing partners.

  “Lia?”

  I studied his face, the silence lengthening. Now that we shared the same air, I didn’t have the heart to take advantage of him. He didn’t deserve to be hurt any more than I did.

  I chewed on the inside of my lip, wanting—fearing—being susceptible to a man again. Perhaps if Ryan knew the truth about the baggage I carried, he’d tuck tail and run. That would make the decision for me.

  I wrapped my arms around myself. “My fiancé cheated on me. I found him in bed with three other women.”

  Ryan scowled, but didn’t speak.

  “That was Valentine’s Day, two years ago. I haven’t been out with anyone since, well, you were the first. His betrayal still festers inside me.” I clasped a fist over my chest. “I mourn what we had—what seemed so perfect.” Tears laced my voice and hazed my vision as I clenched my hands together. “It was supposed to have been forever, but Jack decided I wasn’t fulfillment enough.”

  “Fulfillment?” A dry laugh escaped his lips. “What a fuckboner.”

  My body’s tension released as warmth tingled my limbs.

  “I don’t understand how a man could deal with never seeing you again.” Ryan shook his head, intensity shining in his blue eyes. “You’re a sweet addiction, Lia. It’s been six days, and I’ve been craving your nearness like a madman.”

  Although his gaze sent shivers dancing down my spine, light laughter tipped my lips upward. “My brothers say Jack lost the best thing he ever had. That’s what my parents and Gwen tell me too, but it’s just so hard to believe. I wake up every morning, depressed, going about my boring day as though—”

  “Take your hair down.”

  The authority in his voice twitched my hand to obey, but I threaded my fingers together, still wary.

  “I’m not here to seduce you, Lia.” His gaze didn’t waver. “I only want to fill my vision with what that jackass gave up.”

  I unclipped my hair. Still-damp tendrils tumbled past my shoulders, drawing his eyes.

  He lifted his hand, but dropped it back to his lap. “I don’t let anyone inside. Ever.” His Adam’s apple bobbed. “Being ditched by my parents and growing up as a foster kid…”

  The naked vulnerability within his eyes sent a pang through my heart. “Go ahead,” I whispered, needing, yet scared to death of his touch.

  An unsteady sigh passed Ryan’s lips as he threaded his fingers through my hair. He stared at my mouth, and I struggled to draw breath.

  My pulse thrummed, body hummed with lust. Need dictated, and I untangled my legs and pushed him against the couch’s back, settling my bare thighs on either side of his. “I don’t want to mourn anymore.”

  “Don’t tease me, Lia.”

  I tugged on his fleece, and he helped me pull it over his head. My palms found
his pecs, hot beneath his shirt, and I ran my hands downward, thrilled by the ridges lining his stomach.

  He grabbed my ass through the robe. “Lia.” His darkened stare seared me, flushing me with heat. “I don’t want just one night. If you’re not willing to let me in—willing to offer a little trust to try for more, then—”

  I grabbed his head and kissed away whatever else he planned on saying.

  Did I want to get hurt again? Hell, no. But I couldn’t live not knowing what might have been.

  Ryan fisted a hand in my hair and, with a groan, angled my head, deepening our kiss. His other hand pulled me closer, my bare skin coming in contact with his erection straining against the pants separating us.

  My heart hammered in my ears; my body burned for his touch. I couldn’t get close enough.

  His fingers dug into my thigh before inching upward under my robe’s edge. Shifting my hips along his length brought a gasp to my lips, and his hand closer to my waist.

  “You’re killing me, Lia,” he growled as his hand found the top of my thigh—and my lack of panties. He squeezed, and I rubbed forward once more, whimpering my need.

  “Touch me,” I whispered in his ear before drawing his lobe between my teeth.

  “I…I don’t want to lose control again and scare you.”

  I bit down. “Touch me.”

  His thumb rubbed over my swollen nub, and I shuddered.

  Grip tightening in my hair, he jerked my lips back to his and swept his tongue against mine. A turn of his hand, and his fingers slid down.

  “So fucking wet.” He dipped inside me.

  Needing more, I ground against his thrusting hand, gasping for breath as my stomach tightened.

  So close…

  I threw my head back, ready to snap.

  “You are so fucking beautiful, Lia.”

  Light flared behind my closed eyes, and I bucked against his palm, moaning his name. Body awash with tingles, I dragged air into my lungs. As I floated downward from my high, Ryan slipped his fingers from me and kissed me as though time’s end lingered a heartbeat away.

  “Does this mean you forgive me?” he murmured against my lips.

  I tilted back and untied my robe, shrugging it from my shoulders.

  Staring at my girls like a starving animal, he swallowed, his voice a ragged whisper. “I’ll take that as a yes.” He lowered his head and drew a hardened nipple into his mouth.