The Perfect Lover

by Penny Jordan

  'Go on,' Olivia commanded.

  'Well, perhaps if Jack felt less isolated, if my father could involve him in his own enquiries to try and locate your father... If Jack could be involved, somehow, that might at least stop him from bunking off school and help him to feel he has some say, some control in things.'

  'I hear what you're saying,' Olivia told her. 'And, yes, I think you could be right. I'll talk to your father about it, and to Jack. Which reminds me. The reason I'm ringing is to tell you chat Saul will be flying over to collect both boys. *Ie was due to come over on business any v. a apparent!/, and he says it's no trouble for him to bring Joss and Jack back with him.'

  'What...when will he be arriving?' Louise asked her quietly.

  'He's advanced his meeting and he's leaving first thing in the morning; he says his business should be over by mid-afternoon. Look, I must go; I can hear Alex crying. Thanks again, Lou...I'm so grateful to you. It was such a shock when your mother rang to tell me what had happened.'

  'I know what you mean.'

  Olivia paused. 'Lou, it won't be a problem, Saul coming to collect the boys, will it?' she asked tentatively.

  'Not in the least,' Louise replied promptly and truthfully—meaning it.

  'No...that's what Tullah said,' Olivia agreed after another small pause, and Louise knew that it was a measure of how far she had come that she felt not the least degree of chagrin or resentment at the thought of her cousin and Saul's wife discussing her.

  Another measure of her maturity, she acknowledged with far less pleasure, was that she did not have the least inclination to confide to Olivia just why it was that she knew so positively that her feelings for Saul were no more than those of a cousin—and had been for a very long time. Since Tuscany, in fact...

  Louise opened her eyes abruptly. She had been asleep, dreaming about Gareth. In her dream she had been trying to reach out towards him, to hold him and kiss him, but every time she'd tried to do so he'd moved away from her.

  A glance at her alarm clock warned her that it would soon be time for her to get up. Not that she particularly wanted to go back to sleep. Not if she was going to have those kind of dreams.

  After a quick breakfast, she rang her boss at home, explaining to her what had happened and asking if she might have the day off to look after the boys until Saul arrived to collect them.

  'By all means,' Pam Carlisle assured her. 'How's the migraine, by the way?'

  'Gone,' Louise told her. 'Fortunately.'

  After she had finished talking to Pam she cleared away her breakfast things, wondering what time Gareth would bring the boys round, and what she was going to do with them until Saul arrived.

  She had just finished tidying up the kitchen when she heard Gareth and the boys arrive. Going to the door to let them in, she was relieved to see that Jack was smiling.

  'Thank you for giving them a bed for the night,' she said to Gareth as he followed them into her flat.

  'I've been on the phone to the parents,' she informed both boys as she ushered them into her living room, a little disconcerted to realise that instead of leaving Gareth had closed the door and joined them. 'And Saul will be calling round later to take you both home.'

  'Saul?' All three of them repeated his name with varying degrees of emotion, but it was Gareth's quick, sharp demand that overrode the other voices as they made eye contact and she saw the critical condemnation in his look.

  She could see that Jack was beginning to look slightly uneasy, and quickly she reassured him.

  'It's all right Jack,' she told him. 'Mum and Dad do understand. You should have told them that you wanted to find your father,' she pointed out gently to him, and when she saw that he might still be determined to head off for Spain, added, 'And maybe Dad has been a little at fault in neglecting to keep you informed of...things. He has tried to find your father, you know, and—'

  'Is it true that Dad will have to go to prison if he comes back to England?' Jack blurted out, his face going scarlet as he focused anxiously on Louise.

  'Who on earth told you that?' Louise asked him, shocked.

  Jack shook his head.

  'No one...at least not in so many words. But Max...'

  'Max is a trouble-maker. He's like—'

  'Like my father,' Jack interrupted her.

  Louise bit her lip in consternation. Gareth was still there and showed no sign of planning to leave, but this was not a conversation she particularly wanted to have with him as an observer—a critical observer, no doubt, she decided irritably.

  'So far as I know, Jack, your father has never been, was never motivated by malice, which I have to be honest and admit Max very often is. But it's true that your father and Max do share certain personality traits...'

  'Uncle Jon once told me that the reason Dad was the way he was is because... because Gramps spoiled him...' Jack told her uncertainly.

  'Gramps did spoil him,' Louise agreed. 'And he has spoiled Max too...given him...given them both the impression that they have the right to put themselves first.'

  'Uncle Jon told me as well that no one should blame Dad completely, because Gramps' expectations of him had put him under a lot of pressure...'

  'Yes, Gramps does have very, very high expectations of his favourites,' Louise agreed dryly.

  'Dad can't have loved us very much, me and Livvy, can he?' Jack asked her huskily. 'Not and have done what he did. Uncle Jon would never disappear and leave all of you...'

  'I'm sure that he does love you, Jack,' Louise contradicted him. 'The fact that he disappeared isn't a reflection on you, you know, and it certainly doesn't mean he doesn't love you. In fact, I expect that one of the reasons he left was because he does love you both, very, very much.'

  She saw the look that Jack was giving her, and explained quietly, 'By leaving, he probably thought that he was helping to protect you.'

  'Do you really think so?' Jack questioned her uncertainly.

  'I'm sure of it,' Louise confirmed, sure now that Jack would return to Haslewich, and the loving family awaiting him.

  'What time's Saul arriving?' Joss interrupted.

  'He has some business, which will take him until after lunch, so I doubt that he will be here until late afternoon,' Louise informed him. 'Is there anything that either of you would like to see or do while you're here? I've taken the day off work so...'

  'Gareth's going to take us to this place where we can surf the net,' Joss informed her excitedly.

  Louise opened her mouth to point out that Gareth had no right to make any such arrangements without checking with her first that it was all right, and then closed it again.

  'You can come with us if you want to. Can't she, Gareth?' Joss added.

  'Gee, thanks,' Louise drawled as she looked across at Gareth, half expecting to see him sharing her amusement that Joss should think she might consider j this a high treat.

  But instead of smiling Gareth was frowning, his voice curt and terse as he demanded, 'I take it it was your idea that Saul should be the one to come for the boys?'

  Louise looked at him.

  'No, as a matter of fact, it wasn't—' she began.

  But before she could finish he cut across her and said sarcastically, 'I see. So it was just a fortunate coincidence, was it?'

  Louise looked across to where Joss and Jack were too deep in a highly technical discussion about some new computer technology to be aware of what was going on between Gareth and herself.

  'I don't know what you're trying to imply,' she began in a heated, low-pitched voice, 'but for your information Saul is—'

  'I know exactly what Saul is to you,' Gareth interrupted her savagely. 'My God, haven't you—?'

  He stopped abruptly as Joss looked across at them both questioningly.

  'I'd better get my coat,' Louise informed Gareth. 'How far is this place? Can we walk, or...?'

  'No. I'll drive us there in my car,' Gareth informed her brusquely.

  'If you've both finished, I th
ink we ought to be heading back to the flat,' Louise informed Joss and Jack as she glanced quickly at her watch. Gareth had insisted on taking them for a late lunch at a small trattoria close to where they had spent the morning, and now, as they all stood up, Louise gave him a dismissive smile and told him, 'There's no need for you to drive us back. I'll get a taxi.'

  All day she had been conscious of a very definite brooding hostility in his attitude towards her, and despite her determination not to let either him or the boys see how much it was affecting her the strain was beginning to take its toll.

  She already knew, of course, that he neither liked nor approved of her, but the contempt she could feel emanating from him today had brought home to her just how very vulnerable she was where he was concerned.

  'We can't go home without going to Gareth's fiat to collect our stuff,' Joss reminded her practically.

  Louise's heart sank. But he was right, of course. However, when they arrived at the apartment block, a little to Louise's consternation they discovered that Saul was already waiting in the foyer for them.

  'Saul, I'm so sorry,' she apologised. 'I didn't think you'd be here until later.'

  'Don't worry,' Saul reassured her as he smiled at her, and then looked thoughtfully towards Gareth. 'My business was completed earlier than I expected.'

  'You must be Gareth.' Saul smiled, extending his hand towards the other man. 'I'm Saul Crighton, Louise's cousin...'

  'And ours,' Joss added.

  'Yes, I know,' Gareth acknowledged tersely, ignoring Saul's outstretched hand and turning instead to the two boys, reminding them, 'Your things are still in my apartment. I'll—'

  'Oh, yes. You'd better go with Gareth now and get them,' Louise interrupted him quickly, seizing the opportunity to ensure that she had a few moments of privacy with Saul to put him fully in the picture just 4 in case Olivia hadn't already done so.

  Over the boys' heads Gareth sent her a corrosively contemptuous look. Her face burning, as much with unhappiness as anger, Louise looked away from him.

  'Not exactly the friendly type, is he?' Saul commented dryly once he and Louise were on their own.

  'You mean Gareth?' Louise asked, fumbling with the key as she started to unlock her apartment door. 'It's my fault... He... I...'

  She stopped.

  'He thinks I'm trying to manipulate the situation so that I can have some time on my own with you,' she told Saul with painful honesty as she pushed open her apartment door and beckoned to him to follow her inside.

  'He...he was my tutor that time when...the time of the masked ball, and...' She stopped. 'In a way he's right I did want to have some time on my own with you, but not for the reason he suspects. I wanted to have a private word with you about Jack, Saul. I don't know how much Livvy has told you.'

  'Not much at all...only that Jack has taken it into his head that he wants to find David.'

  'Yes, that's right, he does. I've tried to talk to him, but I'm worried about him, and I wondered if perhaps you... He needs someone to confide in, someone he can tafk to who he can trust.'

  'I'll do my best,' Saul promised her gravely.

  'He thinks his father didn't love him.'

  Saul, was starting to frown, and to her chagrin Louise suddenly felt her eyes fill with tears.

  When he saw them Saul's frown deepened with concern.

  'Lou...' he began. But she shook her head trying to smile as she told him huskily, 'Saul, I'm sorry... It's just... I can't understand why I'm such a fool. You'd think after the lessons I learned through having that fearsome crush on you that I'd know better than to risk loving a man who doesn't love me back. But...'

  'A man who doesn't love you back... Are we talking about your extremely unfriendly friend and ex- tutor Gareth Simmonds, here?' Saul asked her dryly.

  Louise shook her head, but it was no use; the strain of the last twenty-four hours was having its effect on her, and the next thing she knew she was in Saul's arms, her head pressed firmly against his shoulder while he comforted her in much the same way he had done many years ago, when she had still been a child suffering from the pain of a scraped knee. But broken skin could in no way be compared to the agony of a broken heart, and she wasn't a child any more but a woman, Louise reminded herself.

  'I'm being an idiot. I'm sorry,' she apologised, blowing her nose firmly on the handkerchief he proffered as she gave him a frail smile.

  She was still smiling up at him, and still held securely in his arms, several seconds later as the sitting- room door burst open and Joss and Jack, followed by Gareth, came in.

  The sight of Louise in Saul's arms was plainly of no interest to either Joss or Jack, both of whom, in their different ways, were anticipating their return journey to Britain in Saul's charge with a certain amount of trepidation.

  Gareth, though, reacted completely differently, coming to an abrupt halt only feet away from them and saying with open contempt, 'I'm sorry if we're interrupting something...private.'

  Automatically Louise started to move away from Saul, but to her consternation, instead of letting her go, Saul kept a firm hold on her arm, his other hand giving her a small warning pinch out of Gareth's sight as he countered dangerously, 'Yes, so am I.' He turned his back on Gareth, so that his view of Louise's face was blocked as he told her tenderly, 'I meant what I said the last time we met, you know. You'll always be very...special to me, Lou...'

  Louise gawped at him. What on earth was Saul trying to do? He must know the interpretation that Gareth would put on his comments after what she had just told him, and now here he was, quite deliberately, or so it seemed, adding some volatile and combustible material to the flames fuelling Gareth's suspicions.

  'Come on, you two,' he instructed the boys, in a much firmer tone of voice, before turning to Gareth and telling him formally, 'It seems I owe you a debt of thanks...' And then, to Louise's bemusement, he lifted her hand to his mouth and gently kissed her fingers, before very firmly and expertly drawing her into his arms and holding her there intimately for a few long seconds.

  Louise didn't offer to go down to the foyer to see Saul and the boys off; her legs felt as though they wouldn't carry her as far as her own front door, never mind .the foyer.

  What on earth had got into Saul to make him behave so...so outrageously? It must have been as obvious to him as it had to her that Gareth was not in the least amused by his behaviour. Shakily she closed her eyes and put her hand on the back of her small sofa to steady herself as the apartment door banged shut behind them all.

  CHAPTER NINE

  'HAVE you gone completely out of your mind? He's a married man, for God's sake, and no matter how much he might feel like having a bit of sex on the side with you, right now I'll bet that's all he's got on his mind. Have you stopped to think that if he really wanted you, if he really cared...if he really had the least degree of respect or affection for you, he would never...?'

  'Gareth.' Weakly Louise opened her eyes. 'I thought you'd gone. What...?'

  'For God's sake, Louise. He might be your cousin...you might still love him, but—'

  Louise had had enough—more than enough.

  'No, I don't,' she corrected Gareth flatly. 'Or at least I don't love him in the way that you're trying to imply. And even if I did...' She pushed her hand tiredly into her hair.

  'If you don't love him then what the hell were you doing in his arms back there?' Gareth demanded furiously.

  'He was just holding me...comforting me...' Louise told him wearily.

  'Comforting you? Oh, my God, now I've heard everything—'

  'That's right,' Louise interrupted him. 'You have. Or at least you've heard all you are going to hear and if you want the truth, Gareth, what I've heard is too much...much too much from you. I want you to leave,' she told him. 'You have to leave,' she added with quiet desperation. 'You have to leave, Gareth, because if you don't...'

  She stopped, unable to say any more as one bright tear and then another filled her eyes and
splashed down onto the hand she had lifted to wipe it away.

  'Oh, God, Louise, how can you love a man who...?'

  'Who doesn't love me?' Louise supplied for him, when, instead of obeying her command, Gareth took a determined step towards her.

  'A man who isn't worthy of your love,' Gareth corrected her gruffly. 'I know how you feel about me, Lou. I know how much you dislike and resent me...'

  He stopped as Louise gave a small strangled yelp of mingled pain and laughter deep in her throat.

  'No, you don't,' she told him bravely. 'You don't know how I feel at all...because if you did... Gareth, please, I just can't cope with this. You have to leave,' she begged him.

  But inexplicably, instead of obeying her, he was suddenly reaching out for her and taking hold of her and telling her hoarsely, 'I may not know how you feel, Lou, but I certainly know how I feel, and how I've felt for one hell of a long time. It's tearing me apart, thinking about you wasting your love, your life, on someone who...on a man who... I know he's your cousin but...'

  'For the last time, Saul is not the man I love,' Louise told him, her self-control finally deserting her. 'You are that man, Gareth. You are the man I love, the only man I have ever properly loved, and the only man I am ever likely to properly love. The reason Saul was holding me in his arms when you and the boys walked in was because I had just been telling him about you, and—'

  'Gareth! Gareth! Let go of me,' Louise demanded breathlessly as she lifted her hands to push him firmly away from her.

  But it was too late, and besides, Gareth quite obviously had absolutely no intention whatsoever of letting her go. Instead he was demanding thickly, 'Say that again... You love me...? When...? How long...? Why...?' he began, and then stopped, closing his eyes and taking deep breaths before muttering something under his breath that Louise couldn't quite catch.

  When he opened his eyes Louise felt her heart lurch dangerously against her chest wall as she saw the way he was looking at her.

  'We can talk later,' Gareth informed her softly, barely breathing the words so that she automatically had to move even closer to him to hear what he was saying.