Canvas

by Jacob Chance

  Both of us remain silent. Neither wanting to be the one to end this peaceful truce we’ve found through our simple connection.

  I’m not sure how much time passes as we sit there contentedly enjoying one another’s company. We don’t need words to converse. Words only muddle things for us. If only we could live in a silent world speaking through actions. Our bodies certainly know how to communicate. Remembering how perfect she felt in my arms, how sweet she tasted on my lips is detrimental to my sanity. Don’t think about it.

  “Guys,” Kyle’s deep voice calls out.

  My eyes snap open and I notice him standing in front of us, smiling from ear to ear.

  Elle leans forward, slipping her hand from mine and literally waits on the edge of her seat for what he’s about to tell us.

  Rubbing both hands over my face, I sit up. “How’s Janny?” I ask. My concern for my best friend is at the forefront of my mind.

  “They’re both great,” he answers with a grin. “Congratulations, you guys now have a niece, Lily. She’s perfect, like her mom.”

  Elle shrieks excitedly. I jump to my feet, shaking his hand and pull him in for a hug. “Congratulations, man. I’m relieved it all went well.” I step back as Elle launches herself into Kyle’s arms.

  “Congratulations, daddy. I can’t believe I’m an auntie. I love the name Lily; it’s perfect.” The two of them part and Kyle still has a grin plastered on his face. I don’t think he’ll be losing it any time soon.

  “I need to get back to the room. I told Janny I’d come out and update you guys. If you want to wait around a little while you should be able to see them. Or you can come back later.”

  Glancing at the round clock on the wall, I notice the time. “I’m going to cut out of here soon, but I’ll be back tonight or tomorrow at the latest. I have a few tattoos scheduled so I need to head to the studio.” Patting the front pockets on my faded jeans, I find Janny’s keys and pull them out. “Here, I forgot to give these to you earlier.”

  “Yeah, my mind was definitely on other things. Are you sure you don’t need her car?”

  “I already made arrangements for a ride. I can drop it off at your house tomorrow if you need me to.”

  He takes the keys from me, pocketing them. “Thanks, I might take you up on your offer. I’m gonna get back to my girls.” He flashes us a blinding white grin.

  “Please congratulate Janny for me and tell her I’ll visit as soon as I can.”

  “Will do, man.” We bump fists.

  “I’m staying. There’s no way I’m leaving before I see my niece,” Elle informs him with a wink. “Come grab me, when it’s okay for me to visit.”

  “I’ll do that.” He spins around, hurrying back to his family. My chest tightens with happiness for them and if I’m honest with myself I can admit there’s some feelings of envy intermixed too. He has what I want...someday.

  Elle slams into my chest, surprising me. Her thin arms wrap around my back and mine do the same without conscious thought, closing her in tight. “I can’t believe we have a niece,” she says, her voice muffled against the faded cotton of my t-shirt.

  Running one palm up and down her back while the fingers of my other hand move up to cradle the nape of her neck. Her silky tresses tease their way through my fingers and I fight the urge to wind them around the long length until I can tug her head back and claim her lips as mine.

  She raises her face. Is she cognizant of my thoughts?

  Resting her chin on my chest, her coffee colored gaze flecked with golden embers captivates me. Full pink lips taunt me with every passing second. Every inhale and exhale is synced, our hearts drumming out each longing filled beat. The rest of the world is forgotten as we breathe each other in. We’re connected on a level I’ve never experienced before and as much as I fight my feelings for her, she’s in my veins...burning...pulsing...throbbing.

  Exquisite torture. That’s what Elle Johnson is to me.

  How do I resist when she’s everything I want?

  Pulling her closer, my head lowers. She rises on her toes, fingers pressing on the back of my neck, urging me on. The heat of her breath on my face makes my stomach tighten with desire. Her lids lower as I press my lips to hers. So fucking warm and soft, I want to be connected with her forever. Mouth moving under mine, she’s as hungry for my taste as I am for hers.

  “Josh.” Not now, goddamn it. “Josh.” Fuck. Talk about bad timing.

  Elle pulls away, abruptly and raises a hand to her lips. Her eyes go wide like a teenager caught kissing when she notices who called my name.

  “Liberty.” My eyes swing in her direction and watch as she studies Elle before looking at me.

  “Are you ready to go?” she asks, without apologizing for interrupting us.

  Glancing at the clock, I realize I need to leave now or I won’t make it in time for my first client. “Yeah, I am.” I want to speak with Elle, but I don’t have time to say everything I need to. Besides, this isn’t the time or place for the conversation we should have. “Will you be here later?” I ask, Elle.

  Her shoulders move up and down in a shrug. “I’m not sure.”

  “I’ll see you tonight or tomorrow.” I stare at her wanting her to realize how much I’d like to see her.

  “Maybe.”

  11

  Elle

  Affecting indifference around Josh isn’t easy. Each time we’re near one another he chips away at my resistance until I want to catapult into his arms and declare my love for him. When his lips were on mine, I made the decision to throw caution to the wind. Consequences be damned; I wanted to give us a chance.

  Then reality once again reminded me in the cruelest way possible I had lost my opportunity. Liberty. Great. I didn’t want to know her name. It was bad enough knowing she exists and means something to him. And, she’s even prettier than I remembered with her light blonde hair and blue eyes. She’s bright like sunshine and I’m dark like mud. It’s impossible to miss the contrast between us and seeing her was the perfect reminder of my place in Josh’s life. Or should I say lack of a place?

  “Elle,” Kyle calls my name, interrupting my contemplation. “You can visit now.” He flashes me a smile. I rise to my feet, following, letting myself be encircled by the sheer happiness pouring out of him.

  “Janny’s a little tired, but she’s doing great. Lily is sleeping like an angel.” We walk along one beige hallway, before turning down another. He stops mid-way in front of doorway. I notice the white board on the wall outside the room says McKenzie and I smile. My best friend is married and now a mother too. I never would have imagined this scenario. Not in a million years and yet it’s perfect. Janny is right where she belongs and I couldn’t be happier for her.

  “Are you ready to meet your niece?”

  “Are you kidding? I didn’t think this day would ever come.”

  He ushers me into the room before him. I can’t hold in my smile when I see Janny holding baby Lily in her arms. She’s a natural at this.

  Janny glances up as I approach, a smile ghosting her lips where they rest on the cluster of blonde hair on Lily’s head.

  “Congratulations, mommy,” I say, my eyes filling with tears. “She’s gorgeous.” My hoarse voice reflects the awe I feel at seeing this tiny bit of perfection my two friends created.

  “You want to hold her?” Janny asks.

  “Give me. Give me. Lily needs to know how much auntie Elle loves her already.” Janny gently hands her to me as I lean over her bed. Sinking down onto the vacant recliner, I cradle Lily to my chest. She’s so tiny, each feature so minute and flawless. How does she breathe out of those tiny nostrils? Her dark eyebrows are barely more than fuzz on her fair face as they furrow in a frown while she continues to sleep. Her pink lips are shaped like Janny’s as they pucker adorably. Smiling, I wonder if she’s getting hungry. Cuddling her close, I press a kiss on the top of her soft hair and realize I want this for myself. I want to be holding a child of my own in my arms. I
don’t know when or how, but...someday.

  “Hey, I heard there’s a party in here,” Kenna says as she enters the room, followed by her husband Derek.

  “You heard, right,” Janny replies with a smile as they both lean down to kiss her on the cheek. Kyle steps up to shake hands with Derek and then Kenna throws her arms around him, squeezing him tight. “I can’t believe you’re a daddy now. Actually, I can’t believe I’m an auntie.”

  “Would you like to hold Lily?” I ask, wanting to be polite and give them a chance to officially meet their niece. I can’t keep her forever - as much as I’d like to.

  “Yes,” Kenna squeals running away from me as I prepare to hand Lily to her.

  “Where are you going? The baby’s this way,” I joke.

  Kenna holds her hand under the hand sanitizer dispenser on the wall and then rubs her hands together. “Foam in - foam out. Gotta keep our little angel free of germs.”

  “Derek, you better not hold her then,” Kyle says, with a grin.

  Remaining at the hospital for as long as possible, I was hoping Josh would come back. If he really wanted to see me, wouldn’t he have made the effort? Then again, he has Liberty so why would he need me?

  Fingers gripping the smooth wheel of my Mercedes Benz GLS, I peer through the wet windshield as the wipers move side to side. The weather is the perfect companion for my depressed state. Sitting at home alone will only make me feel worse. I need to get out and stay busy. Who can I call that will make me forget about Josh for a few hours?

  “I have to say, hearing from you was a pleasant surprise,” Johnny raises his bottle of beer in my direction with a wink, before taking a deep pull.

  “Good, I’m glad you think so.” Sipping on my glass of red wine, I peer at him in the dim bar lighting. He’s tall, dark and hot. There’s no denying it. He’s exactly my type - if this was nine months ago. These days my perfect guy is an artistic, sexy, caring, well-mannered blonde with green eyes...named Josh. Thinking about him makes me panic.

  How did this happen?

  How did we go from friends to all this sexual tension?

  My small sips turn into gulps and the glass is drained in no time. Placing it on the table, I avoid looking at Johnny. Instead raising my hand for the waitress.

  “How’ve you been, Elle?” he asks, his eyebrow quirked.

  I’m sure, his cop eyes see right through me. My fingers spin the cardboard drink coaster on the wooden tabletop. “I’ve been better, but I’m okay.”

  “Are you sure? You don’t seem like you’re okay.”

  I shrug. “I’m not sure it’s worth talking about. I was hoping you could make me forget my problems, not dredge them all up.”

  “When you say forget, what do you have in mind?” He leans forward, resting his muscular forearms on the table.

  “Whatever it takes.”

  “Oh god,” I moan, sweat running down my bare back.

  “Easy,” Johnny coaxes from behind me, my hair clasped in his hand. His hand on my hip steadies me. “Breathe,” he whispers soothingly. His bare chest is a solid wall behind me.

  “How can I have anything left to throw up?” I run a hand over my damp brow.

  “Breathe slowly. It will help to settle your stomach.”

  “You know this how?”

  “It’s common sense.”

  “I hope you’re right.” My legs tremble beneath me; both my hands grip the toilet seat. “If not, I won’t survive the rest of this night.”

  “I’m always right.”

  “I hope so for my sake. Remind me to never drink again.”

  “I took you at your word when you said you wanted to forget.”

  “I don’t think shots were what I had in mind.”

  He sinks down to the floor and pulls me onto his lap. His arm wraps around my waist. “Lean back on me.” His voice is a deep rumble. “I know what you think you wanted to happen tonight and as fucking fantastic as sex between us would be, you’d have hated yourself in the morning.”

  “I’m hating myself right now. I might be hating you even more since you’re the one who kept buying shots for me.”

  He chuckles. “This is for the best. If we fucked, it would scratch the itch momentarily, but I’m not the one who’s making you itchy in the first place.”

  I snort. “Interesting logic.”

  “My logic is perfect. Don’t act like it doesn’t make sense.” He runs a hand over my hair. “Friends look out for each other. I’m glad you called me and not some other guy you know or this night could have gone much differently for you.”

  Knowing he’s right, I nod. “Me too,” I sigh. “Thanks for looking out for me.”

  After I’ve showered and brushed my teeth, I climb into Johnny’s king-sized bed. Propping the pillows beneath my head, I listen to the soothing sound of the shower coming from his bathroom. Surprisingly, my thoughts don’t wander to what Johnny’s hard, naked body would look like under the spray. Instead, my mind is immersed in thoughts of Josh’s warm lips on mine, his hand holding my head in place, controlling me. He instinctively knows what I like. He’s alpha without being over the top. Commanding in his own way, it’s something I’ve never experienced before. I don’t need to be ordered around like I’m incapable of thinking for myself. There’s a fine line between an alpha male and a guy who comes off as a dickhead. Until Josh, no one has been able to find the right balance.

  My eyes slowly open, taking in the vacant space next to me. Breathing a sigh of relief, I’m thankful this doesn’t have to be an awkward morning after situation. Climbing out of bed, I pull the sheet and comforter neatly up, before heading into the bathroom. After working the knots out of my hair and brushing my teeth, I feel a little better. I find my shorts on top of his nightstand and slip them up over my hips. The t-shirt he gave me to sleep in will have to suffice for now. I remember him stripping mine off in the bathroom last night after I got vomit on it and there’s no sign of it anywhere.

  Slipping on my sandals, I follow the delicious aroma of breakfast cooking until I’m standing on the other side of the island that separates his kitchen from his living room. Climbing up on one of the vacant stools, I lean my elbows on the granite counter and rest my chin in my palms as I observe Johnny.

  “Good morning. How are you feeling?” he asks with his back to me and then peers over his shoulder.

  “I’m feeling better than I expected to be. Thank you for looking out for me last night.”

  “Maybe you shouldn’t be thanking me. I did help you get banged up in the first place.”

  I’m not only thanking him for holding my hair while I threw up. “Yeah, but you were right. If we had done anything together I’d have regretted it, now.”

  “Ouch.” He grabs his chest and laughs.

  “You know what I mean. You don’t need me to say how hot you are. I’m sure your...ego gets stroked plenty.”

  He barks out a laugh. “Not as much as you’d think. I work long hours and I’m getting too old for the bar scene shit.”

  “Well, old man or not, if I wasn’t having strong feelings for someone else I’d be all over you.”

  “If things don’t work out with this dude you let me know. I’m sure I can take your mind off him.” He reaches in the upper cabinet next to the sink, removing plates. The muscles in his arms bunch as he moves. He makes a wife beater look better than it has any right to.

  As gorgeous as I find him, I’m not even remotely tempted to have sex with him. This is a new situation for me. Typically, if I’m attracted to someone and they express interest, I go for it. I’m not uptight about my sexuality. I enjoy sex; why shouldn’t I have it? Sex is one of the best things in life. Everyone needs to have more of it. Except for Josh. I don’t want him having it with anyone - unless it’s me. And that can’t happen again. He’s already involved with someone else and even if he wasn’t I doubt we’d be together.

  He’s all I want and everything I can’t have.

  12
<
br />   Josh

  As much as I wanted to get back to the hospital last night, it wasn’t feasible. By the time I finished tattooing the final customer, it was after nine o’clock. Knowing Janny would be exhausted, I didn’t want my late-night visit to be motivated by my own selfish reasons.

  Now, as I wander down the hallways in search of her room with flowers in one hand and a pink teddy bear in the other, I’m overcome with excitement. I can’t wait to meet Lily.

  When I reach her open door, I give a quick knock before entering. Stepping inside, I find they already have visitors. Elle is here and Johnny Ruiz. What the fuck is he doing here? He and Kyle have become friends through Derek, but I’ve never gotten the impression they were close.

  Flashing a smile, I head toward the other side of the hospital bed. “Hey, how are you?” I ask, leaning over to kiss Janny’s cheek. She wraps an arm around me, giving me a quick hug.

  “I feel great.” She smiles widely, adjusting the blanket over her legs.

  “You look beautiful. Being a mom agrees with you, I guess.”

  “Hey, stop flirting with my wife. I’m standing right here, dude,” Kyle interrupts, with a smile.

  “I don’t flirt when you’re here. I save the effort for when you’re not around,” I joke.

  Janny giggles. “You need to meet your niece.” She gestures to the other side of the bed where Elle is sitting in the recliner holding Lily in her arms. My breath catches at the breathtaking sight the two of them make. Lily’s fair hair and complexion against Elle’s dark hair and golden skin, they complement each other. Elle gazes down at the baby as she makes kissing sounds and tells her she loves her. She looks happier than I’ve seen her in a long time. Is Lily responsible for her mood or is Johnny? My gaze slides over to where he’s sitting in a chair next to Elle. His eyes watch her, drinking her in. Are they together now? He’s looking at her as if she’s more to him than a friend. Fuck. She would never want someone like me when she could have Johnny. I’m sure she’d never accuse him of being too nice or boring.