Probe

by Douglas E Roff

  Pops shot Maria a “don’t you dare lie to our son look”, resulting in Maria crossing herself immediately and saying nothing. Maria always felt that as the Mom that she had the right to break any promise when she believed she had to for the benefit of her kids. Moms know better than kids, no matter the age of the kids, at least that’s the nonsense Maria clung to.

  Adam continued, “What I’m going to tell you is everything. Everything from beginning to end, and in full unvarnished detail. Dad knows some but only the broad outlines. It’s dangerous for him to know too much. No filter on that brain of his. Misti knows most of it, but not all of it. She doesn’t believe in the ‘who’ or ‘why’ of any of this. Not her province, so to speak.”

  “Alana McCarthy knows what she experienced and the result for her, as I will explain, is all that she cares about. She believes everything I say, whether her skeptical self would normally believe me or not. Alana has a capacity to accept new unexplainable matters in a way that Misti cannot. Alana has no idea what any of this means beyond her own experience, but she’s open to trying to understand it and help me develop my gift. That alone is important, at least to me. Engaging with my mind at present is not without risk.”

  Maria and Pops listened carefully and said nothing.

  “That leaves Noki Lee. Yes, she is pregnant and, yes, I am the father. But our child, our son, is going to be a very special man with immense talents and incalculable gifts. He has a unique destiny. As do all the children I will have with her, Alana and Misti. Misti will bear me a son, then another son, whose destiny it will be to collide with history. Misti and I will have seven children. Together all my sons and daughters will change the world in unimaginable ways. You’re going to be grandparents to a lot of children.”

  Pops smiled, Mom did not.

  “But, I digress. Let me explain what happened in Hawaii and London. Then you decide what’s possible between heaven and earth.”

  Adam spent hours explaining and detailing the mind journeys he took, the reaction of the women in his life and what it meant – to him and to them.

  At the conclusion of his explanation, both seemed astonished. Pops accepted his son’s explanation without hesitation. Maria did not.

  Adam continued, understanding that acceptance, not of the fact of his experiences but of his interpretation of those experiences, would vary within the family. Adam believed that only Maria would accept his interpretation.

  “Misti accepts that my experiences are real, but simply refuses to consider that they’re anything other than chemical reactions in the brain complimented by new, and complex neural pathways. Perfectly natural and scientific.”

  “How does she explain future events? Same?”

  “No. She doesn’t believe I can know the future. Actually, she believes that these events will never happen. At least not as I describe them.”

  “And you?”

  “I’m comfortable with her skepticism, and with the passage of time as the arbiter of all those predictions of future events. Each will come to pass, exactly as I have described.”

  “And Alana?”

  “She has no more nightmares and is presently free from her former living hell. The physical threat is still there but she believes that between me and Misti, she will never again be in that kind of danger. Besides, I’ve spoken with Dad. We’ll be taking a short trip to San Diego early next year. Then that problem will disappear permanently also. But, I didn’t see those events although Alana may have. Don’t know.”

  He waited for a reaction that wasn’t coming. If they were opposed, they would’ve said so immediately, especially Maria. If not, they would be silent.

  “I assume you are not averse?”

  Maria spoke, “Not at all, at least not this time. I have never liked what you and your father do anyway. Never. And yet there are times when something needs to be done. When only a narrow few may act. If this is one of those times, so be it. Is Carlos going?”

  “Dad said yes.”

  “Does Misti know?”

  Adam laughed. “Oh, hell no. She’d want to go and we all know that will never happen. She’s unblemished by this sin. We will not start her down that road now.”

  Maria said, “She will come unglued when she finds out.”

  “I’m aware of my wife’s proclivities. And her capacity for anger and grudge holding. I know I won’t soon be forgiven. Nor will Dad or her Papa. But it’s unavoidable. So…”

  “So, what?”

  “So that’s why you’ll be in the room when we tell her. Pops may need to do a life-saving intervention.”

  “You’ll need more than Pops. I suggest Cindy for your personal safety. And Rod.”

  Pops looked at both his son, and his wife, as they slowly settled into a calm understanding of the other. He wasn’t certain about his wife’s acceptance of the big issues under discussion. He surmised it would take some time for her to resolve the moral struggles invoked by a lifetime of devout Catholicism.

  Pops asked, “And Noki? What does she think?”

  “I worry about her the most because she has the least experience with me and us. And this started as just a lark that wasn’t supposed to be more than a parlor trick. A day later she had no way to comprehend the many, and varied ways her life was about to change. On the other hand, she saw everything I saw, experienced everything I experienced and is as convinced as I am about what happened, and why. Especially the why.”

  Maria asked, “Is she … religious at all?”

  “You mean is she a good Catholic girl? Well, the answer is a huge affirmative. Her religion teaches her that all things are possible in the mind of God. But her education teaches her to be skeptical; not to confuse what occurs with why it occurs. Misti thinks it’s not magic or religion, that there’s a scientific basis for everything we have all experienced, though she has no idea what that may be. Noki is capable of believing either, or both. But deep down inside she understands that she will be a mom for a reason, a purpose, even if that purpose isn’t clear at the moment. She is willing to defer judgment just like Misti, but for different reasons altogether, to see what may come to pass. Every future event we witnessed on our mind journeys, and which I have described to you, will either happen or not. Her faith is strong, but we should remember that even Jesus questioned His own faith.”

  “How’s she doing?”

  “As well as can be expected. She cries a lot, especially when she thinks I’m not around. She’s afraid. And worried. And freaked out. I would be too.”

  “Her family?”

  “Only child, and parents are both deceased. It makes her feel very alone and scared most days. She had a very carefully constructed world three months ago. Now she’s in Barrows Bay living with me and my wife. I’m pretty sure this isn’t how she thought her life would turn out.”

  That Maria was skeptical and unhappy with these events was something she would never share directly, confrontationally with Adam. That any of this fantastical story could be true wasn’t consistent with either her faith or her mind as an engineer. That these events were connected and could be part of God’s plan was patently absurd. Like Noki and Misti, she would wait and watch developments. There was no hurry or proof required for God’s plan, if that was indeed what this was. God would reveal His hand when revelation was purposed.

  However, Maria now understood that her son wasn’t crazy or going off the rails. “What can I do? I want to help.”

  “Love her. Accept her as your daughter. Talk to her. Console her. She needs reassurance and kindness, somewhere to go when she can’t be around me and when her life seems to be spiraling out of control. It’s almost too much for one soul to bear alone. She needs you. She needs us. She needs our village. Can you do that?”

  Maria said, “Of course I can and so will Pops. Won’t you, you old reprobate?”

  “Welcoming more souls into this family has always been the joy of my life. If things are as Adam sa
ys, we have a responsibility to do God’s work.”

  Adam and Maria looked at each other, amazed.

  “Since when did you come over to our team?”

  “I have, in fact, always been there. Like Misti and Carlos, I have my issues with the Church, not with the Almighty. Just because I don’t bend my knee in prayer in an over-opulent warehouse of souls doesn’t mean I fail to see the glory of God every day. I have a family, a life I could never have imagined, more money than I could ever spend and love of a good woman. I have two sons, two daughters and two grandchildren. And another beautiful soul is now on the way. I am blessed but not because of the Church. I see God everywhere and in everything.”

  Maria said, “Ay Dios mio! The Lord does work in mysterious ways!”

  “Brought us together, didn’t He?”

  “He did, Papa, He did.”

  “Then we have much work to do and much to be thankful for. We best get started soon. I’d like to meet these girls you have brought home to us.”

  He paused, “I almost forgot. How’s Misti doing?”

  “Happy, cranky, mean as ever. Knows for a fact I’m bat shit crazy and delusional and can’t wait to laugh at me when this all turns out wrong. Apprehensive too. If it turns out as I say it will, then she will have some things to figure out. Some challenges to her secular materialist view of the world.”

  “You aren’t going to say, ‘I told you so’ if you’re right.”

  “Not that stupid. I love her, but she’d kick my ass for gloating.”

  Pops said, “When do we begin?”

  “Tonight. Mom and I will cook dinner. Dad and Bethy will want to come too. I’ll go home and then be back in a couple of hours. Ready Mom?”

  “I’ll chop, you cook.”

  “Deal!”

  Chapter 41

  When Adam arrived home, the girls had put away everything and begun discussing plans of their own about household, Adam and work. They were seated in the living room chatting when Adam came through the front door. Misti spoke first.

  “So how did it go with your Mom? Unhappy I suppose.”

  “Normally I can read Mom but not this time. I mean she said all the right things just without much uuumph – you know, conviction. Pops is easier to read but I don’t think he was buyin’ what Mom was sellin’ either.”

  “How was Agustin?”

  “Same. Accepting, non-judgmental, welcoming. And I know he believed me.”

  “How do you know that?”

  “He said so for one. Pops doesn’t lie, fib, fabricate or mislead. Not in his nature. Plus, he told me something I never knew. So, there’s that too.”

  “Wanna share?”

  “Maybe later. Mom’s the one I’m worried about.”

  “You sound disappointed. Anything I can do?”

  “I don’t think so. But then I’m not sure what to think. I’ve never been on the other side of the equation from Mom. That spot is usually reserved for Dad.”

  Noki said, “Should I leave? Maybe go back to London and stay at the Manor? I don’t want to cause any family grief.”

  Alana, Misti and Adam looked at each other in astonishment. Then Adam said, “No sweetie, of course not. This doesn’t have anything to do with you, or Alana or Misti. This has to do with a whole lot of shit between me and my Mom, me, my Mom and my Dad, and me, my Mom, my Dad and the rest of our dysfunctional family.”

  Noki said, “Our family?”

  “We’re all family here, now and forever. That’s the deal. Even if it turns out that it’s just the four of us, that’s never going to change.”

  Noki teared up and some of her fear of being abandoned dissipated. “You promise?” she said, looking at Adam still unsure of the ground she walked.

  “I promise. And I cross my heart, pinky swear and all that other stuff we did as kids. You will always be with me and you will always be in my heart. Besides, your baby bump is beginning to show, and my son is on the way.”

  Adam pulled Noki up from the couch, enveloping her small frame in his arms.

  “Besides, look what an adorable couple we make.” They were facing Misti and Alana, still seated on the couch.

  The girls jumped up for a group hug, spreading their arms around Adam and Noki. Misti said, smiling “What do you call one guy in a ‘couple’ of four?”

  “Lucky. One very fortunate man.”

  Noki felt better, now more reassured. At least outwardly. It would take more time for her to internalize her belief; something more than mere words.

  But Noki was more like Maria than even Maria could imagine. She too would’ve waited to see what was real and what was just talk. This situation was all too real, too new, and too immoral. Had it happened slowly, she might’ve been able to rationally think everything through and adjust.

  Instead, this situation seemed to happen too quickly and overnight. Noki didn’t like things that happened too quickly and overnight. She preferred slow and thoughtful, like basting in happiness as the passion slowly unfolds along with deepening feelings of love.

  This situation wasn’t a part of her dreams. Where was the romance she knew had to precede love, trust, and later commitment? She wanted all those other steps along the way too; the old-fashioned way was the only way she would know it was real.

  ***

  Agustin was troubled by his wife’s attitude toward their son and although he would normally have left for his Lab and let his son and wife figure it out, this situation was somehow very different.

  “What is on your mind, querida? You don’t seem very happy with Adam’s explanation. In fact, you seem angrier now than you did before he arrived.”

  “Do I?”

  Agustin had heard the tone of this question before. It was one of the few things that could upset him with his wife.

  “If you do not wish to discuss this with me, or now, just say so. But after the many years we have been here in Barrows Bay living as a family, I am sad to say you seem to be picking up a lot of Edward’s bad habits. Failing to be honest with our son, when he’s trying to be honest with us, is Edward, not you.”

  “I’m not Edward; not even close.”

  “And I’m your husband. Stop dissembling and changing the subject. I will not fight with you about what is irrelevant, but I do need to know why you’re acting this way. You may think that Adam can’t see through your act, but I can assure you he can, and he did. I should think you’d be happy, ecstatic with his explanation.”

  “I’m not. In fact, I am most dissatisfied with his explanation. I don’t believe him, or his explanation, and I suspect that his wife somehow has put him up to this … affront. I raised him with better values than those by which he’s proposing to live, and I will put a halt to this charade as quickly as I can.”

  Agustin was stunned.

  “What’re you going on about, Maria? You believe our son is lying to us?”

  “Don’t you?”

  “No, I do not. I believe every word he said, exactly as he said it. And I predict that when the time comes, every detail will come to pass exactly as he described. There is no doubt in my mind. There should be no doubt in yours.”

  “Don’t be an old fool, Agustin. Adam is living in sin with two women, neither of whom are his wife. One is pregnant and with child. Maybe his, maybe not. We’ll have to see about that too.”

  Agustin listened but said nothing.

  “What Misti is doing with that McCarthy girl is … an abomination. Plain and simple. God, if the Almighty is involved in this nonsense in any way, would never countenance this … arrangement. It’s contrary to the Bible and the teachings of the Church. So, no, Adam is either lying or has been put up to this.”

  “Listen to you. Accusing our son of deception and perversion and worse presuming to know the mind of God. You assume, falsely, that God and the Church are one and the same. It’s you who is wrong, misguided and arrogant. Arrogant in the extreme. It’s not for
you to presume what is best for Adam; that is solely for Adam to decide.”

  His voice had risen more than he intended, then dropped off to his normal quiet volume.

  Agustin had never been this angry with his wife before and it gave him no pleasure to say what had been on his mind for many, many years.

  “Where are all those beautiful, lovely New Testament beliefs in which you claim to believe? You dare sit in judgment of Adam? Even if he is wrong, he is not lying; I’m certain of that. And how would you know his mind or motivations anyway? Does he judge us? Does he advise us on how we should live? Adam is no longer a child, and that is something you need accept. He is blessed and in ways we cannot even begin to imagine.”

  “He lives in sin. I will never accept this arrangement. It’s not the will of God. It simply cannot be.”

  “When you are proven wrong, as you surely will be, will you repent your sins? Will you ask God for forgiveness, not in some ridiculous confessional, but before the one true and only God? Or will you let your arrogance and pride destroy our family? Think this through before you go too far.”

  “What do you know, old man?”

  “I know this. ‘Judge not, lest ye be judged.’ You claim to be a Christian; perhaps it’s time to reflect on the meaning of your beliefs to see if they vary from the way you actually live your life.”

  “Don’t be an old fool. All you need to do is see what is right in front of you and use your common sense.”

  “You disappoint me, Maria. Deeply so. I’ll be in my Lab. Come visit me when you come to your senses. Perhaps dinner is best held at Adam’s home and you should stay here by yourself. There are two young women who need our love and understanding, who should be welcomed into our home and lives. They will not be comforted by your ignorance and resentment.”

  Agustin paused, then said. “Perhaps you should reflect on one other part of the Bible you claim as your spiritual guide.”

  “An what would that be?”

  "That would be, ‘Pride goeth before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall’. I’m sure as devout as you claim to be, you will recognize that from Proverbs. Perhaps you should reflect on that too.”