Holding On To Hope_ She was brokenhearted and chasing dreams. He was lovestruck, chasing her.

by Mystique Roberts

  “Part of me is still broken, part of me may always be broken because of you. I loved you and although I may not have told you that, you knew. I know you did. I could tell by the way you looked at me when I said certain things or acted a certain way. I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt...maybe you didn’t know it was love, but you knew I had very strong feelings for you. I told you not to break me, I told you when you asked me to let my guard down to handle me with care and you made me look like a fool. You allowed me to think you were different from every other guy, you convinced me to believe my heart was safe. You told me trust you...a-and I did. Then, one day you just shattered my world Josh. You just woke up one day and made the choice to leave, because ‘you weren’t ready’. I understand someone not being ready, but you don’t take six months to decide that, then a year later when you see I’m happy, you decide to come running back. I won’t let you have that type of control on my heart and happiness ever again. I’m happy here, I’ve moved on.”

  I take a deep breath and speak the words that I know will change everything, because when I do I’ll be setting the part of him I hold on to free.

  “You told me to do that a long time ago, so now I’m telling you to do the same.”

  Josh shakes his head in defeat and a sly smile forms on his face.

  Then before I know it, his lips are on mine. He kisses me hard and possessive, like he’s trying to prove something. Surprisingly I don’t feel a thing other than disgust. It makes me happy to know I really have moved on. I push and hit him until he lets go of my head, and I back away breaking our kiss.

  “What the fuck are you doing? I’m with someone.” I scream.

  Josh looks genuinely stunned that I pushed him off of me, but his stun quickly turns to smugness.

  “Yeah, I saw that, but are you sure that your ‘rock star’ is being true about his intentions? I mean at least I told you when things weren’t working. He’s just playing you to better his image.”

  I laugh, I’m literally shocked that this is happening right now.

  “Okay, you are ridiculous. That wouldn’t even better his image, I work for him. Seriously, Josh...why would you come here to do this? This is low, even for you. I’m finally happy and you see I moved on...I guess the saying ‘you want what you can’t have’ is true. Goodbye.” I throw my hands in the air, not believing the irony of this situation and walk off.

  “Hope!” Josh runs after me. “Please stop, I’m sorry. You’re right and maybe I did use this as an opportunity to find my way back in with you, but I’m telling the truth. Look, I didn’t want to do this, but since you don’t believe me. Just look for yourself.” He taps a few things on his phone and I get a notification. “Just read it. Call me if you want to talk, I’m sorry Hope. For everything.”

  He heads toward the exit and although I don’t want to curiosity gets the best of me and I open his text message. After reading the article and doing a few minutes of research worry, confusion and hurt swarm me. Confirming the reports are circulating throws a million questions in my head. I know tabloids lie, but Chase did have an interview at the bowling alley. With my past, present and future all mixing together into one confusing blur, I head to find the one person I need to help sort it all out.

  Chase:

  I’m still reeling from our set, it seems each crowd is my hyped up than the last, but maybe that’s just me. I showered and I’m headed to find Hope. I haven’t seen her since the show. I check the bus and there’s no answer, so I head back to the stage to see if she’s still packing up. As I near Stage C, I hear her voice and she doesn’t sound happy.

  “What do you want after all this time?” She practically yells.

  I turn the corner to see her arguing with a tall, blonde man who is too fucking close to my girl. At first I’m worried it’s some creep bugging her, but as I get closer it looks like she knows him. I start to walk faster, wondering what is going on. It clicks as I am a few feet away that it may be an ex. We are close to her hometown and I know they broke up a while ago, but her picture is all over articles regarding the tour, so it’s possible.

  I wait a second, pondering if I should interrupt or not, but quickly decide to make sure she is okay. I try to remain calm as I approach them.

  “Hey, everything okay over here?”

  I wrap my arm around her possessively, just to make sure this fucker and I are clear.

  Hope looks upset, but nods

  “Yes, I’m fine. Just about to come find you actually. Give me minute? I’ll meet you back at your bus”

  She sounds reassuring, but the look in her eyes tells me she’s concerned.

  “Okay, babe.” I say as she presses a soft kiss on my lips.

  I glare at the guy before I let go of her. It takes everything I have to leave her alone with her ex. I wanted to punch the asshole and tell him to leave my girl alone, but I know that will only make things worse.

  I get a few feet away and text Ariel to see if she wants to go out for dinner with everyone, thinking something other than fast food and concession stand meals would be a nice change. It doesn’t distract me enough and I can’t take it anymore. I turn around to head back to Hope. This is probably a bad idea, but I just don’t feel right leaving her there.

  I walk around the gate to where I last saw Hope and stop in my tracks when I see her. His hands on her face and her lips touching his.

  Pain. That’s all I feel. Fucking pain through my whole body. I take off running, anything to control the surge of anger flowing through me. I forget where I’m at for a moment and I run as fast as I can, all the way to my bus. I don’t stop until I hit the cool metal of the door. I lean against it and try to control my breathing, but I can’t control my fists slamming the bus over and over again. Anything to numb the pain in my chest.

  If this were a year ago, I’d grab a bottle of whiskey and drink myself to sleep, to erase the image from my mind if only for the night. I dial Ariel’s number, needing someone to talk me off the cliff I’m dangling over. She picks up on the first ring.

  “Chase? What’s up? Change your mind on dinner already?” She laughs.

  “I need to talk to you.” I admit. “I need you to put some sense in my head.”

  Her tone immediately changes to the mother hen I’ve come to rely on.

  “What’s wrong?”

  I sigh. “Hope’s ex – ‘’

  Before I can explain I hear female voices and shrieks. I turn to see fans running up to me.

  “Got to go.” I say in the phone and hang up.

  I put my ‘rock star’ face on and greet them.

  “Hey ladies.”

  There are four girls crowded together whispering.

  “Wow, Chase Franklin. I was so upset we missed your meet and greet today then bam here you are.”

  I try to refrain from rolling me eyes. Yeah it’s such a coincidence I’m at my bus. It’s been awhile since I’ve been around the ‘groupies’ besides signings the last couple of weeks.

  “Well aren’t you ladies just lucky today? Can I sign something for you?”

  They all extend out their shirts and posters, thanking me excitedly.

  One petite red head, winks at me. “Can you sign me?”

  I ponder for a second, before actually looking at her fully. She has a tattoo sleeve with sugar skulls, music notes, some roses and other typical tattoos you see in a woman’s sleeve, she’s wearing black spandex shorts that barely cover her ass and a halter top. She’s attractive yes, but she’s clearly seeking attention.

  “Well, that depends. How old are you?” I question. All I need is some sixteen year old, who looks legal asking me to sign her boobs or something then trying to say I assaulted her.

  She smirks, “Twenty-two, want to see my ID?” She holds up her beer and I see her wristband signifying she was carded and legal.

  I laugh, “Nope, just checking. Never know anymore. Where should I sign?”

  She smirks before lowering her top a little and po
inting to the spot just above her left breast. “Right here.” She says, biting her lip. You’re trying too hard, sweetie. Not going to happen.

  I shrug. “Okay.” I reach in my pocket and pull out a permanent marker and sign my name on her skin.

  “Thanks.” She whispers and her friends are awestruck at her confidence.

  “No problem. See you guys later. Thanks for coming out.”

  I turn to my bus.

  “Wait!” I hear and turn around to see the red head girl running back to me, her friends yelling at her to leave me alone.

  She saunters up to me, biting her lip again. “Do you want to come have a drink with us? Just a quick one?”

  I start to tell her that I don’t drink, but then the image of Hope and Josh kissing flashes through my memory. A vile feeling rises in my stomach and I realize I could use a distraction. If she can make out with her ex, I can hang out with some female fans.

  “I guess it really is your lucky day. Let’s go.”

  She grabs my hand and leads me to her group of friends. When she hands me a bottle I hesitate, just holding it for a moment.

  “So, where are you ladies from?” I question then I hear my name called and there is no denying who it is.

  I look up so see Hope walking up to me with an array of emotions on her face. First she was smiling, then curiosity passes through her eyes and as she nears me, she eyes the bottle in my hand and her expression turns angry.

  “Can I talk to you?” She says curtly, before smiling to the girls behind me.

  “I’m busy.” I say matter o factly, but she isn’t having it.

  “Chase, I need to talk to you please.” She states, then grabs my hand, pulling me behind a trailer. I’m so pissed right now it’s taking everything I have to keep it together, but when I look into the blue grey eyes I have come to call home, all I want to do is kiss her, claiming her as my own. Knowing I wasn’t the last man to touch her lips sends fumes through my body.

  “What?” I say, crossing my arms in annoyance.

  “Why did you tell the reporter about us!? How could you Chase! We were supposed to make a statement together. That’s what we talked about.”

  For a moment my rage is put on the back burner and I shake my head in confusion.

  “Whoa, whoa what are you talking about? I didn’t say anything about US, other than you were a great person and hard worker…part of the team.” I shrug. “All that kind of stuff. Where are you getting this?” I ask, questioning her credibility.

  She doesn’t say a word, just shoves her phone in my hand and I read it for myself. Remorse consuming my body with each word I read.

  “Chase Franklin chooses good girl Hope Richards over ex Lauren Hale. Feels it will ‘better his image’ being with someone who isn’t partying all the time. According to Franklin, he is doing ‘whatever it takes’ to make his career soar.”

  I shake my head and scoff in disgust. “I didn’t write this, I promise you.”

  She yanks her phone out of my hand with despair and betrayal written all over her face. When I’m the one who should feel betrayed. She believes I did this and it’s killing me inside that this is what we have come down to. Fighting over an article, the one thing we said we wouldn’t let get in-between us.

  “Whatever, Chase. I knew this was stupid from the beginning. I shouldn’t have allowed us to be a thing in the first place. It was ignorant of me to trust you and think this could work.” She gestures with her hand back and forth to each of us.

  I grab her hand and pull her close to me. “How do you not trust me after everything? You need to let your fucking guard down and let someone in for once! Well I guess you did, I saw you and Josh. You let him right back in, yet don’t give me the benefit of the doubt. Funny that he shows up right as we are close to your town. Did he call you? Huh?”

  Her face falls. “No I didn’t know he was coming! Why didn’t you say something if you saw? That wasn’t what you think.” She says barely above a whisper. “I shoved him away and yelled at him after that. Explaining that I moved on and that the guy who was just over there with me was my boyfriend. Then he showed me the article. So, I came here to talk, I’m sorry that I was angry. I saw you with them and I felt betrayed by the article. As far as you calling me out for not trusting, you don’t trust me that I didn’t know Josh was showing up here and that kiss was all on him. So what now Chase? Huh?”

  I do trust her, I do. I don’t know why I can’t tell her, but I just don’t think I can handle all of this. We have too many issues between us already, this isn’t going to work. I can’t have all this stress on top of bad press, while trying to focus. I can’t lose my career again, I just can’t. If this continues I’m just going to hurt her more and possibly fuck things up for the band. I won’t live with myself if I do either of those things, so ending it now is best. It’ll hurt her less in the long run. Ariel is going to kill me when she finds out, but I pray to God Hope stays with the team and we all continue to work together. Maybe later this will work, but right now it’s just not possible and I have to do what’s best for everyone, even if it seems selfish.

  This fucking hurts and Hope is yelling at me to answer her and I just can’t take it anymore. My emotions blow up and with them our relationship.

  “WELL IF NEITHER OF US TRUST EACH OTHER, WHAT’S THE POINT HOPE!? HUH?” She takes a step back in shock and then her face falls in pain, but something inside of me urges me to continue.

  “Look, I told you I wouldn’t hurt you and yet you don’t believe me, but you allow the man that tore you to pieces in the first place, come in here and cause us problems. I just can’t do this, it’s not right anymore. I need to focus and I can’t do that if we’re together fighting like this. This is just done. We need to think about the job and maybe you should just be with him.”

  I can’t stand to look as tears pool in her eyes, so I turn and head to my bus, but Hope grabs my arm pulling me back.

  “Don’t you dare walk away from me. I do trust you, I just wanted to talk and you blow up on me. So, I let my feelings out, but you know what? If you want to assume everything, when I came here to talk. Not to mention I’ve been looking for you for an hour and I find you here with a bunch of groupies, drinking of all things.” She gestures to the bottle in my hand. “Then you tell me to go be with Josh and it’s for the best!? Fuck you! You don’t know what’s best for me. Can't you see? I want you! I tried to ignore my feelings, but here they are. I want YOU Chase. Fuck, I’m in love with you and that terrifies me, but it’s the truth. So, sober up and make a rational decision, because yes, it will hurt if you truly don’t want this to work, but I’d rather you decide that sober.”

  With that she turns on her heel and walks off while I stand frozen in my spot. I don’t even know what to think or feel, this is all so fucked up. What did I do? Why didn’t I just talk to her as soon as I saw them kiss?

  Someone touches my back and I look to see the blonde from earlier standing behind me smiling as she clinks her bottle to the one in my hand. Without hesitation I bring the beer to my mouth and down half of it in one gulp, drinking for the first time in a year besides the one shot I took the night Hope became an official part of the

  team.

  Everything is already fucked up anyway, might as well drown the pain.

  CHAPTER 13

  Hope:

  It is taking everything I have to not break down in tears as I make my way through crowds of people and get back to my bus. What is this day!? I knew this would be a risk, I knew we could end badly, I knew Chase and I may not last forever...but today’s events shocked the hell out of me.

  I had every right to be angry, but so did he. Still I didn’t expect things to blow up like that. What am I going to do? How is this going to work now? There are still a few weeks left on tour and all I want to do right now is go home and take a step away from it all. I reach my bus, run inside and lock the door. As soon as I reach the safety and privacy my feelings erupt.

&
nbsp; Crying is an understatement. Every emotion I have been holding in since this summer started bursts out of me like a volcano erupting. I miss home, I miss the comfort, and I hate that Josh somehow still fucks up my life when he isn’t a part of it. I’m pissed at myself for not staying calm and talking to Chase. I feel betrayed by him for not talking to me as soon as he saw Josh and I. I’m scared and angry he was drinking, I’m worried for his safety and feel guilty I may have caused him to relapse. Mostly though, I feel broken. No, broken isn’t strong enough to describe how I feel. I feel like all my emotions just burst through me all at once, disintegrating my heart and soul in one motion. There is nothing left.