And Those Who Trespass Against Us

by Helen M MacPherson

  Katherine stood. "Of course." She expected that the money she was about to outlay for the garden could be as capably channeled toward a library. "I must be going also. Maybe we can speak further on the library, next time I visit."

  "Of course, my dear, of course," Mrs. Greystone absently said, her mind clearly on thoughts of her garden.

  HER CONTRACTED VISIT gave Katherine the opportunity to stop by Susan's store before returning home. She relayed the events of the afternoon to Susan.

  "You'll find yourself off Mrs. Greystone's Christmas list now. She rarely likes being put in her place by anyone, let alone a foreigner. Enough of such talk." Susan cast an eye around the store. "How are things between you and Catriona?"

  At the mention of Catriona's name Katherine's smiled. "They're wonderful. She's the happiest I've seen since my arrival."

  "I'm so pleased for you both. After all the heartache she's been through over the past few months it's about time something good happened to her. She's been so lonely for such a long time. It pained me at first, that when she did find someone to love it happened to be you--a nun. But now, I can see a change in her."

  "So can I. She's a lot more relaxed. I also see a difference in myself."

  Susan canted her head. "How so?"

  "I mean, my personal circumstances are obviously not the same, but it's more. For once I feel like I belong and that I'm loved. Don't get me wrong. I think my parents cared for me in their own special way. But they were always so restrained. The sense of belonging Catriona provides gives me a strength I've never had in my life."

  Susan laughed. "I hate to prove you wrong, but I've never seen you lack willpower."

  Katherine shrugged. "Catriona said the same thing."

  "I hope you don't mind me asking, but what happened to help you make up your mind about Catriona? I don't mean to pry, and I don't want to know what happened to make you initially move in with Me Lin and me. I hope you don't mind me saying this, but on the night of the dinner, you acted so strangely. Then your mood on the journey home was sombre to say the least. At that moment I thought neither of you would ever arrive at a logical solution to your feelings for each other."

  "Have you got a moment to go out back? I don't think it would be a good idea for what I'm about to say to be overheard."

  After retiring to the kitchen, she told Susan about leaving the Connor farm, the realisation of her feelings, and her subsequent seizure by the bushrangers, or what was left of them. She mentioned Mary's clandestine kitchen visit, and the confused feelings she'd experienced then, and how Mary's imminent death aided Katherine in fully understanding the depth of feelings she shared for Mary and, more importantly, Catriona.

  "How did Catriona react to the news about Mary?" Susan queried. "I'm assuming you've spoken with her?"

  Katherine nodded. "I told her about it the day we admitted our feelings for each other." Katherine blushed, suddenly shy. "She was concerned at first. Now that's in the past and all Catriona's living for is the present and future. There's something else you won't be aware of. Mary, the leader of the bushrangers, passed away from wounds she received in her last robbery. I don't expect there'll be any bushranging in this part of the countryside for a long time."

  Susan nodded soberly. "Despite the threat she posed, I'm sorry for her passing. She helped a lot of poor people in the district. It's a shame we can't get the same amount of help from the more influential members of the town." Susan grasped her hand. "I think it's wonderful you and Catriona have finally resolved your feelings for each other."

  Katherine's soft smile belied the lurch of her heart. For despite her dismissal of the religious innuendoes made by Mrs. Greystone, and her newfound relationship with Catriona, one element of the recent changes to her life still disturbed her----her status as a nun.

  OVER THE ENSUING days, Katherine's thoughts continued to return to the issue of her religious status. Had she been in Ireland the solution would have been reasonably simple. She would have returned to the convent and given a reason for not staying in the Order. In truth, she'd never been made to feel like she was part of a group of women who dedicated their lives to God. In retrospect she'd always felt like she was no more to the convent than a means to an end, with it in turn allowing her to escape the clutches of her family and marriage.

  When she arrived in Australia everything changed. She was no longer one of many, but a sole representative in a modest-sized country town. Unlike the cold religious distance she'd experienced at the convent, these down-to-earth people welcomed her with their hearts. They'd put their own and their family's faith in her, trusting her with the guidance she gave them and the education of their children.

  As she sat in the study sorting through the pile of books in front of her, she at last hit upon a solution.

  KATHERINE PLACED A light kiss on Catriona's cheek and sat beside her on the double-ended chaise lounge.

  "What was that for?" Catriona pulled Katherine to her.

  "Do I need a reason?" Katherine teased.

  "You know you don't. Is everything alright?"

  Katherine released a breath. "I'm so very happy for the love between us. At the same time, I can't help but feel I'm being unfaithful to the trust placed in me by the families around here."

  Catriona rubbed Katherine's stomach. "I think you're being overly hard on yourself."

  "Please, hear me out. How would they feel if they discovered I was living a life that was far removed from my religious calling? I've been thinking about that a lot. But the other day, I searched myself for what I currently do which gives me most satisfaction."

  "I expect I was on the top of your list," Catriona joked.

  Katherine mock slapped her hand. "Of course you were. Seriously though, I believe I only joined the Order as a means to an end. To get away from my mother's shame. Don't get me wrong. I'm firm in my religious beliefs, but no more so than any other person. What the Order did allow me to do was to work with children, and this is what I enjoy the most." Katherine smiled as she thought about the joy she brought through teaching them the rudimentary learning skills of reading and writing.

  Catriona hugged her. "I can see that. Your moods are much lighter after you've been with the youngsters. It's as if a weight's lifted from you. In contrast, you're a lot different, not in a positive way, after a visit with Father Cleary or the ladies' committee."

  "If what I truly enjoy is working with the children, then why can't I do that? Surely that doesn't have to stop because I no longer want to be a nun."

  Catriona brushed her lips against Katherine's cheek. "While our love is no one's business but our own, I understand why you feel your actions are less than honest."

  "Thank you."

  "And, I'm glad you've made a decision. Lately you've been acting as if your mind's been somewhere else, and I expected it had something to do with this. Your idea to pursue your teaching of the children is an excellent one. I'm sure there are many who could go far if allowed the chance of a proper education. I don't mean to throw a wet blanket on your decision, but don't you think you should first tell the father about your wish to leave the Order?"

  Katherine turned in Catriona's arms and nuzzled her chest. "I was hoping to lessen the blow by making him understand that while he may be losing another nun, I've no interest in leaving this town. In essence he gets the best of both worlds. I'm more than happy to continue with most of my duties. However, I honestly can't continue to perform them as part of a religious Order. It's not right for him and the families, and it's certainly not fair for us."

  Katherine looked into Catriona's eyes. "You know I love you dearly. Please understand when I say that while I'm a sister I still feel as if I'm married to the church and God. I don't want to share myself with anyone but you. As long as I'm a nun I can't completely do that."

  "I understand, but to me you're already mine. Isn't tomorrow the day you regularly visit Father Cleary?"

  Katherine nodded.

  "Are you
going to speak with him about your decision?"

  "Yes," Katherine replied, her voice muffled in Catriona's shirt.

  "All right then. In the meantime, I feel desperate times require equally desperate measures. As far as I can see, the only thing signifying to me you're a nun is your infernal habit. And I can solve that problem. In turn you can fulfill a dream of mine." Catriona deeply laughed. Gently pushing Katherine from her, she slowly divested her of the black and white garment. Having done so, Catriona shed her own clothes and they passionately made love in front of the simmering fire.

  THE FOLLOWING DAY, the two exchanged a long and lingering kiss. Catriona knew she couldn't be with her during her difficult task, but she hoped in some way she could transfer some of her strength to Katherine. With a tentative backward wave Katherine was on her way, leaving Catriona to spend her day tending to some of the overdue needs of her farm. Aside from those chores which had taken second place to their newfound relationship, Catriona was expecting two male visitors. The day she'd organised with Robert Johnston for his mother to assist in the dinner party, Catriona had casually mentioned he and the young Gilchrist might wish to pay her a visit and spend a couple of days on the property. A week had passed since Robert sent a reply through a puzzled Katherine. He and William would visit the property for a passing visit. Catriona was quietly pleased she could help these two young men. She was almost certain they too were in the early stages of gauging their feelings for each other.

  KATHERINE PULLED UP in front of the accommodation hotel, and took great pains in tethering her horse. She placed a nosebag on him and then reticently made her way up the steps.

  "Good morning Sister Flynn. It's good to see you again." Father Cleary ushered Katherine into the parlour. "Is everything alright, Sister? You seem as if your thoughts are somewhere else."

  "I'm fine, Father." Katherine moved into the room, smoothed her habit and sat. Her calm outward countenance belied the apprehension stirring inside her. "How are you? I must say there's been a distinct change in the weather over the past week. Last month it was merely warm, but now it's a lot more unsettled."

  Father Cleary creased his brow. "I believe you're right. While the nights stubbornly remain cool, we're definitely well into the summer months. I'm sure at first you'll enjoy the change from the cold Northern hemisphere climate at this time of year. But trust me, Sister, when our winter finally arrives, you'll be wishing and wondering if summer will ever raise its face again." He took a seat.

  Katherine quietly smiled, disturbed that all she could think of was the prospect of snuggling up close to Catriona in front of a roaring fire. Her face flushed as she reminisced on the previous evening's activities. "You forget I'm used to the harsh winters of Ireland. It's not unusual to stay beside the warmth of the hearth for days on end. Australian winters aren't as harsh as that, are they?"

  "Not in this part of the country at least. All the same, you'll need to wear your woollen habits."

  Katherine couldn't help but think the father was wrong. She couldn't honestly ever see herself in those woollen habits again.

  He paused at a knock on the door. "Thank you," he said as a pot of tea and biscuits were set down between them.

  As he poured the tea, Katherine went over her progress in the district. She particularly emphasised the interaction she had in educating the district's children, again stating her concerns regarding the absence of any formal means of education within the town. She enthusiastically spoke about the reception her books had received, as well as her intent to circulate them around the families. In an attempt to put in a good word for Catriona, she mentioned Catriona's generous offer to pay for the next order of books on the proviso Katherine didn't turn her house into a library.

  Father Cleary smiled. "Miss Pelham's offer is most generous. If I could only convince some of the other affluent families of the worth of these working farmers and their families, then maybe we could have our own library for everyone. Unfortunately, I think sometimes they are perhaps too frugal for their own good."

  Katherine took a sip from her tea as she thought on how to broach the next topic. What she wouldn't give now for a wee dram to steady her nerves. "Father, there's one other matter I must discuss with you." She met his questioning glance. "I know this is presumptuous, but could you let me tell you what I have to say without interruption? I expect you'll have many questions, which I promise I'll endeavour to answer for you, when I'm finished."

  He silently nodded and settled into his chair.

  "I believe you need to know something about my calling as a nun. I'll admit to you religion has always had a place in my life. But my sole reason for my current calling was borne out of another situation. I experienced the unfortunate circumstance of being left at the altar by a prospective husband. For reasons not quite clear to me, my mother placed the blame for what happened at my feet. To escape her continual remonstrations, I left home and entered a convent. When they told me a nun was needed in Australia I jumped at the chance. I didn't know what to expect. In essence, it took me away from a place I felt I wasn't part of.

  "I know my arrival in town was less than orthodox. At the same time, I feel this worked to my advantage. The friendship and interaction I've achieved with the townsfolk could only have arisen out of the tragic circumstances I was initially thrust into. In truth, I've found my greatest joy has been the time I've spent with the children, helping them with their education. Through that I feel the town itself has made me one of their own." She cautiously raised her eyes, trying to read the look on his face. "Father, it's that feeling I wish to formalise. I want to be a part of this town and live as the other women of this town do. With my feelings so reconciled, I honestly believe I can no longer be a nun."

  Save for the ticking of the grandfather clock in the corner, silence settled over the room. Katherine waited, hands nervously clasped, for an answer.

  "Why this sudden need to part from your religious life? Isn't it sufficient that you're already part of the town?" His calm response was at odds with the rigidity of his body. "You're well accepted and respected by all." He searched her face. "Surely you can see this in the people you work with?"

  Katherine lowered her head. "I don't think I can honestly look at people and tell them the loss of their child or the ruin of their crops is God's will. In circumstances such as those, I find myself questioning the holy logic of such actions. If I were to continue under my current vows, I'd be committing the sin of lying to these people. I'm afraid after a while I would grow cynical and I don't want that. I want to do what I enjoy most and that's to work with these people as an educator and a helper. But not as a nun."

  Father Cleary pinched his brow and closed his eyes as if to block out Katherine's words. "I sense there's more to this than you're telling me, Sister. I'd be lying if I said your decision hasn't come as quite a shock to me. I feel I must ask you--what influence has Miss Pelham had in this decision of yours? She's an unorthodox woman with unconventional ways. Her actions with Mrs. Crosier on the day of her brother's death." He searched Katherine's face. "Surely they didn't escape your attention?"

  Katherine's heart missed a beat. He couldn't possibly know the main reason for her leaving. "I have discussed this with Miss Pelham. She said she respected any decision I made. As for her actions on the day of her brother's death, I can only say what I saw was perfectly reasonable under the circumstances. Miss Pelham and Mrs. Crosier are close friends. It was only right that she should receive comfort from Mrs. Crosier when she refused any comfort we could offer."

  Father Cleary rose and paced the room. "It's Sister Coreen all over again," he muttered moreso to himself than Katherine. "At least she waited until you arrived." He stopped and clapped his hands. He turned to Katherine, a self-satisfied smile on his face. "You must be aware I don't have any power over your presence here. I also have no power over the decision you've made. However, don't you think you should at least advise your Mother Superior of what you want to do and th
en give her time to provide you a response? There are protocols which must be addressed. They can't be done here. Will you at least wait for her reply?"

  Katherine was taken aback. "You're right--I'd forgotten." She shuddered at the thought of having to return to Ireland for the formalities he'd mentioned to occur. In theory, her decision had been all too easy. In practice, she realised it wouldn't be a case of merely mailing her religious belongings with a letter of resignation.

  "Yes, Father," she reluctantly replied. "I'll write to the Mother Superior and await her answer. You must be aware, though, I've made my decision. Regardless of what the Mother Superior has to say, I won't remain a nun in name's sake only. If I have to return to Ireland to leave the Order then I will. But, rest assured, I'll definitely return. My ties with this town are far too great to leave it forever."

  CATRIONA SPENT HER morning tending to the accounting for the farm. She became so engrossed in her paperwork that until she heard the knock at the back door she'd forgotten the guests she was to have for the day.

  Robert Johnston stood, hat in hand, at the kitchen entrance. Looking over his shoulder, she saw William Gilchrist, still sitting on the wagon. "Welcome to my home, Robert," she said, smiling. "And thank you for bringing out the blade for the stump plough. I swear with the ground out here, it's a wonder I don't go through more blades. Won't you come in? And tell William to come in also. I don't expect my reputation would be greatly enhanced if I left one guest outside while I entertained the other."

  Robert motioned to William, who alighted from the wagon.

  William tipped his hat. "Morning, Miss Pelham," he said and followed Robert inside.

  "Why don't you both come on through to the parlour?" Catriona strode ahead of them and opened the door. "Make yourself comfortable. I'll get us some tea and scones."