And Those Who Trespass Against Us

by Helen M MacPherson

  She had one final matter of business in town. Having spent the last of her funds on a letter to the convent, she was in the ironic situation of needing to ask for money so she could leave. Father Cleary gave her barely enough to cover her boat and train fare, advising her that the funds were not his and had been raised by the ladies' committee with this aim in mind. He told her if she needed lodgings in Sydney, she'd have to approach a convent and ask for their charity.

  There were no more words left to be said between them, and Katherine left to book her passage at the train station.

  DESPITE SHARING THE same bed, hardly anything was said between Katherine and Catriona during her remaining hours in the house. Catriona drifted from room to room, barely acknowledging Katherine's presence.

  On their last night together, Catriona made love to Katherine, bringing her to climax again and again as if doing so would change her mind. Katherine responded by giving Catriona all she could, hoping to convey with her actions the abiding passion she felt for the only true love she had ever known.

  By morning, Catriona was again sullen and distant. Katherine had packed her meagre possessions the previous night and was surprised to see the wagon hadn't been prepared for the journey.

  Catriona sat on the verandah and looked vacantly at the distance. "I may have to live with you leaving. But if you think for one moment I'm going to help you, then you're wrong. You can leave the horse and cart at the train station. I'll pick it up in good time."

  Katherine felt her legs almost buckle. "I thought..." She gripped the doorpost for support, at the realisation Catriona wouldn't be coming to the station. She steadied herself, then resolutely walked to the stables and harnessed the horse and wagon.

  Despite her emotional state, her task took little time to complete. She returned to where Catriona sat and knelt in front of her statue-like form. "I know this is hard to accept. But what I'm doing I do for both of us. If you forget everything else then please remember this. I'll always love you no matter what. And I'll always be with you, if not in body, then in spirit." Katherine took Catriona's unresponsive body in her arms and kissed her one last time. Moving quickly lest she change her mind, she mounted the wagon and without a backward glance drove into town.

  APPROACHING THE STATION, Katherine was relieved to see Susan waiting for her. Catriona refusing to see her off was bad enough. But to leave the town alone would've been too much to bear. She applied the wagon's brake. "Thank you for coming. As you can see I'm unaccompanied. I left Catriona sitting on the back verandah."

  Susan helped Katherine with her two bags. "I didn't think she'd come in. It's probably for the best, given the possibility some of the ladies' committee may show up. I doubt she could have coped with them seeing her cry. Oh, I almost forgot. Me Lin asked me to give you this." Susan handed a parcel to Katherine. "She said you might need it."

  "Thank you." Katherine placed the package in one of her near-empty suitcases. She looked up at Susan's watery eyes and smiled sadly. "You know this is for the best." She reached out and grasped Susan's hand. "Trust me when I tell you only good can come from this."

  Susan choked back a sob. She reached into the folds of her skirt and pulled out a kid leather purse. "And this is from me to you." She placed the purse in Katherine's hand and closed her fingers around it. "I know you can't have much money left, and I'm sure you're going to need some."

  Katherine wordlessly nodded and the two of them walked through the doors of the railway station. Katherine stopped short when she came on to the platform. Standing there, in what must have been their best set of clothes, was the Connor family. Katherine felt her eyes water over all the people she was leaving behind.

  Mrs. Connor comforted her. "Now there's no need for tears. What kind of friends would we be if we didn't come and say goodbye? There have been a lot of things said about you and Miss Pelham over the last few days, and they don't need to be said again. I'm grateful to you, Sister, for the help you've given me and my family. It's important you know this. Not everyone feels like those hoity-toity women do. I also want you to know my Joseph will keep an eye out for Miss Pelham, so she doesn't come to any harm." She brought a handkerchief up to her own nose and blew it loudly. "Some people may be quick to forget the good she's done, but not the Connors."

  Katherine quietly thanked her then took her time to say goodbye to all the children before the train arrived. Aiden silently held out a bag containing pasties and cakes to see her on her journey. She turned to hug Susan and saw the unmistakable plume of smoke heading in their direction.

  Only then did Katherine cry. She'd come so far and achieved so much, and now it was finally time for her to leave. As the train pulled into the station, she gave her farewell party final hugs, then took her ticket from Jim Nelson. He took her bags and saw her to her seat.

  The last view she had of her farewell party was of Aiden, running down the platform as if to catch up with the metal beast, before the train rounded a bend and carried her out of their sight.

  Chapter Eighteen

  THE SUN'S UNRELENTING rays beat down on Catriona. Since Katherine's departure the previous day, she'd sat in her old chair on the back verandah and hadn't moved. As far as she was concerned, her reason to move left yesterday.

  She felt that every time a flicker of happiness entered her life that joy was soon reduced to nothing more than ashes. She'd often thought she'd loved Adele. Yet the depth of emotion she had for Katherine went beyond words. She knew Katherine felt the same, but she'd still left. The longer she dwelled on the departure, the more betrayed she felt.

  CATRIONA'S STOIC FIGURE was what Susan happened upon when she rode over the next afternoon after Katherine's departure. She could understand why Catriona hadn't farewelled Katherine at the train, but for her to treat Katherine as she did in their final days and hours together was illogical. Reining in her horse, she alighted from the buggy and approached Catriona's imperturbable form.

  She knelt beside her. "Don't you think it would be better if you got out of this sun?" She brushed a stray hair from Catriona's forehead. "Have you eaten anything in the past twenty-four hours? Come inside and I'll fix you something to eat. After my ride I'm looking forward to a nice cup of tea." Still Catriona refused to answer. Exasperated, Susan tried another approach. "I know this is hard, but you can't spend the rest of your days sitting here. You've responsibilities to your farm and your livelihood. Besides, if you continue like this and make yourself ill, who do you think is going to help the less fortunate in the district if you don't? You're their shining light."

  A flicker of recognition swept across Catriona's face. "Help them? Those same people who, over the past few days, have been more than happy to cast me out?"

  "You don't know that. Certainly the ladies' committee was vociferous in their demands for Katherine's removal. I saw no significant interest shown by the greater townsfolk though, or the hardworking landowners to support such a decision. Don't punish them for something they didn't do."

  Catriona's blue eyes flashed. "Don't you see? That's just it! They didn't do anything either way. They were more than happy not to voice their dissent. It was easier to let her go."

  "In much the same manner as you did? I didn't see you at the railway station asking Katherine to stay. And from what she told me about your actions on the morning of her departure, you didn't raise a finger to change her mind."

  Catriona rose. "How dare you! You know how much I loved her. She knew how I felt, and yet she still left. Nothing I could've said would've stopped her. If you've come to tell me what I should and shouldn't have done, it's too bloody late. Go home, Susan, and leave me. I'll survive, I always do." Catriona's laugh was hollow. "And if I don't, I doubt anyone will weep a tear for my passing."

  Susan clicked her tongue. "My God, listen to you, wallowing in your own self pity! I'll grant you your life hasn't been easy. But there've been many others who've had it a lot harder. At the first real test of adversity you falter. Maybe Katheri
ne's leaving was for the best."

  Catriona angrily strode off the verandah. "I don't have to listen to any more of this. If you're not going to leave, then I will." She reached the barn door but Susan's strong hand halted her.

  "You can go where ever you like. Though first answer me this. You said she knew how you felt about her. But did you tell her, when she most needed to hear it, yesterday before she left?" Susan searched Catriona's face. "You didn't, and I believe that was all it might have taken to get her to stay. The town's folk would've eventually come around. And if they didn't, then to hell with them."

  Catriona hung her head. "It's too late. She's gone," she said, her voice thick with emotion.

  Susan grasped her shoulders. "Look at me. It's only too late if you allow it to be. Go after her. Bring her back."

  "And how do you expect me to find her? Sydney's enormous compared to our one main-street town. I wouldn't know where to start. It would be tantamount to looking for a needle in a haystack. What about the farm while I'm gone? I can't drop everything and leave."

  "Strangely enough you were content to allow the farm to go to ruin when I first got here." She grabbed Catriona, impeding her escape. "Listen, the only barriers stopping you from finding her are the ones you place there. Do you remember the dinner last year when, after one too many bottles of claret, we waxed lyrical about life and love?"

  "Yes, I do," Catriona replied, a faraway look on her face as if she was recalling the evening.

  "You said you believed in fate. If that's the case then look at the chain of events over the past few months. You were the one who went with Jim Nelson to look at any possible damage to the railway station. If it had been any other day than the dust storm, then the ladies' committee would have greeted Katherine and you would've been none the wiser. Had they greeted her, do you think you'd have had any chance of her staying with you? If this had been the case, neither of you would have discovered how you felt for each other.

  "Love like what's between the two of you is precious, and it's sure worth going after. If you believe in fate, then you'll find her in Sydney. If you don't, then you were never meant to. But, there's one thing I'm certain of--if you stay here you'll never find her. She'll leave never knowing the depth of your love for her. Go after her, and tell her how you feel and that you want her to stay. As for the farm, I'm sure there are two young men who could capably manage its affairs during your absence."

  Catriona shook her head sadly. "She's already a day ahead of me and the next train's not due for another week--"

  Susan held up her hand. "She does have a day on you--if you wait for the next train. But, the Sydney coach comes by here in the next couple of hours, doesn't it? Didn't you say, given its more direct route, it usually beats the train into Sydney? What are you waiting for?"

  CATRIONA SQUINTED, HER thoughts in turmoil. Why hadn't she asked her, one more time, to stay? Would it have made any difference? Susan's right. She'd never know unless she tried. If she could only beat the train into the central terminus, she could meet Katherine there and tell her. Despite the crowds it would be easy to pick her out in her infernal habit. This would be one instance where Catriona would be happy to see her wear the painful attire. She turned to Susan. "You win. I'll give it one more try. God only knows I love her, Susan. I've never felt this way for anyone. I doubt I ever will again."

  Both women spent the next hour packing and hoping, for once, a seat was still available on the coach. Catriona reconciled, if need be, to ride on top of the luggage, if for no other reason than to give Katherine one more chance.

  KATHERINE AWOKE TO a gentle shake of her shoulder. She'd spent her time on the train sharing her third class compartment with a mother and her three children. As the train pulled into the station, Katherine sighed. After non-stop, relentless rattling, she was grateful for the stopover.

  "Unfortunately, Sister, this is our stop," the woman said as she handed one of her bags to her eldest. "Thank you for your help with the children. I don't know what I would have done to keep them quiet."

  Katherine rose and grabbed one of her suitcases. "I'm sure you would've managed quite commendably. All the best for the rest of your journey."

  "And you too, Sister."

  Katherine at last found herself alone. She scanned the platform and saw a pie man hawking his merchandise. Leaving the train, she bought a pasty from him and a cup of tea. "Do you normally sell your wares here?" Katherine took a bite.

  "Yes, Sister," he replied as he packed his stand into the box at his feet. "I'm finished for the day. You were my last sale."

  Katherine washed down the pasty. "I can see why--these are delicious. Could you point me in the direction of the ladies room?"

  The pie man blushed. "It's, er, that way Sister."

  "Thank you." Katherine walked down to the far end of the station eager to have a wash and, not to mention, the opportunity to finally get out of her habit.

  She closed and locked the door behind her, marveling at how timely her request to Me Lin had been. In anticipation of her leaving the Order, Katherine asked her if she could possibly make her a few simple dresses. Me Lin had been happy to accommodate. In light of the recent developments, she'd finished them just in time. An unknowing Susan had delivered the parcel on the day of Katherine's departure.

  Returning three hours later to her cabin, she found her entrance blocked by a young, redheaded boy, his face a patchwork of freckles. "Ma says this is our cabin. And until she returns I'm to make sure no-one else tries to take it from us."

  Katherine smiled at the young boy's defiance. "And a good job you're doing too. But, if you look in the corner you'll see a pint-sized suitcase." She held up her portmanteau. "It matches the one I'm holding. You see, I've been on this train for a while already, and have been in this cabin. I'm sure there's enough space for all of us to share for the rest of the journey. What's your name?"

  The boy relaxed at Katherine's calm manner. "Ned O'Riordan. Who are you?"

  "My name's Sister." Katherine looked down at her clothing. Too many questions would be asked of a nun travelling in plain clothes. Maybe it was time for her to start her new life, even if it couldn't be with Catriona. "My name's Miss Flynn. By the sound of your voice we come from the same country. Where in Ireland are you from?"

  As the boy started to answer, a flustered woman with another child in tow arrived at the door of the carriage. Katherine introduced herself and before long, the group was Sydney-bound. During the remainder of the journey she learned Mrs. O'Riordan's husband had been a prospector out west. After his unfortunate death in a mine cave in, she and her family were returning to Sydney to secure a passage to Tasmania to live with Mrs. O'Riordan's sister and family.

  The same polite questions were asked of Katherine and she was stuck. She could hardly tell her who she had been up until recently, or what transpired to take her to Sydney. Embellishing the truth, she explained she was a teacher who had been visiting friends and was now returning to Sydney. The relief in Margaret's eyes was apparent as, at least for a little while, she could rely on Katherine to assist her in keeping the children engaged.

  WHEN KATHERINE THOUGHT she could take no more of the continual rattle of the train, they finally approached the outskirts of Sydney. They passed through a number of unique train stations dotted along the track before finally reaching the substantial town of Sydney.

  Katherine gazed at the Gothic arches of the Redfern mortuary station. These signaled the impending closure of the first part of her journey home. She peered pensively at the cityscape. What would she do now? She thought she had enough money to get to Circular Quay and book a passage. Then she'd need to buy enough provisions for the journey. She thanked heavens for Susan's gift. She didn't know how she would have eaten without it. She did a rough calculation and determined how much she needed to pay for a night's accommodation. She silently prayed there would be no delay to her sea journey, for she had absolutely no wish to again don the garb of a nun and se
ek temporary refuge in a convent.

  She helped Mrs. O'Riordan and her children down from the carriage, graciously refusing an offer of temporary accommodation with relatives. She was again making her excuses when a solid, yet gentle-faced man grabbed young Ned from behind. Given the striking similarity between man and boy, he was obviously a relative.

  "Sean, set the boy down and behave yourself," Margaret O'Riordan insisted, laughter in her voice. "And where are your manners? Introduce yourself to Miss Flynn here."

  The man turned toward Katherine and in the same motion, steadied Ned on the ground.

  The emphasis Margaret had placed on "Miss" was not lost on Katherine. She struggled to hide her embarrassment at the interested look in the man's eyes.

  Removing his cap, he offered his hand, "Sean Doherty, Miss Flynn. I'm sorry if I was rude. It's not often I get to see my sister."

  Katherine accepted the apology and then politely listened to an overview from Mrs. O'Riordan of what he did for a living. Katherine was bemused. When she'd initially arrived in Sydney as a nun, she'd received nothing but respect and assistance. Such courtesy was still reflected in Sean's eyes, yet it was accompanied by something else. For the first time since the debacle of her engagement, she saw interest in the eyes of another man. Only then did she realise how careful she'd have to be in Sydney and also during her homeward voyage. Her habit had previously acted as a type of religious shield. Now there would be nothing to protect her from the prying eyes and hands of men. Respectfully refusing one final attempt by Mrs. O'Riordan to invite her to stay, Katherine managed to extricate herself and eventually find a Hansom cab to take her to the Circular Quay booking office.

  Travelling down George street which, given its grandeur, was one of the major streets of Sydney, Katherine was amazed at the city's contradictions. The elaborate sandstone architecture of the buildings lining the road announced the abundant availability of the stone. And the newly-built Sydney Town Hall laid testimony to an architectural style more reminiscent of Ireland. The paved footpaths carried men and women bedecked in the latest fashions of the day. In the presence of such civility was a reminder of the rural beginnings of the town. Halted in the shadow of such refinement was a heavily laden bullock dray. The driver, casually attired, paid scant attention to the passing men and women. His focus was trained on adjusting the harness of his team before continuing on his journey.