I couldn’t turn around, couldn’t bring myself to face Jeremy and Aunt Lor, to see the expressions I knew would be on their faces. So instead, I put my head down on the table and went to the faraway place in my mind I’d learned to escape to long ago.
This was it. Judge Lewis re-entered the small courtroom. The room spun slightly, and my legs shook under my long black skirt as I waited to hear his verdict. As before, he faced me directly when he spoke.
“Ms. Evans, I have taken the severity of your actions into consideration. Even though you did not intend to harm either party, you did intend for others to do so.”
He rested his palms flat on the tall podium.
I was going to faint. Here it comes.
“However, given your age, I am not forced to try you as an adult in this case.” He looked at me sternly. “But this does not mean that I take this situation lightly. Individuals cannot be allowed to manipulate others into criminal misdeeds and walk away with no punishment.”
I heard someone suck in a deep breath behind me.
Just say it. Just tell me what’s going to happen to me. I couldn’t bear waiting any longer. I nodded at the judge to show I understood.
“I’ve reached my decision.”
Ms. Gibbons motioned for me to stand to receive my sentencing. I wasn’t sure I could. I rose in slow motion to stand next to her and grasped the edge of the table so tightly that my knuckles turned white. A dull ringing filled my ears as I waited to hear his next words.
“Based on the fact that you have no criminal record, it is my intention to attempt to rehabilitate rather than simply punish.”
Hope rose inside me. Maybe I wouldn’t be sent away. Please, please, please, dear God.
Judge Lewis continued, “I hereby sentence you, Samantha Jane Evans, to one hundred hours of community service.”
I wavered against the table, half afraid I was dreaming.
“In addition, you will be placed on juvenile probation until your eighteenth birthday. As part of which, you will be required to abide by a curfew and report regularly to a juvenile probation officer.”
Tears filled my eyes, and I wanted to turn around and jump over the bench and hug Jeremy and Aunt Lor. I forced myself to stay still, to listen. Ms. Gibbons reached over and rubbed my arm, smiling. I smiled back at her through my tears.
Judge Lewis wasn’t done. “Do you understand your sentencing?”
I bobbed my head up and down. “Yes, Your Honor. Thank you, Your Honor, sir.”
His eyes finally lost their firm look and gentled somewhat. He looked almost grandfatherly. “Thank me by never showing up in my courtroom again. Learn from this, Ms. Evans.”
“I will.” I nodded again. “I promise. Thank you, sir. Thank you, Your Honor.”
He rapped his gavel down and announced, “Court is dismissed.”
I covered my face with my hands and sobbed tears of relief and joy. Moments later, arms pulled me into a tight hug. I moved my hands to see Jeremy beaming, with what looked suspiciously like tears glistening in his own eyes.
“I’m so happy for you.” He crushed me against his chest once again.
I twisted to search the room for Aunt Lor. She stood several steps behind us, arms held open toward me. I launched at her and fell into her embrace. She held me, running her hands down the back of my head over and over as I cried.
I sniffled and looked at her, unable to find the words for all I wanted to say. “Thank you.” I hugged her tighter. “Thank you for always believing in me, and being there for me.” I shook my head. “I’m so sorry for what a pain in the ass I’ve been.”
For once she didn’t reprimand my language. She stroked my back. “Sh…there, child. It’s over. It’s all over now.” Her bright blue eyes smiled up at me. “I love you. I told you, we’re family and always will be.”
I nodded and wiped my eyes with the sleeve of my shirt. Aunt Lor reached her hand out behind me to include Jeremy. He stepped over and stood close to me, his presence comforting, reassuring. It was real…things were going to be okay, just like he’d said. I smiled at him through brimming eyes.
“Come on now,” she said to both of us. “Let’s go home.”
Jeremy took my hand as I clung to Aunt Lor with the other. He leaned down and kissed my temple, mouthing the words, I love you.
I glowed. I had everything I needed, and the rest of my life stretched out before me, wide open and full of possibilities. I finally believed that now. It’d been a hell of a road to get here, but I could finally see past the bend that’d always blocked my view before.
We opened the courtroom door and walked into the bright morning sunshine, headed home.
Home. It was my home, not just Aunt Lor’s trailer.
I broke free to run ahead a few feet, holding my hands out and spinning wildly. I couldn’t erase my past or the memories of everything that’d happened in my life, but that was okay. All of it made me who I was. The good and the bad.
The familiar weight on my chest lightened, and I reached out for Jeremy’s hand once again. Aunt Lor joined us as we turned and walked forward, home…together.
Epilogue
Sometimes we have to leave home in order to find out what we left there, and why it matters so much.
—Shauna Niequist
“Sam, are you almost ready?”
Jenny, my roommate, leaned her head through the open doorway.
I jumped up from my desk, where I’d been hard at work for the last hour or so. They never really warn you about the reading and papers and studying you have to do in college. Or maybe they did, but I hadn’t listened. But despite the workload, I loved it.
I smiled at her. “Yep. Just gimme a minute to throw some shoes on.”
Jenny nodded and disappeared. We’d been roommates for two years now, ever since my freshman year of college began. NYU may not have been where’d I’d envisioned myself years ago, but I couldn’t be happier. I loved everything about the campus, the teachers, and the classes. The decision to study journalism here was the best choice I’d ever made. Well, almost the best choice.
As if on cue, Jeremy walked into my dorm room. “If you don’t hurry up, I think Jen is going to leave without us.”
I walked over to meet him and offered him a quick kiss. “No she won’t. I’m driving.”
He winked. “Well, in that case…” He bent his head to kiss me, longer than the brief peck I’d given him. The touch of his lips, the feel of his hands on either side of my face, melted me inside. His touch never got old. I once again thanked my lucky stars that I was gifted with someone as amazing as Jeremy in my life.
After the kiss, he rested his forehead against mine. “Hey,” he whispered.
“Hey back.” I smiled, and wrapped my arms a little tighter around him.
“You’re beautiful.”
I no longer contradicted him when he said things like that. He made me feel beautiful, even in sweats and a hoodie like I was currently wearing. “Thanks.” I kissed him again.
He nodded his head toward the door. “Are you all packed?”
“Yep.” I pointed to the edge of my bed, where a small suitcase waited. He walked over to grab it. “Aunt Lor is so excited that I’ll be home for Thanksgiving. She said she’s already baked three pies.”
Jeremy rubbed his stomach. “I hope one of them is cherry.”
“I’m sure it is.” I chuckled. “She knows they’re your favorite.” I glanced around to make sure I wasn’t forgetting anything I’d need over the long weekend. I grabbed the hobo bag lying on my bed. “I think I’m good. Lets grab Jen.” We headed out the door together.
For the second year in a row, Jenny was headed back to Cloverfield with us to spend the holiday with Aunt Lor and me since her parents went on a cruise for the holiday. Jen said she didn’t like spending Thanksgiving with hundreds of strangers on a ship. Her parents were fine with that, and Aunt Lor loved it. It gave her one more person to dote over and feed. Jeremy usually came over sometime after
dinner to share dessert while we all watched a Christmas movie. It had become our tradition in a way. I liked that—the idea of forming new traditions.
The three of us piled into my car, an old beater Aunt Lor bought for me when I’d gone off to college. I loved it; the paint was kind of chipped in places, and tiny pieces of rust peeked through above the tires, but it still ran well. It reminded me a little of myself. A little beaten in small places maybe, but still going strong with some TLC.
Things couldn’t have worked out any better. Since Jeremy attended the New York Culinary Institute, we got to spend time together every week. Even though we were both busy with school, we talked on the phone or by text every weekday, and usually spent weekends together exploring the city.
The three of us talked and laughed as we made the drive home. It was only about an hour later, when we passed Trinity Academy, that my thoughts visited the place I rarely went anymore. Memories—of Jessica, the fire, Pete’s party, and finally…of the courtroom I’d sat in waiting to hear my fate—filled my mind. They’d been some of the hardest weeks of my life. I’d done so many stupid things that I was ashamed of. But at least it had served a small purpose, even if I should have gone about it in a better way.
The Society was defunct. After news of what I’d done came out, other investigations had begun. Probes into the favors by school alumni afforded to Society members. Lines crossed or blurred. Trinity hadn’t wanted to chance that anything would mar its golden reputation, so the school board and trustees had denied any knowledge of the Society ever existing, which was a joke and everyone knew it.
But at least it halted future generations of students from being placed in molds of the Society’s choosing. It stopped the Society from handing out preferential treatment to only those it deemed worthy.
I wasn’t naive enough to believe that it wouldn’t start up again after interest waned and prying eyes stopped digging. But for now, I was happy. I had school, friends, family who supported me, and a boyfriend who loved me.
Minutes later, we turned onto Sauderton Road, and I could see my aunt open the door to stand on the top step outside the trailer. Her smile was huge as she waved a dishtowel at us. I grinned.
As soon as the car stopped, I hopped out and ran toward her to wrap her in a hug.
“Samantha.” Her blue eyes crinkled into a loving smile. “Just look at you.” She smoothed my hair back, and it was impossible to miss the tears of pride shining in her eyes. She waved to Jeremy and Jenny as they climbed out of the car. “Come on in; get those bags later. Let’s have some pie.”
Jeremy caught up with me and took my hand as we headed inside my home, where the air smelled like cinnamon and brewed coffee. The door closed behind us as we entered the warmth of the kitchen. I looked around at my family and friends and sighed in happiness.
Life was good.
Note from the Author
Bullying is a very real epidemic going on both in schools and online. If you are being bullied, don’t be afraid to reach out and talk to someone about it. Report it. Fear of reprisal from the bully may make you hesitate to reach out, but it is important to not allow bullying to continue. If you see someone else being bullied, take a stand. Silence strengthens bullies. Show that it isn’t funny and won’t be tolerated in your school, or anywhere else.
If you are depressed, anxious or having thoughts of hurting yourself or others, there is help. Please reach out. You can call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or find them online at http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ Counselors are available 24/7.
You can also text “hi” to 741741 to get in contact with a trained crisis counselor who will immediately respond to your text and message you back.
Some other resources if you are in crisis are:
http://hopeline.com/ - Offers a Chat Now option to speak with a trained professional.
https://twloha.com/ - Offers chat with a trained professional.
Remember, you are not alone. There are supports to help you through whatever crisis you may be facing. You are strong, and you matter.
About the Author
Jodie Andrefski has been passionate about reading ever since she was a little girl, when she used to climb trees to escape with a favorite book. She lives and writes in a small town in Pennsylvania with her teenage daughter, and has an older son who is out and about on his own. Though still an avid reader, she now prefers a comfy chair over the crook of a tree. An unapologetic coffee fiend, she’s even happier if her java comes with pie.
Andrefski often draws on her background in education and mental health counseling to bring real world experience to her writing. She is a firm believer in the magic of a first kiss, and insists that you should never, ever give up on your dreams. #AlwaysKeepFighting
Find her online at www.jodieandrefski.net or @2000_words on Twitter.
Acknowledgments
This book would not exist without the support of so many people around me. First and always, thank you to my readers and to the fabulous book bloggers out there. You make this all worthwhile. I also owe a huge thank you to my Entangled family—Alethea Spiridon, Melissa Montovoni and Jasmine, Liz Pelletier, Sharon Johnston, Heather Rizzio, Melanie Smith, Meredith, Jessica, Stacey, Christine, and the whole team! None of this would be possible without you. Thanks also to Heidi R. Kling and Brenda Drake for being with me as I began this wonderful journey and cheering me on. And a huge shout out to the #WO2016 crew…you guys rock! I love each and every one of you. And last but never least, to my family, especially to Corey and Hope…Thanks for believing in me. I love you with all of my heart.
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