by Blair Holden
“You feel guilty.” It’s not really a question. This is Cole we’re talking about. If anyone knows how he likes to be the rescuer then it’s me. He rescued me but that doesn’t mean I’m the only one. Does that make me jealous, yeah sure, but everyone needs someone like him at some point in their lives. And if it’s the actual thing then what more could you possibly want?
“That might explain why I tolerated some of the crap she did. It was obvious to everyone but you that she didn’t treat you like you should treat a best friend. She was . . . she was all darkness, Tessie, and you were always light. But I thought that you knew her secrets and that’s why you stayed. But when I left and things got bad, the guilt stopped being so important once I came back.”
We’re both quiet for a while. I let his words sink in. Nothing is what is seems to be; there’s a history and a story behind everything. The fact that I’ve never managed to realize this is rather astounding. Have I always been this clueless?
Taking a look at the boy sitting next to me, who tells me he’s been in love with me since the day we first met, answers the question. I’m more clueless than a Kardashian without a camera crew. “So are we done with the heavy talking for the night?” Cole jokes and I lean further into him.
“Only if you tell me you have what I want for dessert. If you don’t, then we have a problem.”
“Why, Tessie, are you trying to take advantage of me? I have the right to say no if I’m not in the mood.” He finishes with a flourish and I slap my hand over his mouth, my face burning.
“What is wrong with you? Is your brain like wired to turn everything I say into something that sounds completely wrong and . . .”
“Sexual?” His voice is muffled beneath my fingers but I can feel his lips curling up into an arrogant smirk.
“You’re evil.” I glower, narrowing my eyes at him and pulling away with a huff. Crossing my arms over my chest, I twist my body away from him and stare right ahead.
Childish, yes, but the man is totally enjoying my embarrassment right now! Let’s make fun of the blond virgin. I’m sure one of those is as rare as a Komodo dragon with a unicorn’s body.
“I think you meant sexy,” he coos in my ear, successfully trapping me in his arms so that his chest presses against my back.
“Unlike your other legions of fangirls I do not spend my days thinking about how hot you are, Stone,” I huff. It’s a lie. It is such a lie but maybe since he can’t see my face he can’t tell.
He twirls a strand of my hair between his fingers and a shiver passes through my body at the lack of space between us. His breath fans my ears. “That’s too bad because I do. I think about you a lot. I miss you when you’re not with me. I want to hear your voice first thing in the morning and the last thing before I go to sleep. I want to be where you are, Tessie, always.”
I sigh involuntarily, my body relaxing into his. My defenses disappear when he starts talking like this. Every pretense that I carry, acting like he doesn’t matter as much as he actually does to me just . . . the act vanishes. And then I’m just a girl who’s hopelessly in love with her boyfriend.
“Wow.”
He chuckles as he kisses my cheek. “I’m so glad you’re here with me now. This is as great as life gets.”
“Mmm-hmm.” My eyes shut as sleep pulls me in. It’s been a long day and exhaustion is setting in, especially when I’m so comfortable in Cole’s arms.
“Before I take you to bed,” he says in a gravelly voice that has me jolting out of slumber and twisting my body toward him with wide, wide eyes. “Literally speaking, babe. I’ll just carry you to bed, that’s it.” He stifles a laugh as I elbow him. “Tell me, why is Travis blowing my phone up?” I bite my lip. Uh-oh. He might possibly break up with me after this.
“About that . . .” I let my hair fall across my face so that he can’t see me. “You might want to consider hiring a bodyguard. It’s nothing serious,” I add quickly, “But there might have been a little accident while you were cooking.”
“Tessie . . .” he says slowly, sweeping the hair away and turning me fully to face him, “What’s going on?”
So I tell him. Well obviously I omit the more embarrassing parts of the conversation I had with my best friends and tell him the crux of the matter. However I spin it, it sounds bad. He looks rather pale by the end of my spiel.
“Huh.”
“Listen, I know it sounds bad but trust me, I’ll talk to Travis. He’ll understand that nothing happened and . . .”
“He’s going to castrate me. Or he’ll try at least. I could probably put up a fight. Things would get ugly. Oh man, my dad’s going to kick my ass. I can’t go to jail again or be responsible for someone else ending up in jail at least for the next six months. I can’t end up in the emergency room either. Cassandra said if I come in after a brawl she’ll tell the authorities I’m some deranged kid with mommy issues from Wyoming.”
I can’t help it. I laugh hysterically until tears start pouring from my eyes. Clutching my stomach I fall backward onto the couch and attempt to catch my breath. My sides ache from exertion but for the love of me I cannot stop laughing.
“Go ahead, laugh. You’re not the one taking possibly what could be my last breaths.”
I snort, “Don’t you think you’re being a little dramatic?”
“The guy thinks I took his little sister’s virginity AFTER I promised him I would keep my hands to myself and you’ll return exactly the same as you left.”
My mouth hangs open as I gawk at him. “When the heck were you two discussing my . . . when did you talk about this?” I nearly shriek.
“Can we forget about that and focus on the bigger picture, Tessie? I mean I might possibly be six feet under soon, do you really want to be mad at me?”
“I don’t believe you. Oh God. I’m going to kill you both, that’s it. Problem solved. I’ll kill you both with my bare hands.”
“Damn, you O’Connells really need some anger management classes. How about I give you a card to my shrink?”
With that I lunge at him. And no, not even remotely in a sexual manner.
Chapter Thirty-One: What It Feels Like to Get Your Heart Broken
I flex my fingers around the handle of the spatula and gingerly open one squeezed-shut eye. The thing that’s on the pan is not an egg, nor does it remotely resemble one. If an egg could be passed through hell and then back, it wouldn’t look as burnt as it does now. The thing is scorched beyond belief and the sight of it makes my stomach heave.
There are footsteps leading into the kitchen so I know he’s there, obviously. My Cole senses are tingling and his freshly showered scent hits me like a truckload of bricks. But I must resist and not fall for his boyishly charming ways. Squaring my shoulders, I put up a defensive front and pluck the frying pan from the stovetop, dumping its contents into the trash can.
Something cooked is out of the question now so fruit bowl it shall be. Or I could forget about fitting into my prom dress and slather my favorite chocolate spread onto a butter croissant. Now that I think about it that would be a great idea since my date to prom will probably be dead before the day arrives. And my brother will be in jail. Reacquainting me with Fatty Tessie doesn’t seem that big of a problem. Heart attack and clogged arteries on a plate it is.
“I can cook something for you if you want me to.”
“No thanks,” I mutter and shove past him to go to the fridge.
Even though his voice sends all kinds of tingles through my body, I’m still mad at him. Honestly, I feel humiliated beyond belief that he and my brother would discuss my personal life without actually including me in it. Having spent a long time cast in Nicole’s shadow and not really having much control over my actions has made me a little paranoid about things like that. My life is supposed to be mine and it’s not an open forum for discussion.
Say I actually wanted to sleep with him, then what? Would he have said no because he’d made a deal with my brother? My brother who is i
n a relationship with my best friend, a relationship I’ve never questioned or stood against. I give them their space, don’t interfere, and generally stay out of their way. Could I not expect the same? Yeah, sure Cole’s being a gentleman and Travis is being a protective older brother, but you have to draw the line somewhere, right?
“Tessie, come on, I said I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have discussed our relationship with Travis, especially not that part of it, but I really wanted you to come here. He wouldn’t have been cool with it otherwise.”
I grab the jar of chocolaty goodness and nearly slam it onto the kitchen island.
“I’m eighteen years old, for Christ’s sake! He’s my brother, not my keeper, Cole. Why was it so important for you to make sure he’s ‘cool’ with it?” I ask, starting to feel angry.
“Because,” he sighs, “because he’s not my biggest fan and he’s your brother. I know how much you love him and how important he is to you. I just, I need him to trust me with you.”
“I don’t get it. He’s always pushed me toward you. Yeah, he was a bit skeptical at first but he’s never outright told me to not be with you. But there’s something there, something between the two of you that you haven’t told me. It’s why you feel the need to be accountable to him, isn’t it?” His eyes widen, like he wasn’t expecting me to make the connection and I know I’ve hit the nail right on its head. This runs deeper, I know it does.
He doesn’t speak so I continue, “You told me you came to see me before you left for military school, right? That you were going to apologize, tell me everything. Travis never told me about that, why is that? He said he always knew that you had feelings for me, then why would he do that?”
He roughly shoves a hand through his hair as his jaw tenses and the vein in his neck pulses. His eyes stay trained on the floor and he curses under his breath. My voice is softer now, even though I’m scared to death of what could possibly come next. A lot of worst-case scenarios flash through my head and I struggle to keep it together. He needs to be handled carefully, I can’t be too harsh or demanding but at the same time, I just need to finally know.
“Can we not do this now? Can we pretend that the last part of yesterday and this right now, it didn’t happen? I want to spend this time with you not thinking about our problems. When we go home, I’ll tell you. Please just trust me, whatever it was, it’s in the past and it doesn’t matter. But right now can we just be us again?”
It’s the pleading, puppy-dog look that does me in. I’d been prepared to stand my ground and demand answers but when he’s looking at me like that and being so vulnerable, my heart can’t stand to say no. And I’ll probably pay for being so accepting of his temporary need for denial but he’s right. We’re in this beautiful, heaven-like place with a just over a day and a half for some alone time and I want to spend it being, like he just said—us.
“Okay,” I breathe and his face lights up, “But only if you tell me everything as soon as we get home.”
He grins and hugs me close to his chest, kissing the top of my head. “Promise.”
***
Around midmorning, Cole leaves to get some groceries and I lounge around the house in the coziest pair of pajamas that I own. I’m just about to really get into the O.C. rerun when the doorbell rings. Hmm, that’s weird. We have a visitor? Straightening up, I walk lightly to the door, glancing through the peephole. There’s a girl out there that I can’t see clearly but she doesn’t look like an ax murderer.
And Ted Bundy didn’t really look like a serial killer, now did he? Talking myself out of all my slightly neurotic thoughts I open the door to someone who appears to be a goddess of a girl. I should’ve really put on some lip gloss or mascara or brushed my hair or well, worn something less homeless-person-like because this girl is seriously gorgeous.
In complete awe, I watch her smile at me as she moves in to hug me. “You must be Tessa! Wow, it’s really good to finally meet you.”
My first thought is that she looks a lot like Megan. She’s pretty and not tacky, cake-face-Kimmy pretty. She has thick, long, vibrant red hair and the greenest eyes I’ve ever seen. I have green eyes, so I know what I’m talking about. Mine do not . . . sparkle like that. She’s pale with alabaster skin but only in a way that redheads can carry off. She’s a bit taller than I am and dressed so, so much better. Her body is the real killer though. She’s tall and willowy, those devastatingly haunting figures that rule the runway but she’s not stick-thin. Her body’s toned and there are slight hints of curves which are emphasized by her emerald hued sweater and tight fitted jeans. There’s a coat draped over her arms. Her long, lean legs appear even longer in her thigh high boots.
Who is this girl and why is she looking at me like I’m the sister she’s never had?
I pat her back awkwardly, clearing my throat as she pushes back to beam at me.
“I’m sorry, I don’t know who—”
“Erica? Is that you?”
Wait, this is Erica? The creepy stalker Lan warned me about? With everything that’s happened I’d all but forgotten about her. Now, when she’s right in front of me I can’t help but shrink back, feeling intimidated.
Cole comes into sight, walking toward us carrying the grocery bags. He puts them on the ground as soon as he sees Erica and she rushes toward him, jumping into his arms. I watch, completely stunned as he returns her hug and then kisses her on the cheek as he lets go of her. Grabbing her hand he walks her toward me, where I’m still standing utterly paralyzed on the doorstep.
“Tessie, this is Erica. I’ve known her—”
“Practically your whole life, right?” She grins and looks stunning while doing it.
I want to pull a Joker and put that smile permanently on her face, with a knife.
“I . . . I’m sorry; I didn’t know. I’ve heard about you of course but didn’t expect to meet you,” I say stupidly, looking at the two of them absolutely stunned.
“That’s Cole all right. I mean you guys have been dating for several months and he doesn’t introduce you to one of his oldest friends. I should be offended but I’m used to it.” She shrugs casually before elbowing Cole in the side.
We’re still standing at the door and it seems stupid. So I invite her in but it’s not like she needs an invitation and I figure out the cause soon. As Erica and Cole catch up, I make quite a few discoveries that Lan missed out on. The weirdest thing is watching Cole and Erica together, they look stunning, like Hollywood stunning. I’m on the armchair as she and Cole sit on the love seat and I observe her edging closer and closer to him as she talks animatedly. So far she hasn’t given out any psychotic vibes but hey, it’s still pretty early so putting my guards up doesn’t hurt.
“But I thought you wouldn’t be here for another two days.” Cole looks happy and not uncomfortable like he is around most girls who have a thing for him.
Does he know that she has a thing for him? Because it’s glaringly obvious to me right now. “I got an earlier flight and this one didn’t have as many stopovers as the other one. Then I spent a couple of days with Mamaw and Granddaddy at the farm before coming here. It’s just a short visit though, I have to get back to school for the next semester soon.”
There are so many things that beg to be questioned about her answer. She seems mysterious, and interesting. Everything that I’m well, not . . . so I start with something that won’t make me sound as horribly curious as I am.
“You’re in college?”
She looks at me like she’d forgotten that I was even in the same room. I understand though, Cole has that effect on people. Especially people who might be obsessed with him.
Still, Erica doesn’t miss a beat and rattles off what sounds like a much-practiced answer. “Yeah, I’m a year ahead of you guys because my parents homeschooled me until my freshman year of high school. They’re anthropology professors, archeology to be specific. So I’ve basically spent a lot of time around dead people.” She shrugs. “They’re on a sabbatical as we s
peak. I took a semester off to stay with them, well actually I really wanted to go to Italy.” Grinning, she focuses her attention back to Cole.
“You won’t believe how beautiful Pompeii is, Cole! I wish you and the rest of the family could have visited us when I was there. It’d be just like old times.”
“Erica’s parents and mine are friends. Actually they’re the friends who sold this house so technically until a couple of weeks ago this was her house.”
Now I’ll feel totally uncomfortable staying here.
“Yeah, and they’ve traded this place for a farm! Can you believe that? My grandparents are going crazy with excitement since they’re caretakers but I’d rather be at the beach.”
“Wait, where are you staying? I don’t see any bags and I told you, you could stay here as long as you want to.”
My eyebrows go up but I quickly straighten my expression. I’m hurt but it won’t be the best idea to show it and be crowned the heartless bitch while Ariel over there becomes the victim. Obviously I’m thinking about what Cole said to me earlier, about wanting to be alone with me and forgetting about everything else. Having a houseguest who has feelings for him kind of goes against that, doesn’t it? How can he not notice the hero worship that’s in her eyes as she talks to him? Doesn’t he see how she eliminates any space between them whenever he tries to create it and that she’s always finding little ways to touch him? I know the signs of an unrequited crush when I see one.
Lan was right. Erica’s crazy about Cole and he refuses to acknowledge it.
“No, no, don’t be stupid, Cole. I don’t want to interrupt your time with Tessa. I’ll just be in the way. There’s a bed-and-breakfast not that far away from here and I’ve already checked in. I’m not staying here,” she protests but it’s half-hearted; she wants to be here.
“Tessie doesn’t mind, she’s not like that. I’m right, aren’t I?” He turns to me and all I can do is nod.
“Of course, please, stay here. You’ve got more of a right to be here than me at least.”
