Hell And Back

by Natasha Madison

  Chapter Fifty

  Jackson

  As soon as we arrive at the ER, the paramedic hands off the tubes of blood and a nurse rushes off to get them to the lab. Another nurse and an ER doctor run alongside the stretcher as the paramedic rattles off her vitals and what he knows while he moves it into an exam room.

  Mick arrives in an ambulance with Lori about ten minutes later. He runs alongside Lori’s stretcher, keeping pace with the paramedic, the doctor, and the nurse.

  The doctor stops him before he can get into the room.

  Dread and fear are written all over his face. “Her pulse is weak. So weak. At one point, they couldn’t find it.” He looks toward her room, absently swiping at tears on his face I’m not sure he even realizes are there.

  I don’t have a chance to ask him anything else before the door bursts open and Marissa comes running in looking frantic.

  As soon as she sees us in the hallway and she sees the tears falling down on Mick’s face, she stops in her tracks. Her knees give out, and the wail is ripped from her, shaking me to my core.

  Mick moves so fast, I don’t see him move until I notice him at her side. He picks her up, sitting on the floor with her cradled in his lap as he slowly rocks her to calm her down.

  “Baby, she’s a fighter,” I hear him whisper to her. “She is going to pull through. She didn’t survive all of this to die this way.”

  Marissa doesn’t reply. She just holds on to him like he’s her anchor, her lifeline.

  We both sit in that waiting room, waiting for news.

  The minutes feel like hours, the hours feel like days. Each time someone comes out of those doors, we all look up hopefully.

  The other girls have also been brought in, and their parents are here waiting just like we are. They are going through drug screening and rape kits. It’s a fucking parents’ worst nightmare.

  Marissa has calmed down a bit, but she hasn’t moved from Mick’s lap, nor has she lessened her grip on his shirt. Her head is resting in the crook of his neck, like she was made to fit there.

  The doors open again and in walks my mother holding Lilah in her arms.

  Looking around, she spots us and hurries over to us. When Lilah sees me, she wiggles out of my mother’s arms.

  “I couldn’t stay away knowing what’s happening.” She sits next to me and holds my hand.

  “The doctor just came out to tell me about Brenda. She just got out of surgery. She lost a lot of blood and her spleen, but she’s going to make it,” I tell her while Lilah sits on my lap facing me, her legs wrapped around my waist, her arms around my neck, her cheek pressed to my chest. She’s holding on tight.

  “Jackson,” my mother starts, and I know she doesn’t want to say his name, but she doesn’t know how else to ask about him.

  “We couldn’t save him, Mom.”

  She nods her head while she cries silently next to me.

  In the end, she’s a mother who just lost her child. A child she never thought the worst of and tried to see the good. A child she brought into this world and raised. A child she thought she could save.

  I wrap one arm around her shoulder, pulling her close to me while she cries on my shoulder.

  “Nana, you sad?” Lilah asks her. The fact she called her Nana surprises us both.

  “Only a little sad, my beautiful girl,” she tries to reassure her.

  The door opens and the doctor walks out. “Mr. Fletcher, Bella is awake and asking for you.”

  I get up, bringing Lilah with me, and follow the doctor into Bella’s room. I’m holding my breath, bracing myself for the worst.

  “She has heroin coursing through her body, and I’m not sure how much. She’s on an IV to keep her hydrated as her body works to metabolize it and rid the drug from her system,” the doctor advises. “She’s got two stitches on her temple, but other than that, she’ll be fine.”

  He turns and walks out of the room. I sit next to her on the bed, reaching out to hold her hand.

  Her eyes flutter open, a bit surprised and confused.

  “Jackson?” she whispers, blinking her eyes more in an effort to keep them open.

  “I’m here, angel. I’m right here.” I lean down to kiss her on her lips.

  “You found me. You saved me just like I knew you would.” She lifts her hand to touch Lilah’s head. “Jackson found Momma. Isn’t he the bravest?” She smiles at us with a tear running from the corner of her eye.

  Lilah nods her head and looks up at me. “He da brafest of da whole world.”

  We both laugh at Lilah’s “da whole world.” I correct her, but she just shrugs at me.

  Bella opens her arms so Lilah can crawl into them and hug her. “Momma, I so scared. Ms. Brenda went bye bye.”

  Bella immediately sits up in her bed. Her eyes fill with big tears that spill over. “I need to find her,” she says, trying to get out of bed. “I have to be there with her.” She is sobbing and trying to get out from under the covers I’m sitting on.

  “Angel, she is going to be okay.” As soon as I say those words, her body stills. “She lost a lot of blood and her spleen, but other than that, she is fine. I swear to you, angel, she’s okay.”

  She looks at me as the tears continue rolling down her beautiful face, the emotions of the day—fear, loss, relief—clearly playing out on it.

  “I have to see her,” she whispers to me. “Please, take me to her.”

  “I don’t know if I can make that happen, angel. You have to rest.”

  She shakes her head insistently. “I need to see her.” She pushes the emergency button by her bed about fifteen times before a nurse races in the room.

  Once she sees everything is all right, she jokes, “Where’s the fire, hot stuff?”

  Bella squares her shoulders, preparing to battle. “I called you.” She sits up a bit taller, her voice stronger. “I need to go and see another patient here in the hospital.”

  The nurse looks at her like she has grown a second head. “You do realize you just suffered a trauma?” she asks while she walks over to the IV machine to check the bags.

  “I have to see Brenda Barette. She came in earlier,” Bella starts out loud but ends on a whisper. “Please.”

  The change of tone coming out of Bella causes the nurse to pause. “I’ll be right back,” she tells us and leaves the room.

  “Jackson, you need to bust me out of this joint.” She points at me. “You have a badge. You need to use it and tell them you are taking me.”

  I can’t hold back my laughter. She is totally serious. The funny thing is I would do whatever she wanted me to do.

  I don’t have time to answer because the door opens and the nurse comes in pushing a wheelchair.

  “Okay, this can totally get me fired, but I know if I don’t do it, that hunk of a man will find a way to take you there without me,” the nurse says while taking the IV bags off the stand to help Bella move off the bed.

  “You do realize he’s my boyfriend, right?” Bella tells her as she literally kicks me off the bed.

  “Ouch!” I say as I rub the spot on my back where she landed her kick.

  “Is that so? You and him are dating? It’s not like I could tell from the loving looks of adoration he aims in your direction whenever he looks at you. Besides, my girlfriend, Sherry, is the one watching Brenda. So technically, you’re doing me a favor,” she says with a wink at Bella.

  Bella is speechless. Her mouth is opening and closing, but no words are coming out. Never one to admit when she’s wrong, she glares at me. “This is your fault. If you weren’t such a hunky man, I wouldn’t have to keep staking my claim over here.”

  I throw my head back with the force of one of the biggest belly laughs I’ve ever had. It is in this moment I know for certain my girl is going to be fine. She is fine. The thought I could have lost her again almost broke me. But even more upsetting, thoughts of what she could have—what she would have—endured will haunt me for quite a while.

 
; Chapter Fifty-One

  Bella

  I settle into the wheelchair and ask Jackson to put Lilah on my lap. The nurse wheels me down a couple of hallways and stops at a room with the door closed.

  I look at Jackson. “Can you take Lilah and let me go in alone for a few minutes?”

  There are things I need to say, and I don’t think I could do it with Lilah on my lap.

  “Come here, princess. We’re going to let Momma go see Ms. Brenda first. Then if she is up to it, we can go in after.” Lilah wraps herself around him, laying her head in the crook of Jackson’s neck.

  The door opens, and on the bed in the middle of the room lies the woman who has been my rock since the first day she laid her eyes on me.

  She is hooked up to so many different machines, I’m almost afraid to even touch her hand.

  When I finally do reach for her hand and grasp it with mine, I see how pale it is, I feel how cold it is, and I am overwhelmed with how much this woman has been through for me. For us.

  The minute I bring her hand to my lips, the sob I was holding comes rushing out.

  “I’m so sorry. I’m so very sorry. I can’t begin to thank you.” My tears fall, hot and fast, landing on her hand. “You were so brave, and it was your strength in those hellish moments that got me through it. It was because of you I found the courage to do what needed to be done to keep Lilah safe. I’m just so sorry my courage and Lilah’s safety came at such a high price for you.” Another sob breaks free from me, making it hard to continue, but I take a few deep breaths, and I continue on. It’s the least I can do.

  “You love my little girl as if she were your own. I can’t tell you how much it means to me that she has you and your love in her life, Brenda. It means more than I could ever find the words to explain. You love me unconditionally, with your whole heart, and other than my Nan, you’re the only person who has loved me like this.” I lay my head next to her hand. “I never said goodbye to her. I never got a chance to thank her for loving me like she did. But then I come home, a broken shell of a woman who had nothing but the love of a little girl.” I bring the back of my hand to my face. “Then almost as if we were meant to meet you, you were there and took one look at me, at us, and instead of turning your nose up at us, you held out your hand and gripped mine. You never let go, Brenda, not once.”

  My breath is catching in my throat, and my words are punctuated with hiccups. “I’m a mother, so I know, I can recognize it. You love me like a mother loves a child. You love my daughter like a grandmother loves a grandchild. You love us so much that you didn’t hesitate to put yourself between us and our monster, to put your life on the line for ours. I know why you did it, but I’m so mad you did that.” I lick my lips and continue, “You can’t leave us now. You can’t leave your little heart. Please, Brenda. Please don’t go.”

  I lay my head back down on the bed next to her, and I break down. I cry for her, the woman who I consider a friend, the woman who is the only maternal figure I have left in my life, and I cry for the woman I pray will be here by my side, guiding me and cheering me on.

  I feel fingers in my hair, and at first I think it’s my imagination until I hear a whispered, “Don’t cry, Bella.”

  I raise my head to see the eyes of the woman I just poured my heart out to. “Oh my God, oh my God. My God, Brenda.” I wipe my nose and try to stand, but my legs are still like jelly from the drugs in my system.

  “Was…” She tries to speak, but she’s so weak, it’s a bit of a challenge for her. “…so scared. Little heart?”

  This woman went through the same terrifying experience as we did, but she was the one who was shot. She lost a lot of blood and had to have major surgery. She just woke up in the hospital, and the first thing she asked wasn’t what happened or where she is, but how Lilah is.

  I look over my shoulder at the door, knowing Jackson’s right on the other side of it waiting for me. “Jackson.” I raise my voice a little to call out.

  Just like I knew he would, Jackson opens the door and walks in with Lilah still wrapped around him like a monkey.

  “Lilah.” Brenda tries to open her eyes and sit up, but she moves too quickly and cries out in pain.

  “Don’t you move!” I practically yell at her.

  “Ms. Brenda, you have big ouchies?” Lilah asks.

  “No, little heart. I’m okay, this is nothing.”

  It doesn’t surprise me Brenda tries to pretend this isn’t a big deal. “Lilah, Ms. Brenda was very brave,” I tell her.

  “Braber dan Ackson?” she asks.

  “Just as brave as Jackson. She loves us very, very much.” I squeeze Brenda’s hand, watching the tears now fill her eyes. “She loves you like Nan loved me.” I turn to look at Brenda. “Right?”

  Brenda doesn’t say anything, instead just nods her head in agreement.

  “I think it would be very special if from now on we call her Nan. So she knows we love her just as if she were our Nan.” Looking at Brenda, I ask her, “Would that be okay?”

  “I lobe you, Nan,” Lilah says, not even giving her the chance to say no.

  “I love you, too, little heart, so very, very much.”

  “Ackson, I have a Nan and a Nana,” she tells him like she just discovered the secret to a Caramilk bar.

  “That is because you are so very loved.”

  “She is. Now I’m just going to rest my eyes a bit, okay?” Brenda says.

  “We should go, but I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

  I bend down, placing a kiss on her hand because I can’t reach her cheek.

  Chapter Fifty-Two

  Jackson

  Two weeks have passed since that fateful day.

  Our physical wounds are healing, but it’s our emotional ones that cut the deepest. Those are going to take some time to heal.

  Mom claimed Adam’s body and had a funeral for him. Not wanting to upset us, she did it by herself.

  But when Bella found out about it, she forced me to put on a suit and be the man she said she knew I was.

  Even with the sun shining, I couldn’t help but feel the sadness around us when we got to the cemetery.

  I saw the coffin, white flowers lying on top of it, poised above the empty grave. But it was my mother who really got to me. Standing there alone beside her son’s coffin, dressed all in black, head bowed, and crying.

  I parked the car, and we got out. United as one family.

  Me on one side, Bella in the middle, and Lilah holding her mother’s hand.

  As we approached the gravesite, my mom’s head turned to us, the tears not stopping. We gathered around her, offering her the comfort of our presence. I may not have shared in her grief, but I held her hand as she said goodbye to her son.

  It’s not something I thought I would be able to do, but Bella said it wasn’t for Adam, it was for my mother, and she was right.

  Watching the coffin being lowered into the ground, I had an epiphany. With my heart beating hard and fast, I realized I couldn’t save Adam. He didn’t want to be saved. This was the freedom he was looking for all along.

  But I did save someone. I saved Bella, and in doing so, she saved me. My mother spent the rest of the day with us, her family, soothing her pain by spending time with Lilah, the only piece of my brother she has left.

  In the end, the only good that was left in him will live on. Together in my childhood home, we explained to Lilah that Adam was my brother. Something tells me she didn’t really understand what we were saying because her only response was to look at me and ask, “You my daddy now, Ackson?”

  Skirting around her question, no one really replied. My mother just wrapped her up in her arms and held her.

  It’s been a crazy two weeks since then. Not only did we close our case files on the missing kids, Mick was in his own personal hell.

  While he was trying hard to give Marissa and Lori some space, she was widening that space. She was packing up to move.

  Walking into the offic
e last week and seeing Mick, his face white, his eyes bloodshot, I didn’t know if it was from Jack Daniel’s or from lack of sleep or a combination of the two.

  “S’up,” I said to him as I sat down to finish closing out all the files so I could take a nice, extended fucking vacation.

  “She’s leaving,” he said, staring out the window at nothing. “She says they have to leave this place behind to heal.”

  I was about to say something to him when the phone on his desk rang. The caller ID indicated it was Sandie.

  He didn’t answer it. He just looked at it.

  “I don’t know what’s going on, but if you really want what I think you want, you need to put things in order.”

  “Yeah, Jackson?” His voice void of emotion, he asked, “Like what?”

  “I’m not telling you what to do, Mick. You need to figure that out all on your own. Just know”—I indicated toward the phone—“that is the cancer in your life.” Pausing for a second to gather my thoughts, I looked him in the eye and told it to him straight. “A man knows heaven when he finds it. Now you know what heaven feels like. You also know what isn’t heaven.”

  He shook his head, saying, “She doesn’t want me.”

  “If you really think that, then let her walk away. But know this, you don’t fight for her, you don’t tell her where you are at, you’ll let heaven slip through your fingers, and you’ll always regret you didn’t even try. But even more, man, you have to be free and clear to accept heaven. You need to cut that other one out, because no woman, especially one who is your heaven, will accept sharing you with someone who makes your life hell.”

  I continued laying it out for him, “You need someone who will fight for you, too. Fight just as hard as you fight for them. I don’t know Marissa, but I do know she is a fighter. You just have to show her you are worth fighting for.”

  With that, he got up before I had a chance to say anything else and he walked out, leaving his phone behind.

  Now I’m in the car, listening to Lilah talk about all the things her and Nan will do now that she is finally coming home.