Shattered by Love

by C. A. Harms

  Shattered by Love

  (The Scarred by Love Series Book 3)

  By C.A. Harms

  Shattered by Love

  Copyright © 2014 by C.A. Harms. All rights reserved.

  First Print Edition: October 2014

  Limitless Publishing, LLC

  Kailua, HI 96734

  www.limitlesspublishing.com

  Formatting: Limitless Publishing

  ISBN-13: 978-1502561565

  ISBN-10: 1502561565

  No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to locales, events, business establishments, or actual persons—living or dead—is entirely coincidental.

  Dedication

  Here you go Jen with Jen Loves-Books, this one’s for you. I hope you enjoy your meathead Max as much as I enjoyed telling his story.

  Table of Contents

  Prologue

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Chapter Thirty

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  Epilogue

  Prologue

  The smoke was so thick. It was almost impossible to move throughout the halls. I had already swept the two apartments on the end. Two more and I was out. Moving in groups of three, we checked over every corner.

  The fire had started on the first floor and my truck was one of the first ones to arrive on scene. There was this thing about me…I strived to be top dog. I had to be in charge, my way, with my rules. My guys knew that about me, they understood and never questioned it. I was cocky but I had reasons. I never gave in. I pushed myself until there was nothing left. I wouldn’t settle. I wanted to be the man; the need to be the one in control was strong and always has been. It’s just my nature.

  Mike and Ross were my backup. They followed closely behind as we checked all the rooms of each apartment. I knew our time was running out and we needed to move fast.

  “Clear,” Mike hollered as he exited the third apartment. We just had one more unit on this floor.

  I held up my arm, indicating I was entering. The floor creaked beneath my feet as I stepped inside. Slowly scanning the room and trying to focus through all the smoke, I crouched down lower to the ground and began sweeping the rooms, looking behind furniture and in all the closets.

  My radio crackled and the chief came through, “Parks?”

  I grabbed for the radio attached to my coat, “Almost got it Chief, we’re on the last one.”

  “Missing kid, Parks, a boy around the age of four. Apartment 3C, has it been cleared?”

  My stomach dropped and I immediately went in to overdrive. My focus was on the missing boy. I could hear the chief asking questions repeatedly, but I couldn’t answer; my throat was dry and aching. My heart raced with the thought of the child alone and scared.

  “Parks?” I heard my name being repeated. “Parks? Has it been cleared?”

  “I’m on it Chief, we’re there now.” I entered the room at the end of the hall and my knees became weak. It was obvious the room belonged to a little boy--sports themed and covered with toy trucks. Kneeling to the floor, I quickly began searching my surroundings. Under the bed, clear…inside the blanket fort in the corner, clear. Frantically my heart raced. I needed to chill the fuck out, and I needed to focus.

  I spotted the door at the left of the room and quickly moved in that direction. Shoving the clothes to the side, I spotted the smallest little set of feet tucked in the back corner. Kneeling on all fours, I slowly approached the terrified little boy who had tucked himself as far back into the corner as he could.

  “Hey there buddy, my name’s Max. I’m here to help you find your mommy and daddy. Can you let me help you?” He only tucked himself back tighter into the corner. I took a deep breath and tried again.

  “Little man, I know you’re scared. I’m a fireman and your mommy, well, she sent me in here to find you. She’s waiting right outside and she can’t wait to see you. Are you ready to see your mommy?” He nodded his head and sniffled, his little tearstained cheeks swollen and reddened. I reached my hand out and he hesitated for a moment, then all at once dove at me. Wrapping his arms tightly around my neck, he began crying against my shoulder.

  I stood up from the floor and secured him against me, as I made my way to the hallway. Mike was just exiting the bedroom across the hall. “The rest is clear man, we need to get out of here. Ross went back down already. Billy needed help on the first floor.” I followed behind him as he radioed in that we had found the boy.

  “We’re exiting now through the west stairway. Parks has the boy.” Ross was ahead of me as we quickly descended.

  I could feel the little boy shudder against me as he continued to sob into my shoulder. “We’re almost there little man, I got you.” I tried to comfort his fears away. It slowly broke me as I thought about Mariah and Carley—how it would kill me if anything ever happened to them. I thought about how scared this little boy’s parents had to be and how all I wanted to do was get him back to them, safely.

  He was beginning to slip, so I paused on the platform between the first and second floor and adjusted him in my arms. Mike had begun going down the next flight and hadn’t noticed that I stopped.

  All at once I heard crackling and crunching above me, causing me to look up. I could see the beams supporting the floor above us start to give away as they fell toward us. Immediately I spun around tucking in the little boy against my chest and using my body as a shield.

  The moment the rubble impacted against my back, red hot pain shot through me and I held the boy a little tighter. I could hear him beginning to cough and sputter. I tried not to holler out in pain. I needed to move. The problem was I couldn’t, as my leg was trapped and hurt like a motherfucker. I could feel the heat seeping through me from behind.

  “MAX!” I heard my name hollered from below. “PARKS! We’re coming man…just hold tight.”

  I closed my eyes tightly to fight the pain, and the little boy tucked against me suddenly became quiet and panic set in. “Buddy?” I waited. “Hey little man, can you hear me?” Still nothing. “Fuck, hurry up man, the kid isn’t responding. My heart raced and I twisted my body toward the wall, bracing my shoulder against it while still shielding the boy. I tried to move the debris off of me, but it was almost impossible. “Mike fucking move man. I need he
lp. The kid’s not responding. Move!”

  It felt like the time had gone on forever. The smoke filled the hallway and my head became fuzzy. The weight on my back was just too much. A strong pain shot through my leg and upward into my hip. I winced as I attempted to shift. I could hear voices, which sounded as if they were miles away.

  Things began to fade, my body shaking uncontrollably.

  Chapter One

  Max

  I could hear people talking around me and was annoyed by the machine’s beeping. The aches in my body were overpowering. I couldn’t move my leg, and my back felt like it was going to break in half at any moment. Everything was foggy and confusing.

  I opened my eyes just enough to take in the room: the bright lights, the IV pole and curtain pulled to cover the left half of the room. I could hear voices in the distance but couldn’t tell who they belonged to. They were muffled and hushed.

  I had no idea how I had gotten to the hospital. The last thing I remembered was being in the stairway with so much pressure on my back.

  Securing the little boy I held in my arms. The little boy…oh, fuck. “NURSE!” I screamed out, hitting the red button on the bed next to me. I tried to get up from the bed. but the pain that shot through my body almost crippled me as I winced in agony.

  The curtain was shoved back in a panic as both my parents rushed to my side. Directly behind them were my brothers, Carson, Mason, and Tanner.

  “Sit back son, you need to relax.” My dad tried to calm me but it was pointless. I was frantic.

  “Where’s the kid, the boy? The one from the building, where is he?” I looked back and forth among all them, demanding an answer. My heart was racing and my throat tightening. “Tell me.”

  “He’s here, Max, he suffered from smoke inhalation. Right now he’s doing okay. They’re taking care of him the best they can. You saved him Max.” Carson spoke up.

  I looked over at him, and unshed tears filled my eyes as I blinked them away. “How the fuck did I save him, Carson? Tell me that. If he’s in the hospital, then I failed him.”

  My dad gripped my shoulder tightly. “Without you, Max, the situation could have ended a lot worse.” All of them stared at me, willing me to understand.

  I closed my eyes tightly and turned my head away from them, facing the window. I couldn’t let them see me fold. To all of them I was the bullheaded brother and son. I was the one that always stayed strong and took care of everyone. I was the meathead that showed no fucking emotion. I needed to be alone because, at that moment, I had never felt so vulnerable and weak. I refused to allow anyone to see me in this state.

  “I need to be alone,” I said through gritted teeth, without turning to face them. “I need you all to leave.”

  Mason’s voice only made the anger within me stronger. “Max, you did everything you could.”

  “Out…Now!” I was so fucking pissed at myself. Why the hell did I stop in that stairway. I should have kept moving and got him to his parents, unharmed. I should have been able to pass him to his mom and see the relief in her eyes. Now that shit would sit on my conscience, and I would live with those thoughts.

  Instead, I fucking paused, and now that little guy is in the hospital because of me. Who knows what kind of damage my mistake will cause that little boy. He counted on me to save him. I told him I would get him to his parents; it was my job to follow through. It was what I told him I would do. I lied to him. I gave that little man false hope, and once again I fucked up the life of someone else.

  It was like my chest was cracking open, I felt so damn raw. The anger I had in me, mixed with regret and unshed emotion, was going to make me explode. I could feel it boiling inside me, and I knew it was going to be hell when it erupted.

  When it came, it would be uncontained. I needed to keep my distance from everyone. This mistake was on me fully. This was the weight of my fuck-up sitting on my shoulders, and no one else needed to suffer.

  My wrong choice damaged an innocent child and shattered the heart of his parents. That is the fact I have to deal with.

  I didn’t take my failures lightly. It was something I didn’t accept. My job had no room for failure. I was not allowed to hesitate or pause. People depend on me, and the lives of their loved ones rest in my hands. It was my job to follow through.

  Chapter Two

  Bree

  “Great job, sweetheart. You got it.” Madison looked up at me as her bright blue eyes beamed. You could see the excitement written all over her face. She was so proud, and that was enough to brighten my day.

  Three times a week I taught tumbling and gymnastics to young kids at the Youth Center. One day a week I volunteered to work with the troubled teens that suffered from all sorts of neglect and abuse. I would give my full attention to those kids that just needed a friend, someone they could trust. They needed someone close to their age that might understand how they felt. They knew that I actually could relate very well to the pain and suffering they had gone through and still do at times.

  When I was seven, I was removed from my home. My dad was a drunk and my mom was a junkie. They cared more about their next fix than they did me. There were so many nights I went without food, just so they could buy drugs and booze. I hid out in my room, or sometimes in the basement. The best way to avoid being punished was to disappear as often as I could.

  A neighbor finally noticed my tormented life and turned my parents in. That was the best thing for me, but things didn’t seem to get much better after that.

  I spent the next nine years bouncing around between foster homes, never getting the stable life every kid should have. I chose to stop making friends after the first few homes. Being forced to say goodbye each time I was shifted to the next home was too hard. It was easier if I stayed unattached.

  When I was sixteen, I was placed in the home of the Carter’s. It was there that I met Ryan, who became the one person I could count on. Together we formed a family that to this day keeps me above water. Ryan is my brother, my rock. He may not be blood, but he is the only true family I have. Nothing will ever change the bond we share. Without him, I’m not sure where I would have ended up. He gave me someone I could count on. In my life that was something new. I had never had someone stand by me, no matter what. Ryan is the greatest gift I could ever receive.

  “Miss Bree, can we practice my cartwheels again? I almost have them, I think.” Abigail’s voice broke through my thoughts, and I smiled down at her. “Of course, sweetie. Your cartwheels are going to be perfect by the time of the recital.” Her toothless grin caused my heart to flutter. I loved to see the sweet smiles on all their faces every time they reached their goals. It made me realize more and more that I needed their success as much as they did. It gave me a sense of accomplishment. I was giving them something to be proud of.

  After the epic failure of Max and me, something good for a change was exactly what I needed. I had put so much hope in our relationship. I longed for a future with him, one that he never really wanted. What he wanted was the naive girl that would always be waiting in the wings, taking the little scraps of attention he threw out occasionally.

  I finally woke up and realized I was worth more than that. The problem was the guy still held my heart in his hands. When I was near him, I felt so raw and weak. I had no chance of survival when it came to Max.

  I knew keeping a safe distance between us was for the best. After the incident at Riley’s wedding, I had a hard time looking at myself in the mirror. I promised myself I wouldn’t fall back into the old pattern with him. I tried so hard to avoid being alone with Max. When he turned into the Neanderthal and threw me over his shoulder, everyone just laughed. I knew the moment he entered the restroom and locked the door behind him, I was fucked, literally.

  So the boy had skills and he knew it. He knew what it took to get me worked up, he knew my weakness. The saddest part was Max was my biggest weakness. Those big chocolate eyes and the heat they held broke down my walls immediately. I love h
im with everything I have in me, but the love is one-sided and that thought cripples me. I couldn’t spend my life waiting for him to feel something more. I couldn’t take the back and forth anymore; it was slowly breaking me down.

  My entire life I have spent so much time trying to gain the love of others. In the end, I’m always the one that ends up being broken. I give it my all and take in return the small amounts I’m given.

  Now as I get older, I have come to realize that there is something seriously wrong with that. I deserve to be loved and cherished. I need to be treasured. For once in my life, I want someone to feel as if he can’t go on without me in his world. I want to be the center of someone else’s world for a change.

  I waited around after class until all the kids were picked up and the room was cleared out. Gathering my things, I decided to slip out for a little bit. I had two hours before I had to be back for the late class. It was just enough time to run a few errands and grab something quick to eat.

  When I walked outside, I found Ryan leaning up against my car, I was a little surprised. He should have been at work. I looked at him, raising one eyebrow in question. “What’s up with this? You playing hooky today?”

  His smile was completely forced, and it only made my stomach tighten in fear. Ryan was always a happy, fun guy. Anytime he came across as serious, he really was. He held up my phone, shaking it back and forth. I reached out and grabbed it from his hands. “Hey, how did you get my phone?”

  “You left it at my place last night.” He paused as he watched me flip though my text messages, before dialing my voicemail. I swallowed hard as I listened to the message Kate had left in the middle of the night.

  I sat down right where I was, on the curb, next to my car. It was more like I fell to my knees as I listened to her words, which all ran together as she cried heavily. My stomach felt hollow with fear. I barely registered Ryan kneeling in front of me. He appeared blurred from the tears that filled my vision.