CREE

by LaShawn Vasser

  Thinking about her brought a smile to her face. Cree wished she were still alive so that she could lay her head on her lap and listen to her sing. It was always so soothing. Just the sound of her voice seemed to make whatever problems she’d had disappear.

  Her thoughts immediately swung to Cameron. He was never too far away from her mind. They never had enough time or money to go to an amusement park. Now, here she was after working her way up to it, standing in line about to experience her first big rollercoaster and he wasn’t with her.

  There was a small nagging ache in her chest because of it. She missed him and wondered what he was doing and after all of this time, if he’d finally given up on her.

  Candice’s voice shook her out of her thoughts. “We’re next guys! Let’s ride this bad boy!”

  The rollercoaster car pulled up in front of them and they got on for the ride.

  *****

  Cameron came home from working a double shift as usual dog tired. Instead of being able to fall into bed and go to sleep, as he had planned, when Cameron walked into the apartment he shared with Freddie; Delia, Gwen, and Robert were there.

  They were all laughing, talking, and having a good time.

  Freddie noticed him first. “Hey Cam. Dude…you look like hell.”

  “Thanks.” He responded sarcastically. “I’m just now getting in from doing a double. How am I supposed to look?”

  Delia went to the refrigerator and pulled out a beer. She handed it to him. “Rough day, huh? You could probably use one of these. You’re not on schedule tomorrow. I know because I checked so you can have a drink with us…at least one.”

  The room quieted down waiting for his response. Everyone was looking at him with concern in their eyes. He was tired of the pitying looks. What the hell? One beer wouldn’t hurt.

  “Let me grab a shower first. I’ll be right back.”

  *****

  Cree was going to be sick. She stumbled off of the rollercoaster and ran over to the nearest garbage can and retched. One thing she could add to her list of likes and dislikes were rollercoasters. It was definitely going on the dislike list.

  “Are you going to be alright, Cree?” Candice asked.

  Cree continued to stare down the bottom of the barrel of the garbage can. “I’ll be fine. You guys go on and have fun. I’m going to go sit over there underneath that canopy by the bumper cars for a bit.”

  “We can’t just leave you here.”

  “Yes, you can and, yes you will. I’m not going to ruin anyone’s fun. Go…please. When you come back I’ll be over there.”

  Tentatively, Candice backed away with her friends, not really wanting to leave Cree alone. Then, she turned to them. “You guys go ahead. I’m going to sit with Cree. The park closes in an hour or so we can meet back up over there.” She pointed to the canopy.

  In the meantime, Cree bought a water and swished her mouth with it before going to sit down on the grass underneath the canopy.

  “Candice, I feel really bad. You didn’t have to stay with me.”

  Candice dropped down next to her. “For what? You’re my guest, I would feel awful leaving you by yourself.”

  Cree laughed half-heartedly. “I’ve learned a lot of things about myself over these past months. But, one thing for sure is rollercoasters are not for me.”

  Candice grinned. “No, I would say they are not. What else have you learned?”

  Cree was contemplative. “Honestly, I’ve learned that I’m stronger than I think and some stuff just doesn’t matter.”

  “Wow. Sounds like you’ve really thought about this.”

  “I have. I left my husband at a time when things were so confusing for me. I’d never been on my own you know?”

  Candice nodded.

  Cree continued. “I spent so much time caring about his needs that I didn’t take care of my own. So, here I am making lists trying to get to know me and attempting to put myself first.”

  “So, what did you figure out?”

  “Well, if we go to the lists…I should graduate next year and I can check that off. I’ve also learned not to just exist during my time alone but enjoy being with myself; and the beach is one of my favorite places to be. It gets lonely sometimes, but I’ve realized I’m not afraid of being alone. I’ve realized I’m enough.” Cree pulled her knees up to her chest. “Let’s see what else, I’ve always known that I have a passion for sewing and when I graduate I plan to turn that into a career. That’s really the big stuff.”

  “You have had quite a few A-ha moments. What about the dislikes? And, the stuff that’s just not really important?”

  “Hmm…I dislike eggs. I hate them. I used to eat them all the time but I’ve come to realize, I absolutely hate them. Rollercoasters are not for me as you can see and life just isn’t as sweet without Cameron in it. I just don’t know how to fix it with him.”

  “Why don’t you just call him and tell him. That’s a start.”

  “I wish it were that simple.” Cree rocked back and forth, “He’s going to be a fantastic doctor. He’s doing his residency at Presbyterian Hospital. Do you know how many people would kill for that opportunity? I’d hold him back. And, I just can’t move back to New York. That’s a fear I haven’t managed to conquer yet. Maybe one day.”

  *****

  Cameron showered and changed into his favorite clothes, sweats and a t-shirt. When he came out into the living room they had ordered pizza.

  Robert was sitting on the floor next to Gwen, Freddie was sitting in his recliner and Delia was sitting on the sofa watching a movie.

  There was nowhere left for him to sit except next to Delia. He stalled for just a little while longer by going into the kitchen and grabbing a beer.

  Robert and Gwen stood up. He spoke. “Okay. Now that everyone is here, meaning Cam finally brought his ass out of the shower, Gwen and I have some news. We got engaged last night!”

  She held up her finger to show off her engagement ring. Gwen and Delia’s squeal was deafening.

  Cameron was genuinely happy for them. “Congrats you two.” He hugged Gwen and shook Robert’s hand. “Honestly, it’s about time.”

  Freddie joked. “I hope you’re ready for the old ball and chain.” He got up to hug and shake their hands too. “Just kidding. Congratulations. I’m happy for both of you.”

  They spent a considerable amount of time celebrating Gwen and Robert’s engagement. It took Cameron back to when he proposed to Cree. He didn’t even have a ring at the time, but she glowed as if he’d given her a 5 caret yellow diamond. The thought of her made him a little melancholy. He decided he could use some fresh air and managed to slip out onto the balcony.

  A few moments later, he heard the sliding patio door open and close.

  “It’s a beautiful night. The stars are really twinkling.” Delia looked up into the inky night sky.

  “I hadn’t really noticed.”

  She wrapped her arms around herself. “Cameron, I need to say something that’s very difficult to say.”

  Her tone captured his full attention. “That doesn’t sound good.”

  Delia exhaled. “First, I really am sorry about you and Cree. I wasn’t very nice to her when she moved here and I was especially horrid to her at my birthday party. I was beastly because I was jealous.” Delia rushed on before she lost her nerve, “I’ve been in love with you since the day we met.”

  Cameron shouldn’t have been shocked, but he was. “Delia, I’m sorry if I ever did anything to lead you on but I love my wife. I plan to get her back.”

  She looked at the floor, “I know that now. She was the reason for that spark in your eyes and it’s been missing ever since she left. I just hope that one day, I’ll find a man who’ll love me the same way you love her.”

  “He’s out there for you, Delia. You’re beautiful and smart and he’s out there.”

  “Thank you for that. I just wish there was something I could do to help fix things with Cree for you.”

>   Cameron shrugged then lifted bright eyes toward Delia. “Maybe there is?”

  Intrigued, Delia responded, “What? Just tell me.”

  Chapter 20

  It was eight o’clock and class was finally over. Students were rushing to and fro as Cree gathered up her sketchpad and textbook.

  One of her classmates, Michael Rojas stopped by her desk on his way out. “Hey Cree, a few of us are going to head over to The Spot to grab a quick bite for dinner. Why don’t you join us?”

  She smiled as she put her things into her bag. “That sounds like fun, but I don’t think so. Maybe next time.”

  Michael smiled cockily. “Well, that’s progress. I’ve been asking you out all year, and at least this time you didn’t completely shut me down. Maybe next time, you’ll even say yes.” He winked at her as he walked out of the door.

  Cree was being polite but was completely unaffected.

  Another classmate who sat next to Cree leaned over. “My goodness, he’s hot! I can’t believe you keep turning him down. Do you know women like me fantasize about men like him? Let’s see he’s gorgeous, he’s gorgeous, and he’s gorgeous! All six-feet two inches of him. Those hazel eyes, smooth caramel skin, chiseled jaw line, and that body. Tall, dark, and handsome. Whew,” she said fanning herself. “Now I need a cold shower.”

  Jill always made Cree laugh. “First off, I’m five or six years older than Michael. And, secondly, did you forget, I’m married.” She held up her hand and wiggled her ring finger.

  “Once a person is of legal age, I just don’t think it matters. Age is just a number if there’s real chemistry. And, aren’t you separated?”

  Cree wasn’t about to discuss her marital situation with Jill. “There’s zero chemistry between Michael and me. At least on my end. My sole reason for being here at Jackson is to finish my degree. I won’t let anything or anyone stand in the way of that.”

  “Are you going home this weekend?”

  “I’d like to but probably not. This final exam looks like it’s going to be a bear. I think I’m going to stay and study.”

  The two of them walked out of the class room toward the parking lot.

  Summer was in the air. The flowers were in full bloom, and the manicured campus lawn was incredibly green. They continued to walk from Ashton Hall through the courtyard towards the parking lot. “It’s still really nice outside. I love it when the weather is warm like this but not humid.”

  Cree agreed. She remembered walking through the grounds on a night almost identical to this one with Cameron. She wondered how he was doing. They hadn’t talked in a while, but it had been even longer since she had seen him, almost a year. When Cree asked for space after his visit at Pa Pa’s last summer, he’d given it to her.

  Cree pointed towards her car, “My car is over here. I’ll see you next week.” Cree went in one direction and Jill went in another.

  She was fumbling in her purse for her keys when she heard a familiar sound. Impossible. She had Cameron on the brain and it was causing her to hear things that weren’t there.

  Cameron cleared his throat again.

  Cree slowly looked up from her purse and froze.

  He wasn’t a figment of her imagination. Was he really standing in front of her?

  Yes. Cameron stood in front of her car wearing a pair of blue jeans, a white t-shirt, and a cotton jacket. He tightly gripped a bouquet of daisies in his hand.

  She could tell he was nervous because the flowers in his hands were shaking, but his eyes couldn’t get enough of looking at her. Cameron had missed Cree like crazy and stayed away for as long as he could.

  “Hi.”

  It was as if her tongue was stuck to the roof of her mouth. To say she was shocked to see him in Jackson was an understatement. “Wh…what are you doing here?”

  He swallowed. It wasn’t exactly the welcome he’d hoped for, but he’d take it. “I was hoping…if you haven’t eaten yet, maybe I could take you to dinner.”

  “Oh.”

  He nodded. “I know you think I have a thick skull and that I don’t listen and most of the time you’re right. I heard every word you said the last time we really talked. I’d love it if you’d give me a chance to prove it. I promise all I’m asking for is dinner and a chance to get to know you better.”

  Cree focused on the flowers and how tightly he was holding them.

  “We can go wherever you want.”

  “Are those for me?” Cree tilted her head and pointed at them.

  Cameron hadn’t realized they were still in his hands. He was afraid to get any closer because he was desperate to touch her and worried that he wouldn’t be able to control himself. He was even more afraid that she might push him away.

  “I know you used to like daisies so…”

  Cree reached out for them. “I still do. They are beautiful. Thank you.” She had missed him like crazy.

  She finally smiled. “I am pretty hungry. I’d love to go to dinner with you.”

  Relieved he let out an anxious sigh. “Great! Where would you like to go?”

  A cheeky grin spread across her face. “I’ve been eating a lot less red meat lately; maybe we could try Mario’s Pub?”

  *****

  Dinner was fantastic. It wasn’t the food that made it incredible, it was the company. Cameron and Cree sat for hours and talked. He would sit and listen to her for even longer if she would let him.

  Cameron took a sip of his water. “How are your classes coming along?”

  Cree’s eyes lit up. “They’re good. It’s hard to believe I have one year almost finished and one more to go.”

  “Did you ever declare a major?”

  “I did. I’m a Liberal Arts major.” She smiled sarcastically. “Surprising, huh?”

  “Not really. You’ve always been really creative.” Cameron looked into his glass. “So, are you seeing anyone?”

  Cree coughed. “Like dating?”

  He hesitated. “Yeah, like dating.”

  “Well, if I remember correctly, I am still a married woman. So, no.” She took a sip of her water before nervously responding. “You?”

  That brought a wide grin to his face. Cameron reached across the table to touch her hand, thankfully, she didn’t pull away. “That husband of yours, he’s a lucky guy and no, I’m not.”

  “I would have thought Delia would have been over the moon with us separating.” Cree held her breath.

  “There was never anything between us before and there was nothing between us after you left. I haven’t dated anyone.” He wanted to tell her that his heart belonged to her since he was fifteen but thought it better to leave it unsaid for now.

  All Cree could do was look down at her plate.

  “So, discovered any new hobbies lately?”

  Cree laughed. “Subtle aren’t you? Well, actually, yes. I’ve learned a few things about myself. I don’t like rollercoasters but I love rollerblading. I’m learning to swim because the beach is one of my favorite places to think, and I hate mysteries; movies and books. Oh…and I hate eggs.”

  “You hate eggs? We used to eat omelets for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.”

  “I’m going to quote you here, “Eggs were cheap and filling”. I could never have another one in my lifetime and be fine with that.”

  They laughed. “Got it. So, no eggs. Rollerblading…yes. Rollercoasters…no. Beach…definitely a yes. Maybe we could go together sometime.”

  A waitress came over to their table. “I’m sorry we’re about to be closing in a few minutes. I can take the check when you’re ready.”

  Cree sighed. “The time really did fly by and now we’re being put out. I guess that’s our cue.”

  Time really did pass by quickly. Cameron was nowhere near ready to take Cree home, but then, he’d never been ready to let her go.

  He paid the check and they left the restaurant.

  The closer they drove back to the school parking lot, the quieter they became.

  Cree att
empted to sound light hearted. “So, how long are you going to be here before you head back to New York?”

  Cameron stared straight ahead. He didn’t answer at first. He turned to her. “I’m not going back to New York.”

  Her mouth almost fell open. “What? What happened to your residency? My god, I hope taking all of that time off for me didn’t cause you to lose it!”

  He smiled at the concern in her eyes. “No. It was nothing like that. It’s just once I realized you weren’t coming back, there was nothing left for me in New York.”

  The darkness had fallen and Cameron pulled up next to her car in the almost deserted parking lot.

  Cree searched his eyes. “But,” she hesitated. “Presbyterian was so important to you.”

  “Yeah. It was. But, it was never more important to me than you.” He paused. “It took some time but Mr. Thornton pulled some strings. So, I will be finishing my last year of residency at Jackson Hospital.” Delia felt bad about how she treated you, so she talked to her dad.

  She was stunned.

  While his voice held hints of joking, his eyes were serious and vulnerable. “Maybe…you’d let me take you out from time to time and give me a chance to make you fall in love with me again.”

  Cree parted her lips to speak. She held back as if having second thoughts but then continued on. “Cameron, in my quest to find me, I never stopped loving you.”

  She reached out and caressed his cheek. He closed his eyes and reveled in her touch. He then turned his head into her soft hands and kissed them.

  “God, Cree. I’ve missed you so much. I just want to find a way for us to figure this out. I get that you don’t want to come back to New York, that’s why I came back here to Jackson. I don’t want to lose you.”

  She couldn’t believe he’d given up Presbyterian for her. She whispered, “Cameron…you could never lose me,” Cree crawled closer to him.

  Cree cradled his face in her hands while gazing into his eyes. She then slowly lowered her head and gently pressed her lips to his.