The Firsts Series Box Set

by M. J. Fields

  “So sad.” She sighs as she shuts the door.

  “Well, hopefully, he’s up there now, ya know?” I point to the sky, to Lily, to God.

  We start walking toward the mansion, and I see Maddox Hines walking toward us.

  “Maddox Hines, Keeks. Don’t go all mushy like his fans, okay?”

  “I don’t even know him,” she whisper-hisses.

  “Well, keep that shit to yourself, too. Could bruise his ego.”

  Maddox holds out his hand. “Mitch, right?”

  I nod and shake his hand.

  “I’m Keeka, a friend of Logan’s and Elle’s.”

  He smiles at her and nods.

  “I mean, London,” she corrects herself.

  He shakes her hand. “They’ve had a horrific time. Haven’t slept much, but I know they’ll be glad to see you. Follow me.”

  We follow him in through the back door, take off our shoes that are covered in snow, and follow him down the hall.

  “He’s in here.”

  When Logan turns around, I point at him, start to say something, but then Keeka runs toward him, crying, “You didn’t answer your phone. I saw your truck on the news, and you didn’t answer your phone.”

  Logan starts to talk, but she continues, “Is Elle—I mean, London, okay? Is everyone—”

  “We’re good, Keeks. We’re fine.” He hugs her tightly and rubs her back.

  “Thank God.” She steps back and gives me an apologetic look. I nod as I look at Logan.

  “Wasn’t for me to divulge, man.”

  “I get that. Just feel like an idiot that I never put two and two together.” I give Logan a hug, then step back and chuckle. “Totally blown away.”

  When whatever song Logan has as a ringtone goes off, Keeka hands him his phone. “We snatched this from Black Betty.”

  “Thanks, Keeka.” He sighs as he looks at the screen. “Fuck.”

  When my phone rings, I answer it. “Hey, Coach.” I pause and look at all the eyes on me. “I’m here with him now. He looks good, but, you know, he’s Logan.” I look up. “I’ll give him the message.” All eyes are still on me when Coach asks about Elle being London. “It’s true. She’s London.”

  “She’s to be left the fuck alone,” Logan demands.

  I turn my back on him and start walking away. “Sure was him.”

  I end the call then turn around as Brody Hines walks into the room. Keeka is gaping.

  He smiles kindly. “I’m just a concerned father today.”

  Logan nods at her. “It’s all chill, Keeks. I promise.”

  “It may not seem like it right now, but it is.” Lisa walks in behind him, and I look past her, needing to lay my eyes on my girl.

  Keeka asks her, “Elle’s—I mean, London’s roommate, right?”

  “Yeah.” Lisa nods and looks down. “For now.”

  “What do you mean, for now?” Keeka asks.

  “Lisa may be taking the rest of the semester off,” the woman behind her, her mother I assume, replies for her

  “Why?” Keeka asks.

  Fuck, Keeka, I think as I look down the hallway, still searching for Jamie.

  “To begin healing,” a man responds, probably Lisa’s dad.

  “Did she get hurt?” Keeka asks.

  “As a matter of fact, she did. She has seventeen stitches in her arm,” her mother answers.

  I look at Logan, about ready to ask where Jamie is, and he mouths, “She’s fine.”

  “But it’s emotionally we’re concerned with,” Lisa’s father adds.

  “Celebrate that you’re alive, girl,” Keeka tells Lisa. “Twenty-seven others wish they could right now.”

  “But we mourn their deaths,” Lisa’s mother seems to scold her.

  Keeka shakes her head. “I bet they’d be celebrating that they were still alive if given a chance.”

  “How can you be so sure?” Lisa’s dad scolds her.

  Fuck that. I step forward, but Logan puts himself between Keeka and Lisa’s father.

  “I don’t know your name, sir, but she’s not being disrespectful, so I’m gonna ask you not to treat her disrespectfully.”

  “Let’s all take a moment to realize we’re all on the same team here,” Maddox interjects.

  “Let’s.” Keeka nods. “Let’s think about what Jones and Downs would be doing right this moment.”

  “Are they …?” I hear Elle—I mean, London—say and turn as she finishes, “Dead?”

  “Keeka,” I whisper because she’s being real fucking blunt right now.

  She doesn’t look at me. She looks at London. “Jones is. Downs is in critical condition at University.”

  The two of them hug, and Keeka whispers to London, “We mourn, we give them respect, then we live like they’d want us to, London. You live because you can. They would want that.”

  “Did you know them?”

  I look up as Brody Hines, London’s stepfather walks in.

  Where the fuck is Jamie? I want to scream.

  When she rounds the corner, I can’t control every fucking feeling from erupting.

  I point at her. “You’re fucking lucky you’re okay.” I step around everyone to get to her, and her fucking face scrunches up and tears spill. I pull her into me and hug her tightly, possibly too tightly. “Jesus Christ, Jamie.”

  She wraps her arms around me and squeezes me tightly back. “I’m fine.”

  I grab her face and wipe her tears with my thumbs. “Wasn’t gonna believe it till I saw it. No more shit. None.”

  “Okay,” she whispers.

  I hug her and inhale deeply. “You look tired, Flower.”

  She sniffs. “Yeah, been a rough night.”

  “Fuck.” I hold her closer.

  She whispers, “I’m sorry.”

  Jamie

  Still cocooned in warmth and the smell of him, he drags me down the hall, only releasing his hold with one arm to open a door and pull me inside a room. When I look up, I realize it’s the spare bedroom that the girls and I shared last night.

  He turns us and sits me on a bed. Kneeling down, he takes my hands. “Jesus, Jamie.” His green eyes are wild and narrowed as he looks me over. Every inch of exposed flesh is inspected.

  “I’m okay, Mitch,” I try to assure him, my voice breaking.

  “Did you get checked out? Did you go to the hospital, baby?”

  Baby? He’s never called me that. Ever.

  I wipe away the tears, so he doesn’t see them. “No. Lucas’s wife checked us out. She’s a nurse. She took Lisa to the hospital. Christy went with them. I stayed with Ell—I mean, London and that whole …” I shake my head.

  “That whole crew are just normal people.” He reaches up and wipes my tears, then cups the side of my face. “They love her and want to make sure she’s okay. And Jamie, I …” He stops and rolls his eyes. “Don’t you ever not message me again, okay? I don’t give a damn if …” He stops again and pulls me down off the bed. He sits back, holding me tightly. “Never a day without something, okay? Not ever again.”

  “You were mad at me. I thought we ended—”

  He pulls me back and holds my face firmly in his big hands. “I was terrified of you taking off on a bus, okay? Afraid some fucking accident would take you away from me. I was an ass.” He pulls me in for another tight hug, rubbing his hands up and down my back in almost a frenzy. “And we didn’t end anything. I have a sock monkey to prove it.”

  I try to laugh. “His name is Giddy.”

  “His name could be dirt, and he’s gonna forever be my favorite Christmas gift ever.”

  “I love the cup, too.”

  “Lame. I’ll do better next Christmas, okay?”

  “Wasn’t lame at all.”

  We hold each other for a while, two people who care about each other’s wellbeing, even if it feels like more than that. We both know it won’t ever be, but in the wake of tragedy, nothing feels as soothing as this.

  He pulls back, cups my chin
, and looks me over again like a parent would a child. Well, one who hadn’t literally broken their heart.

  “Baby, talk to me. Say whatever you need to. I have really big fucking shoulders; lay it on me.”

  “I’m—”

  “Okay? You keep saying that, but what you just went through …” He shakes his head back and forth. “Fuck.” He pulls me into a hug again. “I’m here.”

  “I’m doing really good. I’m staying strong. I’m alive.” I nod, and he nods along with me, his eyes misting over. Another sob escapes me. “Is Jones really dead?”

  “She shouldn’t have blurted that out.” He holds me tighter.

  “He bought us our last drink before”—I sob—“before we went to the bathroom and the gunshots, and Elle—I mean London …” I lean back and see a tear spill from his eye. I wipe it away. “I knew there was something about her, something different.” I sniff as I continue to wipe his face. “I knew she had secrets like us.”

  “They all come out, though.” He pulls me in and kisses me. It’s soft, it’s sweet, it’s—

  He pulls away before I’m ready for him to stop.

  “Not the time nor the place to tell you mine, but—”

  “I don’t need you to tell me. No matter what secrets you have, it doesn’t change who you are to me. Just like Elle—well, London. I know you’ll always be the good part of my college—”

  “I love you, Jamie.”

  I shake my head. “Don’t say that because of this—”

  He pulls me into a tighter hug. “I love you. Pretty sure I loved you since Giddy-up.”

  “It’s because you thought I might—”

  “If you had, and I wasn’t given this opportunity to tell you, I would have never recovered. Whatever part of me still held on to some semblance of hope that I was wrong about love would have died, because … I love you.”

  “You don’t have to.”

  He sighs. “Is love a choice?”

  “Maybe it’s just lust?”

  “I know what love feels like. I’ve loved before and have fought against its strength since meeting it again. I know what a girl looks like when she realizes it. So, do me a favor, Jamie, and don’t be afraid of it.”

  “But this can’t—”

  “Already did, baby.” He kisses me softly again, on the lips, on the cheeks, on the nose, on my forehead. “And love never dies; trust me.”

  “But, people do.” I try to take in a deep breath and, suddenly, I can’t.

  He nods. “Yet love always remains, Jamie.”

  When I don’t reply, he looks at me with grave concern.

  “Can’t. Breathe.”

  “Through your nose, slowly.”

  “Mitch. Can’t.”

  He leans forward and lays me down, pressing on my diaphragm. “From here. Breathe from here.”

  “Mitch—”

  “You’re hyperventilating, maybe having an anxiety or panic attack. Trust me, baby; I’ve fucking got you. Now breathe.”

  “What if—”

  “You’re not gonna die. Might pass out, but you’d start breathing normally again. Now look at me and breathe. One … two.” He smiles softly. “Three … four …”

  He counts each breath until I finally no longer feel like I’m going to freaking die.

  He pushes my hair away from my face. “You ready to sit up?”

  I shake my head.

  He lays down beside me and takes my hand.

  “I’m so sorry.”

  He shrugs. “It happens.”

  “We can’t have babies.”

  “What?” he asks, obviously confused.

  “You don’t believe in God. We can’t ever, so what’s the point?”

  “Well. shit.”

  I smile.

  “That attack was my fault. huh?”

  “No.” I close my eyes and sigh. “And forget I even said anything. It was stupid.”

  “Yeah, well, I’m not pushing anything on you, but I might have to become a believer.”

  I open my eyes.

  He rolls his. “Prayed last night, and He finally answered one.”

  “You prayed?”

  He nods.

  “For me?”

  “Yeah, for you.”

  I close my eyes as tears stream down my cheeks and whisper, “Thank you.”

  It wasn’t long after that before Mitch and Logan left for Syracuse. He didn’t want to leave, and I didn’t want him to, but I knew he needed to be there for Logan, for his team. And I was safe.

  In the aftermath of tragedy, while souls left the earth and angels, no doubt cried, something beautiful happened. A few things, actually.

  He told me he loves me. I know he does, too. I think I knew from the night he caught me midair while sledding.

  Keeka went into labor and, for the possibly hundredth time in less than twenty-four hours, I watched people not bound by proving themselves as Christians inside a building, a church, in a choir, sitting in pews, or behind a pulpit, acting the part where God is most viewed as present, display the most Christ-like behaviors.

  Angels may have cried, God may have, as well, because of the shooting, but no doubt they sang when seeing the acts of love and kindness in abundance for the victims and the community.

  When the majority were at the hospital, and Lisa and Christy were asleep, I couldn’t. So, I walked out and into the kitchen to get a drink of water, and my heart nearly burst for a second time when I saw José sitting at the kitchen island, talking with Harper Hines.

  When he turned and looked at me, relief flooded his face. Then he stood up and walked toward me cautiously. “Gonna hug you, Jamie girl.”

  He did, and I cried.

  “You need to talk to anyone, I’m here,” he whispered.

  “Thanks,” I whispered back.

  Three Days Later

  Standing in my dorm room, pacing, I wait for Mitch to arrive. I even open and shut the door a million times to see where he is.

  “He’s messaged you at least a dozen times a day since Chaos, Jamie; he’ll be here,” Christy says softly.

  “What if he changes his mind and decides …” I stop and flatten my hand against my diaphragm trying to calm the storm before it sucks me in again.

  “He not only bought you a brand-new iPhone to replace the one you lost but had it delivered within two hours of leaving the Hines’ pad just so you could keep in contact.” She smiles. “I’m thinking he’s gonna show.”

  “I’m stupid.”

  “No, we’re stir-crazy, possibly suffering a bit of PTSD, maybe a bit needy, but we’re good.”

  I turn back to Christy and hurry over to her, sitting down and pulling her into a hug. “You miss Lisa?”

  “I miss normal.” Her bottom lip pouts out. “She’s coming back in two days.”

  “Have you heard from your parents?”

  She shrugs. “A couple messages. You?”

  I nod. “Same.”

  A knock on the door has me on my feet and hurrying over to it. I fling it open and find Mitch standing there, looking …

  “You cut your hair?”

  He nods as he looks in my eyes, not up and down me like he has every other time we’ve been in this exact space.

  “You look tired.” He cups the side of my face and pulls me in, kissing my cheek.

  “That’s code for shit, right?” I try to joke, but my voice betrays me.

  He frowns at me and shakes his head. “Always beautiful.”

  I step back as he pulls his other hand from behind his back. I feel emotions swell inside my chest when I see flowers.

  “They don’t look as good as they smell, but I think I nailed it. Sweat pea in the morning, and lavender at night.” He smells the flowers before handing them to me. “What do you think?”

  I inhale and smile as I step back. “Thank you.”

  “Hey, Christy, how are you?” he asks as he walks in, taking my free hand and guiding me in front of him so he can shut an
d lock the door.

  “You know, alive.” She shrugs then cringes when she realizes what she said.

  “That’s a good thing.” Mitch sits on the couch next to her and pulls me down onto his lap.

  Christy’s eyes widen as we look at each other, and mine do the same.

  He smiles. “Nice jammies.”

  “Yeah, well, apparently, the Ross-Hines crew is big on footies.”

  “I seem to remember Elle wearing a pair with a unicorn horn, telling me, and I quote, ‘suck my horn.’”

  I look back, and he smiles again. It’s the soft kind.

  “Well, Jamie has some, too, so … you know.” She shrugs.

  I nod. “Maddox was handing them out like Halloween candy. He said his wife had too many footies.”

  “Feel good to be back?” he asks.

  “Yeah. It sucked being at a mansion with overbearing parents and family members doting over us for five days.” Christy laughs. “Right, Jamie?”

  I shrug. “I mean, we felt safe, right?”

  Mitch moves his leg, so I’m now sitting between him. “You don’t feel safe here?”

  Christy shrugs. “Not sure we’ll feel safe anywhere for a while.”

  “Well, how about you both grab a bag and come hang at our place until the others get back?”

  I shake my head. “No, we couldn’t.”

  “I’d feel a fuck of a lot better if you did.”

  I look up at him. “We wouldn’t want to impose.”

  “It wouldn’t be an imposition, Jamie. And we have a kitchen.”

  “But—”

  “Logan’s room still free?” Christy asks.

  I look at her, and she gives me pleading eyes.

  He shakes his head. “Down’s family’s stuff is there, but you two can take my bed. It’s plenty big.”

  “Perfect.” At that, Christy stands and walks toward her room.

  I look back at him.

  “You not wanna go?”

  “It’s not that. It’s just … you know we’re eight-stories high and can close ourselves off. There—”

  “Didn’t even consider all that. But I assure you that no one will harm a hair on your pretty little head.”

  “And when you leave?”

  “If I have to leave, you go with me. If you can’t, I drive you back here if it still feels safer.”