Chasing Strength: A Small Town Steamy Romance (Harper Family series Book 4)

by Nancy Stopper

  Serena covered Alexis’s hand with her own. “What happened?”

  “What didn’t happen. Let’s see… I got drunk—too drunk—fended off a handsy guy, took an Uber home, and, oh yeah, I said something unforgiveable to Chris. All in all, I think that stacks up as a pretty successful night, wouldn’t you say?” She flopped her head on the back of the couch and closed her eyes. She couldn’t bear to see Serena’s disappointment.

  “I’m sure if you apologize to Chris, he’ll forgive you. That man loves you.” Serena was always upbeat, always with an answer.

  She raised her head. “Does he?” He’d never said it, but she felt it in every look, every touch, every time he made love to her. But she’d spent so many years mired in self doubt that she questioned her ability to discern the truth. “Well, if he did, he doesn’t anymore. I don’t think I could have ruined things more if I cheated on him.”

  “You cheated on him?” Serena’s eyes popped wide.

  “No, silly. Keep up. This was much worse.”

  “What could be worse than cheating on him? I mean, if Chase cheated on me, I think, well, I know what I’d do, because you had to talk me down when I thought he was cheating on me last year when really he was visiting with his sister and I—”

  Alexis raised her hand. “Serena, slow down. I’m working off a five-alarm hangover and this is about me, not you and Chase.”

  Serena grinned. “Sorry.”

  “No, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap.” Alexis didn’t mean to do a lot of things and one of these days, she’d get her act in gear and stop being such an idiot.

  “You didn’t. And you’re right. What did you do?”

  Alexis hadn’t shared the facts of Robin’s death with Serena, only that Chris had lost a sister. For the next few minutes, she filled her sister in on every horrible detail of Robin’s murder… and exactly how Alexis had met Chris that first night.

  While Alexis recounted the story, Serena didn’t say a word. Alexis appreciated not being interrupted. If her sister had started asking questions, she wasn’t sure she could get through the entire thing.

  Once she had worked her way up to last night and the ugly words she spewed, Alexis finally took a breath. “So, what do you think?”

  “You really are an idiot.”

  Boy, her sister didn’t pull her punches. “Tell me something I didn’t know.”

  “Well, you are. Why are you throwing away your chance with a great guy? He’s exactly the kind of man I’ve been hoping you’d find, and you go and blow it.”

  “Really? You never said anything about that. All you guys ever did was harp on me about drinking too much.”

  “You were. The others may not have understood, but I knew that you drank to hide something else. Remember, I’m a twin, too. I know what it’s like struggling to find yourself when you’re one of a pair. And while being single isn’t some fate worse than death, you’ve just been so happy since you met Chris that I…” Serena shrugged. “It seemed like being in a relationship was really satisfying for you.”

  Alexis heaved a huge sigh, thankful Serena had stopped by. This was exactly what she needed to extract her head from her ass and repair the damage she’d caused. “It was, I mean, it is. And of course, you’re probably right. Again.”

  Serena grinned. “Of course, I am. And you love that about me. Let me ask you something. When you were at the cookout last week, you didn’t drink.”

  “Is that a question?”

  “Why didn’t you? Every time we’ve gotten together the past few years, you’ve always had a drink in your hand. There were times you reminded me of Dad.”

  Alexis flinched. She’d worried about the same thing herself. Afraid that she was becoming exactly the person she hated more than anything.

  Serena squeezed Alexis’s hand. “I agree. I hated him, too, even while I loved him.”

  Alexis must have broadcast that last thought, because she certainly didn’t say it. “I guess I didn’t drink because Chris was there.”

  “You think that’s why? Don’t give me the first answer that comes to your mind.”

  Was Chris really the reason she’d cut back on drinking? He didn’t drink, sure, but was that it? She’d been drinking the night they played pool, and he didn’t say a word. It was only when she tied one on and wasn’t okay to drive that he intervened. Maybe it was about her safety and not her drinking.

  He never would have given her the look her siblings had been throwing her way for years. Why? Because he accepted her for who she was.

  The reality was that Chris made her want to be better. For herself, not for anyone else. “Maybe I didn’t drink because I was happy without it.”

  “That’s what we’ve all been hoping you’d realize. Daddy was unhappy… so he drank. Drinking just made him sadder. He never found happiness in the bottom of a bottle, and we didn’t think you would, either. You weren’t ready to hear that. Not from us, at least.”

  Alexis stewed on that a minute. Why didn’t you tell me? It took falling in love with Chris for me to realize that.

  “You wouldn’t have believed us if we’d said anything anyway.” Serena scooted a little closer and rested her hand on Alexis’s knee. “Trust me, we weren’t going to let you get too screwed up before we pulled you back, but you had to figure it out for yourself. I hated seeing you so unhappy. Why do you think I gave you Bandit?”

  “Because I fell for your foster dog spiel like the rest of the family?”

  “I admit, I took advantage of the situation, but I knew you two would be good for each other. I wanted to show you that unconditional love exists.”

  Was that what Alexis had found with Chris? Someone who loved her for who she was, no matter what. Someone who made her want to be better for herself, so that she could be better for him. And for her to be that person that made him want to be better.

  She liked who she was when she was with Chris, but she also knew that she couldn’t tie her happiness to any one person. She had to be happy for herself and then share that with the people around her.

  She buried her face in her hands. “This is so screwed up. I don’t know how to fix it.”

  “I’m sure that you can figure it out. Men don’t fall out of love that easily. I mean, look what Chase put up with before I was ready to let him in.” Serena rose to her feet. “Just be yourself, admit to yourself first and then to Chris that you made a mistake, and ask his forgiveness. Then be better—for yourself, and for him. I like this Alexis. I want to see more of her.”

  Alexis hopped to her feet and threw her arms around Serena. “Thanks so much. How did you know that I needed you today more than ever?”

  Serena tapped her temple. “I always know. Don’t forget that.”

  Alexis grinned. “If you were so in touch with what I needed, where’s my damn coffee?”

  Serena laughed as she closed the door.

  Chapter 24

  Chris faded back and launched a shot that bounced off the front of the rim. “Shit.”

  Zach fielded the rebound and dribbled the ball around Chris for an easy lay-up before he even realized what was happening. “What’s up with you today?”

  Chris extended his hands. “Nothing. Just give me the damned ball.”

  Zach flung the ball at Chris, smacking him right in the gut.

  “Why the hell did you do that?”

  Zach squared up in front of Chris. “To see if it would knock your head out of your ass.”

  Chris bumped Zach’s chest with his own. “Oh, yeah. You think my head’s in my ass?”

  Zach didn’t back off. “So far up that you can’t see daylight. Now are we gonna play or you wanna stand here and stare each other down?”

  Maybe that was why he’d called his buddy to shoot hoops today. He needed someone who wouldn’t take his shit. Not after the night he’d had. He snatched the ball off the ground and bounced it in front of him. “We’re gonna play.”

  For the next twenty minutes, the ba
ll bouncing on the pavement, the thump of the backboard, the brush of their shoes, and the swoosh of the net were the only sounds between them.

  Chris pushed himself, playing harder and more aggressively than he’d played in a long time, his pulse racing, his breath coming in spurts.

  “Uncle.” Zach raised his hands and then dropped his head between his knees, his chest heaving.

  Chris swiped at the sweat on his forehead with his arm while he fought to steady his own breaths.

  Zach ambled over to the bench and snatched two bottles of water out of his duffel, chucking one at Chris while downing half of the other himself. “I’ll ask again… What’s up with you today?”

  Did he really want to talk about this with Zach or just pound the shit out of the ball until he wasn’t angry, or upset, or frustrated? Hell if he knew, but he’d asked Zach to play and Zach was a talker, so subconsciously, he must have wanted to talk. “Things haven’t gone exactly as I thought they would.”

  Zach scrubbed his face with a towel but didn’t respond.

  “I think I blew it with Alexis.”

  “What happened? You two are perfect for each other.”

  “She texted yesterday and said she had some good news. I didn’t get the message right away because I was out at the state tournament baseball game. I even talked to her brother Justin for a few minutes after the game. By the time I responded, she didn’t answer. I figured she was writing or something and didn’t want to be bothered.” He paused, wondering if he would regret this revelation as much as he regretted the fact that he’d done it. But he’d called Zach because he knew his buddy would call him on his shit. “I went to FitzGeralds.”

  “Why? They caught Robin’s killer. You don’t have to be looking for clues or witnesses anymore. Besides, every time you go, you’re reminded of Robin... and not in a good way.”

  Zach was right, of course. He couldn’t pull into the parking lot without his gaze traveling to the patch of woods behind the building. The image of her body, looking as if she was just sleeping, flashed in his mind.

  He’d hoped he could put those demons behind him once and for all. He wanted to move forward with Alexis, and his demons had no place in their future. “I needed closure, and I couldn’t think of a better place.”

  “Did it work?”

  “Maybe. I don’t know.” He blinked sweat out of his eyes. “Alexis was there.”

  “So you saw her after all?”

  Oh, yeah, he’d seen her. He came, he saw, he fucked up again. Sometimes he didn’t know when to keep his mouth shut. But what Alexis didn’t understand, what no one understood, was the anger and fear that coursed through him when he’d seen that guy pawing at her. He didn’t give a damn if she drank. He just didn’t want to lose her the way he’d lost Robin.

  “Yeah, she was out with Jessica.”

  “Oh, that Jessica, man—”

  “Focus, Zach. I don’t want to hear about your exploits right now.” He sucked in a deep breath. “She was celebrating, and she and Jessica was both pretty drunk.”

  “Let me guess… you did something stupid.”

  He sank onto the bench. “Yeah, you could say that. I tried to talk to her. To get her to leave with me. She lashed out at me. Told me that I wasn’t her keeper… and that she wasn’t Robin.”

  Zach smacked him upside the head. “You idiot.”

  “Ouch.” Chris grimaced. He probably deserved that and more.

  “After you opened your mouth, what did you do next?”

  “I was pissed off. I left before I let my anger get the best of me and said something else I’d regret.” Not that he didn’t regret the entire interaction, but it could have been much worse.

  “Just like that?”

  “Not exactly. I asked Dylan to make sure she and Jessica got home.”

  “And…?”

  Zach knew him too well. “I stayed in my truck until I saw them get into an Uber and then I followed them just to be sure.”

  “Of course, you did. Because even when you’re stupid, you can’t help yourself. Did you talk to Alexis?”

  “Not yet. She was in no condition to talk last night. I don’t know what to say to her.”

  Zach scrubbed a towel over his head. “Let me ask you something… What were you thinking when you saw her last night? The very first thing that went through your mind.”

  He didn’t have to think about how to answer. “How much I loved her.”

  Zach’s raised eyebrows were the only sign he was shocked by Chris’s words.

  “I admit it. I’m in love with her. But she scared the shit out of me last night. I don’t know if I can live like that, wondering what could happen to her at any moment.”

  “Is this really about her drinking… or is it about Robin and your parents?”

  Chris leapt off the bench and paced halfway across the court and back again. “I don’t know. I really don’t know. I always said I was never going to fall in love. I was happy being single. That way I didn’t have to deal with losing anyone else I loved.”

  There was that ridiculous eyebrow raise again.

  Okay, maybe he wasn’t happy, but he was content. But now that he’d had a taste of happy, he didn’t want to return to black and white instead of life in full color. Spending time with Alexis had given him a glimpse into what his future could be like. And then he’d screwed it up with his own issues, his own fears, and now it was teetering on the edge. A stiff breeze was all it would take for everything to collapse.

  Zach threw his duffel over his shoulder, and clapped Chris on the shoulder. “The question is, what are you going to do about Alexis? Are you going to let her go and spend the rest of your life moping around… or are you going to fix things with the girl who put a smile on your face after all this time?”

  Chapter 25

  Alexis paced the sidewalk in front of the courthouse. Ever since she’d received Chris’s cryptic text this morning, her nerve endings were firing on all cylinders and her stomach had tied itself in knots.

  Meet me in town in 1 hr. Dress casual. And wear a jacket.

  Did this mean that he forgave her for the way she’d spoken to him the other night or just that he wanted to be in a public place when he told her he didn’t want to see her again? If he was going to break up with her, she’d prefer he did it in private.

  Tears sprang to her eyes. She didn’t want to lose him.

  If someone had asked her a month ago if she would be standing on the street, waiting for the man she loved to join her, she would have laughed in their face. But those same people didn’t know the real Alexis. The Alexis who liked the outdoors, even when it was a hot and sticky June day like today. The Alexis who craved her alone time as much as socializing, and the one who loved her family more than she let on.

  She slipped her phone out of her jeans pocket and checked the time. Three minutes later than the last time and still more than five minutes left. She’d gotten here early, but after she’d changed her outfit three times and finally decided on the fitted tank top and skinny jeans, she couldn’t stare at the walls of her house any longer—their silent whispers telling her she wasn’t good enough for a man like Chris. She thought she’d moved past that, but one regretful comment and her doubts had come roaring back.

  She’d tried calling Serena, but even her sister hadn’t been able to calm her down. Serena thought that this was Chris’s way of making up, but Alexis wasn’t so sure. If that were the case, couldn’t he just have come to her house? And why the hell did he care what she was wearing?

  While she was pondering that thought, the deep rumble of a motorcycle rounded the corner. Chris eased into a parking spot, his biceps bulging as he gripped the handle bars. Damn, that man was hot. She still couldn’t believe he’d noticed her.

  His arrival caught the attention of more than one person, but as he pulled his helmet off, his gaze locked on her. He stepped onto the sidewalk. “Hey.”

  “Hey. I guess we’re going for a rid
e?”

  “If that’s okay with you. I have somewhere I want to take you.”

  She tried to mask her frustration. As much as she loved riding with him, how could they fix anything when she couldn’t even look him in the eye?

  He must have sensed her disappointment. He tucked his knuckle under her chin and raised it. “No worries. We’ll have plenty of time to talk when we get where we’re going.”

  He grabbed her helmet out of the saddlebag and settled it on her head, never breaking eye contact while he fastened the strap beneath her chin. Her gaze traveled to his lips. Would she ever feel his kisses again?

  Without another word, he straddled the bike and then held out his hand to help her on. She threw on her jacket, climbed on, and propped her feet on the rests and settled in for the ride, but he was having none of that. He snaked his arm around her and slid her forward until her entire body was pressed against his. “Stay right there. That’s where you belong.”

  She smiled and slid her arms around his waist as he fired up the engine and pulled away from the curb. Once they left the outskirts of town and the road widened, Chris opened up the bike, forcing her to hold on tighter. Not that she was complaining. She rested her head on his back, enjoying the feel of his body.

  To think that she had almost ruined this because she let her insecurities and self-esteem issues get in the way of her happiness. If he was going to break up with her, he probably wouldn’t take her out of town first. Boy, that would be an awkward ride back. That meant there was hope for them.

  While she hadn’t said all the right things the other night, he had some apologizing to do, too. She couldn’t be involved with a man who was always going to question what she was doing. She had to be with someone who trusted her as much as she trusted him. A man strong enough to weather the storms that she knew for sure were still ahead of her. A partner.

  Alexis lost track of time as she settled into the deep rumble of the bike and the hard planes of Chris’s back, but the sun was high in the sky by the time they arrived in a small town that she’d never been to before. She scanned the downtown area as he drove through, noticing a restaurant and a cute shop right on the main street. And there was a bookstore. She loved walking through book stores, discovering new worlds to explore where she could leave her own behind for a few glorious hours.