I Hate To Love You: A Contemporary Gay Romance

by Oliver, J. P.

  “Does he know? That you’re talking to me again?”

  Isabelle started to wring her hands together, like she was trying to tie her fingers into disastrous little knots. She shook her head again, sinking slightly into her shoulders. “No, he doesn’t. He was quite upset after… After seeing you at the restaurant. I’m hoping to talk with him soon, though. When he’s a bit calmer.”

  “Mom,” I said softly. The word felt foreign on my tongue, but it also felt wonderful to say aloud. “Thank you. Seriously.”

  “Thank you.”

  “For what?”

  “For giving me a chance.” Isabelle smiled as she started to turn to leave. “I’ll let you two be. Try to get some rest, darling.”

  Almost immediately after she left, I quickly drifted off with Mason neatly cuddled in my arms. We were right where we needed to be, right where we belonged.

  Together.

  20

  Mason

  When the doctors determined that I was making steady progress, they released me from the hospital within a week and a half. I was relieved to finally be able to lie down in my own bed. The first thing I did when I got home was strip off all my clothes and slide beneath the silk sheets, burying my face happily into my fluffy pillow. Liam joined me, still a little upset that the hospital didn’t keep me longer.

  “I’m just saying,” he mumbled, “what if something happens?”

  “We live minutes away,” I insisted. “And besides, I’ve got you with me.”

  “Do you want me to play nurse?” he quipped. Liam undressed as well and slipped under the covers with me. He slid over and wrapped me up in his arms, humming contently when he cuddled up next to me.

  “Will you wear a sexy nurse uniform?” I joked, smiling smugly.

  “Do you want me to?”

  I chuckled, wincing slightly as I repositioned myself on the mattress. The doctors had dressed my wound up tight, so it was a little hard to move around without experiencing a bit of stiffness around my stomach. Liam slowly ran his hand down my side, gingerly passing over the gauze, and then applying pressure when he neared my hip. He kissed me tenderly on the back of the neck, sighing softly.

  “Try to get some rest,” I told him.

  “You’re one to talk.”

  I noticed that although Liam held me firmly, there was a slight tremor in his arms. He was uncharacteristically quiet, which left me feeling a little on edge. There was no doubt in my mind that he was still thinking about the attack. The memories hadn’t left my head, either, swirling around in an incoherent, loud, messy blur. I could still hear the echo of the gunshot, could still hear Shawn screaming at us, could still remember what it felt like when the bullet pierced my skin and dug itself into me. It was sharp like a knife, but explosive like fire igniting my body. It knocked the wind right out of my lungs. The only thing that kept me from drifting off entirely had been the sound of Liam calling my name.

  “What if I’d lost you?” he whispered into the back of my neck.

  I rolled over, awkwardly lifting myself up onto my elbows for leverage. The struggle was worth it, though. I lay back down, facing Liam. He stroked my cheek with the back of his fingers, gazing distantly into my eyes. I hated how sad he looked, hated how the guilt smothered itself onto every inch of his face. I pressed my lips to his chastely, placing my palms to his warm chest.

  “You didn’t lose me,” I whispered back.

  “But I could have.”

  “You didn’t,” I stressed. I ran my fingers tenderly over his face, brushing between his freckles like I was connecting the dots on a page.

  “I should have been faster,” he protested. “Maybe I could have stopped him.”

  “Don’t do this to yourself, Liam. You did nothing wrong.”

  “I was scared,” he admitted. “I thought… I thought he killed you.”

  I ran my fingers through his hair, a sudden weight of exhaustion threatening to have me close my eyes. “I’m right here, baby.”

  Liam held me close, eventually closing his eyes. I admired his face silently, waiting for sleep to take me. There was no place I’d rather be than here in his arms, protected from the rest of the world behind the safety of a closed door and cool blankets surrounding us like a soft fort. I loved the way the light peeked through the bedroom curtains, illuminating a streak across Liam’s high cheekbone. I grazed my fingers from the center of his forehead down to the tip of his nose, smiling when Liam let out the tiniest snore.

  It wasn’t long before I drifted off along with him.

  At Liam’s insistence, I took some time off from work. He really was a peach, volunteering to stay over at my place to help me with things like laundry, cooking, cleaning, and changing my bandages. I liked having him around, always fussing over me like a mother hen. I especially loved the view of Liam in my kitchen wearing my cooking apron. It looked comically small on him, cutting off mid-thigh and just barely tied on.

  The faucet squeaked as Liam turned the water off. He quickly wiped his hand on the clean dishrag next to him and made his way over to me. Draping himself over the back of the couch, he ran his hands along my shoulders and down my chest. Liam nuzzled his nose into my hair, taking a deep breath in to admire the scent of my shampoo.

  “You know,” he started smugly, “we have a bit of time before we have to head out for the wedding.”

  “Oh?”

  He crawled over the back of the couch and sat himself down on the empty cushion next to me, leaning in to capture my lips with his own. There was a mischievous glint in his pretty blue eyes. Liam climbed into my lap, pressing his chest against mine as he very deliberately rolled his hips. He cupped my face and kissed me gently, continuing to grind until he was satisfied with how hard I’d become. I rolled my eyes, but couldn’t stop smiling. There was just something wonderful about how right this felt, Liam in my lap with his pupils blown wide with desire.

  “The doctor said no physically exerting activities until I was fully healed,” I reminded, humming against his lips.

  “We can take it slow,” he argued. He reached down and palmed my hard cock through the rough fabric of my jeans. I couldn’t help but whine.

  “Something you want?” I mused.

  “Yeah,” he said flatly. “Your dick in my ass.”

  “Really?”

  “I mean,” Liam kissed me on the tip of my nose, “only if you’re up for it.”

  “You’re seriously going to let me top?”

  “We both know that I have the most big dick energy out of the two of us. I’m going to be a top even if I bottom.”

  I threw my head back and laughed so hard I thought I felt a stitch pop. It turned out to be nothing, though. Liam took advantage of the opportunity and started peppering kisses down the sensitive skin of my throat, growling hungrily as he fought against the temptation of leaving little love bites. We had a wedding to get to, after all, and Drew probably wouldn’t appreciate one of his best men covered in hickeys in all his wedding photos.

  “Okay,” I finally gave in, too aroused and very eager to please. “If you want to.”

  Liam pulled back and raised an eyebrow at me. “I’m going to need a clearer answer than that, honey.”

  “Yes,” I stated. “Will you pretty please ride me?”

  “Like a cowboy?” he chuckled.

  “If you’re into that sort of thing.”

  “Be right back,” he said as he climbed off my lap and headed immediately to the bathroom.

  Liam returned a few minutes later in just his gray boxers, shirt and pants already off and thrown away somewhere. In his hand he had a small bottle of lube and a condom. He returned to me and got down in front of me on his knees. With diligent fingers, he undid the front of my pants and helped me slip them down to my ankles, where I promptly kicked them off. He hooked his fingers over the waistband of my underwear and pulled them off, too, impatient and extremely eager. It wasn’t long before Liam wrapped his lips around the tip of my aching coc
k and started to wildly lick with his tongue.

  I let out a shuddered breath, watching fondly as Liam got to work. It wasn’t like I needed the extra stimulation. Just looking at him in his state of undress was enough to get me going. But I knew by the delightful sounds he made as he swallowed my length that this was more for him than me. He liked to play, liked to bring me to the point of begging before giving me what I wanted. As he bobbed his head up and down, slicked my member with the wet and warmth of his mouth, I couldn’t help but notice the way Liam always made sure to keep his eyes closed.

  “Hey,” I whispered. I ran a hand through his short, dirty blond hair. “You okay?”

  “Yeah,” he rushed. “Why?”

  “Why don’t you ever look at me when you give me head?” I asked, maybe a bit blunter than I intended.

  “Oh, I–” Liam cleared his throat, turning away slightly as his cheeks and the tips of his ears turned pink. “I mean, have you seen you? I’d come in like two seconds.”

  “God, you’re fucking adorable, you know that?” I chuckled. I patted my lap and winked at him. “Hop on up, baby.”

  Liam did exactly that, pulling off his boxers before getting on top of me. I licked my lips, admiring his hard length. I hooked my hand around the back of his neck and dragged him into a slow, lazy kiss. Our tongues slid over one another, in no particular rush to get anywhere important. When Liam hummed, fully content, I shivered as the vibration of his voice rumbled in my own chest. I snaked my other hand around to grab a fistful of his perfect ass, relishing the way he growled.

  “Hurry,” he urged, eyes already closed again.

  “I thought you said we could go slow?” I tormented.

  “I swear to God, Mason, if you don’t–”

  My fingers grazed his sensitive entrance, cutting him off entirely. I quickly popped open the lid of the lube bottle and poured a generous helping onto the tips of my fingers. Normally, I would have warmed the lube between my fingers first, but I could tell Liam was getting impatient by the way he shivered against my touch.

  “You ready, baby?” I asked, breathy in his ear.

  “Yes,” he swallowed. “Yes, please hurry.”

  I inserted a finger, stroking the back of Liam’s neck as I did to encourage him to relax. I worked his entrance slowly, working my way up to a second, and then third finger. The entire time, I pressed kisses into the crook of Liam’s neck, against his bare collarbone, his shoulder. I drank in his smell, admiring the mixed scents of his body wash and aftershave. He clutched to me, nipping at my ear with his teeth, moaning as he writhed against me.

  “Mason, baby, I’m good,” he panted. “Baby, please, let me ride you.”

  “Yeah?” I challenged him. I was so stupidly in love with the way his brows drew together, mouth wide open, eyes full of need.

  Liam shuffled back a little to give me some space. I ripped open the condom package and rolled the rubber over my aching, ignored cock. He promptly lifted himself up onto his knees and slowly aligned himself with my member, lowering himself inch by inch until he could take no more of me. Liam’s back tensed at the initial intrusive sensation. He dug his nails into my shoulders as he let out a low grunt. I groaned, overtaken by the wonderful warmth of Liam’s body.

  “You good?” I asked.

  “Yeah, just give me a sec,” he managed.

  I stroked his cheek with my thumb, kissing his jawline. “Take your time, baby.”

  He started to move slowly, making deliberate and careful movements to avoid hurting me. It took all my strength and willpower not to thrust into him, no matter how glorious it would have felt. Liam seemed dead set on doing all the work, ever-mindful of my injury, so I allowed him to choose the pace. It didn’t take very long before a tight, boiling hot coil began to tighten inside me, threatening to have me spill over as quickly as we’d began.

  “Jesus,” I hissed.

  “What’s wrong?” Liam hummed, very aware of what he was doing to me.

  “Just– Don’t stop.”

  “Didn’t plan on it,” he panted, grinning like a madman.

  “Seriously, how close are you? I don’t think I can–”

  “Don’t worry about it.”

  “I want you to cum with me,” I told him firmly.

  “Is that what you want?”

  With my climax just a few thrusts away, I didn’t much feel like answering him. Instead, I wrapped my hand around Liam’s throbbing cock and started stroking in time with his movements. He let out a pleasant gasp, rutting hard as he came almost immediately, shooting ropes of cum between our chests. I wasn’t too far behind him, entire body shuddering with waves of pleasure as I came hard inside. We eventually came to a still as the final ounces of strength were sapped from our bodies.

  Liam kissed me, slow and true. I loved the way his lips tasted, loved to drag my fingers over the curves of his muscular frame.

  “Let’s get cleaned up,” he said. “We probably shouldn’t keep Drew waiting.”

  “But now I’m tired,” I complained.

  “Poor baby,” he chuckled, as he nuzzled his nose against my jaw.

  “Do you want to shower together?” I suggested.

  “You just want an excuse to see me all soapy.”

  I shrugged, feigning innocence. “I have no idea what you mean.”

  Liam grinned and carefully got off my lap and stood, taking me by the hand. He dragged me up from the couch and led me toward the bathroom. “You’re such a bad liar,” he joked as we made our way together.

  Epilogue

  Liam

  The wedding was wonderful. It was a small wedding –no more than thirty-five guests– hosted in a small chapel that was squeezed in between two massive high-rise buildings in downtown New York. The chapel gave off a rustic feel, dwarfed by the massive modern city that surrounded it. The new venue that Mason and I wound up selecting for Drew’s after-party was only a few blocks away, located in a gorgeous hotel ballroom that was often used for major conferences and the occasional debutante ball. The hotel owners were more than happy to host a wedding for Drew and Christian, the happy couple.

  The wedding ceremony itself was short and sweet, held by Philip, who had earned his ordination online somehow. I decided not to question it since Drew didn’t seem to have a problem being married by one of his friends. Mason and I sat in the front row of white-painted wooden benches that filled the chapel’s main hall, just across from Drew’s and Christian’s family members on the other side of the aisle. But just as Drew’s attention was fully captured by his husband-to-be, my attention belonged completely to Mason.

  He looked incredibly handsome in his fitted navy-blue suit, matched with a light gray button-down collared shirt and a pair of polished black shoes. I couldn’t believe that just a few months ago, I would have steered clear of a guy like Mason. Too prim, too proper, too overtly mightier-than-thou. But now I couldn’t get enough of him. I was drawn to his slender form, his polished ensemble, the gentle slope of his shoulders, and his wonderfully long legs. He never dressed like this when we were home together, preferring to lounge around in sweatpants and baggy old shirts I’d normally use to go to the gym. There was something charming about it, in a way. I liked that he was comfortable enough around me to just let loose, to allow me to see him completely relaxed. It felt like a privilege.

  Drew and Christian walked in, hand in hand, until they were standing at the front podium in front of Philip, who was waiting on a tiny raised platform. They were dressed in a similarly formal fashion, but even combined, I didn’t think they held a candle to my man sitting next to me.

  “Dear friends and family,” started Philip, clearing his throat to gather the congregation’s attention. “We’re gathered here today to celebrate something truly wonderful. We never know when love will find us. It’s impossible to know when we’ll find another soul that completes us in the most inexplicable of ways. And for Drew and Christian, this is very much the case. When it comes to love, when
you know, you know.”

  Out of the corner of my eye, I watched a sweet smile bloom across Mason’s lips as he watched the ceremony unfold. My chest suddenly felt heavy, the palms of my hands distressingly sweaty. I was glad that we were able to get this far, to put everything behind us. I honestly couldn’t remember the last time I’d been this happy, and Mason was definitely the reason for it. Philip was right –when you knew, you knew.

  “I understand that you two have written your own vows?” inquired Philip. The couple nodded, gleefully smiling at one another. “Drew, would you like to go first?”

  Our best friend took a huge breath, a little jittery being up in front of a crowd. He’d never been good at giving public speeches, but the warm look Christian gave him seemed to help him concentrate.

  “I never thought I’d meet someone who could learn to know me inside and out,” he started. “You’ve seen me at my best, and you’ve seen me at my worst. You make me want to strive to be better. And I know that even if I fail, if I stumble, you’ll always be there to help me back up. And that’s why I vow to do the same for you. I vow to be with you for as long as you’ll have me, because I love you with all my heart.”

  Beside me, Tommy sniffled, quickly wiping away at his teary eyes.

  “You okay, dude?” I whispered.

  Tommy nodded. “It’s just so beautiful,” he said, fighting to hold back the floodgates. I never knew the guy could get so emotional.

  Philip turned to Christian next on his little platform, nodding to signal that it was now Christian’s turn. He dipped down and took both of Drew’s hands into his own. “Drew,” he began, “you make me so unbelievably happy that sometimes I think I’m dreaming.”

  Philip let out the tiniest little aww.

  “I don’t ever want to be without you. And I promise to do everything I can to make sure you get to live the life you deserve. I hope you’ll always keep me by your side so that we can make new memories together that we can cherish forever.”