Dirty at 30 (Love Without Batteries Book 1)

by Cassandra Lawson

  VIV1990: The Grim Reaper?

  VIV1990: No, it’s probably best not to think of death when we're having sex. Unless we're talking about La Petite Mort.

  ME: La Petite Mort?

  VIV1990: You know. The little death. So, I guess you are uncut. I’ll have to see your cute little guy to know how I feel about that.

  This was fast becoming the craziest chat I’d had with any woman on this site, and she’d seemed like the sanest when we’d started talking. I knew I should just end the chat, but for some reason, I continued on with the insanity.

  ME: It is never okay to use the words cute or little when talking about anything related to my dick.

  Now, I felt like an idiot. We weren’t having sex. She wasn’t going to get a personal introduction to Excalibur. Yes, I’d named my dick Excalibur. I’d always been kind of nerdy, and I wasn’t about to apologize for it.

  VIV1990: I can’t wait to meet your Wee Willy Winky and see his hood. This will be an adventure. Just make sure you clean the little guy first. I’ve heard they can be dirty.

  ME: I don’t think this is going to work out.

  VIV1990: Why not? Is the sweet winky being shy and doesn’t want to come out? Mommy can coax him out.

  Nope. There was no way in hell she could coax him out. I was circumcised, something Excalibur was still angry with my parents for, but I didn’t feel the need to share that with a complete stranger.

  ME: Sorry, but I don’t think we’re compatible.

  VIV1990: Okay. Hope you find the right woman. It was fun talking to you.

  That was the best part of online dating. Awkward conversations usually ended on a positive note. The women I turned down had other profiles to look at. The bad part was that I was beginning to wonder if I was the problem. How could it be that I’d chatted with so many women, yet I hadn’t been willing to meet with even one of them? This one I had good reason to avoid. Excalibur did not approve of her.

  When my phone buzzed, I was tempted to ignore it, figuring it was another notification from the dating site, but I decided to check it and found a text message from my stepmom, Brook.

  BROOK: MissFixIt.

  ME: This must be my day for strange conversations. Care to tell me what you’re talking about?

  BROOK: I found the perfect woman for you on your dating site.

  ME: Are you looking at women’s profiles to find one I’ll like?

  BROOK: Just check her out. She’s exactly what you’ve been looking for.

  ME: Thanks. I’ll check. Love you.

  BROOK: Love you, too.

  Opening the site up again, I typed in the profile name to search for MissFixIt and nearly swallowed my tongue when I saw the hot blonde standing in front of an impressive workbench with a tool belt around her hips. The picture made it obvious this woman liked to work with her hands, and she didn’t need a man to change a light bulb for her. Her well-worn jeans and tight black t-shirt hugged her sexy curves, making my dick throb with arousal. She was hot as fuck, and she was also my best friend’s older sister, a fact Brook already knew.

  The last time I’d seen Chelsea, she’d been so drunk, she’d thought my name was Jake. Since I’m not the type to get turned on by drunk women, I’d been in no way interested that night. There had been this part of me that had assumed my adolescent crush on her was over when I’d had no reaction to her, but seeing this picture proved I was far from over Chelsea. I was definitely going to spend more time around MissFixIt.

  Author’s Note

  Dear Reader,

  I never expected to write a contemporary romance, and now that I have, I already have three other books planned. This was a unique experience for me, and an exciting new adventure in my writing career. It is still my intention to continue writing paranormal romance, as well. I have a at least one more book planned in the Moon Virus series, and quite a bit planned for the Spells that Bind series. As for my contemporary romance, Chelsea and Delaney’s stories will be released next year. I will also be introducing you to Delaney’s cousin as I begin a hot new rocker series.

  To keep posted on the details of my next book, or just to see what I’m up to, you can follow me on Facebook or Twitter.

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  About The Author

  Cassandra Lawson lives in the San Francisco Bay Area with her husband and her two youngest children. When she is not writing, she enjoys spending time with her family, listening to music, or curling up with a good book.