by t. h. snyder
Thankfully, the trip to Ames isn’t too bad. It’s a hike, but all the same, it’s worth it.
As I merge onto the highway, I open the sunroof and draw down the windows. The wind ripping through the car feels good running through my hair. I stick my hand out the window and let the gust of air pull my hand back and forth.
I crank up the volume to the stereo when the next song comes on.
This is a song I’ve heard a million times, but today...right now, I can’t get over how it’s causing a swarm of butterflies to whirl around in the pit of my stomach.
I hit the back button on the screen and listen to each word, taking in the pure meaning of the lyrics and how it fits so well with the relationship I’ve developed with Loudon. I sing and hum along to the chorus and the few words I do know with the band.
This is it…Howie Day, you’ve just told my story. It’s no joke that Loudon and I have found one another…we did Collide.
When I needed someone the most, he found me.
No matter how much I wanted to push him away in the beginning, he stuck by me.
In my darkness, he was the one that wanted to pull me into his light.
I continue the rest of the way, heading to Ames in a Loudon induced fog.
It’s only been a few days since I saw him, but something about the anticipation of being near him has me giddy.
Geez, what is up with me…I’m giggling, I’m smiling and I’m giddy.
I can feel the happiness coming through my pores and I can’t get enough of it.
I’m only a few minutes away from the Clarke’s house as I pull off the highway and onto the Ames exit.
Glancing into the rearview mirror, I see a smiling face starring back at me.
Well, hello there, Zar Evans, glad to have you back girl.
I look back to the road and navigate myself to Loudon’s house. I watch as the town flies past me, with all the little shops, restaurants and the pizzeria where we met.
This town has always felt so comforting to me, even years ago when we came to look at the college for Zeke. There’s just something about it that is so inviting and welcoming.
Pulling into the Clarke’s driveway, I’m so excited to see him that I could seriously bounce out of my seat.
I can’t wait to see him, be near him and touch him.
As I jump out of the bug, I can see Loudon step down off the porch and walk around the front of the house.
“Hey!” I shout.
My feet freeze in place as I watch him come toward me. He’s still wearing his track pants and a white tee-shirt that is clinging to his body.
He appears to be covered in sweat. What the hell was he doing before I got here?
“Hey, doll,” he says, leaning in to kiss me.
Our lips briefly touch, but the air is still sucked out of my lungs.
I stand there like an idiot, hypnotized from the look in his eyes.
Loudon laughs and reaches for my hand.
“Sorry,” I say.
“No need to be sorry Zar, I like that I effect you like this. It’s cute,” he says
“Umm, okay,” I say, feeling a bit embarrassed.
“I’m not quite ready to go yet. I kind of locked my keys in my car and had to run home. I was just waiting for you to get here before heading inside.” He says looking down at the driveway. “I was a little sidetracked when I got out of my car and forgot to grab them.”
I can’t help it; I burst out laughing and try to contain my hysterics by covering my mouth with my free hand.”
“Are you laughing at me?” He asks, taking his hand away from mine.
I shake my head no, but can’t seem to pull myself together. The smirk on his face is priceless.
“Oh you’re in trouble now, Zar,” he says, picking me up and tossing me over his shoulder.
I let out a scream and smack him on his back.
“Don’t try to get out of this, little miss thing. You think you’re all bad ass laughing at me, well who’s laughing now? Huh? Yeah that’s what I thought,” he says while punching in the code to the garage.
“Loudon please put me down. I’m sorry for laughing at you,” I plead through giggles.
“Well okay, since you asked me so nicely.”
He slides me down the front of him and I can feel his warm body and the sweat between our clothes. His arms come up around me and pull me in closer to him. I can feel him start to laugh with the vibration of his chest against my body.
“Eww, Loudon. You’re so gross. Now I’m all covered in your hot mess…yuk!” I screech.
He slowly pulls away, but not enough for me to escape his arms.
“Aww, come on Zar, I missed you,” he says, bending down to give me a kiss on the forehead.
How the hell can I even attempt to be mad at him when he says that? Instead of fighting his hold, I lean into him more and reach my arms around his waist.
“See isn’t that better than fighting me?” He asks.
“Mmhhmm,” I reply.
“Let’s head inside and I’ll take a quick shower. If you want I can get you a clean shirt and hoodie.”
“Yeah, thanks,” I respond as he pulls me into house.
I follow him as he guides me through the kitchen, into the living room and toward the staircase.
Not quite sure what’s about to happen or if I should continue to follow him I stop in my tracks.
Loudon starts to pull me toward the steps and feels the tug that indicates I’ve stopped walking.
He turns and looks at me.
“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” He asks.
I nod gesturing that I’m okay.
“Then why did you stop?” He asks.
I shrug my shoulders. I have no clue why I’ve stopped, well actually, yes I do.
He sits down on the step and pulls me into him.
“Zar, I don’t know what you’re thinking unless you talk to me. Don’t be scared or worried about what I’ll think. I told you I’m here for you, just talk to me.”
I take in a deep breath and let it out.
“Loudon, I like you…you know that. It’s just, ugh I don’t know,” I say, shaking my head.
“Zar, spill it,” he says, starring into my eyes.
Those bright green eyes grab me every time and it’s almost impossible to fight their pull.
“Loudon, I’m being a stupid girl. You don’t understand; this is all so new to me. Everything about you, me and us it’s like a whole new experience for me. But for you, you’ve done all of this stuff and I feel like…I don’t know, stupid.”
“Zar, first of all you are far from stupid. Whether I’ve done anything with anyone before, it doesn’t matter anymore. Right now it’s you and me, that’s it,” he pulls me closer so that we are mere inches from each other.
“Yeah, I can see that it’s just you and me right now. I just hate that I have to second guess everything that we do because I’m scared.”
“There is nothing to be scared of when you are with me. I haven’t done anything to hurt you and I promise I never will. I want to help you, protect you and keep you by my side. It’s you and me doll.”
My heart melts with each word that passes through his lips. He knows exactly what to say and when to say it to me. No matter what fears are coursing through my veins, Loudon is the one to calm the storm inside of me.
I look down at his arms around me. He wouldn’t hurt me and I know that.
“I know that you’d never intentionally hurt me, I want to be the girl that’s right for you. Loudon, everything with you is a first. Our first kiss, our relationship, and the way I feel about you, even being here alone with you right now.”
Loudon takes his arms from around my back and pulls my face in closer to his. Our lips meet and instantly my legs want to go weak. He’s right, he totally affects me and it’s more than a simple crush.
The feelings I have for him are indescribable.
I want to fall and for him to catch me.
His tongue sweeps along my lower lip and I open my mouth inviting him to explore our kiss a bit deeper. I lean in closer to him as he moves his hands from my face back around my waist. He’s so gentle with his kisses, being careful not to rush me. Every nerve ending in my body is on full alert mode. I can feel the goose bumps forming on my arms and legs and want nothing more than to stay in his arms, kissing him for the rest of the night.
We pull apart from one another and I let out the breath I was holding.
He looks at me, with those bright green eyes and I feel as though he has just pierced my heart with his. These feelings I have can’t be one sided, he has to feel them too.
“We don’t have to ever do anything you don’t want to. We’ll take things slow and when you’re ready for what’s next then will move forward with it together.”
“Thank you for being so good to me Loudon, I don’t know what I’d do if I hadn’t met you. Everything about you makes me feel better.”
“I’m not going anywhere doll, you’re kinda stuck with me because I really like you.”
He places a kiss to the tip of my nose and I know that with him I will always be okay.
My stomach growls and we both start to laugh.
“I think we should go upstairs and get cleaned up. I’ll get you some of Allie’s stuff to change into since I got you all sweaty.”
“Okay, sounds good,” I say and follow him up the stairs
Loudon takes me into a room that I’ll assume was Allie’s. The walls are painted a soft pink and the furniture is light brown and cream colored. Loudon disappears into a closest and comes out with a green hooded sweatshirt. He tosses it on the bed and walks over to the dresser, opening the top drawer. He pulls out a grey tee shirt and lays it down on top of the hoodie. Walking over to me he extends his arms for to walk toward him.
I take one step forward just as he does and wraps me in his arms. He rests his chin the top of my head and I absorb the feel of our bodies standing together. There really is nothing better than being here with him. I feel secure and know that he wants me as much as I want him in my life.
“Now you’re all set. I’m going to jump in the shower and will be back to get you as soon as I can. When you’re done in here you can chill and watch TV or head downstairs. No one is coming home until later tonight so you’ll have the run of the house.”
I pull away just enough to look up at him. He bends down and kisses my lips and then pulls away.
“I’ll be quick I promise. If you need anything else make yourself comfortable. Allie’s bathroom is probably still fully stocked, my mom’s crazy like that.”
I smile at him and push him out the room.
“Go get ready so you can take me out, I’m starving,” I say, shutting the door.
I laugh to myself and shake my head, walking toward the bed.
I pick up the tee-shirt and hoodie and take it into the connected bathroom.
As I walk into the bathroom I shut the door and turn on the light. I set the clothes down on the counter top and look in the mirror.
Thank goodness I don’t look nearly as bad as I feel that I did. After a few hot and sweaty hugs from Loudon, I was worried I would look like a hot mess. I pull off my shirt, fold it and set in down next to the sink.
After pulling on the tee-shirt and hoodie, I fix my hair in the mirror and double check my makeup.
Good to go.
I pull out my cell and check the time. It’s almost six o’clock and I’m really getting hungry.
Instead of staying up here I head downstairs and sit down to wait for Loudon to be finished.
Not long after I sit down in the kitchen, I hear Loudon running down the stairs.
He comes rushing into the kitchen and I stand starring at him in pure amazement. He laughs as he walks over to me and pulls me into him.
“Was that quick enough for you?” He asks, kissing me on the cheek.
“How do you do it?” I ask, not really even thinking before the words leave my mouth.
“How do I do what, get ready so fast? He asks, still laughing at me.
I shake my head no.
“You look good no matter if you’re a hot sweaty mess or having just come out of the shower,” I say, ducking my head down into his chest.
Shit, just having the nerve to say that to him has me feeling nervous.
“Aww thanks doll, you look pretty good yourself,” he says, pulling my chin for me to look up at him.
He softly brushes his lips against mine and pulls away.
I give him a pout and he smacks me on the butt.
“Ohh!” I shriek.
“Sorry, I just had to do it. Now come on, let‘s roll. I’m starving and you’ve taken way to long getting ready,” he says, putting his arm around me and walking us through the kitchen.
Once out in the garage I reach into my messenger tote and grab my keys.
I look toward Loudon as he stands in the driveway.
“I can only assume we’ll be taking the bug since someone locked their keys in his car,” I say with a smirk.
“Ha-ha, funny girl, toss them over and I’ll drive. I already grabbed the spare set to the Mustang so we’ll grab it on the way back from dinner,” he says with a smile.
I throw the keys in his direction and follow him over to the car.
I’m excited to go out with him tonight and to see a little more of Ames.
I just hope the night continues to go like it’s been up to this point. I’m enjoying his company free of stress, fears and panic attacks.
Loudon drives us through town and pulls in front of the one place I was hoping he’d take us, the pizzeria.
“Are you up for some pizza?” He asks, putting the bug in park and turning off the engine.
I look over at him and smile.
“I was hoping this is where we were headed,” I say.
“Of course, it is. It’s the place I first met my girl. Stay put and I’ll be right there to get you out,” he says, while unbuckling his seatbelt and opening his door.
He gets out of the bug, walks around the front of the car and comes over to open my door.
With his hand held out for me I grab on and step out of the car.
“Such a gentleman this evening,” I say in a fake southern accent.
“But of course, anything for a pretty lady,” he replies with a wink.
I blush at his compliment and step onto the sidewalk.
“Let’s get inside and ask for a booth before it gets crazy busy on the restaurant side,” he says grabbing onto my hand and interlacing our fingers.
We walk hand in hand toward the pizzeria and he opens the door for me to enter first.
The place is already filled with patrons and I can see a few people waving to Loudon. He doesn’t notice them at first, but I do. Once he turns in their direction he nods his head and raises his hand to wave.
The tables in the back corner are filled with kids from his school and a few of them I recognize from his friend, Ande’s, party. I turn my back toward them so I don’t have to look in their direction.
Loudon must sense my discomfort and wraps an arm around me. I ease into his side and his comfort makes me feel less anxious.
“You okay?” He asks.
I nod my head against his chest and wait for the hostess to seat us.
“Loudon,” I hear a voice say.
I know that voice.
I turn in Loudon’s arms and see the girl behind the voice, it’s Jill.
“Hey Jill, you remember Zar, my girlfriend,” Loudon says, pulling me in closer to him.
“No way,” Jill screeches.
“Jill, back off,” Loudon says.
“You’ve got to be kidding me, right? I mean, come on Loudon. She’s the reason you’ve been ignoring me and won’t return my calls?”
“I told you to back off Jill. I think it’s time you took the clue and moved on to your next victim. Obviously, I’m not interested,” Loudon says a bit lo
uder.
“I can’t believe you’re still meddling with this girl. Didn’t she give you enough of a freak show at Ande’s party? She’s cute, yeah I’ll give her that but really L.C. she’s the laughing stock of her senior class. Is she….”
Loudon moves his arm from around me and grabs onto Jill’s arm.
“I’ll be right back Zar,” he says pulling Jill out of the pizzeria and out onto the sidewalk.
I can’t believe this is happening. Everything was going so well until she had to blast right back into the picture and burst my happy little bubble.
Feeling like my body is numb, I move as quickly as I can to follow them outside. As I walk out the door I can hear Jill’s words to Loudon from around the corner.
“She’s crazy L.C., why can’t you see that? Do you even know what’s wrong with her? She’s been like this for years and you think you can swoop in and make her all better?”
“Jill, you don’t even know who or what she’s about. You’re just pissed because I broke up with you and now you want all the attention back on you. We aren’t together, so stay out of my shit.”
“L. C. I know a lot more about your freakish girlfriend that I bet you do. My cousin goes to school with her and told me all about the night she freaked out on everyone.”
“Jill, this conversation is over. I know all that I need to know about Zar and I don’t need you butting in and hurting her. She means a lot to me and you’re just gonna have to deal with it.”
He cares about me, this I know is true.
He’s catching me as I fall, but now…right now I need to stick up for myself.
I shouldn’t need someone else to be there when I’m in need.
It’s my turn to take over and show the haters, in this case Jill, that there’s nothing wrong with me. If I don’t help them see and understand the real me, then who will?
The conversation taking place is all because of me, I can’t let Loudon lose friendships because of who his friends and peers think I am.
I quickly walk around the corner to where I see them both standing.
