by Holly Bush
“I’m going to believe it, too.”
Eleanor sighed and pulled Olivia and Annie close to her. “How dear they are.”
Matt came forward and broke up the tenseness she was feeling. He picked her up off of her feet and swung her around. “Emmaline! My childhood nemesis and now going to be my sister!”
“Put her down, Matt,” Annie said. “She may be feeling peaked!”
Emmaline smiled at him as her feet touched the floor and turned, watching Jim walk to her. She let herself be swallowed up in his arms and leaned against him. She closed her eyes and felt the tears again. He kissed the top of her head.
“You’re going to be a beautiful bride and a wonderful mother. I wish Daddy were here to see you but I’m sure Mother will fuss over you enough for four people.”
“Thank God Betsy is getting married. She’ll have something to think about and fuss about other than me.”
She could feel the laughter rumbling in his chest.
“I’ve been hoping you could find yourself again,” he whispered then. “You’ll survive, and Adam will always do right by you even if he doesn’t always get your jokes.”
“Will you join us in the dining room? Are you up to it?” Adam asked her as he joined them.
“I am.”
After everyone was seated, Emmaline took her time looking around the spacious and well-lit dining room. All the decorations and furniture were understated and elegant, not surprising knowing Eleanor Gentry, with help from Olivia in the last few years, made the household decisions. Certainly, Adam would not expect her to be involved. She could just fade into the wallpaper as she often did at home or hide away in her room with her passions, left to judge others and be as sarcastic, and even as caustic, as she wished.
“Have you and your mother decided on a date for the wedding?” Eleanor asked her.
“Next Saturday, I think,” she replied and looked at Adam.
He nodded. “Saturday it is. Have you decided any of the other particulars?”
“We haven’t had much of a chance to discuss it. What would you like to do?”
“I’d like to get married at church by Reverend Pendleton if he is able and then have a meal afterwards. What do you think?”
Everyone else at the table began to talk among themselves and it gave an illusion of privacy to her conversation with Adam. “I hate to ask my mother to do a large meal with Betsy’s wedding coming up and all the parties and whatnot she and Edwin want to have. Would you mind terribly having a meal here? We could have the wedding here as well, I suppose. No need to go into town.”
Adam shook his head. “I’d like to ride through town from the church to here in the carriage. I want to make sure everyone sees how happy we are.”
“Oh. You truly don’t want to hide.”
“No. I don’t, and I think you do but I believe it will be best in the end if we begin as we mean to go on. I mean to treat you like the respected and cared for wife you will be.”
He was going to force this, it seemed, and maybe he did know best in this particular thing. She’d convinced herself over the last three months that she’d never be social again. That thought was not a hardship but perhaps it was wildly unrealistic.
“And the meal?”
“We will have your family and mine for dinner. We may set up some tables in the ballroom as it might be easier for the staff as there’ll be nearly twenty of us with the reverend and his wife. Can you speak to Mabel about the menu you’d like?”
She shook her head. “I’ve not had any appetite for months. Nothing sounds good to me. Why don’t you choose the meal?”
CHAPTER 5
Saturday dawned crisp and cool and damp, but the sun was shining brightly now and was drying off the grasses and the stone patio where Adam now stood. He was not dressed yet for the day in the gray suit he’d chosen to wear. He wanted to relax and clear his mind before he was overwhelmed with how permanent and momentous the occasion was.
It was his wedding day. It was as far away from what he’d anticipated that day would be like as he could possibly imagine. His grief would not magically disappear, he knew that, but he was determined to release Josephine from his heart and mind where he’d clung to memories of her to soothe himself when he felt all was lost. He must at least try or there would be no chance that his marriage to Emmaline would make either of them happy. There was no dull mist of alcohol any longer that could allow him some reprieve from pain. He was glad of that, though. Grief was the sort of thing one had to get through, not avoid, he’d learned, and Josephine’s death had proven it to him, although he’d avoided that very thing since the moment she stopped breathing, he realized.
He was going to marry Emmaline Somerset in a few hours. He was glad he could give something to someone to ease their pain or embarrassment and Emmaline was in need of some ease. He’d known her forever as part of the Somerset family, although he knew Nettie and Jim more intimately as they were closer to his age. Now he was to be related to that family even more than when Livie married Jim. He hadn’t gotten to know Emmaline much more this week, either, as she’d been feeling poorly on two of the occasions when he’d visited, walking with him just once in the backyard of the Somerset home. Neither of them had shared anything personal, keeping their remarks to the weather and other subjects such as the color of a new shawl that her mother had purchased. Good God!
He was hoping to feel a spark of interest in her physically, not that he thought that he couldn’t get the work done to bring about the next generation of Gentrys. He could. He could close his eyes and kiss her and envision Josephine. What a horrible thought to have on this of all days! He would have to exert some effort and find an attraction between them regardless of how slight, even if it were just the color of her hair or texture of the skin on her hands. She was to be his bride and he owed her that, and it wasn’t as if she was unpleasant to look at. He’d just not bothered looking all that much.
It was hard to tell her shape, though, under the brown or gray dresses she wore, that she’d worn as long as he’d known her. And this pregnancy had left her thin with a pallor to her face. She looked sickly. Nothing like what his sister-in-law Annie looked like when she was expecting. She’d looked healthy and robust and feminine and pleased with her circumstances the entire time she’d carried both of her and Matt’s children. But he supposed all women were different.
He wondered when Livie would be expecting and was surprised it hadn’t occurred in the first year of her and Jim’s marriage. It wasn’t for a lack of trying, he thought, considering the looks they had for each other or the night he’d wandered by their bedroom past midnight on his way to the kitchen for a glass of milk. He’d been startled by the sound of something hitting a wall with a thud and then their mingled voices talking low, and laughter, and giggles from Livie. He’d felt like a voyeur.
He couldn’t quite imagine he and Emmaline being playful and adventurous when they consummated this marriage, even though it would be some months from now. He wouldn’t allow himself to envision the sensuous and heated passion there’d been between him and Josephine. But he would do his duty in this marriage and so would Emmaline. What a depressing thought for a day meant to be meaningful and uplifting.
“Hey,” he heard from behind him. He turned to see Matt coming toward him with two mugs of something steaming, his feet and his chest bare.
Adam took the cup, blew on its contents, and took a sip. “Thank you. I was up and about before Mabel and didn’t want to bother with brewing it.”
Matt looked at the trees ahead of them and walked to the stone bench at the edge of the patio. He sat and drank his coffee and sniffed the air.
“You’re going to have a nice day. No rain.”
Adam harrumphed. “You still think you can predict the weather that way?”
“We’ll have to see how the weather turns out and then we’ll know, I ’spect.”
“The weather doesn’t matter,” he said quietly.
Matt leaned his elbows on his knees and took slow sips of his coffee. “It’s not too late, Adam.” He looked up.
“What do you mean?” Adam thought he probably knew what his brother was going to say. He was surprised he’d waited this long.
“I mean that if you want to call this thing off, you should do it. You’re not in any shape to make a decision like this. Hell, Livie and I wouldn’t care if you wanted to give Emmaline money out of the Paradise account to start over somewhere on her own. We both care for her and worry about her, but you don’t have to marry her.”
“Actually, I do. I’ve asked her, and she’s accepted.”
“She’s not herself and neither are you.”
“And you were completely sane after surviving what you did in Bridgewater and the war? Sometimes we just do the next best right thing in our life. You certainly did when you asked Annie to marry you.”
Matt looked down at his hands holding his coffee, and Adam was hoping he’d exhausted that subject. He had not.
“Then wait. What’s the rush? Wait until you’re both feeling up to this sort of decision.”
“What? And let Emmaline face the scorn and the embarrassment alone?”
“It’s not your place to save her. She’s got a family. She’s got people who love her. She’s not alone,” Matt said and stared at him. “There’s a man out there that got her this way, too. Where’s he?”
Matt stood when Adam walked to him. “I’ve chosen to help her. I chose this path. I chose to give her a way out of the mess she found herself in and maybe found a way out of darkness for myself. Let it go, Matt, and don’t ever mention the man who got her this way ever again. The baby she’s carrying will be mine the moment she says ‘I do’ and it will be your niece or nephew, too. If you can’t do that, don’t come around. I mean to make a family of my own.”
Matt opened his mouth to continue the conversation but must have thought better of it. He grabbed Adam by the shoulders. “I love you, brother. Whatever you want is what I want for you. I’ll be standing right beside you today and be happy to do it.”
Thankfully, Matt left him quickly. He was panicked a bit, knowing the truth of what his brother said faced with what honor dictated he do. He took a few long, slow breaths and convinced himself that the future would be good and if it was not, then he must make the best of it somehow.
ADAM STOOD in the front of the church, Matt at his side, his mother, Annie, and Livie together in the first pew holding Teddy and Ruth. He smiled at them, even as his mother dabbed at her eyes with a lace-edged hanky. He looked up and turned toward the doors when Mrs. Pendleton began to play a hymn on the organ at the side of the church.
She was on Jim’s arm walking steadily toward him, her hair fixed in a soft bun on the top of her head with a ribbon and a few bluebells adorning it. Her dress was the palest blue, scoop-necked with tight short sleeves and yards of draping silk from under her bosom and over her slightly rounded stomach. She wore lace gloves and held herself erect as a queen. For a moment he forgot all of the reasons that honor dictated to him to save this woman, all the reality of looking to replace Josephine, all the yearning he had to begin a family as he saw Emmaline in a way he’d never seen her before. She was a lovely young woman. Proud and elegant. And she would soon be his wife. There was a spark of interest in her, purely a male reaction, a twitch as it were. He was glad of it and glad to be reaching for her hand as he took it from Jim’s.
He smiled at her. Her lips moved, and her eyes darted but then she swallowed and looked him square in the eye. The slightest smile graced her lips, revealing the gap between her two front teeth, and she nodded as if to say let this new story begin. Within no time it seemed, she was his wife. He kissed her cheek and was enveloped from all sides with hugs and kisses and well-wishes.
* * *
SHE WAS MARRIED, Emmaline thought to herself as she settled in beside Adam, twisting the gold band on her finger, in the carriage to go to Paradise for their wedding meal. She’d never had any desire to be married. None at all. She knew there were good reasons to be married but had never matched those reasons to anything she’d ever wanted for herself. But it was too late. She was married and had a husband. She looked up sharply at Adam. He was waving and smiling at townsfolk who were out and about, some, she was certain, waiting to see the disgraced bride and the pitiful groom. She’d promised Jim that very morning that she would do her best to be happy and put aside all her other dreams. She just didn’t know exactly how to do it.
“Smile, Emmaline,” he said and glanced at her. “You’re not going to the guillotine.”
She let the corners of her mouth tilt up and raised a hand to Marabelle, who was crying and waving her hanky from where she stood in front of the mercantile. “I know that.”
He looked at her then and she sucked in a quick breath. He was so very handsome in his gray suit and striped tie. His dark hair had recently been cut and she could smell lemons, maybe from his soap or a cologne. She didn’t know, but yet he was her husband.
“You look beautiful, Emmaline,” he said and gazed at her, giving her all of his attention even as he urged the horses ahead. “That color suits you and you look like you’re feeling better than when I visited on Thursday.”
“I am feeling better. Nettie helped me pick out this dress from some ready-made ones over at Bessie’s. I’ve never had much interest in the like but I’m glad I got something new.” She looked at him. “It made me feel like I was starting over.”
“This is a fresh start for both of us.”
You look beautiful. How those words rang over and over in her head, even knowing that beauty was not the essence of a person, not necessary for a soul to be good or evil or even indifferent. But it was the first time a man had said anything like that to her and it did strange things to her insides. He’d been serious and focused on her when he said it as if she were the center of something for him. Oh, how she wished he’d say it again. She wanted to feel that again. She glanced over at him and found him staring at her. She held his gaze until she couldn’t and stared straight ahead instead as the carriage began the descent to Paradise.
* * *
THE TABLES WERE SET up on one end of the ballroom where the massive marble fireplace was and were covered with pink linen, decorated with delicate embroidered flowers and greenery. The place settings were fine china and cut crystal glassware and silver cutlery. Adam reached for her hand to draw her into conversation with Reverend Pendleton and his wife. He pulled her arm over his and held it steady.
“You look lovely, Emmaline,” Mrs. Pendleton gushed. “We are so glad things have worked out so wonderfully for you! The congregation will be thrilled.”
She opened her mouth, ready to tell the minister’s wife that she couldn’t care less about the congregation and if the woman thought she was marrying an old friend of the family because she’d been ignorant enough to let a man under her skirts, then the minister’s wife’s version of “things working out” was at odds with her own.
“How . . . exceptional,” she said instead.
“What a courageous girl you are,” Reverend Pendleton said as he nodded kindly.
She could feel Adam’s hand tighten around hers and she looked up at him. He wasn’t smiling, looked serious in fact, but his eyes were dancing with amusement. She wasn’t imagining it. He pursed his lips and kissed the air above her hand where he held it.
“She is exceptionally courageous,” he said and continued to stare at her, daring her, so it seemed.
Emmaline was nearly overwhelmed with the urge to laugh at the hilarity of his response. She sucked in her cheeks to ward off a nervous guffaw and looked up at Adam. She blinked slowly twice and hoped she looked pitiful enough to make him laugh first. Her mother interrupted, kissing her cheek and laying a hand on Mrs. Pendleton’s shoulder.
“Aren’t they the most darling couple you have ever seen, Grace?” Louise said as her eyes filled with tears as they’d been almost constantl
y doing since she’d learned Emmaline was expecting a child. She dabbed them with her ever-present hanky. “The Somerset family is most fortunate, and how I wish Mr. Somerset were here to celebrate with us.”
Reverend Pendleton clutched her mother’s hand with one hand and Adam’s with the other. She and Adam looked at each other at the same time as the reverend offered up a quick prayer.
“I’m going to let my bride rest on the bench in the garden before dinner, Reverend. She’s had a tiring day,” he said after the amen and led her away from the minister.
They stepped out through the glass-paned double doors that led directly to the stone patio. She leaned back against the cool brick around the corner of the house out of the view of those inside. She clutched her belly with one hand and her mouth with the other. Laughter burst forth through her fingers as her and Adam’s eyes met.
He laughed, throwing his head back and then wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. “I don’t know what is exceptional about us, but we are.”
“We are darling, too,” she said as her shoulders shook.
“And courageous. Don’t forget courageous.”
“Stop. I’m going to have to go to the privy if I laugh anymore and I’ll miss dinner.”
Her laughter faded suddenly with the reminder of her pregnancy, and she felt a familiar gloom descend that had been trailing her since that night in Brunsville. “It is hilarious, I suppose, because I am none of those things,” she whispered. “I’m ordinary and fearful and whatever the opposite of darling is.”
Adam straightened and walked directly to her. He looked her in the eye. “Don’t. Don’t disparage yourself. You are intelligent and witty. You are a lovely woman both inside and out and I was proud to stand beside you today.”
