by Holly Bush
“I’m sorry. I’m not usually morose. Nettie said it’s normal when expecting to feel excited and happy one moment and terrified and miserable the next,” she said. She could get used to his compliments, though, she thought. “I was proud to stand up beside you today, too. You have rescued me, and you are Adam Gentry, the one all the boys envied and the girls flirted with.”
“You make me out to be a paragon. I am not. I am not at all.”
She looked up at him and told the truth then. “I am glad I married you today. I’ve been telling myself that I could raise this child alone, that if I lived out my life as a help to my mother as she aged that I would be satisfied. I could do both things and live an adequate life, but it would be lonely. I’m glad I’ll have a . . . a partner.”
He nodded. “You are very wise, Emmaline Gentry, as well as witty and intelligent and lovely. Let’s go inside now and let our families celebrate with us. They are all hoping very much that we are able to make a go of this marriage. We will convince the skeptics.”
She swallowed hard. She was no longer Emmaline Somerset. She was Mrs. Adam Gentry. It had not occurred to her once during the preparations for the wedding that her name would change. She was someone she didn’t know, a new person. Maybe this was her chance to begin again.
* * *
HIS BRIDE WAS EXHAUSTED. She ate very little of the filet of beef or the fresh sole that Mabel had ordered from Baltimore and that had arrived by train, packed in ice and straw. She sipped her water and ate a sliver of wedding cake. The Paradise staff had done a spectacular job on very short notice. Every inch of the house shone from the polish and scrubbing that had been hurriedly completed for his wedding. He must remember to add a bonus to their pay or order a treat of some kind for them. Maybe a perfume or a silk scarf they would never purchase for themselves. Mabel had kissed his cheek before he left for the church, patted his lapels, and told him he was a good man as she knew he would be from the day she met him when he was eleven-years-old.
Teddy, and Nettie and John’s children, Rachel and Albert, raced across the slick ballroom floor, twirling and sliding about, and getting terse looks from their mothers. John picked up the three under his arms, the children laughing and wiggling, and took them outside, Matt following carrying Ruth. The Somersets and the Gentrys had two marriages and two successful businesses between them. It was a good alliance, he thought, and reached his arm around his wife’s chair, touching her back lightly. He looked at her and realized she was swaying in her seat.
“Emmaline,” he said softly. “Would you like to go lie down for a bit?”
“No. I’ll be fine.”
Adam thought that she really did need some rest as it seemed to him she was holding herself upright by sheer will alone. He stood at his place. Everyone turned their heads to him as if he would be giving another toast like Matt had done, making everyone chuckle, and then Jim, whose wishes for them had everyone in the room misty-eyed, including him. But his mother and Mrs. Somerset, his mother-in-law, strange as that sounded, both looked at Emmaline and stood.
“Come along now,” Louise said to Jane and Phillip and Betsy and motioning to Edwin to help her from her chair. “This has been a long day and I am exhausted.”
“Yes. I am as well,” Eleanor said. “And these children have near worn themselves out.”
Everyone drifted to the front hallway, gathering wraps and kissing children. Jim had Nettie’s two in his arms, carrying them outside to their carriage. Adam helped Louise into her seat and kissed her cheek as Edwin gathered the reins and nodded at him.
“See that Emmaline lies down, won’t you, Adam? I’m so worried for her,” Louise said.
“Of course. It’s been a trying week, but I think it was a beautiful and memorable day.”
She nodded and looked at him with watery eyes. “It has. Thank you.”
Matt and Annie were walking home, and he waved at them after kissing the children and thanking them. He went back inside and found Emmaline hurrying to the door.
“Tell mother to wait,” she began and then looked at him, her face going scarlet. “I don’t live there anymore, do I?”
He shook his head. “You do not.”
Her shoulders slumped, and she weaved a bit where she stood. He swept her up in his arms and headed for the staircase. “It is long past the time that you are napping and giving this baby of ours a rest.”
She didn’t fight him, and he thought if she had any strength left at all, she would have. Her head rested against his shoulder and she drifted off as he carried her down the long hallway, carefully opening his door and swinging her through straight to his bedroom. He laid her on the bed, and she took a long, slow breath but never opened her eyes. He wasn’t sure if he should touch her and just stood dumbly for a few minutes, staring at her. He shook his head and reached down and pulled her shoes off. She moaned, and he smiled thinking he’d like to take his dress shoes off as well. He pulled the pins from her hair and put them on the vanity he’d gotten from the attic and installed in the dressing room beside his bedroom. Her trunk was already open, and he saw several brown and gray dresses hanging up. He found a blanket on the shelf in the dressing room and shook it out over her.
He changed out of his suit, pulled the drapes in the bedroom, and lit a lamp to a soft glow. He found his mother, Jim, and Livie in the main room.
“Is she sleeping?” Eleanor asked.
He nodded. “She was asleep in my arms before I got her to my rooms.”
“I’ve told Mabel and Jenny and Beatrice to take the rest of the evening and tomorrow off,” Eleanor said. “They’ve left a cold tray if anyone is hungry and there is still plenty of wedding cake.”
“It’s not even six in the evening and I am tired enough that I could sleep for a week,” Olivia said.
“Thank you, Livie, and Mother, and you, too, Jim,” he said and took a tentative sip of wine. “I know you worked very hard to make this a festive occasion and there are plenty of details I’m sure I wasn’t even aware of that you took care of for me and for Emmaline. I think it was for the best, though, considering her sister’s upcoming nuptials, to have the wedding quickly.”
“There was no use waiting, I agree,” Jim said. “I think it was the right thing for Emmaline, even if I did have to ride all over the place picking up flowers and whatnots your mother and mine sent me for.”
Adam chuckled. “Better you than me, brother.”
Eleanor stood. “I’m for my rooms. I want to stretch out and read a book. Were you able to help Emmaline with her dress?” She looked at Adam.
He colored, feeling silly that he did, and he heard Jim clear his throat. “Ah, no. No, I didn’t.”
“Come along then, Olivia. We’ll get Emmaline into a nightgown, so we don’t have to disturb Beatrice or Jenny.”
Olivia and Eleanor left the room, and Jim and he looked at each other and quickly looked away.
Adam cleared his throat. “Don’t worry, um, about Emmaline, and me. I think it will be best for us to wait to . . . get to know each other better until after our baby is born.”
Jim nodded and looked everyway except at Adam’s face. “Probably for the best.”
ADAM STAYED up well into the evening. Jim and Olivia had gone to their rooms long before that and he’d sat looking into the fire in the main room, sipping his wine. He had no desire to drink more than one glass, which he was glad of. He thought long and hard about how to proceed in this marriage—how they could begin getting to know each other. He wasn’t thinking about sex, although he had been when he’d shared those awkward sentences with Jim. But he and Emmaline must begin having conversations, thinking about the future, and understanding each of their habits and dreams, and he thought that getting to know each other would only be more awkward, maybe impossible, if they didn’t begin soon, as a couple.
He wandered into his room and changed into his drawstring pants and a well-washed undershirt. Emmaline’s hair was loose, and she wore a warm-looking nightgown. She
was on her side breathing evenly. He sat down on his edge of the bed. This was strange, he thought to himself. There was someone in his bed here and it wasn’t Josephine, as he’d expected it would be for some time. He got under the covers, turned on his side, and looked at her. She looked very, very young and very vulnerable. Her eyes fluttered open. For a moment, he saw pure panic in them. She stared at him and pulled the blankets up and around her neck.
“I’m sorry. I was so tired I couldn’t stand any longer.”
He smiled. “I’m glad you got some rest. You needed it.”
“How . . . how did I get in my nightgown?”
“Livie and Mother came up and got you changed. You must have been really exhausted to not realize.”
“I was”—she swallowed—“I don’t remember changing at all.”
“I’m never going to try to hurt or embarrass you, Emmaline. Don’t be nervous about that.”
“I know,” she whispered.
“I do think we’re going to have to work at this marriage, maybe more than others have to work at theirs, and I’ve been doing some thinking about other things as well.”
“What other things?”
Adam adjusted the pillow under his head. It was going to be difficult talking about sex to her. It was rarely a comfortable subject, but he and Josephine had been surprisingly open about it. She’d been willing to discuss it matter-of-factly when necessary and sensually all the other times.
It had been a revelation to him, the openness, the erotic nature of language, the intimacy of it all. But this wasn’t Josephine. He was thinking that it felt a bit like talking to Livie or his mother about sex, which would have been horrific, but when he glanced at Emmaline and saw her staring at him with wide, dark brown eyes, sleepy and sensual, all the same, with long thick hair a loose riot around her face, and that gap between her teeth, he reconsidered. She was a woman, a desirable one, in his bed, his wife. The woman who would bear his children and be his companion until he was buried in the ground. He felt the stirrings of desire.
“I think it would be wise to wait until after our child is born to have relations,” he said and cleared his throat, willing himself to begin as he hoped to go on. “Sexual relations.”
She blinked. “I was hoping you thought so. Nettie says that the doctor told John that they could, you know, continue until she was in her eighth month and I know that will be part of our marriage, but I just can’t imagine it right now.”
“Women talk about that sort of thing, do they?”
“Not all of us but it’s near impossible to shut Nettie up. She was telling Betsy about, um, the act, when she mentioned that.”
“Your mother didn’t tell Betsy?”
“Oh, she did. She told her a story about noodles.”
“Noodles?”
“There are dried-up hard ones before the boiling and soft ones after.”
Adam felt laughter bubbling up in his chest as he stared at her. And then he laughed until his eyes watered. He couldn’t help himself. She was giggling, her shoulders shaking under the blankets.
He finally shook his head. “I’m never going to be able to look at your mother again. Why did you tell me this?” he asked with a smile.
“Some things in life are too hilarious to not laugh at.”
“Are you feeling better now?” he asked and reached across to touch her face. “I’m looking forward to this baby, you know that, don’t you?”
Her smile fell away. “I can’t believe how kind you’re being. This baby isn’t yours.”
“You’re wrong about that. This child is my child. I’m very much looking forward to having a son or a daughter.”
* * *
EMMALINE WATCHED him as he rolled onto his back, adjusting the blankets, with one arm thrown above his head, the very picture of casual masculinity. He didn’t close his eyes, just stared at the ceiling. He cleared his throat.
“Josephine was expecting our child when she died,” he whispered. “She wasn’t very far along.”
She pulled herself up on one elbow and leaned toward him. “I am so very sorry. You’ve had a double loss then. A wife and a child.”
He nodded. “I’ve spent the last six months torturing myself and my family and drinking far too much over it. But I’m done with that.” He turned his head to her. “I am married and have a child to look forward to. I am a very fortunate man.”
“Olivia never said anything . . .”
“No one knew except Josephine and me. We were going to marry very soon, she wanted something private, just her and I, and then we would tell our families.”
The telling was hurting him, she knew, even if his voice hadn’t caught, even if he hadn’t had to stop to take a breath. She could tell that he was baring his soul to her. He was, ultimately, the courageous one. She admired him for it and laid a hand on his shoulder and patted him as if he were in need of comfort, which she thought he was. His hand came up fast to hold hers down against him. He was taking long, deep breaths and she thought he was fighting tears. He rolled to his side giving her his back and let out a shuddering sigh. Emmaline curled on her side, held her stomach, and closed her eyes.
EMMALINE WOKE up a week after her wedding feeling exhausted and as uncomfortable as she had since the beginning of the pregnancy. Everyone told her that within a few weeks she would be full of energy and excited for the coming baby, but that week never came, she really never felt healthy, never felt like doing much more than controlling her rebellious stomach and sleeping. She’d spent most of her first seven days of marriage in bed. Adam was kind, bringing their evening meal to his sitting area, so that she could join him, even in her nightgown a few of those days. But she was determined to get up and join the family for Sunday dinner today.
Adam, Matt, and Jim stood when she went into the dining room. Adam smiled and came to her directly.
“You look as though you’re feeling much better, Emmaline,” he said and pulled out her chair for her.
“We’re so glad you felt up to joining us, dear,” Eleanor said. “Adam has been morose without you here.”
Olivia smiled. “Do you like stew? Mabel’s is delicious, and I know she’s made several loaves of fresh bread, too. I can smell it! Although I can’t seem to make it correctly, even having watched her make it hundreds of times.”
“Are you losing weight now that my sister is cooking for you in your brand-new house?” Matt said with a laugh to Jim.
Olivia raised her brows and Jim winked at her. “We’re still getting used to the new stove,” he said.
Everyone at the table laughed, even Olivia, whose face was red with embarrassment. “We’ve been eating at his mother’s the nights that my recipes didn’t turn out quite right.”
“What happened the other nights?” Matt asked.
“We eat at Martha’s,” Jim said.
Everyone laughed when Jim mentioned the restaurant in Winchester and Emmaline felt better just to be part of it. She hadn’t realized how lonely she’d been until then.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t help with your move. Adam told me about it, though,” Emmaline said to Olivia. “I would like to see it now that’s done, though.”
Olivia’s eyes lit up. “Oh, you must come as soon as you are able. Adam? You must bring her to see our house! I love it, Emmaline. I am so happy.” She looked at Jim, who was gazing at her with open adoration.
“I’ll bring her as soon as she’s up to it,” Adam said smoothly with a smile for his sister. “We can discuss it later today.”
Mabel served the stew in two large tureens, one for either end of the table. Matt smashed a potato on a plate for Teddy, sitting beside him in a tall chair. Eleanor was tucking a napkin into his little collar and then turned, passing the linen-covered basket of steaming hot bread to Annie on her left. She looked at her family assembled before her.
“I’m so glad you were able to join us today, Emmaline,” she said and dabbed her napkin to her mouth. “I have an announcement t
o make and was hoping I’d be able to say it once and be done with it. Oh, dear, I’m a bit nervous telling you all.”
“Mother,” Adam said with concern. “Are you well?”
“It’s nothing as dreadful as that.” She stopped for a moment and laid her silverware down beside her plate. She looked up at them with a smile. “I am moving to Washington to live with a friend I met when Olivia and I attended Josephine’s salon.”
The table was completely silent until Matthew spoke.
“Did you say you’re leaving Paradise, Mother?”
“Who?” Olivia asked.
“What?” Adam said.
“At Josephine’s salon, don’t you remember, Fiona McKellar? She is a maiden lady and was with her brother, Ian.”
“I do,” Olivia said. “You’re going to live with her? When did this all come about?”
“Miss McKellar and I have been corresponding ever since that evening. She lives alone, her brother still keeps his house he had as a married man even though he has been widowed for some time, and she has stayed all these years in the house where she and her brothers and sisters grew up. She is close to my age and with Aunt Bridget gone now some six months, and a new mistress for Paradise, I think I’d like to do a little traveling and return here for the winter months. I could stay in Aunt Bridget’s rooms on the first floor when I come visit, you know, unless you and Emmaline have plans for that area of the house, Adam. Or I could stay with Matt and Annie or Jim and Olivia.”
The table was completely silent other than Teddy tapping his spoon on his dish. Emmaline was shocked. She could never imagine her mother moving to another city or traveling with another woman. Eleanor Gentry was everything everyone had always said she was. The strangest thing, though, was when she said Paradise would have a new mistress. She wondered who it would be.
Annie stood and went to Eleanor’s side. She bent down and hugged her and kissed her cheek. “How exciting for you! We will always have room for you with us, won’t we Matthew. I’ll miss you, though. You’ve been like a . . .”
