by Holly Bush
Eleanor stood and hugged Annie when she began to cry. “I’ll miss you, too, and these precious children as well, but I think I’ve earned some relaxation time now that all of my children are grown and happily settled.” She took Annie’s cheeks in her palms. “You’re as dear to me as Olivia.”
Jim cleared his throat and picked up Olivia’s hand from her lap where it lay. “When are you planning on going, ma’am?”
“Actually, I leave on the train tomorrow. I’ve got several trunks packed and ready to go. One of you will have to get me to the station to see that—”
“Tomorrow?” Olivia cried. “Tomorrow? Why so soon? Can you not wait just a little while longer?”
“When Adam announced he was marrying Emmaline, I decided, and wrote to Fiona at that time. These two newlyweds deserve a home of their own to begin their family in. As you all know, Paradise will become Adam’s when I pass on, and there was a trust for you, Matthew, and Olivia, to build a home with, which you have both done. This was your father’s dream, you know, Adam.” She smiled softly at him. “This was the Gentry legacy to his oldest son. It was important to him that Paradise passed down this way.”
Emmaline watched Adam swallow. “I don’t know what to say, Mother. Other than I wished you’d consulted us before you made this decision.”
“I am an adult woman as well as being your mother. I am financially well-situated. I have spent my life caring for Paradise and all its inhabitants, from the moment your father brought me to that single room where it all began all those years ago, not that I would change a thing. It has been the grand work of my life. I loved your father and will continue to love him until I meet him again along with my mother and father and sisters, and Aunt Bridget, too. I have cared for you children and love you all desperately, and that includes, you Annie, and Jim and Emmaline, too. But it is time for me to see some sights and experience some new things and more than that, your wife needs to run her own home, and raise your children, in the way the two of you agree upon, Adam. There is no room for two mistresses. I gladly turn the reins of this household over to Emmaline.”
Eleanor smiled benignly and picked up her fork She looked up at her family. “Your dinner is growing cold. Eat, won’t you? Mabel will be quite disappointed if you don’t.”
Mistress? Mistress of Paradise? How absurd! She would have laughed if she hadn’t glanced around the table. Adam was concentrating on stirring the meat and potatoes and carrots and turnips in the shallow bowl in front of him. Olivia was close to tears and Jim was trying to calm her. Matthew looked angry and stubborn. She couldn’t run a home as large and grand as Paradise and she would tell Adam so as soon as they were alone!
CHAPTER 6
Adam stood with Matt, Jim, Olivia, and Annie on the train platform waving at Eleanor as she waved back through the glass window of the car. She’d been smiling and looking excited the entire morning, even when they’d arrived at the station and Olivia had burst into tears and told her mother as they’d stood there with everyone waiting for the train on the platform with them that she was expecting a child. Eleanor had hugged her close, kissed her forehead, and turned to Jim to kiss him, too, and murmur something in his ear, her eyes shimmering. She would be home to help with both Olivia’s and Emmaline’s birthing. Matt was looking grim and sad, contrary to his size, and the fact that he was a man grown.
Adam had had a long talk with his mother after dinner when everyone else had gone home. It seemed she’d been thinking about doing this for the last several years. No, she’d never mentioned it to anyone because she didn’t want to venture out on her own, but then she and the McKellar woman had become fast friends and she’d thought about buying a home there of her own. Fiona would not hear of it with a ten-bedroom house including a suite of rooms that was to be Eleanor’s, a mansion from the sounds of it and well-staffed, in the heart of the city. It seemed to Eleanor that there was some destiny at play.
The five of them stood on the platform as the train chugged away, gradually becoming smaller and smaller in the distance. Olivia was leaning back against Jim, his arms around her. Matt walked to the edge of the platform and kept walking a bit, staring off in the distance at the train as it disappeared, his hands on his hips. Annie walked to him eventually and slid her arm through his.
This change had seemed altogether too much to accept but Adam had spent some time thinking about it after speaking to Emmaline. His wife was terrified at the prospect of managing Paradise, and he was at odds as how to convince her that was exactly what she had to do. He couldn’t possibly manage the house and the gardens and the inside staff over the long term when he was already managing the stables and the other businesses that his family had invested in. Granted, she could do nothing until this child was born. But perhaps his mother was correct. Maybe his marriage would never work until they faced the world as a couple, not as an addition to what his father and mother had already built, but rather as their own creation. Eleanor Gentry was stepping out of the way for a new generation of Gentrys to take hold and set their destiny and into her own new future as well.
“So, what do you know about this Fiona McKellar?” he asked Olivia as Matt and Annie returned to them. “There was no opportunity to ask you last night.”
“I only spoke with her for a short while, but she was lovely, intelligent, and close to Mother in age. I can see them enjoying themselves thoroughly in the social life in Washington. And her brother, Mr. McKellar, was enamored of Mother, you could tell. Even Josephine mentioned it and she said he wasn’t known to escort anyone about except his sister.”
“What was he like?” Annie asked. “It would be so nice for a gentleman to pay attention to Eleanor. I think she’s a bit lonely, especially with Aunt Bridget gone.”
“I don’t care if she’s lonely or not,” Matt said. “And you all know that’s not true, but I don’t like the idea of a man sniffing around Mother.”
“It’s strange, isn’t it, to think of our mother as anything but a mother.” Olivia shook her head, turning to Annie as she did. “Mr. McKellar is tall and well-formed, handsome, too, with a head of thick white hair and kind, pale blue eyes. He was dressed in the latest fashion and made his fortune in bricks and masonry. He was quite attentive as well as another gentleman, a Mr. Hendrix. Mother was the belle of the ball according to Josephine. It was quite lowering for me.”
Jim kissed the top of her head. “They all knew to stay away from you.”
She tilted her head back and smiled. “There was a handsome one that worked in the State Department, a Mr. Newton, that was looking for an introduction.”
“He can look for one all he wants,” Jim said. “He’s not getting one.”
Annie slipped her arm through Adam’s as they walked down the steps. “How is Emmaline this morning? She’s really had a time of this, hasn’t she? When was the last time she saw Dr. Carter?”
“Just a few days before our wedding. He said she should be putting on more weight than she is but that every woman is different. How can she put weight on when she is constantly nauseous?”
“Would you like me to come up to Paradise tomorrow and visit with her, maybe help her get downstairs for a bit?”
“That would be nice if you can spare time from the children.”
“Matthew can stay home with them. He leaves the following day to investigate this logging company he wants to invest in or buy. I’m sure he’s talked to you about it.”
“He has. I think Emmaline would appreciate some company. I’m going to be busy. Foals are starting to drop, and Mabel and Jenny can handle the house, but still it would be good if someone spent some time with her. Maybe I’ll ask Livie to come up another day this week.”
He helped Annie into their gig and kissed Olivia’s cheek and congratulated both she and Jim, not that there was any shock that she was in a family way, before mounting York and turning toward Paradise and his wife.
EMMALINE WOKE with a start as the moonlight poured in the window near
the bed. She was doubled over and sweating with cramps and aching in her back. She could hear Adam breathing softly on the other side of the bed through the haze of pain.
“Adam,” she whispered with all the breath she had. “Adam.”
He rolled over and opened one eye and then sat up quickly. “What’s wrong, Emmaline? What is it?”
“I don’t know!” she cried and let out a moan.
He was out of their bedroom on a run and she could hear him hollering for Jenny to go for George. He was back in their bedroom until he heard George coming down the hallway.
“Go for Dr. Carter, George! Immediately!”
She could hear shouting far away as if she was in a long tunnel of trees that muted sound against their leaves. She could feel a hand touching her face and wiping her brow with a wet cloth. She could hear the worry in Adam’s voice as he spoke.
“Emmaline,” he said. “Emmaline, can you hear me?”
She licked her lips and nodded, wondering why she wouldn’t be able to hear him, even if he did look fuzzy and distant. Pain crashed down on her and she screamed.
EMMALINE OPENED HER EYES SLOWLY. She wasn’t sure where she was or what time of day it was or if it was nighttime. She could see heavy drapes pulled tightly over the window and realized she was in the bed at Paradise. She heard her mother’s voice.
“Adam!” Louise whispered loudly. “She’s coming around, I think.”
“Mother,” Emmaline said, and her voice grated, her throat dry and her tongue thick and parched. “What are you doing here?”
Louise smiled through the tears in her eyes and ran a hand over Emmaline’s face. “Adam is here, darling. Adam is here.”
She turned her head to him as he moved his chair close to the bed and picked up her hand. She heard the door to the bedroom close and knew they were alone. Just the two of them. Adam looked as if he’d been up for days on end. His beard was thick and his hair wild and standing on end. There were dark circles under his eyes and he looked at her with such worry and concern, she was frightened.
“What is it, Adam? What has happened?”
He licked his lips and stared at her for the longest time. “We lost the baby, Emmaline. A baby boy. Dr. Carter said he was not fully formed as he should have been.”
“The baby? Our baby?”
Adam nodded. “Dr. Carter will be back within the hour. I’m sure your mother sent for him. He’ll want to examine you.”
“But why? Our baby is dead?” She felt hopelessness bear down on her and the beginnings of misery and pain that she could see on her horizon.
“You’ve lost a lot of blood. We . . . we weren’t sure if you would ever wake up”—he examined her hand—“it’s been two days and a half since you delivered him.”
“I want to see him, Adam,” she said with some urgency. “I want to see.” She tried pitifully to pull the blankets away from herself. But she was exhausted just from the knowledge. She could no more climb out of the bed than flap her arms and fly up to the sky.
“He’s buried, Emmaline. In the Paradise cemetery. Jim and Matt made a little . . . box for him”—he looked up at her with watery eyes—“He was no bigger than my palm.”
Then she heard someone crying and moaning and realized it was her. She slept fitfully then after the doctor left, no doubt aided by whatever her mother had given her at his direction.
EMMALINE PULLED herself up to a sitting position against the wooden headboard of the bed. She’d woken sometime before and stayed in bed remembering everything that had happened in the last two weeks as she’d done every morning. The baby was gone. The baby was gone and buried. She felt empty, as if all the hope and wonder and terror she’d felt was gone. Was it logical to miss terror? Yes. She thought it might be, as any feeling would be preferable to nothingness.
But there was something else there she’d just begun to identify. She wasn’t relieved the baby was gone. That was not it at all as she’d begun to think about milestones with the child, and with Adam. She’d begun to think about when this little boy or girl would reach up and touch her face or smile or discover his or her toes. She’d begun to think about more children, a family sitting down to a meal with Adam at his usual place and her in Mrs. Gentry’s seat. She’d been desperately trying to imagine herself and her husband in the future being happy and satisfied with what they’d both settled for.
But there was relief if she was honest with herself. She’d not have to endure sly looks and comments for her or the child, maybe for all of her life. She’d not have to pretend that this marriage was anything but a salvation of reputation for her and respite from the bruising grip of grief that consumed Adam.
She pulled her legs out from under the blankets and turned to sit on the side of the bed. Sometimes it felt as if her innards were going to fall out from between her legs if she were to take too jaunty a step, and her breasts were still a bit sore. Otherwise she was fine, and it was very sad to feel fine, she thought. She’d convinced herself since she’d lost their son that she should be in terrible pain. Thinking however empty she felt in those moments, at some point she would be swamped with grief and anger and guilt and shouldn’t her physical self be in tune with her emotional self? Wouldn’t it be easier to drift away from everyone if her bones and her soul both ached in rhythm?
But today was a new day, she was feeling more herself, and she was not going to wallow. She was going to pick herself up and reexamine everything. If she’d learned anything, it was that she needed to make some changes. Raising a family had never been her goal, not that she wouldn’t have liked children, but it wasn’t the total of her life as it seemed to be with Nettie. She needed to find out what she wanted her future to look like. She looked around the bedroom and realized she couldn’t do that here, in this room, with Adam close by and the shadow of their marriage over her like a cloud. Her marriage. If there was any speck of something positive, it would be that they would both be released from this awkward, forced union.
She had some money in the bank, everything that she’d received from her father’s will, as all her brothers and sisters had, the yearly dividends they all received from Somerset Farriers, and everything she’d earned helping Marabelle at the mercantile. It wasn’t a fortune, but it was not a small amount, either. She could move away and begin again, perhaps to Washington, like Mrs. Gentry had, or New York even with Aunt Madge, or maybe Philadelphia where she could truly reach for her dream. She stood up, happy that she wasn’t dizzy. She went to the bathing room and filled the tub.
“WHAT?” Adam said to Jenny a week later even as he watched George wrestle a new foal that had been born with the cord wrapped twice around its neck. “Careful George. The mare’s trying to get up.”
“Mrs. Gentry is packed and leaving.”
Adam turned from where he stood in the entrance to a stall. “My mother went to Washington weeks ago now. Are you saying she’s come home?”
Jenny shook her head impatiently. “Your wife. Your wife told Beatrice not to bother calling for the carriage, that she could walk to Winchester.”
“Emmaline? Emmaline is going to walk to Winchester.”
“Yes. That’s what she said.”
Adam watched as Jenny walked away from him. “I’ve got to check on my wife, George. Are we in good shape until the next one drops?”
“We’re good, Mr. Gentry. I don’t think we’re going to have another birth until tomorrow or longer.”
“Get me, George, whenever it happens.”
Adam slapped the straw off his pant legs with his hat as he walked to the house. He was glad Emmaline was up and moving around even though the doctor had told her to stay in bed for one more week. She was asleep every night when he went to bed and he was gone to the stables before she was awake in the morning, so they’d not talked at all other than some pleasantries when he’d turned up to share his coffee with her after dinner as he’d been eating with George in the bunkhouse the entire week. She’d been getting her strength ba
ck and eating well according to Mabel.
He walked in the back door, scraped his boots on the rug, and went through the kitchen to the front hallway. Emmaline stood there in a brown skirt, white shirtwaist, and a loose black jacket with a carpet bag sitting at her feet. What was she doing?
“Emmaline?” He walked down the hall toward her. Beatrice glanced at him and hurried away. The house was silent all around him as if its occupants had sensed a storm about to break. “Jenny said you needed to go to Winchester. Are you up to it?”
“Oh, hello, Adam,” she said, as she fiddled nervously with hooks on her jacket. “I’m feeling well. Thank you. I’ve left you a note in your room.”
“A note?”
“I could never thank you enough for rescuing me and thereby rescuing my family. You were truly a hero, just as I always thought,” she said hurriedly and breathlessly as if she’d been rehearsing it. She looked away quickly and picked up her bag.
He didn’t move out of her way. “What is in the note, Emmaline?”
“A thank-you of course”—her eyes slid away from his—“and my permission, my blessing really, not that you need it, to get an annulment or a divorce or whatever is expedient.”
Adam shook his head. “What are you talking about?”
“There is no need for you to sacrifice yourself anymore. The baby . . . our baby is gone.”
“So, that’s it? We lost a child and that’s it?” Adam said, his voice rising.
“There’s no need to torture ourselves. We’ve never consummated the marriage so there’ll never be any awkwardness between us. I plan on leaving Winchester in a week or two.”
He was inching close to her, so angry, so . . . disappointed, so hurt, that he was having trouble holding his temper and remaining civil. He never lost his temper, he thought briefly, but then he looked at her hand.
“Where are your engagement and wedding rings?”
“I left them with the note. It didn’t seem right . . .”
