Bullet

by Jamison, Jade C.

  He grinned and stood. “Seriously, go ahead and have a seat.” He waved his hand at it as though inviting me.

  “No, really, I’m good.”

  He shrugged and the two of us stood to watch Ethan finish the solo. Brad stood close enough to me, though, that I imagined I could feel his body heat radiating over to mine. It had to be my imagination. But that vibration inside, the one shaking me to the core? Yeah…that was Brad, and if Ethan had sensed any of the insane, unexpected chemistry between me and his best friend, this would be the last time I ever saw Brad.

  Ethan was good. From what I’d seen of the two of them, they were both incredible guitarists but they played differently. The biggest difference? When Brad played his guitar, he remembered I still existed. For Ethan, his whole world became that damned guitar…and nothing else.

  Chapter Six

  EITHER ETHAN HADN’T noticed, or he just didn’t give a shit. That was okay, I supposed, because nothing would ever come of whatever weird chemistry Brad and I had. That was my guess, anyway, because as soon as we were in his truck to head back to his house, Ethan said nothing about it and instead asked, “Did you really like our band, or were you just being nice?” I looked over at him, my brows furrowed, but I doubted he could see my face. The street lamps in this town were few and far between, and what little he could see inside the truck would be coming from the dash. “I know you have a tendency to be polite, but coming from a guy who trusts you, who’s putting all his trust in you, please be totally honest. Brutally honest. I’ll get plenty of fan gushing later on. I need criticism right now.”

  Was this a trick question? Ethan didn’t seem the type to take criticism well…not that it mattered in this instance. I smiled at him. “Everything I said back there was true. You guys were fantastic, and I’m so glad I finally got to see you play.”

  I’d managed to plaster a smile on his face that remained all the way to his house. He leaned over and cranked the radio. And that left me alone with my thoughts. Once Ethan had finished the “Moon Baby” solo, he’d rushed us out of there. He’d used the excuse that because his mom hadn’t been home by the time we’d left, he wanted to see her before she went to bed. That was what had made me think maybe he’d had issues with what I thought had been obscenely obvious flirtation or something between Brad and me. Before we’d walked out the door, Ethan asked if I’d enjoyed singing, and I’d given some goofy answer, but they all knew I’d liked it…a lot more than I maybe should have.

  And when we’d left, all the guys said goodbye, but Brad especially told me it had been a pleasure meeting me. His eyes said more, but I pretended not to register it. Then he’d slapped Ethan on the back, promising to see him Saturday afternoon.

  We got back to Ethan’s house after nine o’clock. The house was bathed in shadow, and as we walked to the door from the truck, I could see our breath hanging in the air. Ethan muttered, “Mom’s still not back? Where in hell could she be?” We walked into his house, and in the space of a few seconds, he seemed so lost, so vulnerable. He was worried about his mother. And right then and there, I realized it. Brad who?

  I loved Ethan.

  I had fallen hopelessly, madly in love with him. Was it a cliché? Hell, yeah, but it had happened nonetheless. My interest in him had waned before, and even tonight, under the intense scrutiny—no, admiration of someone else—I had doubted my feelings. But Brad had no hold over me when he wasn’t around. When it was just Ethan, I was overpowered with emotion for him. But it had seemed as though I’d allowed my interest to dwindle to just friends instead of…this intense, overwhelming feeling. Why, all of a sudden, was I overcome with it, especially after the evening I’d experienced?

  While I was swirling in an emotional eddy, Ethan was in one of his own…but at least he was talking out loud. His forehead puckered up into worry, and concern clouded his green eyes. “Where is she?” He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and looked at me. “Go ahead and turn the TV on if you want, Val.” He started dialing.

  I shook my head. “That’s okay.” I was too worried about his worrying to concentrate on a television program. Really, though, I should have been studying for finals. But there was no way I could do that either, not while Ethan was so stressed out.

  “Hey, gramps. This is Ethan.” He glanced over at me and forced a smile but then turned around and started pacing. “I’m here for the weekend.” There was a pause. “Yeah, I’ll be home in a week, but I have a friend here visiting. Look…do you know where mom is?” His eyes grazed over me as I sat on the overstuffed couch that tried to swallow me up. “No, she’s not here. That’s why I called you. Is she maybe working late?” He continued to pace, and he ran a hand through his hair that I just noticed was getting a little longer. “Yeah…I can call there. Bye.” The expression of worry on his face grew. He walked into the kitchen and came back with a phone book. He sat on the couch next to me while leafing through the pages of the small book. “She works at a restaurant, and her usual shift is from eight to five, but sometimes she trades shifts with other waitresses.” His finger held his place on a phone number, and he dialed it with his right hand. Then he brought the phone up to his ear and waited. “Maybe she traded a shift today.” His expression changed as someone on the other side answered the phone. “Is June Richards there?” I saw him mouth fuck, but he said out loud, “I don’t suppose you know where she is.” Another pause until he said, “Okay. Thanks.” He pressed end on the phone. “What the fuck is she doing?” He started pressing buttons on his phone again, the expression on his face communicating so much. Yes, he should have called his mom’s cell first. He didn’t say a word but just held the phone to his ear. “Mom…where the hell are you? I’m here at home and you’re not. I’m worried about you. Please call me and let me know you’re okay.” He hung up but a cloud hung over his head, and he clenched his jaw. “Maybe she’s on a date or something.”

  He stood up again and started pacing. “Sorry if I’m upsetting you too, Val. I guess maybe we can just watch TV until she gets home.” I could tell he watched over his mother very carefully. I knew he called her several times a week from school. I wondered if his father was dead or just divorced from his mother, but I didn’t want to ask him about it.

  He switched the television on and starting surfing through channels, never staying on any one show for very long. I thought of grabbing one of the books I had in my suitcase, but I decided against it, knowing I wouldn’t retain much of what I studied anyway. So I tried my best to relax.

  Ethan finally settled on CNN, and I thought that was probably the worst choice out of all the possibilities. He’d be witnessing the dregs of humanity, the world at its worst—murder, arson, government scandals. If it were me, that kind of television would just make me more anxious.

  And then something happened. He slid his arm around my shoulders. An electric thrill ran through my body, just under the surface, and suddenly I was aware of everything. After a long time, though, nothing more happened, and Ethan even shifted a little to redial his mother. But he just left another message, asking her to call.

  After the emotional day, sitting still next to Ethan’s warm body, I dozed off and stirred later when he called his mother again, but then I fell completely under sleep’s heavy spell. In the back of my mind, I wondered if he felt comforted holding me or if he was starting to feel like I mattered to him. I didn’t know, but I wasn’t complaining about being close to him. I wasn’t sure when I drifted off, sometime early morning, I thought.

  I awoke early the next morning with a stiff next and sore muscles, still in the same position, still in Ethan’s arms. I was surprised neither he nor I were sweating, but the house was cold. I noticed my hands were chilly as I started to stretch. The television was still on, CNN in its never-ending cycle of news reports. I spotted the remote next to Ethan’s right hand and reached over his lap for it. Then I switched the TV off.

  Ah, sweet silence. That felt good.

  I stood and stretc
hed again and decided to let Ethan sleep longer. I wasn’t sure how I knew, but I did know he’d been up a good chunk of the night. He needed some rest, especially if we were going to have to spend the rest of the weekend figuring out what had happened to his mom. Now I was really worried about her.

  I decided to go ahead and take a shower so I’d be prepared for whatever Ethan decided to do. I went upstairs and got a fresh change of clothes out of my luggage, as well as all the other toiletries I thought I’d need. I went in the bathroom and couldn’t see a closet where there might be towels stored, nor any shelves, so I went back in the hallway. There were shelves between Ethan’s room and the bathroom and, sure enough, there were towels and washcloths on them. I grabbed one of each and went in the bathroom where a warm shower was beckoning me.

  I needed it and it felt great. By the time I was out and dressed, Ethan was up and at the kitchen table, thumping his fingers. He looked up at me. Oh, no. Why hadn’t I bothered with fresh makeup? And I’d combed out my hair but hadn’t done anything else with it. I was sure I looked like crap. But Ethan was too preoccupied to notice. “She’s not in bed, not at work. I tried calling her again and nothing. Where could she be?”

  I knew it was stupid, but I felt like I had to say something. “Did she maybe take a vacation? Maybe she’s staying at a friend or relative’s house, just enjoying some new scenery.” He scowled, and that’s when I knew my suggestions weren’t working. Ethan decided to shower as well, and I made sure to be looking more presentable when he came out, putting on some makeup. But he got some cereal out of the cupboards and made some coffee so we could eat a little breakfast. He called his grandfather again—no luck. And he left his mother at least three more messages.

  At ten o’clock, she walked in the door.

  Ethan didn’t miss a beat. He’d been pacing in the kitchen again but made a beeline for the older woman when she walked through the door. “Mom, where the hell have you been? I’ve been worried sick about you. You weren’t answering your phone; you didn’t call me back…”

  She took him in and pulled him into a warm embrace. “I didn’t know you were coming home this weekend, honey, or I would have made sure I was here.” She kissed him on the cheek and smiled. “I lost my phone. I thought maybe it was in the car. That’s where I usually find it when it’s lost, but no. I haven’t located it yet.” And that’s when she noticed me. I liked her right away. She was sincere, kind, and sweet. “Who’s your friend?”

  Ethan was calm and, for him, I no longer existed. “Don’t avoid my question, mom.”

  The woman tried to be stern, but her admonition fell flat. “Ethan, where are your manners? Introduce your friend first.” I saw a twinkle in her green eyes that looked just like her son’s. I guessed she was in her late thirties, because she looked a lot younger than my parents. Her brown hair was pulled up in a ponytail, and her eyes seemed alert but tired. And, while I wasn’t the best judge, she appeared to be too thin. Maybe she’d been working too hard or hadn’t gotten much sleep. “And why don’t we go have a cup of coffee at the kitchen table? You’re making me nervous.”

  His jaw clenched but he acquiesced. “This is a friend from school, Valerie Quinn.”

  Well, this was awkward. There was some weird tension growing between Ethan and his mother, and here I was, right in the middle of it. I just smiled as sweetly as I could and said hi. Then I tried to find some unobtrusive way to just blend into the background.

  His mother led Ethan by the elbow and even grabbed my hand on her other side, urging us to the kitchen. She hadn’t even removed her coat yet. Once we were in that dark but cozy room, she set her purse on the counter and then slid her long brown coat off her shoulders, draping it over a chair. She walked over to the coffee pot and pulled out a cup from the cabinet above it. “I see you’re meeting nice girls for a change.” His mother’s laugh was nervous. I couldn’t quite figure that one out.

  “Mom.” Ethan was pressing.

  She turned around, coffee in hand and said, “Would you sit down, please? Good grief. You’re making me feel like a hen being scoped out by a wolf.”

  And I wasn’t helping. I knew that much. I sat down, though, and I did it quickly, because there was some weird dynamic going on between him and his mom. I started to think better of it, though, and thought maybe I could use this moment as an excuse to study. “I can give you some time alone.”

  Ethan gave me a look and then shook his head. “You can stay.” His gaze moved to his mother again.

  She was nervous and jumpy. She took a sip of her coffee and then sat down. Ethan joined her. She took a deep breath and said, “You remember Jason?”

  I could tell this question upset Ethan, but he managed to rein it in. “Yeah. You were dating him last summer.”

  His mother looked down at her cup of coffee as though it would understand her better than her son. Both her hands were wrapped around it as she looked into the warm brown liquid. “I was with him last night.” She took a deep breath and forced herself to look in her son’s eyes. “I love him, Ethan. He’s going to move in here.”

  I couldn’t tell what Ethan was thinking. He had a poker face the likes of which I’d never seen before. He was cool when he said, “At least you’re falling in love with nice guys for a change.”

  His mother started laughing. She seemed relieved. “Have you had breakfast?”

  He nodded. “Val and I are going to Brad’s later.”

  “But I haven’t even seen you.”

  His visage didn’t change. His eyes were cold, even since making the joke he had with his mother. Something was going on and I wasn’t sure what it was. He didn’t apologize or explain, and I didn’t know how good an idea it was for the two of us to return to Brad’s house. But I wasn’t going to say a word. He stood and looked at me. “Val, I have to see some old friends, and I don’t want you to be bored. If you’re still tired, you can sleep in my bed.”

  What? So he was just going to leave for a while? Hadn’t we seen some of his old friends the night before…and weren’t we going to do it again later? He didn’t answer the questions in my eyes, instead bending over and kissing his mother on the cheek. “Be back in a while.” Before either of us could say another word, he was in the living room putting on his jacket and then walking out the door.

  That was…bizarre, to say the least. I wasn’t sure how to take that, but his mother seemed to just blow it off. “Silly boy.” She got up to freshen her coffee, but I knew it was an excuse to avoid eye contact…not that I blamed her. “He’ll be back in a week and can visit all his old friends then.” When she sat back at the table, she asked, “So, Valerie, how did you and Ethan meet?”

  Well, Ethan might not have cared enough about his mom to stick around and make her feel loved, but I liked her right from the start. Sure, she seemed a little…broken, but she seemed kind and thoughtful, and I was beginning to wonder why those qualities hadn’t rubbed off on her son. But I also knew something was eating at Ethan having to do with something going on with his mom, and maybe since I was his guest, he didn’t want to make a bigger scene than he already had and decided to leave and cool off. I had no problems talking with his mother, though. “In our history class.” No way was I going to tell her I’d planned the meeting. I would have been too embarrassed with that revelation.

  Ethan’s mother stared into the black coffee mug in between her hands. “You probably think Ethan and I have a strange relationship.” She looked up to make contact with my eyes. “But I love him so much. He’s my only child…” Her voice got quieter. “Looks just like his father.”

  I sucked in a quick breath. How I wanted to ask about his father, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I figured if Ethan had wanted me to know, he would have already told me. Otherwise, it was probably none of my business, no matter how nosy I felt. The poor woman looked like she needed some good news, though, something to make her feel better. “He loves you too. I can tell. He worried about you and called al
l over trying to find you.”

  “He’s a sweet boy.” She rolled her neck as though trying to get the kinks out of it. “Is his band going to play for you?”

  “They did…last night. They’re great. Ethan really knows his way around a guitar. I’m so glad we met. He’s become my best friend.”

  She got up and pulled the carafe off of the warmer base of the coffee maker. She brought it to the table to refill her cup. “You love him too, don’t you?” It was as though she could see my soul. How did she know? Or was it that Ethan just had that effect on young women? “Would you like some more?”

  I shook my head. “No…no, thank you.” I felt stunned. She turned around and replaced the carafe. As she sat down, I asked, “How could you tell?” Or had it just been a lucky guess?

  She smiled and acted like she was going to place her hand on mine, but she didn’t. “By the way your eyes light up when you talk about him.” She took a sip of her coffee. “It’s hard to explain.” Her smile widened again. “I’m glad, though. Ethan has never really found a girl to love him. He needs that.”

  Whoa. First of all, I found that hard to believe. Ethan was absolutely gorgeous, mysterious, smart, and funny. He downplayed it, but I was convinced he already had a legion of fans, no matter what his mother thought. And then there was the problem that I often wondered that he didn’t feel the same way about me. So I said, “Yes, but we’re only friends.”

  She smiled, a gentle, tender look that just touched the corner of her eyes. “Are you so sure? Ethan has never even bothered to introduce me to the girls he’s dated in the past.”

  I grinned back, sure I was right. “Well, we’re just friends, and I’m sure that’s why he did.”

  She chuckled. “You’re right there. I just hope you’re a good influence on him.” She let out a long sigh. “Last year in high school, he hung around with the wrong crowd, if you know what I mean. He and Brad have been good friends for a long time, and I like Brad, but forming this band was Ethan’s saving grace. He and Brad hooked up with Zane and Nick around spring break last year, and suddenly Ethan cared again. It was such a relief.” She took another sip of coffee. “All those kids are basically good kids. And I can tell you’re a nice girl.” This time she did pat my hand. “I hope he decides to stay friends with you.”