I got the rest of the band’s attention, though. On our way back to the apartment, Nick of all people said, “What the hell was that you were doing with your voice tonight, Val? Holy shit.”
Zane joined in. “Yeah. That was some cool shit.”
Brad: “It was. But just make sure the audience can hear you.”
Zane: “They could.”
“Was I too quiet?”
Brad: “Maybe a little too breathy.” So…Brad was more objective. I nodded, not sure what to do with the contradictory information. “But I liked it. It needs a little work, but keep doing it.”
I smiled. Still nothing from Ethan, the man I had really wanted to hear from. He was being quieter than usual. I shouldn’t complain, though, because at least he wasn’t on anything tonight.
Once we got to the apartment and got settled in, the guys wanted to talk about the show. There had been some weird things going on with rhythm, but it didn’t affect me, and I was tired. And, based on Ethan’s reticence, I figured he could make whatever it was he’d wanted to make up to me the following day.
So I changed my clothes into another short nightie, but I left the panties on. Ethan could be with me all night long in that way, and part of me was pissed that I’d not only let him go without a condom but that I’d then been further aroused by the evidence of it.
I was thinking way too much, so I made myself get up and take a shower. The guys were still discussing the concert over a round of beers in the living room.
After my short bath, I lay in bed just thinking about Ethan and wasn’t really surprised when I heard him rap on the door and open it before I could even say a word. “You asleep?”
“No.”
I heard the smile in his voice. “I promised to take care of you. You too tired?”
The fact that my body was already tingling at the sound of his voice assured me that I definitely wasn’t too tired. I felt bashful when I said, “No.”
He turned on the light. God, he was gorgeous. The eyeliner he’d had on earlier was smudged, and his hair was a little mussed, but he was a vision. He looked wild, untamed, like an animal, and he was hungry for me. He peeled off his t-shirt and dropped it to the floor, then pulled off one boot, then the other, followed by his socks. Then he walked closer to the bed, unzipping those goddamned tight leather pants that were wrapped around him like skin, and he peeled them off next to my bed. I sat up a little, anticipating him, wanting him.
He slid under the sheet and laid his hand on my tummy underneath the nightie. He didn’t even look under to see that I wasn’t wearing panties. But he leaned over to kiss me while his hand roamed upward to find my breast. Oh…now that was nice. His touch was light, teasing, and I felt my entire body respond, my pussy getting wet again, hoping he would finally put me out of my misery. After the long, sensual kiss, he moved his lips to my neck and then to his hand to lick the nipple that had pebbled up at his touch. My back arched, pushing my nipple farther into his mouth, wishing he could consume me fully. I heard a loud sigh escape my lips, and I shoved my fingers in his hair.
His mouth released my breast to my dismay, but he began kissing a trail down my abdomen, moving farther down. Oh. I felt my muscles tighten in anticipation of what I thought he might be considering.
He kissed down the side of my hip, down the top of my leg, and then placed his hands on my thighs to gently urge them apart. Oh, there came that overwhelming sensation again, that one of feeling like too many nerves were being tantalized at once, that one of my brain not being able to keep up. And as his thumbs parted my labia, I thought I would jump out of my skin. That first stroke of his soft, warm tongue…
That blew me out of the water, and I already thought I couldn’t take anymore. I made some kind of groan and wrapped my curled fingers into the bottom sheet. But he licked me again, and the muscles in my inner thighs clenched and my breathing grew deep, hitting the bottom of my lungs with the force of forty horses. And yet his touch was gentle, maddening.
One stroke, then another, and I could feel myself climbing. This time, though, I knew what awaited me on the other side. I moved my hands to his head, winding my fingers into his hair, and then I could feel the motion of his head as he delivered those delicious sensations to that sensitive area, and somehow that intensified the feeling.
He sped up and I gasped. I wasn’t ready for the change, but then I could tell orgasm was inevitable. I felt my legs spread farther apart just out of instinct, and I tilted my pelvis and holy shit. I sucked in another deep breath only to be hit with one of the most powerful sensations I’d ever experienced in my short life.
Oh, yes, it was only the second orgasm I’d ever experienced, but it couldn’t compare to the first time. This time I had a better handle on what to expect. I still had no control over what he was doing to me—I was writhing, moaning out of control, and probably nearly pulling his hair out—but the feeling was at least familiar. And I held on as long as I could, but I finally said, “Oh, God, stop.” I thought I was going to lose my mind. I couldn’t handle the intensity anymore.
It took him a few seconds to register, but then he did stop—quite possibly because I was pulling up on his head. “What?”
I was breathing hard, as though I’d just run five miles. I tried to catch my breath. “I can’t take it anymore.”
His eyebrows furrowed. “Doesn’t it feel good?”
I felt my heart rate starting to slow. “Oh, yeah. It feels out of this world. But…too good, if that makes any sense. I can’t stand it anymore.”
He looked confused. “Too good? Is there such a thing?”
“Yeah. Oh, God, that was unbelievable.”
He cocked his head and sat up, but he wasn’t quite done. He kissed my belly again, making a path up to my cleavage. Then he looked up at me, and the way his head tilted made his eyebrows shadow his eyes. He looked mysterious, dark…tempting. “I really wanna be inside you. Do you think you could take that?”
I smiled. “I want to try.” And then I remembered. “Do you have a condom?”
He looked dismayed. “Next time. I promise.”
So I nodded, in spite of my hesitation. In seconds, he pulled down his underwear and entered me, and I realized I had again underestimated my body’s reaction. I took in a sharp breath, hit with the revelation that my orgasm was going to continue under the blows of his cock, whether I wanted it to or not. With his second thrust, I felt my thighs quiver in response, and they clenched his hips. I tilted my pelvis to take him in as far as he would go, but it had the added bonus of making me feel like a goddess. My gasps turned to audible groans again as he inflicted wave upon wave of heavenly delight upon me. But it couldn’t be stopped. I had no control over my body’s reaction. Maybe with time…but right now, it was so new, so unexpected, so freeing, all I could do was to let it overtake me and enjoy the ride.
* * *
Like the last time, Ethan wasn’t lying next to me when I awoke the next morning, and it wasn’t because he’d awakened before I had. When I got out of bed, I saw he was sleeping on one of the cots in the living room.
It was quiet as the guys slept away, but Brad was already up. I heard him in the shower, and he had already made coffee. I poured a cup and took it back to my room so I could put on makeup and do my hair before going to work. I didn’t want to do my makeup without washing my face, but I could at least fix my hair. While I worked on it, I thought about Ethan. Was he not sleeping with me because he really thought he could keep his involvement with me a secret, or was something else going on, something I couldn’t fully understand? Much as I loved Ethan and thought I knew about him, I knew there was far more beneath the surface than I’d ever touched. Even Brad had said as much to me.
But I couldn’t talk to anyone about that. Not a soul. Sure, maybe I could try emailing Jill or even Jennifer or messaging either one of them on Facebook, but I didn’t know that I wanted to talk with anyone about it. And even though Brad had become my closest friend in th
is new life, there was no way in hell I’d discuss Ethan and me with him. I didn’t know, didn’t think Brad still had feelings for me in that way, but whether he did or not, this was not a topic of discussion between the two of us. Ethan was like his brother, and I thought Brad had said as much about Ethan to me as he’d ever cared to, but more than that and something I didn’t want to think about was the possibility that he might still have deeper feelings for me.
I’d have to broach the subject with Ethan himself. I did know Ethan well enough to know that he wouldn’t want to talk about it, but if he really cared for me like he said he did, I’d tell him he had no choice. I wasn’t going to allow myself to be hurt or lied to, so he was going to have to explain. Besides, even if he did think he could keep us secret, he needed to know that wasn’t going to happen. I almost blushed remembering how vocal I’d been the night before.
I heard Brad exit the bathroom, and I gave him a little bit to clear out of the hallway before I walked into the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth. I returned to my room quickly, and by the time I left for work, I heard him strumming a tune on his acoustic in the big bedroom. It sounded sad. Part of me wanted to go hug him, but another part of me thought maybe I was the reason for that sad tune, and I hurried out the door, not wanting to dwell on that thought and ruin my happiness with Ethan.
Chapter Twenty-five
MY SHIFT WAS over early afternoon and I walked home, noticing for the first time that cooler weather was on the way. It was still pleasant and warm, but it wasn’t scorching hot like it had been all summer long.
I walked up the stairs to our apartment, feeling tired. The work at the sub shop wasn’t hard, and even standing on my feet for hours on end wasn’t bad, but it was boring work. The only time it felt stimulating was when we had customers who needed us to make something for them. I knew—whether music would become my entire life or not—that food service was not for me. I’d stick it out, but I didn’t plan to be there for years.
As I walked down the hall toward the apartment, I realized I could hear voices. And they were voices I knew. The guys were having a heated discussion. That was nothing new. They were all passionate about the music and they all had strong opinions, so to hear their voices raised didn’t completely surprise me.
But I paused outside the doorway. They weren’t talking about music.
No.
They were talking about me.
I couldn’t make out the words at first, but it didn’t take long. I heard Brad shouting. “You don’t deserve her.”
Okay, so that grabbed me around the heart and rattled me. Then I knew why Brad had been quiet and sullen the last several days. Whether or not he still had romantic feelings for me, he obviously objected to Ethan’s pursuit of me.
“Fuck that. I make her happy.” Something I couldn’t hear…but I resisted putting my ear up to the door. Then Ethan again: “You heard her yourself.”
It was quiet for a few seconds and then I heard, “Ethan, you’re a mess. You know it and I know it. You wanna make her happy? Get your shit together, man.”
I took a deep breath. Should I go in or not? Should I wait until they were done or leave and come back later? Well…maybe they didn’t know I could hear them, and maybe if I entered now, I could make them stop fighting. I really didn’t want to hear the conversation, but I hoped my presence would end it.
Sure enough, as soon as I opened the door, they stopped yelling at each other. Brad and Ethan were standing facing each other, and the atmosphere was tense. Zane was standing next to them as though he was there to break it up and Nick…I wasn’t sure where he was at first until I heard the muffled sounds of his drum kit pouring out of the bedroom.
The two men stood toe to toe until I closed the door behind me. The sound somehow pulled them out of their stances. I wanted to ask them to calm down, but I didn’t want them to know I’d heard part of their conversation. So, instead, I tried slapping a concerned look on my face and asked, “What’s going on?”
Brad was the first to back away and then he and Ethan both looked at me. Brad said, “Nothing. Just a little misunderstanding.”
“Yeah.” Ethan looked away. He looked pissed.
Brad didn’t look much better, but he’d managed to bury the emotions a little deeper. “How was work?”
I shrugged. “Nothing exciting.” Oh, it was tempting to start asking questions, but I instead asked about dinner plans and buried what I knew of their conversation deep in the back of my mind. I couldn’t let it eat at me.
But it did. It was cradled in the back of my mind.
* * *
The summer drifted into fall with little fanfare. As September flowed into October, Ethan started out almost every night in my bedroom but left before morning. And, thanks to our hectic schedule, my need to save money, and walking to and from my job, I lost a few pounds. Nothing dramatic, but I was suddenly svelte for the first time in my life. The extra ten or fifteen pounds I’d been toting around since becoming a teenager had melted off, and I felt slim for the first time as an adult.
Brad noticed.
He and I were the only ones up early in the morning, probably because we were the only ones who’d managed to find day jobs in addition to the band. We were drinking coffee one morning and he said, “Please, Val…please tell me you’re not indulging in any of the shit Ethan does regularly.”
That seemed to come out of nowhere. “What? Why would you even ask that?”
“You’ve lost a lot of weight.”
I tried to smile. “That’s not why.”
“Something I should worry about?”
I let his words sink in. “Oh, no. No. Hell, no. I’m just…not eating as much and I’m exercising a lot. I’m not starving, and I’m definitely not doing drugs.”
He nodded. “Okay. Good. Just…you really are our muse, Val. I…” His voice drifted off, and he stared in his coffee.
“What?”
I saw his jaw clench but then he forced himself to look at me. “I feel the need to protect you.”
This time I did smile. “From what?”
He shook his head. “Lots of things. I…just want you safe.”
“I am safe, right?” He raised an eyebrow. “Right?”
“Yeah, sure. You are.” But he didn’t believe it, and I knew it stemmed from my torrid relationship with Ethan. I’d gotten a little better about keeping myself quieter, but those walls were thin, and we lived in tight quarters. Brad knew exactly how hard I’d fallen for Ethan, and I think that’s where his concern came from. “Just…” He blew air out of his mouth, almost as though he were tired. “Just remember you have a friend here, okay?”
I smiled and placed my hand on his. “I know that.” Of course, Ethan would walk in just as I did that. His eyes narrowed, but he sat down at the table without saying a word. I pulled my hand back to myself and took a sip of my coffee. “Hey, how’d you sleep?”
He shrugged. “For shit.”
Brad said, “There’s plenty of coffee if you want it.”
“Nah. I know what I want.”
Brad and I glanced at each other. I knew what he was thinking. He might have been right, that Ethan was craving some synthetic pick-me-up, but I thought he might have also been talking about sex with me. He hadn’t even looked at me in any such way that would indicate it. It was just a feeling I had.
Brad was in no mood, though. “Think it through, man.”
Ethan rolled his eyes. “Fuck off, Bradley.”
I was starting to grow weary of the constant friction between the two alpha males of the household. I felt like I was walking on pins and needles while they continually picked at each other. Before Brad had a chance to say anything else, I said, “Can we please stop?”
Brad sighed. “I gotta go to work anyway.” He stood up and rinsed out his coffee cup. “Nice talkin’ with ya, Val.”
I was a little ticked with Ethan for pushing Brad away. I knew Brad cared for Ethan just as much as he d
id for me, if not more. But Ethan just couldn’t see past his own ego. After the front door closed, Ethan wrapped his hand around my neck. His eyes were intense. “So what’s going on with you and my bro?”
Was he jealous? “Nothing. You know Brad and I are close.”
His voice was low. “I know you were very close. Anything I should be worried about?”
“No. Of course not.” I sighed. “Don’t be that way, Ethan.”
“What way?”
“Possessive and covetous.”
He raised an eyebrow and sported a cockeyed smile. “Covetous?”
“Yeah. I’m with you, Ethan. I love you.”
His smiled turned lascivious. “Then let’s go fuck.”
I didn’t know that I cared for his crude way of asking, but the look in his eyes changed my mind. I’d finally bought my own stash of condoms that I kept in the nightstand next to my bed, and I insisted on using them. In the past month, I’d enjoyed multiple orgasms and had had sex in several different spots in our apartment, in various different positions. I’d even managed to successfully deliver in the blowjob department. I was enjoying exploring my sexuality with Ethan, and he was open to anything I suggested. When I needed him to, he took it slowly, and he somehow knew exactly what I needed—how and when.
So, even though I’d need to get ready for work in the next half hour, I thought I could give him that time. So I stood up and grabbed his hand, leading him to my bedroom.
The door wasn’t even closed when he had his hand wrapped around my neck again and started kissing me hard on the lips. Just like always, though, I was primed and ready to go. It didn’t take much anymore. Just looking at him or thinking about him was enough to get me aroused.
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