His eyes narrowed and his voice got low…like the growl of a dog protecting a piece of meat. “Why?”
“Because I’m tired of you treating me like shit.”
He blinked. “No…it’s ‘cause you’re fucking somebody else.”
I took a deep breath and tried to keep the anger out of my voice. “No…we were over before that.” Oh, holy fucking shit. I’d just admitted it by not denying it. Well, so much for finesse. Guess he was going to find out anyway.
He stomped over to me. I flinched. He was dangerous. I could feel it. I was blinking my eyes and cringing like I was expecting to be hit. He stopped in front of me. “What the fuck, Val? I’m not going to hit you.”
“What are you gonna do?”
He grabbed me about the shoulders and looked in my eyes. “I thought you loved me.”
I stared at him for a few moments. “I thought you loved me too, but…”
“But what?”
“You’re the one who’s sleeping around, Ethan. I tried to pretend like you weren’t, but you know it and I know it. And I’m tired of you cheating on me. And you can’t expect me to just stand around, happy to let it happen.”
“Christ. I’ve tried to include you in on it.”
The breath escaped my lungs, and it took me a few seconds to form the words. “Don’t you get it, Ethan? I don’t want to share you. I never agreed to an open relationship.”
He just stared at me for a little bit. “You never said we had to be exclusive either.”
“What the…? Are you serious? Ethan, I gave you my fucking virginity. My virginity. I saved that for you. For you. Why would you even expect me to be happy sharing you with every girl out there? That’s just…narcissistic, thinking the world fucking revolves around you. Well, guess what? It doesn’t. And we’re done.”
He pulled me close and kissed me, and I was surprised at my lack of response for the man that, deep down (I knew), I still loved. But I had been able to shut it off, tuck it in a box and file it on a shelf somewhere deep in my heart. And so I was able to not respond, to not feel hot and bothered, to not need to put my arms around him and hold him close. None of those things. I was able to stop myself.
In fact, I placed my hands on his chest and managed to push him away. He looked at me, unbelieving. “I said we’re done, Ethan. You get that?”
Oh, God. He looked crushed. But he took the hint. He let go of me and nodded his head. He walked back to his suitcase, his shoulders just a little droopy, and started to pull the zipper to close it. I let out a breath, feeling guilty as hell, even though I knew I shouldn’t. He’d done this to himself. I didn’t expect him to say another word, but he surprised me again. “So…who’s the guy? Anyone I know?”
He should have been able to figure it out…not the guy, necessarily, but the idea that I wouldn’t just start indiscriminately fucking around just because that’s what he’d consider doing…had done, multiple times in the past, probably more than I knew. “Why? You don’t really care, do you?”
He pulled his suitcase off the bed and held it next to his side. “Actually, I do.”
Oh. Yeah, I knew why. He wanted to make sure I wasn’t with Brad. “It’s not anyone from Fully Automatic, okay?” Apparently, Ethan had forgotten that Brad had put the kibosh on any hanky panky to keep the band solid. Ethan and I were the idiots who’d ruined his plan, but Brad was an aboveboard kind of guy.
He grunted, and just from the way he was acting, I knew he suspected he might know who it was. But he’d find out soon enough. Part of me—the sympathetic part—wanted to say sorry, but the responsibility was with Ethan. If he hadn’t pushed and pushed and pushed me away, I never would have considered Clayton, no matter how big a flirt he was. Ethan didn’t say a single word as he lifted the suitcase and walked out the door.
And I was so angry with myself that his action actually made me cry.
But I got it together and got packed for the next trip. I’d learned from our summer tours the year before that it didn’t pay to actually unpack. If you lived out of your luggage, it was easier to not forget things and simpler to get ready for the next stop. So I gathered up what few things I did have out and placed them in my luggage. Then I walked out the door, believing this would be the last room I ever shared with Ethan.
All three bands had parked together in parking lot. We’d all had trailers to tote our instruments and equipment in, so we had to park farther away than most guests. I got near the van and stood aside while Brad adjusted things in the very back to make room for all the suitcases. It would all fit; I knew that from experience, but it sometimes took a little maneuvering, and Brad—as usual—was the expert.
I felt uncomfortable. Ethan was leaning against the side of the van smoking a cigarette, looking sour. I glanced over at the Last Five Seconds van. It was a lot like Brad’s, only it was newer and in better condition. I was pretty sure theirs had air conditioning unlike ours, but I wasn’t going to complain. Ours got us where we needed to go.
But I was looking over there, because I wanted to see Clayton again. Once I’d gotten my emotional shit together, I couldn’t stop thinking about him. He had my loins all in a tizzy, and I couldn’t wait to be alone with him again. I saw him and felt my heart start pumping harder. Yeah…this guy did it for me. I could tell he was avoiding looking at me, and I knew why. He didn’t know if I’d already broken the news to Ethan, and he didn’t want to draw attention to us. But I think he could feel my eyes on him, because then he looked over at me. I smiled…and then I winked at him. He raised his eyebrows at me, so I gave him a thumbs up. That’s when he smiled back and he started walking over.
Oh, please, no. I was imagining another very public display of affection like Ethan had done the other day, a kind of territorial marking thing, and I was going to be pissed. But Clayton instead gave me a pleasant surprise. He just came over and talked so quietly that no one—not even Ethan, just feet away and probably curious as hell—would hear what he said. “So…everything’s cool?” I smiled again and just nodded. “See you tonight after the show?”
“Oh, hell, yeah.”
He chuckled and walked back to his band. All I could think of was that big goddamned cock stuffed into the front of his jeans…and how happy it was gonna make me later.
* * *
“What the hell is that?”
“It’s called a cock ring.” I started giggling at the purple device with a ring that I assumed would fit over his penis. “Well, more specifically, a vibrating cock ring.”
“What does it do?”
His grin was sly. “Don’t you wanna find out?” Yeah, actually, I did. But then he said, “Unless, of course, you’re wanting to spend time with Clay tonight.”
The whole Jet/ Clay thing was getting a little silly, but I was starting to feel like it was important to him…like maybe he had a huge sensitive side I had no idea about it, and by asking for Jet all the time, I was deflating his ego and making him feel unloved. So I said, “I leave it entirely up to you. I think I’m pretty partial to them both.”
He kissed me then with unrestrained passion. My God, the heat coming off of him made me feel like summer was already in full bloom. It was just a matter of seconds before his lips were on my neck, and he was pulling my shirt over my head.
And I couldn’t resist. He’d already teased me with making me wonder about this vibrating ring. Holy hell. What could it be? I was excited to find out. So I tugged at the button and zipper on his pants and worked my way inside.
“Whoa, girl,” he said. “Ah, what the fuck? Why not? The ring’ll slow me down anyway.”
I kept rubbing his penis in my hands. I was fascinated by it. I could tell by the look in his eyes that he really liked it. “Slow you down how?”
“That’s the whole point. I’ll be able to stay hard for hours.”
“Hours?”
“Maybe not that long with you…”
I kissed him and laughed. “Let’s test that theory, shall
we?” He raised his eyebrows. “Just put it on.”
He grinned and slid it over his penis. It looked like it was too tight. “That doesn’t hurt?”
“No.”
He looked bigger than ever. I was feeling playful, something I’d never felt with Ethan. With Ethan, sex had been serious business, but Clay…or Jet…made it okay to play. So I shoved him so he fell backward onto the bed. But he was lying down. “Sit up.”
“Oh. Bossy. Are you a little bit of a dominatrix?”
Boy, was I naïve. Really naïve. I had no idea then the kinds of things I could have done to him that night. “Why? Would you actually like that?”
“Once in a while…”
Shit, was this boy kinky. But he sat up like I asked, and I got on my knees. I kissed him on the lips first. His tongue tasted so much better without the beer like it had tasted last night. Clay had a flavor all his own, and I’d never be able to describe it, but I knew his cock would taste just as good as the skin on his neck, his tongue…
“Oh, Jesus Christ,” he said as I licked the tip of his penis. God…it had a bluish tint to it, and I knew it was because that ring was acting like a tourniquet. But I did a tongue paintbrush for a few seconds, just wanting to tease him, and he wound his hands through my hair up against my skull. It felt nice…almost domineering but sexy. And then I ran my tongue down the shaft to the base and back again, but then it was time to see how good this ring really was. So I took him in my mouth and sucked long and hard…and that was just the first time. I pushed my tongue against him too, hoping to mimic the tight confines of my vagina with my mouth. He let out a long breath of air, so I knew I was doing just fine. But, slowly at first, I started pulling him in and taking him out, and I increased my speed a little at a time. “Fuck.” I kept it up for several minutes until he said, “Come here.”
I looked up at him. “But I wanted to see if I could—”
“That was awesome, Val, but I want to finish inside you, see your face.”
How could I say no to that? So, between the two of us, we stripped off my clothes quickly, and he lay back on the bed. “You on top, okay?”
I grinned. Ethan and I had done it all kinds of different ways, but I didn’t think I’d ever been on top for very long at any one time. I’d stood up a lot, been on the bottom, lots of oral, but I was pretty sure my time on top had been limited. God, this guy was empowering me sexually, and it made me that much more aroused.
He did something with that silly little ring and then I could hear it humming. Ah…the vibration. “You’re gonna love this.”
He pulled a condom on and then I straddled him and slid him inside. Oh. That was…
“Ha ha ha!” I started giggling uncontrollably.
Clay looked at me, a huge grin on his face. “What?”
“Holy shit. That tickles!”
“It tickles?”
“Yes!”
“You want me to take it off?”
“No…but—” I started laughing again as my body came down against his.
Yes, I giggled a lot but then…then I was able to start appreciating it. Every time I met with him, I got a little purr against the whole of me and then I gasped. “You like that, baby?”
My voice was but a breath. “Yeah…” My hands were on his pecs, his piercings grazing my palms. I looked down at him. Jesus, he was beautiful…and unbelievably sexy. Just looking at him got me near the brink. “Are you close?” His eyes told me he was. I bit my lip. He licked his fingers and touched them to my nipples and then I lost all control. “Oh, God!” And that’s where that vibration came in handy. It prolonged my orgasm more than I would have thought possible.
But he came then too, and he moved his hands from my breasts to my hips, and he palmed them like he needed to hold on for the ride. And I kept pumping—it just came naturally to me. I did it until I couldn’t anymore, and Clay looked pained from the whole thing.
I started giggling again as the ring was vibrating up against me constantly now. I slid off and watched, fascinated, as Clay turned off the ring and slipped it back off his penis. I almost breathed a sigh of relief, seeing that his penis was okay.
He pulled me close to his chest and kissed my forehead. What was that look in his eyes? It looked kind of serious, but I didn’t want to find out. Instead, I lay my head on his chest while my fingers played with one of his nipple rings. I heard him breathe, “Last Five Seconds, my ass.”
“What?” I propped my chin on the back of my hand so I wouldn’t dig into him and looked him in the eye.
“Last Five Seconds.”
“Yeah…? And I’m Valerie with Fully Automatic. I think we’ve established who we are by now…”
He laughed. It was cute the way his eyes crinkled up. “Why do you think we’re named that?”
I did a mini shrug. “I dunno. Maybe because that’s what we hear for the last five seconds…your kick ass music.”
“That’d be a great story. Wanna know the real story behind the name?”
I smiled. “Yeah.”
“We were sitting around one night several years ago after we got together. Actually, our lineup has changed a little since then. But Devil”—Devil was the stage name of their lead singer—“was teasing Rat, the guy who was our bassist at the time. Rat kept talking about all the hot pussy we were gonna get by being in a band, and Devil told him he wouldn’t be able to last five seconds with a hot chick. So that’s it. Last Five Seconds.”
I started laughing. I never would have guessed that would be the meaning of their name. I’d always thought it was making fun of the things younger kids would say, like, “Oh, my God. That is so five seconds ago.” I liked the real meaning better, and I told him so.
He looked sleepy but happy. “You’re staying here again tonight, aren’t you?”
“Yeah…that’s a given, isn’t it?”
He smiled again and closed his eyes. “I guess so.”
I felt contented and happy myself as I wrapped my arms around his belly and rested my head on his chest. Yes…I could definitely get used to this.
* * *
Our next gig was in a place where we were going to stay for two days. I was glad because we were all feeling tired and needed the rest. I was feeling guilty, though, that my band was spending extra money on a room I didn’t use—no one used it, not even Ethan, but I also didn’t want to assume anything by taking my luggage to Clayton’s room. So…it was going to be a bit of an uncomfortable conversation, but I had to have it.
I cornered Brad after we’d put our equipment away. I said, “We’re spending money on an extra room, but I’m not using it. Well…I’m using it to put on makeup and get dressed, but that’s it.”
“Why? What’s wrong with it?”
I took a deep breath. Yep. Harder than I’d thought. “Nothing. I’ve just…been spending the night in someone else’s room. And I figured we were wasting money. You can either just not get it or one of you guys can share it with me.”
I could tell he wanted to ask about me and Ethan, but he already knew we weren’t together. “That makes it mine now, and I’m kinda glad. It was hard enough sharing a room with two other guys, and now we’re back to four in a room…well, mostly.” I knew what he meant. Sometimes the guys showed up for the night…and sometimes they didn’t. He took a deep breath. “So…you and Jet…pretty serious?”
He knew? I shrugged. “For now, I guess.”
He nodded. “Come here.” He hugged me, holding me close. “You know I’m always here for you, right?”
“Yeah. Same here.” He let me go and I said, “It’s okay if I leave my stuff in your room, right? And if I dress and all that stuff, but the bed’s yours?”
He didn’t seem completely happy with the arrangement, and I wasn’t sure why, but he said, “Yeah, we’ll make it work.”
I don’t know why, but I felt more like shit talking to Brad about Clayton than I had telling Ethan. It was probably because I knew Brad really did care.
The next day we could sleep late, because we were going to leave late afternoon and drive leisurely to our next destination, and we wouldn’t have a show there until the night after. I was looking forward to the day off. I hadn’t realized how exhausting traveling and performing would be. I wouldn’t have traded it for anything, though.
That night, we had another fantastic show. I stood in the audience after Fully Automatic was done, close to the stage, and even had a couple fans talk to me, telling me they loved our band. But when Last Five Seconds came onstage, my eyes were focused there and on the man with the guitar. He spotted me near the end of their set and he winked at me. I kissed the air back at him and when their show was done, I went backstage waiting for them to clear their instruments for Spanky’s Kids.
This particular auditorium was the largest I’d ever performed in. Not only was the house huge, the stage itself was incredible. It had curtains, both at the front of the stage and in the back, and there was a lot of theater equipment in the corners and behind the back curtains. I imagined the space was used for all manner of performances. The acoustics were incredible. I’d never quite heard our music like that, but we sounded better than ever, and I didn’t think it was just because we were on that night.
Spanky’s Kids started playing, and Clayton and I were just hanging in that cavernous space backstage listening to the music. It sounded incredible there. It was loud and raw and frenetic. He grabbed my hand and led me to the back wall. It was cooler there and mostly dark, although light spilled around those gigantic curtains. There was a lot of stuff back there, but he managed to avoid it all as his eyes adjusted. Once we’d reached the destination of that back wall, he pulled me close and kissed me hard.
But that wasn’t the only thing that was hard. I could tell he was growing stiff under those leather pants too. We still had a while before we’d be back at our motel, so he was only tormenting himself. He moved those sweet lips of his to my neck, and I asked him, “You sure you wanna get us all worked up right now?”
He lifted his head and pressed his forehead to mine. “Ever fucked at a rock concert?”
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