by BK Rivers
“Hi there, I’m Peggy. How can I help you?” She stands from the desk, straightens her black pencil skirt, and extends her hand to me. Her black hair is tied back in a fashionable ponytail and her navy blue eyes are soft and friendly.
“Hi, Peggy,” I say, and then I suddenly have a case of verbal diarrhea and spill out the last five months of my life. By the time I’m through talking, Peggy wraps me in a hug and guides me to her desk.
“Honey, you’ve had a tough run. I’m more than happy to help you find a new place to live. Let’s go through the details you’re looking for and we’ll take a look at some over the next few days. How does that sound?”
“That sounds great,” I say, wiping the tears away and silently cursing them for falling. “Sorry for unloading all of that on you.” We laugh and I spend the next thirty minutes either filling out forms or looking at her computer screen while she searches for rentals in my budget. We make an appointment to go see two tomorrow and two the next day before I return to the bookstore.
While I’m unloading the most recent shipment of books and trinkets, I stumble upon a couple of cookbooks and a book on starting a business from scratch. Adrenaline surges through me as I stare at them and wonder how these totally different books could be packaged together and shipped here. It’s like something higher up is telling me something. And I’m hearing it loud and clear.
I love Julia for trusting me with her store and I’ve enjoyed my time working here. But what I casually mentioned to Reggie before Thanksgiving has really stuck with me. I want to start up a catering business. I love cooking and making people happy with my food. It’s still a creative outlet because I can make up my own recipes and make the food as fancy as I want.
Using my employee discount, I purchase the business book and a couple beautiful cookbooks and start planning my future.
***
“So…what do you think?” Peggy asks after we’ve walked through both apartments. The first one was a bit small and the kitchen was miniscule. Considering I’m working on starting my own catering business, that one will never do. The second one, while the kitchen is larger, is still not enough.
“I’m sorry, Peggy. Neither one will work for me. We still have two more to see tomorrow, right?”
Peggy nods, purses her lips, and locks the apartment. “Yesterday you seemed fine with these places. Has something changed? Do we need to change your search criteria?”
“Actually, yes. I’ve decided to start a catering business, so I’m going to need a kitchen large enough to handle large quantities of food.”
Peggy stops midstride, turns around, and cocks her head. Her eyes narrow as she quirks her lips to one side, studying me.
“I’m not sure your budget can afford a place with a large kitchen,” she says, her voice holding a twinge of disappointment. “But I’ll see what I can find back at the office and maybe you’ll get lucky.”
“Thanks, Peggy,” I say as we part ways at my car. I drive back to the bookstore, finish out my day, and then take a look at the state of the roads. It started snowing just after lunch and it hasn’t let up yet. The roads from Warner to Torrance are going to be a nightmare. Instead of heading to Reggie’s, I decide the best course of action is to stay in the house here in Warner. I shoot Reggie a quick text letting her know not to expect me, then I slowly make my way across the snow-covered streets of Warner.
When I step inside the house, a foul odor assaults my nose. Damn. I totally left garbage in my trashcan and food in the fridge. I’m not looking forward to what it smells like in that thing. After braving the blizzard-like weather to dump my trash in the outside bin, I return to face the fridge. Twenty minutes later, it’s cleaned out, and I realize there is no food in the house. Pizza delivery it is.
Quickly dialing the nearest pizza joint, I place an order and settle on the couch to watch some television. Forty minutes later, a knock on the door makes me jump, scaring me so badly my heart is pounding like a hammer in my chest. I grab my wallet and open the door only to find Lucy standing on the porch huddled in the largest coat I’ve ever seen. Her cheeks are rosy and the hood covering her head is lined with soft, white fur.
“Oh my gosh, how are you?” I ask, pulling her in for a hug. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever.” I usher her inside and close the door, only to open it thirty seconds later to pay for the pizza.
“Hungry?” I ask, bringing the two large pizzas into the kitchen.
“Were you planning on company?” she asks, removing her coat like she’s shedding a layer of skin.
“No. Just planning on leftovers.” We sit at the table, devour almost an entire pizza, and catch up.
“So you’re really going to move out?” Lucy asks, dabbing a paper towel at the corners of her lips. Always so prim and proper. Sometimes I wonder if that’s really who she is or if her mother has molded her into the person she believes Lucy should be.
I nod, combine the last slice of pepperoni pizza with the other uneaten one, and place the box in the fridge.
“I can’t stay here, it feels weird, and I don’t want to feel Ace’s reach anymore. I need to get away from him so I can move past my feelings.”
“Are you sure he doesn’t feel the same way?” Lucy’s eyes light up like the thought of love is magical. “He looks at you like he wants to devour you and protect you all at the same time.”
“He made it pretty clear he doesn’t love me and never will. I can’t be around him knowing this.” I sigh, remembering the feel of his lips on mine, and how they trailed down my body. A shiver works its way down my back, making the hairs on my arms stand on end. I shake my entire upper body and stand up.
“Sometimes I swear Ace’s wife haunts this house,” I say, walking toward the living room. “Let’s watch a movie so I can stop thinking about him.”
Lucy and I stay up past midnight watching movies and make a plan to meet up over the weekend to hang out again. We both bundle up, her in her massive winter coat, and me in the heaviest jacket I own, and we plod through the snow to her house.
“I’m really glad you and I are friends,” I say, hugging her quickly. “But I’m freezing my ass off so I’m going to run home.” We both laugh and I do exactly what I said because I’d rather not die of frostbite tonight.
Chapter 38
Ace
“Ready?” Ethan asks as he shrugs into his winter coat. I glance at him and his girlfriend from across the room and mutter a curse under my breath. I don’t know why I let them talk me into going out with them. I do not make a very good third wheel.
“You and Katie should go without me,” I say, unzipping my jacket. Katie jogs over to me and pulls my hands off the zipper.
“You are coming with us, so quit your moping and let’s get going.” Katie shimmies over to Ethan and plants a kiss on his cheek. “This girl needs to get her drink on.”
Groaning, I follow them out the door to the waiting cab where the three of us somehow fit in the backseat. The drive across town to the club is torture, as I have to listen to Ethan and his girl whisper to each other and steal kisses at every freaking red light. Before the cab driver pulls to a complete stop outside the club, I have the door open and one foot on the curb.
“Dude, you in a hurry to get inside or something?” Ethan says, laughing while helping Katie out of the cab.
“Needed some freaking space, man. You two were all over each other.”
Ethan softly punches my shoulder then drapes his arm over me. “Feels good, dude. It seriously feels good and you would know if you’d remove your head from your ass.”
I shrug Ethan’s arm off my shoulder and pay the man at the door, leaving the two lovebirds in the dust. First stop: bar for a stiff drink. Two rum and Cokes later, my eyes catch sight of fiery red hair hanging in waves against a pale, bare back. Everything in my body reacts to the sight and my hands grip the edge of the counter to keep myself steady. Before I know it, I’m on my feet walking in her direction. I need to see
her, need to inhale the scent of her—peaches and lilies—and need to touch her. As I approach, the blond she’s with stops talking and gapes at me. Her eyes dart from me to Stacey, then back again.
And she turns around.
My heart takes off in a sprint.
Her eyes grow as large as saucers.
My hands move on their own as they reach for her.
She backs away, her eyes growing glossy and her cheeks turning red.
“Can we get out of here?” she asks her friend…Liz…Lisa…Lucy!
Lucy nods and they walk toward the door. I swallow the lump in my throat from the surprise of seeing her here. God, she looks so good, and if I thought for a minute what I feel for her is wrong, then I truly am an idiot. She broke through my walls, loved me tenderly, and never pushed. I see that now and can no longer stand back and push her away.
I love her…so damn much, and I’m not afraid anymore.
Quickly making my way through the crowd and out the door, I shout out her name just as a cab pulls up to whisk her and Lucy away. She glances over her shoulder, and the glow from the streetlamp overhead casts a golden hue over her, making her look like an angel.
My angel with fiery red hair and the spirit to match.
“Please don’t leave,” I say when I’m standing in front of her. Her eyelids close slowly as though she’s warring with herself. “Can we talk, maybe grab some dinner?”
Stacey turns to Lucy, who is already seated in the cab. Lucy shrugs and Stacey’s gaze returns to me. Her shoulders sag as she releases a sigh.
“I can’t do this, Ace,” she finally says, quiet as a whisper. “I’ve been meaning to tell you, but I’ve found another place to rent and I’m moving out of your house next week. You can keep the deposit if you want to since I’m breaking the lease early.”
I jerk back like she slapped me. She’s moving…what the hell?
“I don’t want your deposit,” I say, reaching for her hand, hoping she’ll come with me to dinner. “I don’t want you to move out.”
“You’ve made it clear how you feel about me. I’m moving next weekend. Please don’t make this harder than it already is.” Stacey quickly turns and slides into the backseat of the cab and closes the door. The thud echoes in my chest, matching the heaviness of my heart. I think I just lost her. This is not an acceptable solution. Before I keep her from leaving me forever, I have a stop I need to make and it’s long overdue.
Hailing a taxi, one quickly pulls up and I climb inside. I give the cross streets of where I need to go and silently thank myself for wearing a warm coat. It’s fifteen degrees outside and I’m not sure how long this is going to take.
The driver stops outside the locked gates and I mutter a string of curses. I never considered the cemetery would be closed at night. Regardless, I ask the driver to wait and I step outside into the bitter cold. Using my phone as a flashlight, I climb over the iron fencing and jog down the road until I reach the section where Marley is buried. Carefully and reverently walking across the snow-covered ground, I find her headstone and kneel down in front and read the inscription carved into the marble.
Marley Annabelle Steele
Beloved daughter, sister, and wife
Taken too soon
I trace the image of a rose and then rest both hands on top of the headstone. Closing my eyes, I draw up her image in my mind until I can see her as clearly as if she were standing right in front of me. Her shoulder-length brown hair is shiny and hanging sleek and straight. She’s smiling, her blush-colored lips are parted as though she is recovering from a good, hearty laugh. Her dark brown eyes look at me, filling me an overwhelming sense of peace.
“I miss you, Marley,” I say like she’s next to me. A warmth settles over me, like a blanket sheltering me from the chill of the night. “I love you and will always love you…but I need to tell you something.” I suck in a shaky breath, clamp my eyes tighter, and wait for the image of her in my mind to change into a picture of hurt and disappointment. But it never comes. Instead, her face only brightens like she’s happy.
“I’ve met someone. Her name is Stacey and she’s amazing.” God, this is harder than I thought. A rogue tear slides down my cheek, followed by another and another. “I wasn’t looking for love, in fact, I did my best to stay away from it. I tried so hard to love only you, but I couldn’t help it. I fell in love with Stacey, and as hard as I fought it…I want so much to be happy. To love her the way she deserves and to be loved by her.”
My hand swipes the tears from my face and still the image in my head of Marley hasn’t morphed into anger. I know she’s not here, that I’m only seeing what I want to see, but this feels right. I know now she wants me to be happy, and with Stacey I will be.
“I wanted you to know, because you were first. Everyone keeps telling me to move on and I am. But I don’t think of it as moving on…it’s more like moving forward. I want to spend the rest of my life making Stacey happy, showing her how much I love her. But you need to know I will also love you too.”
I stand, feeling the weight of guilt and sadness slip off me. When I’m on my feet, I open my eyes to see a shroud of fog surrounding me, as though I’m in a protective bubble, immune to the mist.
“I love you, Marley. Thank you for loving me and being first.”
Once I leave her gravesite, the fog engulfs me, sending pinpricks of damp, chilled air through my clothes. By the time I’m seated in the cab, I’m shivering like a leaf on a blustery fall day. I release a few tears of relief at the lightness I feel. Never did I recognize how weighed down I felt by carrying the dark feelings for so long. As we pull up to Ethan’s house, deep down, I know everything is going to be okay.
I’m going to be okay, and even though she’s no longer with me, Marley knows I will always love her, but it’s time for me to move forward and show Stacey how I feel.
I won’t give up on us.
I will love her until she tells me to quit.
Chapter 39
Stacey
Running into Ace at the club last night was unexpected and I nearly caved when he asked me to go to dinner with him so we could talk. What more is there to talk about? How I gave him my heart and he ripped it away from me, stomped on it, and handed it back to me expecting me to be able to recover? No. I was right to get away from him last night, even if I did spend the rest of the night lying on my bed unable to sleep.
Something in his eyes has changed, they’re no longer filled with such sadness. Instead, the cool blue that has held me captive since July has a look of peace and hope. I think I love those eyes even more.
I spend Saturday and Sunday with Lucy shopping and getting pedicures. The apartment Peggy found for me won’t be ready until the middle of December, leaving me just over two weeks to pack. The kitchen isn’t great, in fact, it’s downright small, but it was the largest of all the kitchens we looked at, so it will have to do. I plan on keeping my job at the bookstore until I become too busy catering, then I’ll help Julia find someone to replace me.
Monday morning, the sun is shining, making the snow sparkle like glistening diamonds. The roads are clear, making my drive easy and uneventful. With my morning coffee in hand, I open up the bookstore and take a look around, inhaling the crisp scent of paper. Ellery won’t be in for a couple more hours so I wander around the store straightening displays and helping customers when they come in. There’s something peaceful about being in a quiet bookstore.
“Hey, chica,” Ellery says as she strides through the door wearing a massive grin and sporting a new haircut and color. Her normal sable brown hair is now streaked with a gorgeous plum color and cut just below her chin. She looks incredible.
“You look amazing!” I say as she unloads her coat and belongings in the back room.
“Thanks,” she gushes, fluffing her shorter locks with the palm of her hand. “I was in need of change.”
“You and me both.” I sigh as we fall into our daily routine.
Around
noon, a pair of good-looking college-aged guys walk in and start immediately flirting with Ellery. She gobbles it up and inside I’m feeling the claws of jealousy digging into my stomach. Maybe it’s time for a change for me as well. I know I’m not twenty-two anymore, but I look good for twenty-seven—almost twenty-eight.
Crap! My birthday is only two days away and I haven’t made any plans. Come to think of it, Reggie hasn’t even made any plans. I pick up my phone and send her a text.
Me: My bday is in 2 days. GAH! I’m getting old :(
Lately all I’ve been doing is wallowing and it’s gone on far too long—it’s seriously time to get out of this funk.
Reggie: Take the day off work and the next day too so we can celebrate properly!
Me: Can’t. I can leave early and come in late though. Come up here and hang with me. I need some Reggie time.
Reggie: You got it! YAY! I’m so excited!
Me: You think you can use any more exclamation points?
Reggie: YES!
I laugh at my friend and slide my phone back into my pocket. The rest of the day passes quickly as I use the computer at the front desk to plan my birthday night. Okay, not the best use of the company computer, but the afternoon has been slow and I’m excited for a night out with my BFF.
***
“See you at Giovanni’s later?” I ask Ellery as I prepare to leave the bookstore. She smiles and nods eagerly, then waves me out the door. The rest of the afternoon I have plans with Reggie at a spa where I’m getting a massage, facial, pedicure, and my hair done. It’s my birthday and I’m treating myself to the ultimate afternoon of relaxation. When I pull up to the house, Reggie’s already there sitting in her car with the heater on and a smile overtakes my face. I jump out of my car, squealing, and run to her and pound on the driver’s window. She jumps and screams, holding her hand over her heart.
