The Legacy

by ADAMS, J.

  He chuckles. “Well, I guess that's one way to make room.” After sitting and talking for a few more minutes, he stands, holding a hand out to help her up. “Shall we go?”

  “Yes, I think I’m ready.” She takes his hand.

  Looking down at her slender hand in his, he again does his best to ignore the skip of his heart and the new warmth filling him. “I am so glad you are doing better, Cisely. It is good to see you smiling again.”

  “Thanks.” For a moment their eyes lock, and then she shyly lowers her gaze. Squeezing his hand, she says, “Thank you for being here for me. You have helped me more than you know. I don’t think I could have made it through if you hadn’t been here.”

  Her words stir him in a way he can't explain. He smiles, pressing his free hand against her cheek. “You will never have to worry about that. I will always be here for you, Cisely. Always.”

  Adagio takes me to Baskin Robbins for a sundae. Since I don't think I can eat the whole thing, we ask for two spoons and share. He laughs as I take a bite, then close my eyes and moan softly. For a moment he simply watches me, and the look in his eyes brings back the warmth I experienced earlier. Smiling slightly, I look away, focusing on a young mother at the next table with twin toddler girls. She has them both in booster seats, trying to keep them from making a complete mess. Just watching them increases my anticipation of my son's birth.

  Adagio turns to see what has me so enraptured. When he turns back to me, his eyes are gentle.

  “You are going to be an amazing mother, Cisely. No child will be more blessed.”

  I nod, swallowing hard. “Thanks. I just didn't expect to be doing it alone.”

  He reaches across the table, taking my hand. “None of us ever get what we expect. But you will never be alone. You have Jessica, and you have me.”

  There is truth in his words, but I can't contemplate it too much right now. Smiling, I squeeze his hand and we finish our sundae.

  We are loaded down with shopping bags when we arrive home. Jessica has gone to bed, so Adagio helps me haul everything up to the baby's nursery. Just as with Ingo, with Adagio, there is no such thing as buying just a few things. And I never took my wallet from my purse. Adagio wouldn't let me, insisting on paying for everything himself. He said to think of it as an investment in his nephew, and he turned a deaf ear to my protests. I finally stopped complaining and just went along, and I had a blast.

  We place the bags in a corner on the floor. The room is dark, but the moon filters through the open blinds. Adagio walks over to the window and stares out into the night. “Beautiful view,” he says, looking at the city lights.

  I join him. “It is.” He turns to me but says nothing. I keep my focus on the distant lights, very aware of his gaze. “Thank you for dinner and shopping. It was really nice of you. What am I saying? You practically forced me to keep my purse closed, you brute.”

  “I had to be. I was only exercising my prerogative to try and spoil you more. I hadn't done a sufficient job because you never let me, so tonight I took matters into my own hands.” He pauses, nudging me. “Are you mad at me?”

  “Maybe,” I answer, nudging him back. “Of course I'm not mad at you. I could never be.”

  “So does that mean I can do this again should I choose to without you making a scene in public?”

  “I did not make a scene,” I say in a huff, poking his chest. “You did.”

  “Just because I tell the woman not to take your money doesn't mean I am making a scene.” He grins. “Besides, it made her like me.”

  “Oh, really?”

  “Uh huh.” He sobers a bit. “But seriously, Cisely, please let me do these things. I've never had anyone to spend money on before. I want to and it makes me happy. All right?” When I don't answer, he repeats, “All right?”

  “Okay,” I finally agree, reaching for his hand. “Thank you, for everything.”

  “You're very welcome.”

  Squeezing my hand, he pulls me closer to his side, pressing a kiss to my brow. With my head resting against his shoulder and his hand firmly clasping mine, we continue to stare out into the night. Part of me wants to analyze this night, but I don't.

  I can't.

  Thirty-one

  As June rushes in and the weather goes through its changes, so do I, in more ways than one. With less than a month until my due date, I am doing better emotionally and eagerly anticipating the birth of my son.

  Jessica and Adagio are excited as well. They help me decorate the nursery and get everything ready. They shop with me for baby furniture and accessories, making sure I have everything I need. Adagio even assembles the crib and rocker, and I am grateful I don’t have to tackle the job. I am not handy with tools in the least and probably would have put everything together backwards.

  My heart full of gratitude for these two amazing people. Jessica has truly been a mother to me, showing me all the love and support I could ever need. Sometimes I muse that I was probably sent to the wrong family and should have been hers. But deep down, I know it isn't true. I needed to go through the trials I'd been given, and Jessica is in my life now. I often think back to the day I met her at the motivational seminar and the instant friendship that formed between us. At the time, I could never have guessed how much meeting her would affect my future. I don’t know where I would be without her.

  Then there is Adagio. He is my lifeline, and there is nothing he doesn’t or won’t do for me. Even though he lives downtown, he always manages to be here and see to my every need, and I never have to ask for anything. He gives so much of his time and sacrifices so much of himself. He has helped me to know I'm not alone, that I will never be alone. He is an amazing friend, and I thank God every day for sending him right when I needed him. We are now connected in a way that can't be defined.

  My thoughts never stray far from Ingo, but the memories are not as painful, and the bittersweet moments have lessened. I still miss him and I know a part of me always will. He taught me so much about life and love. He also helped me to grow and become the kind of person I've always wanted to be. I will forever treasure his love, as well as my memories of him and our life together.

  It has been hard, but I've been able to go on after all.

  Adagio observes the changes in Cisely, and as happy as he is about the strength she has gained, there are also changes that have taken place in his own heart–changes he never expected to experience. They have happened slowly.

  Adagio spends more and more time with Cisely and longs to be with her whenever he is away. He thinks of her constantly and even tried staying away a couple of times, just to see if these feelings would leave him if he didn’t spend so much time around her. But he couldn’t go a whole day before giving in to his need to be near her.

  Every moment he is in her home, Adagio watches Cisely’s every move. He takes in her every expression and wonders what she is thinking at a particular moment. When she leaves the room he counts the minutes until she returns, and when she does his heart always skips a beat. Just a look from her or the feel of her hand in his sends a warmth through him that is almost overwhelming at times. He now craves her touch, and just holding her is no longer enough.

  He loves feeling her softness against him, loves the fragrance that radiates from her hair when he presses his face into it. He has grown accustomed to the way her body fits against his side and his arms often feel empty when she isn't in them. He loves the way her eyes sparkle whenever he comes through the door and the silkiness of her voice when she says his name. It is like a caress, so warm, so familiar. Being with her is like coming home. He has never felt anything like this before. It is a need that both thrills and scares him.

  He remembers the moment he truly accepted that things had changed. It is a moment he will never forget, and because of it, his world is no longer the same.

  One week ago.

  Adagio looks for Cisely to tell her lunch is ready. Approaching the doorway of the living room, he finds her standi
ng in front of the large window staring out at the city. She is wearing a knee-length, form-fitting yellow sundress. The silky material hugs the curve of her abdomen, the color of the outfit enhancing the tone of her beautiful brown skin perfectly. Her hair, which has grown even longer during her pregnancy, is swept up and away from her face and hangs down her back in loose curls. Barefoot, her toes don red nail polish.

  He memorizes her every detail, and hard as he tries, he can't pull his eyes away. Gazing at her profile, he is unable to move, like some unseen force is keeping him bound to this spot.

  She’s so beautiful! he breathes inwardly. Oh, angel, you’re so beautiful!

  And at this moment he wants nothing more than to take her in his arms, kiss her irresistible mouth and never let her go. He can’t believe the thoughts now swirling in his head or the intensity of his feelings. He’s felt the emotional changes for a while now and has fought them the best he can, but in this moment, he is overwhelmed. Suddenly the words from the ballad playing softly in the living room leap from the speakers, echoing through his mind.

  All I know is when I think of you I’m not alone,

  I just simply close my eyes and sing my song,

  And I am home,

  Loving where I belong.

  The lyrics pierce Adagio’s heart, stirring his emotions so, he finds it hard to breathe. He continues to gaze at her as a beautiful, terrible longing fills him, making him oblivious to everything but her presence. The emotional pull is more powerful than anything he's ever felt in his life. Oh, how he wants her for his own at this moment! How he needs her!

  Adagio doesn’t know how long he's been watching Cisely and doesn’t realize he is holding his breath until she turns and smiles at him. He releases it slowly as her eyes hold his.

  Oh, amore. Can you not see what you are doing to my heart?

  Cisely has suffered and endured much in her life. And now here she is, smiling at him, a new light present in her beautiful eyes, her very gaze intoxicating him.

  “Lunch is all ready.”

  Jessica’s voice startles him and heat rises to his face. “That is what I came to tell you,” he says to Cisely after finding his voice. He wonders how long Jessica has been there. When he glances at her, she gives him a knowing smile and heads back to the kitchen.

  “Are you coming?” Cisely asks, brushing by him and giving him a smile that again makes his heartbeat skip.

  “Yes, I will be in right after I make a phone call.” It is just an excuse and he knows it. Watching her walk away, he closes his eyes as guilt quickly assaults him. He heads upstairs to the guest room that is his whenever he needs it. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he drops his head in his hands.

  What am I doing? I am losing it, that's what I'm doing! She was my best friend’s wife.

  The feeling of betrayal is brutal. How in the world did he allow himself to fall in love with his best friend’s wife? Yes, Ingo is gone, but still . . . He rubs a hand over his face, tugging it back through his hair and closes his eyes.

  I don't know how this happened. I didn't plan it, but I can't help it. What should I do?

  What should I do?

  Even now, as he stands in front of his hotel room window looking out across downtown, Adagio still ponders the question, and he is no closer to an answer than he was on that day. That he loves Cisely is without question. He couldn’t deny it if he tried. He just doesn’t know if it's right to act on it, and he can’t be certain Cisely feels anything other than friendship for him. He’d caught something in her eyes that day when she looked at him, and had sensed a change in her as well, but he doesn’t know if any of it is real or just wishful thinking on his part. Being near her affects him in ways he can't begin to describe, and at times the longing is physically painful. Even now he aches to be with her, to hold her, to touch her and claim her for his own.

  But in his mind she is still off limits. And he is afraid.

  He is afraid to cross the line that has always been there. Maybe after a little more time has passed, he will consider it. Maybe. For now, he will leave things as they are. It will be safer this way.

  And so will his heart.

  Thirty-two

  Jessica washes the last of the breakfast dishes and hands them to me. I dry them and place them in the cupboard, then I wipe off the kitchen table, humming softly.

  “You must be feeling pretty good this morning,” Jessica says.

  “I do feel good, actually,” I reply, looking up.

  When Jessica smiles, I notice something I haven’t seen in a long while. The twinkle is back in her eyes. “You must be feeling pretty good yourself, today,” I say, returning my attention to the table.

  “I am. So, did Adagio happen to mention when he would be over today?”

  “No, but I never expect him until ten or so.” Trying to ignore the way my heart skips a beat at the mention of Adagio’s name, a smile curves my lips before I can stop it. Having finished, I look up and Jessica is staring at me, and that familiar twinkle is definitely there. “What?”

  “Oh, nothing. It’s just that you smile whenever Adagio’s name comes up these days.”

  “He’s my friend. Of course I smile.” My attempt to sound casual belies what I feel inside.

  “You don’t smile like that when the names of other friends are mentioned. Just Adagio’s.”

  Startled by her comment, my mouth opens in automatic response, but there is nothing. My brain clocks out on me.

  “Cisely, it’s okay.”

  “What’s okay?” Don't go there, Jessica.

  She sighs. “It’s okay to care for Adagio.”

  “I know it’s okay. He’s my best friend and I do care about him, very much.” Please don't go there, Jessica.

  “You know what I mean, Cisely. It's okay to care for him in other ways.”

  I really don’t want to have this discussion because it is a truth I'm not ready to face. Though I have felt the stirrings in my heart for a while now, I've fought them every step of the way, but they only become stronger. I try to blame it on loneliness, but in my heart I know it isn’t true, and I feel all the more guilty.

  I don’t want to think about Adagio, but to my dismay, sometimes–all right, most of the time–I can’t think about anything else but him. It has only been three months since Ingo died, but his best friend consumes my thoughts more and more, and I can't seem to stop.

  I look forward to seeing Adagio every day, and when he is here, just being near him brings butterflies to my stomach. I even dream about him. Sometimes the dreams are so vivid and real, I can barely breathe around him. Even now, thinking about him calls forth a familiar warmth and I again experience that tangible ache. But I can’t go there. I won’t let myself.

  “He was my husband’s best friend,” I finally say. “It would be wrong.”

  “And just what makes you think that?” Jessica dries her hands and sits down at the table across from me. “I want you to listen to me, Cisely. Now, I’ve never had the opportunity to marry, but I do know a little something about life, and love. And the one thing I know for sure is that man cares for you more than he will admit. He’s in love with you, Cisely. I've watched him fall in love with you. It's in his eyes every time he looks at you, and in his voice when he talks to you. There are times that I've caught him watching you with eyes so full of longing, I almost weep. He wears his heart on his sleeve. He tries to hide his feelings for you, but I can see them. I can tell you have feelings for him, too. And I think those feelings are deeper than you realize.”

  Guiltily, I look away, pushing my ever-intruding feelings aside. I can't do this now. “He’s been very good to me, but all we could ever be is friends.”

  Jessica makes a contemplative noise and is thoughtful for a moment. “You know, I knew you and Ingo were meant to be together when I introduced you two. And that night after you went to bed, he told me he knew it as well.”

  What? “You both felt that?”

  “Yes, we did
. And neither of us knew the future any more than we knew he would be taken away so quickly. But I did know you and Ingo would eventually be married. Now I’m sure when Adagio met Ingo in Italy, he didn’t know how their meeting would affect one another either. But there is a reason for everything. We are all given gifts and blessings in life. And sometimes we don’t realize what they are until they are staring us right in the face. And even then they are sometimes easy to miss.”

  Contemplating her words, I realize how right she is. “I've been told by a few people, yourself included, that there are bigger things in store for me in the future. A couple of days before Ingo died, he told me that as well. It was almost like he knew something I didn’t. We talked about our baby being one of the gifts.” I blink back the tears that come with the memory.

  “You know, sometimes during quiet moments when I’m feeling a little down, Ingo's words suddenly come from nowhere, like he knows what I am feeling and he’s right there beside me.” I don't bother commenting about the guilt I experience at those times as well.

  “Really?”

  “Yes. Many times I have felt him comforting me, but now that I think about it, I haven’t felt that in a while.”

  Jessica slowly smiles. “Maybe because you no longer need it. You may not want to hear this, but I think you and Adagio really need each other.”

  Closing my eyes, I shake my head. “What are you saying, Jessica?”

  “What do you think I’m saying?”

  “I don't know.” She looks at me skeptically. Truthfully, I do know what she means, I just don't want to say it. I can't allow the words to pass my lips.

  “Well?” Jessica prods softly, meeting my eyes. “Tell me you haven't thought about it. Can you honestly tell me it hasn't crossed your mind?”

  If I answer her truthfully, I will have to admit what my heart has fought against for a while now. Deep down, I know there is truth to Jessica’s unspoken words. I can feel it even now, but I can't admit it. Adagio has been a tremendous comfort to me during the past months and the most devoted friend I could ever ask for, but he has also become more important to me than I dare to say.