The Legacy

by ADAMS, J.

  “I love singing for you.” She picks up the small wrapped box sitting on the piano and hands it to him.

  “Another present?”

  “It goes with the song.”

  Opening the box, he looks at her in wonder. “Is this what I think it is?” She nods and he hugs her. “I cannot believe it!” he says, taking the mini compact disc from the box.

  Cisely had asked one of their friends to come over one day when she knew Adagio would be gone for a while and had him record her singing the song she’d just performed for him, as well as a few others to listen to whenever he wanted.

  “I will treasure this always.”

  They enjoy the meal Cisely spent the afternoon preparing. To Adagio, she has always been a pretty good cook, but since moving to Italy, her skills are even better. He spends a great deal of time teaching her how to prepare Italian meals, including helping her brush up on what he’d taught her in Utah. She has managed to master quite a few Italian dishes.

  Later, Anna drops Ingo off and I thank her for helping out. She wishes Adagio a happy birthday and gives him a present before leaving. He laughs as he opens the box, pulling out a colorful chef’s apron that is perfect for him.

  After I nurse Ingo and get him settled, Adagio blows out the candles in the living room and helps me take the leftover food to the kitchen.

  “Thank you for a wonderful birthday.” He pulls me close. "I will never forget it.”

  “You’re welcome. I wanted to make it memorable for you.”

  “Well, you definitely did. And I can't believe you recorded a CD for me. How did you manage it?

  I grin slyly. “Oh, I have my ways.”

  “Since when did you become so sneaky?”

  “Mmmm, it's a recent development.” I kiss the corner of his mouth. “But it was worth it. You deserve this and much more.”

  Closing his eyes, he touches his forehead to mine. “I have everything I could ever want. Thank you, baby.”

  We spend the rest of the evening tangled up in one another while the disc I recorded plays softly in the background.

  I lay awake for a while, pondering the evening. My plan was a success and I am grateful. Anything I can do for Adagio is worth it, especially since he has to deal with so much of my emotional baggage. He is always a comfort to me and never complains when my nightmares interrupt his sleep. He simply holds me and tells me everything will be all right. He is a patient man and nothing I do for him is ever too much.

  Asheville, North Carolina

  Across the ocean in a government housing complex, Alton Matthews sits at the kitchen table in the one bedroom apartment he moved into last week, taking the pills prescribed by a doctor at the health department. He grimaces as he swallows them, but not because the pills are hard to get down. His painful expression is the product of a sudden long reflection on his life and the choices that find him in this situation.

  He has hurt many, many people, causing irreparable damage that he can never take back. He has done things in his life that will surely see him in hell, the worst of his acts being so unspeakable, he can barely think about it. It was horrid and unforgivable.

  Now he is suffering for it.

  Leaning back in the chair, he closes his eyes. He had known he was sick for some time. For years, actually. He'd tried to ignore it and numb himself by drinking more, but it finally became too much, and he found himself waking up in the emergency room one night. Hearing the prognosis shattered something inside him. It was as if he'd awakened to every sin, ever misdeed, every evil, hateful, cruel and sadistic act he'd ever committed.

  Psychologists would say he is a product of his upbringing, and because he was raised in an abusive home it was inevitable that he would be an abuser himself. The world would say he can't help the way he is–that because of lack of proper counseling and help, he can't be blamed for his acts. They would allow him to skate through life, taking no responsibility for his actions because it is not his fault that he turned out the way he has. None of it is his fault.

  But he knows the truth. He made the choice to abuse, to defile, to permanently alter lives. There is no escaping that.

  Only now, when his body is broken and his health is failing, does he truly understand.

  Those acts are costing him dearly.

  Forty-two

  The months have quickly passed and Christmas is fast approaching. I am especially excited because we will be having a guest. Jessica is coming to spend the holidays with us.

  I thoroughly enjoy decorating the house with Adagio. I've been feeling a little under the weather, but I still manage to get out and get the Christmas shopping done and do some of the baking. When I am too sick to get out of bed one morning, Adagio is worried. I just smile and assure him I'm fine. I am actually better than fine because I already have an idea of why I'm sick. In fact, I purchased a pregnancy test yesterday.

  I stare at the positive result through misty eyes, knowing Adagio will be overjoyed. Opening the bathroom door, I find him sitting on the edge of the bed, waiting patiently and I smile through the nausea. “Merry Christmas, my love, we are going to have a baby.”

  His smile is wide as he draws me to him, holding me close. “This is wonderful!”

  “I think so too. I've wanted this so much.”

  “So have I.” He caresses my cheek. “I love you.”

  “I love you, too.” A wave of nausea rolls through me and I need to lie down.

  Adagio helps me back into bed, pulling the covers over me. “Just rest for a while. Can I get you anything?”

  “Maybe a croissant and some juice, if you don’t mind.”

  “All right, and don't worry about Ingo. I will take care of him.”

  “Thank you, Adagio.”

  “You are welcome, amore.” He bends to kiss me before leaving to get my breakfast.

  After taking the croissant and juice up to Cisely, Adagio heats a bottle of the breast milk Cisely had stored in the freezer to feed Ingo. Pouring some rice cereal in a bowl, he mixes in some of the milk, then puts a clean bib on the squirming little boy and gets him settled in his chair. As Adagio feeds their son, now six months old, he can’t stop smiling. The thought of becoming a father for the second time brings him a happiness that cannot be put into words. Only this time is different. Though he loves little Ingo with all his heart, this baby will be a product of the love he and Cisely share, and he can’t ask for a more wonderful gift for Christmas.

  Having been an only child himself, Adagio remembers how lonely he sometimes felt growing up, and he'd always held to the dream of one day marrying and having a large family of his own. Gazing into the face of the precious little boy he is already blessed with, he believes he is off to a good start.

  Adagio burps Ingo when he’s had his fill and cleans up the breakfast dishes before going to check on Cisely.

  When the two loves of my life enter the room, I smile. I'm feeling a little better having eaten something and I am able to sit up without feeling too bad. Adagio places Ingo on the bed and sits down, reaching for my hand.

  “How are you?”

  “I’m better.” For days I have suspected I might be pregnant, but I dared not hope because I wanted it so badly. And though I know it is going to be a challenge taking care of two children so close together, I am ready for it. I love little Ingo more than I can say, and having Adagio’s child will only add to my happiness because it will be a part of him.

  “I think I’m okay enough to take a shower and get some things done this morning.”

  “Are you sure? I can take care of things for you.”

  “I’m sure,” I say, leaning forward to kiss him. “I’ve done this before, remember?”

  “I remember,” he says, touching my face. “But I am here and willing to do anything I can to make things easier for you.”

  “I know.” I urge him closer. “And I love you for always thinking of me, but I can’t stay in bed all day. I have to get going.”

  “
All right, but if you need me, I’ll be here.”

  I kiss him again. “Are you really okay with this?”

  “I am, Cisely,” he answers, brushing his lips against my temple. “You have given me a wonderful gift.”

  Forty-three

  I spend the final days before Christmas baking and preparing for the big day. I am always ill in the mornings for a short while, but I'm usually better after eating something. By evening I am exhausted and fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow. Still, for me it's a happy exhaustion.

  On the day before Christmas Eve, I wrap Adagio’s gifts while he is at the airport picking up Jessica. The underlying nauseousness I experience most of the time keeps me from going for drives longer than ten or fifteen minutes at a time. Otherwise, I would have gone with him. I miss Jessica immensely and can’t wait to see her.

  When they finally arrive, Jessica and I tearfully hug each other. How I have missed that motherly smile and those twinkling blue eyes! I can’t believe we are together again.

  Jessica cuddles Ingo a bit, marveling at how much he has grown. I know she has missed him and I feel bad about that. At times, I can't help wishing we lived a little closer to one another, but I wouldn't trade my home in Italy for anything.

  After giving Jessica a tour of the house, I show her to her room. She tells me how much she loves our home, and she thinks it's wonderful that Adagio only has to go to the other side of the house to work. While she unpacks, I fill her in on what has been going on in our lives, and when I tell her about the baby, she is ecstatic. We sit on a cushioned bench by the window.

  “I’m glad to see you so happy, Cisely. It’s as if you two have always been together.”

  “Sometimes it feels that way. I guess we’ve both gone through so much emotionally, and now we are growing together.” I pause, a familiar sense of wonder entering me. “You know, I can't explain it, but it just feels so right being with Adagio. In the beginning when I first discovered my feelings for him, I wasn’t so sure. I wasn’t sure of much of anything. I really was afraid of growing to love him more than Ingo, like I would be betraying him. I'm sure Adagio felt the same. But now . . .” Intense emotion surges through me. “That man is everything to me. He’s a part of my very soul. I know I will always love Ingo because of what we shared. He taught me how to see the good in myself. I had never known such love and I will always treasure the time we had together. But . . .” “But,” Jessica presses, squeezing my hand gently.

  “What Adagio and I have . . . the love, the passion . . . there are no words. When I look into his eyes . . . Jessica, I see forever. I can't imagine not being with him. I'm tempted to feel guilty at times for feeling this way, but I don't.”

  She smiles, brushing a tear away. “I think you and Adagio were growing together long before you discovered you loved each other. You shared a special bond having lost the dearest person in your lives. Your courtship with him was different from yours and Ingo’s, just as the growth you two experienced both emotionally and romantically was not the same.”

  I sniffle, brushing a tear away. “It really was different,” I agree. “My courtship with Ingo was a whirlwind, filled with magic and excitement. I had never known love before he came into my life. He made me so happy, and nothing will ever diminish or minimize what we shared.”

  “I know how deeply you loved each other. I could see it each time you two were together. And had he lived, I’m sure your love would be even greater now. He lived a good life, but he’s gone. And now you are experiencing a different kind of love.”

  “Yes,” I say, marveling at how much Jessica understands. “It is a love that was unexpected. And now . . . with Adagio . . . every time he looks at me, I can feel how much he loves me. Just a touch from him warms my entire being. I can’t even be in the same room with him without being close to him, without touching him or having him touch me. His love is overpowering, and sometimes what I feel for him fills me so much, it overwhelms me to the point of tears. It’s a desperate kind of love that consumes me.” I sigh, wiping my eyes. “How can I feel like this so soon? How can I feel this way at all?”

  Jessica smiles. “Because it was meant to be. Don't question it, and don't feel guilty. Just accept it and be grateful.”

  Nodding, I smile. She always knows just what to say. “Thank you, Jessica, for once again being my mother at a time when I truly need one.”

  She hugs me. “Thank you, my dear, for giving me the joy of being your mother. I couldn’t love you more if you were truly my own flesh and blood.” She pulls back and wipes her face again. “Now we had better stop all this crying or Adagio is going to wonder what he has gotten himself into by getting the two of us together again.”

  “You’re probably right.”

  Forty-four

  On Christmas Eve, Anna stops by with her arms full of gifts for our family. I introduce her to Jessica and Jessica is immediately taken with her. Sometimes I wonder if Jessica has ever met a person she didn’t like. We visit for a few minutes, then Anna leaves to get back to her own family celebration.

  In the evening, we gather in the family room in front of the tree and sing Christmas carols, and Adagio reads the Christmas story from the Bible.

  As I listen to him, I can’t help remembering the previous Christmas we spent together, except it was Ingo who read the story of Christ’s birth. We had been so happy to have Adagio with us. He hadn’t been able to bear the thought of spending another Christmas alone and we didn’t want him to. I had even talked with Adagio that night about getting together the following year for Christmas.

  As Adagio's soothing voice brings me back to the present, I find it both poignant and fitting that we are indeed sharing this Christmas together, only not as just friends, but husband and wife.

  Coming to the end of the nativity story, he smiles lovingly, pulling me close, and I am sure he is remembering as well. We both loved Ingo. I loved him as a spouse and Adagio, as a brother, and now we share a love for each other that grows with each day that passes. The time of feeling guilt and uncertainty has passed. Our life is as it should be.

  After having some eggnog and Christmas treats, Adagio pulls several large boxes from the storage room down the hall. They are filled with wrapped presents. While I get Ingo ready, Adagio tells Jessica what we planned and she is excited to participate in this opportunity. After loading the boxes into the back of the large van used by his employees to pick up produce for the restaurant, we leave.

  Fifteen minutes later, we arrive at an old Catholic Church just outside of Treviso. I knock and the large door is immediately opened.

  “Merry Christmas, Signor Giovanni!”

  “Well, Merry Christmas to you, Mrs. St. John!” “We're sorry to be so late,” Adagio says, carrying the first

  of the boxes in and quickly going back for another one. “Oh, you are just fine.” He holds the door open for us and we enter the large, beautiful old building. This particular church is no longer used for worship, but instead houses families in transition, offering them help until they are able to get back on their feet. Looking around, my mind wanders back to the day Adagio and I met Signor Giovanni. We were shopping at one of the markets a couple of weeks ago when we met two older women picking up supplies. They were both loaded down with bags and we offered to help them carry the groceries back to their vehicle. The women graciously accepted.

  On the way to their car, the women told us about the non-profit organization they volunteered for and the families they were trying to help. We listened with sadness as they told us about these families and how hard things were for them financially, and my heart ached for them. The parents had no money to buy Christmas for their children because there were so many other things they needed more.

  I told Adagio I wanted to help them and he felt the same. We have been abundantly blessed and couldn’t think of a better way to use it than helping others. We followed the women back to the old church where we were introduced to Signor Giovanni.
He and his wife, Theresa were grateful for our willingness to help.

  “Are all the families here?” I ask. “Yes, they are. My wife is reading them a Christmas story in the great hall downstairs.”

  While Adagio grabs the last box from the van, I introduce Signor Giovanni to Jessica. Thankfully he can speak a little English and Jessica is able to converse with him. However, I know the language well enough and continue to speak to him in Italian.

  When Adagio returns, we follow Signor Giovanni down to see the families, meeting all the parents and their children. A few of the children are withdrawn, but most are friendly and eager to get to know us. I place Ingo on the floor and the children immediately begin playing with him. Jessica and I visit with the group of parents while Adagio brings in the gifts.

  “Look what the St. Johns brought for you, children!” Signor Giovanni says excitedly.

  Each child’s eyes brighten as Adagio helps Signor Giovanni and the other women give out the gifts. I made sure to mark each gift ahead of time with their names, so the right gifts go to the right children. After everything is handed out, we stand with the parents and watch the children open the packages, their happiness evident with each gift they unwrap.

  Signor Giovanni gives us a teary smile. “I can't tell you how much this means to us. We had so little money to help out this year and the donations have been few. Having you come into our lives has been a miracle.” He grips Adagio’s hand. “Thank you both from the bottom of my heart.” Each of the parents tearfully express their gratitude as well.

  “There is no need to thank us,” Adagio says. “This is what we are here for. This life is all about helping others.” He pulls an envelope from his pocket. “We hope this will help to get things that are needed.”