by K. C. Wells
Ben goggled. “You really don’t know, do ya?” He grabbed Tommy’s hand and tugged him through the hallway toward the door that led down to the basement apartment. “You need to come with me, now.”
“But—” Tommy pulled back, but Ben held on tight.
“I mean it. This can’t wait.”
Tommy gave up fighting and just went along with whatever it was had Ben so fired up. He yanked his hand free of Ben’s. “Okay, okay, I’m comin’.” He followed Ben down the staircase and into his bedroom, sorely perplexed.
“Sit,” Ben commanded, pointing to his bed, and then grabbed his laptop from where it sat on the floor next to the nightstand, charging. Tommy did as instructed. It was clear something was eating away at Ben, and the sooner he got it out, the better. Ben opened up the laptop and went online.
When Tommy saw the site, he groaned. “I do not wanna watch porn, okay? You know that stuff doesn’t int’rest me.” Having sex with Mike was one thing. He did not want to watch other guys having sex. His parents might have disowned him, but there were some things so deeply ingrained that he couldn’t have gone against them if he tried.
Ben ignored him, peering at the screen, obviously searching for something. Suddenly he let out a “Yes!” and turned the laptop toward Tommy. On-screen, two guys were having sex on a couch, and even with the sound turned down low, he could hear their moans and cries.
Tommy was getting riled. “Okay, you’re clearly not gonna listen to me, so I’m just gonna—” He choked on the words when the camera angle changed and he was staring at a guy who looked just like Mike on the screen. A younger Mike, no beard, fewer muscles maybe, but yeah, no question, it looked like Mike. Only it couldn’t be—this guy had to be in his midtwenties.
“There,” Ben said with a flourish of his hand toward the screen. “That’s what I’m talking about. That is Scott Masters. He’s a porn star. Hell, he’s one of the most famous porn stars around. He didn’t tell you that, did he?”
Tommy blinked, then peered at the screen. He took a deep breath. “No,” he said, stretching out the vowel, “that’s not Mike. He just looks like him. That guy is way younger than Mike, for one thing.”
Ben stared at him and then sighed. “Okay. We’ll play it your way.” He turned the laptop to face him, his finger moving over the pad.
“I think you need to stop this,” Tommy started, but even as he said the words, Ben was turning the laptop once more and Tommy was confronted with a different view, a bed, two guys as before, but this time….
Oh dear Lord, it was Mike. His Mike, with the graying beard, even the glasses.
Mike, his dick deep in some guy’s ass.
Mike, his face buried between the guy’s asscheeks.
Mike, kissing this guy with passion, his hands all over him.
I think I’m gonna hurl. Bile rose in his throat.
It was like his insides had turned to ice. He dragged his gaze away from the screen and stared at Ben in absolute silence. No words would come. His throat was tight, his chest tighter.
“I’m sorry.” Ben regarded him, his expression watchful. “I thought you knew. When I walked into the living room and saw him sitting there, I… I didn’t know what to think. And when I watched the two of you…. Man, you were so comfortable with each other, I shoulda figured that you couldn’t have known.” He bit his lip. “Me tellin’ you the way I did was harsh too.”
“Tommy, can I talk with you for a minute?” Caroline walked into the bedroom, smiling. “I just wanted a word about Mike, that’s all.”
He hadn’t heard her approach. Tommy shook his head. Numbness spread slowly through him, and he fought the nausea that threatened to overcome him. “Not… not right now.” He rose slowly to his feet and teetered slightly. “Sorry, but I….” He couldn’t fight it anymore.
Tommy ran past a startled-looking Caroline to the bathroom, slammed the door shut behind him, sank to his knees, and threw up his lunch. His throat burned, and the retching wouldn’t quit. When it got to the dry heaves, he forced himself to draw in deep breaths. He closed his eyes and waited for the world to stop spinning and trying to throw him off. Behind him the door opened, and he felt Caroline’s gentle hand on his shoulder.
“Sweetie, did something you ate for lunch disagree with you?” She rubbed across his back.
Tommy shook his head. He opened his eyes, reached for the toilet paper, and tore off a couple of sheets to wipe his mouth. His legs shook, and the muscles in his belly quivered.
Caroline crouched next to him and held her palm against his forehead. “You don’t have a temperature.”
Ben came to the doorway, his face miserable. “How you doing?”
Tommy looked up at him and raised his eyebrows. “How’d you think I’m doin’?”
Caroline turned to gaze at Ben. “Okay, what’s going on here?”
After Tommy fired him a warning glare, Ben said quickly, “Tommy’s not feeling so good.”
“Well, that much I can see for myself.” She stroked Tommy’s back once again. “Can I get you anything, sugar?”
Tommy bit back the sob that was right there behind his lips to hear the kindness in Caroline’s voice. “Just…. Just give me a minute, please.” He leaned over the toilet bowl, his stomach tense, but there was nothing else in there. He caught Ben’s whispered, “Come on, Mom,” as he led her out of the bathroom. Tommy flushed and then sat with his back against the tub, his insides a swirling mass of tension.
Mike is a porn star. There was no getting away from it. The proof had been right there on the screen, not just once, but twice. Then it hit him, the difference in ages. Mike had obviously been doing this for a long time. Mike… having sex with guys on camera… lots of guys.
The thought was as physical as a blow to the solar plexus.
Tommy drew his knees up toward his chest and hugged them, his forehead pressed against them. He felt hollow, as fragile as the crystal that adorned the shelves of Caroline’s china cabinet. One more shock and he’d shatter, splintered into thousands of tiny sparkling shards. In his head he kept seeing Mike on that screen, the expression on his face as he….
Tommy wanted to scream, as if that would force the images from his mind.
“Mom’s gone back upstairs.” Ben came into the bathroom and hunkered down next to Tommy. “I didn’t say a word.” He lightly stroked Tommy’s arm. “How about we get you up off the bathroom floor and onto the couch? It’s a damn sight more comfortable, for one thing.”
Ben tried to help Tommy to his feet, but Tommy shrugged off his hand. “I can manage by myself.” Pain pulsed through his temples as he stood up. One look at Ben’s stricken expression was enough to set his stomach fluttering. He knew it wasn’t Ben’s fault. The resentment that filled him was nothing to do with Ben and everything to do with Mike having lied to him.
But did he? Lie to me? Or did he just keep his mouth shut?
Whichever way Tommy looked at it, Mike had chosen to keep silent about something that was huge.
Tommy walked into the living room, Ben hovering at his back. He went into the little kitchen area and poured himself a glass of water and drank the whole thing in a few gulps. All of a sudden he felt bone tired.
“Am I gonna be in your way if I lie down on the couch?” he asked Ben. “I just wanna close my eyes for a while.” And maybe sleep will help turn off my brain, ’cause right now, I can’t take much more of this.
Ben nodded. “Sure. I’ll go upstairs and get out of your way.” He hesitated, then pushed on. “I’m sorry, okay? I just didn’t think—”
“No, you did not,” Tommy said heavily. “But give me a while, an’ I’ll be fine.” He locked gazes with Ben. “I know you felt you had to tell me, fair enough, but right now I’m havin’ a hard time gettin’ my head ’round that.”
“I can understand that,” Ben said quickly. “You take all the time you need.” He stepped away from Tommy and headed for the stairs.
Tommy flopped onto the c
ouch and put his arm across his eyes. It was no good. Mike was still there, still balls-deep in some other guy’s ass, still whispering in his ear while he….
Hot tears pricked his eyelids and spilled out in a torrent that couldn’t be held back another second. He turned his head to the back of the couch and sobbed into the seat cushions, letting it pour out of him. He cried his heart out until the back of his throat felt raw and his stomach muscles ached. When it had passed and he lay there, limp and exhausted, he curled up, arms tucked under his knees.
What do I do now?
What could he do? He was in love with a guy who he’d just discovered made his living from having sex with guys for thousands of other people to watch. And that was just the tip of the iceberg. There were the feelings of betrayal that twisted Tommy’s guts into an ugly mess. Because Mike had just taken something that was theirs and stomped all over it.
OKAY, THIS was getting weird.
Tommy not answering his phone the previous night was kind of understandable. It was already past 1:30 a.m. when Mike had called. He figured Tommy had fallen asleep, and left him a message for when he woke up—a sexy message, seeing as there was no school for him and they were going to discuss plans for their little getaway. So when he woke up and reached for his phone to read Tommy’s reply, he got….
Nothing. Not a word.
Mike sent another text. And another. And another.
When it got to midday and five texts had gone unanswered, the panic set in.
Something was really wrong. And Mike wasn’t about to sit in his house when Tommy was only a few blocks away. He needed to make sure Tommy was okay, because this wasn’t like him. He grabbed his jacket and his keys and hurried to his truck.
Tommy’s truck was parked in the driveway when he got to the house. Mike went up to the front door and rang the bell. Bethany opened the door and smiled when she saw him.
“Hey, come on in.”
Mike thanked her and stepped into the light hallway. Caroline came out of the living room to greet him. “Hey, Mike, what brings you here so soon?”
“Hi. Sorry to disturb you, but I wanted to see Tommy. I’ve been trying to reach him all morning, but so far there’s been no word from him.” He spoke calmly, despite the fact that his stomach was in knots and had been that way ever since his first few texts had gone unanswered.
Caroline’s brow furrowed. “Really? He’s around here somewhere.” She walked along the hall a little ways and opened a door. “Tommy? You down there? Mike is here to see you.” She turned back to Mike and smiled. “He shouldn’t be long. He and Ben haven’t been out of the house so far today.” The smile became a grin. “You know what boys are like. Give them any excuse to stay in bed.”
He returned her smile, hoping she was right and that was all it was. Only Tommy didn’t strike him as the kind of young man who’d waste a morning in bed. Lord knew, he was always awake before Mike on Sundays. Now Ben, yeah, he could believe that, based on what Tommy had shared about his roomie.
Ben appeared at the door, no trace of a smile. “Tommy doesn’t want to see you.” He stuck his hands in the pockets of his jeans.
What the fuck? “Is he all right?” Mike’s heart pounded.
Caroline scowled at her son. “Ben, you’re being rude. Apologize to Mike.”
Ben gave him a sharp look. “No, I will not apologize to Mr. Masters.” He stared at Mike unblinking.
Oh fuck.
Mike suddenly found it difficult to breathe as an invisible band tightened around his chest, cinching him in until it fucking hurt to draw breath.
Caroline became very still. “Okay, just what is going on here?” She faced Ben. “Tell me the truth, Benson.”
Ben winced but then straightened. “Tommy found out yesterday that Mike Scott is none other than Scott Masters, a porn star.” He glared at Mike. “You got any idea how much you’ve hurt him? You lied to him, for months.”
Caroline turned slowly to regard Mike with wide eyes. “Is this true?”
Mike swallowed past the bowling ball in his throat. “Yes.” It was all he could manage in the circumstances.
Caroline pulled herself up to her full height. “Then I’d like you to leave. Now.” She seemed to be breathing more rapidly.
Mike was frozen to the spot. He wanted to argue that he hadn’t lied, he’d just… omitted some details.
“Now, Mike—or whatever your name is.” Caroline drew her mouth into a straight line and then bit her lip.
There was nothing for it but to leave.
Mike gave a slow nod and turned around to where Bethany was still standing by the front door, bright spots of color on her cheeks. She lowered her gaze when he passed her, and held open the door. Mike walked out of the house and along the driveway to his truck, resisting the urge to give a backward glance. When he climbed into the truck, he sat there clutching the steering wheel, his heart beating erratically.
What the fuck do I do now?
He couldn’t leave things like this, that was for sure. It was way too late for that. Not when he was already lost, heart, body, and soul, in love with Tommy. Walking away wasn’t an option.
Mike needed to go someplace quiet and think.
He switched on the engine and slowly pulled out of the driveway, the thoughts in his head colliding. He knew this whole fucked-up situation was his own doing. He could have been honest with Tommy from the start.
Except that probably would have been the shortest relationship in the history of short relationships.
Mike had been burned enough to know he’d wanted to put it off as long as possible. Christ, he’d planned to tell Tommy everything when they were away together. He’d told Kevin, told Jack….
Only someone had gotten there first. Probably Ben. That would account for the looks and the weird vibes Mike had been getting all through lunch. He wondered how long it had taken Ben to spill the beans once Mike had left. He had no way of knowing how Tommy felt; that was what was eating him up. Ben hadn’t shown disgust. His attitude appeared to be one of concern for Tommy, and Mike couldn’t fault him for that.
By the time Mike reached home, he was no nearer to coming up with a solution. There had to be one, because he loved Tommy and was not about to give up on the best thing that had ever happened to him.
Whatever it took, Mike was going to find a way. But at that moment? Fuck, he needed a drink.
Chapter Twenty-Five
“ANOTHER, PLEASE.” Mike rapped his empty glass on the bar. He was feeling comfortably numb, but not numb enough. The ache that filled him each time he tried to imagine what Tommy was feeling was proof enough of that. It was the not knowing that was killing him.
“I think you’ve had enough.” Kevin folded his arms and did his best to glare at him, but that shit never worked on Mike anyhow. “What you really need to do is talk to me. What’s wrong, Mikey? I’ve never seen you in here on a weeknight, for one thing. An’ I thought you an’ Tommy were going away for a few days.”
Mike leaned forward, elbows on the bar, and counted off on his fingers. “One, I haven’t had nearly enough. Trust me on that. Two, I’m in here ’cause I’ve spent the last two nights drinkin’ alone an’ I’ve had enough of my own sorry ass for comp’ny. And three, Tommy is the reason for my drinkin’ in the first place.” He held up the empty glass. “So don’t make me climb over that bar and beat you, Kev. Pour me a drink.”
Kevin contemplated him in silence for a moment and then nodded. He picked up the bottle and poured out a measure. “We’re almost done for the night. You wanna hang around and talk when everyone’s gone?”
Mike snorted. “Talkin’ about this whole fucked-up mess is the last thing I wanna do. But I guess you deserve to know what’s goin’ on, after puttin’ up with me whinin’ all night.”
Kevin’s expression softened. “Dude, you haven’t whined once, but you have worried the hell out of me. So drink that—slowly, mind—and we can talk later.” He walked off to serve another customer
, leaving Mike to gaze into the dark amber liquid.
Staring at his own four walls had grown too stultifying. It didn’t help that he kept seeing Tommy in his bed, in the shower, at the dining table—hell, that boy was everywhere. When it all got too much, Mike grabbed his keys and left the house. Although he might have to take a cab home. He didn’t dare risk driving in his state.
His head started to pound, and the bourbon lost its attractiveness. Mike leaned over until his forehead touched his crossed forearms on the bar, and closed his eyes. This wasn’t him. Mike Scott did not let a guy get to him like this. Dirk had left him pretty messed up, and Mike had sworn that was the last time, but here he was, head over heels in love.
How’d Tommy get in so goddamn fast?
Mike knew how love could be. He’d seen guys meet one night at the bar, and the next weekend one of them was turning up at the other’s place with a U-Haul. He knew couples who’d begun their relationship after a matter of days, that were still together decades later. Conversely, he’d watched many a relationship fall apart, even when everyone who knew the guys had felt sure this was it, love with a capital L.
Mike knew the truth. Love was a fickle bitch. Love was sneaky, devious, and had a mind of her own. The last thing he’d expected was to find himself ensnared in her tangled web again, hooked and pulled in by a fresh-faced, beautiful soul like Tommy. He just hadn’t seen it coming.
It was something of a shock to realize the bar had gone quiet.
Mike looked up to find the place had emptied. Patrick was busy wiping down the bar and tables, and Kevin was collecting the last of the glasses. The pain in Mike’s head had eased down a notch or two, and he slipped off his stool to stand on unsteady legs.
“I’m gonna go, guys.”
Kevin was at his side in an instant. “Oh no, you’re not. Patrick is gonna make us some coffee, and you are gonna sit there and tell us what’s going on.” Patrick nodded from behind the bar and headed back in search of coffee.
